i had a talk with my 10 year old

[peacenik]

last night i sat with my daughter and told her my new year resolution is to stop drinking wine. she got sort of mad at me and said that was a good idea because drinking isn't good for me and if i want to lose weight, wine doesn't help. she then softened a bit and told me she was proud of me and we just embraced each other for a good minute and she told me she thinks i'm a smart person.

i want to live up to her expectations. i want her to see that she is the most important thing in the world to me and that i will do all i can to be here for her for as long as i can.

i'm doing this for me so i can be the best mom i can be for her.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, life!

[Blanchieboo]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

I also told my daughter I would stop drinking. She got upset with me the other night when I opened a mikes lemonade. She wanted to know why I dont drink water. I was devastated that she even knew how much I drink and that it is bad for me.
It is the most horrible feeling to know you are dissapointing your children. I want to be thier hero.

[peacenik]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

the thing is we are their heroes, good or bad.

i know what you mean...i want to be a good hero!

[IAD]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

We are their Heroes.........They also look up to us, hopefully we can try to set a good example. IAD.

[peacenik]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

YES!:thumbs:

[Three F's]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

Feeling really shit after reading this post.........I soooo desperately want to be there and do more for my Son! Ok, admittedly, he's 19 now. But I've not been there for him for such a long time (during his early his teenage years) and have sooo much to make up for!! But how can I make up for all those lost years............................especially as I can't get my own life on track due to the habitual bottle. I've failed him miserably as a mother........please don't say otherwise because I have!!!!! I just don't know which way to turn in order to turn around my 'family life'. It's the pitts this alcohol! It's controlling me and my family life (or what's left of it!)
My Son is the most important person on the planet - so why oh why do I feel the need to give in to the bottle every night? He's EVERYTHING to me!
I'm having a drink as I write this. No doubt I will regret it yet again in the morning!!!
It beats me up knowing that my work colleagues will probably 'secretly know my problem' too due to my breath in the mornings (chewing gum at the ready). Not to mention my early morning driving!!!!!
More importantly than ever, I want to make it up to my Son for the lost years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any help/advice will be much appreciated
Many thanks in advance
3f's

[Montana Mommy]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

Kids are soo smart. They are also experts at holding you accountable. I think its great you talked with her. It sounds like an awesome moment.
MM

[peacenik]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

Three F's;513241 wrote: Feeling really shit after reading this post.........I soooo desperately want to be there and do more for my Son! Ok, admittedly, he's 19 now. But I've not been there for him for such a long time (during his early his teenage years) and have sooo much to make up for!! But how can I make up for all those lost years............................especially as I can't get my own life on track due to the habitual bottle. I've failed him miserably as a mother........please don't say otherwise because I have!!!!! I just don't know which way to turn in order to turn around my 'family life'. It's the pitts this alcohol! It's controlling me and my family life (or what's left of it!)
My Son is the most important person on the planet - so why oh why do I feel the need to give in to the bottle every night? He's EVERYTHING to me!
I'm having a drink as I write this. No doubt I will regret it yet again in the morning!!!
It beats me up knowing that my work colleagues will probably 'secretly know my problem' too due to my breath in the mornings (chewing gum at the ready). Not to mention my early morning driving!!!!!
More importantly than ever, I want to make it up to my Son for the lost years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any help/advice will be much appreciated
Many thanks in advance
3f's

future!!! you have it, that's how you rebuild with your son and i with my daughter. think about how much you adored your parents (good or bad) and how much it means to you when they try to make it right with past f*ck ups they may have done to you. it means the world! it's not going to be easy, but we can live up to their expectations on some level just by being accountable and trying our hardest to show them unconditional love.

mm-yes it was an epiphany moment!!!

[lil.michelle]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

Ok first..
WELL DONE! You're doing GREAT! I'm soo proud of you and she is too! It takes a lot to do what you've done, you just need to stick with it. When you feel weak, go give her a cuddle, look at what you made, look into her eyes, see how proud she is!

[lil.michelle]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

Second, 3f's. I wish i could give you a huge hug!
You're right, you'll never get those years back. They are gone BUT instead of losing MORE and finding you have none left, put down the drink, get rid of all that is in your house and start again. My mother said, life starts again, fresh when you become a grandmother, maybe you'll have that to look forward to but for now, lets get sober! Lets not waste anymore years.
Try not to feel bad tho! it'll not help and may turn you to the bottle. Whats done is done. Look to the furture. Look at the past as one HUGE leason!

[ezzmae]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

My eldest is only 5 but lately I have been catching a look of disgust on her face if I was having a drink. When I grew up AL was everywhere, a common part of society so I don't think that I ever looked at my father in disgust until I was in my mid-teens and by that stage he was pretty bad. I don't want my children to see being drunk as normal.
Peacenik, you can make it up to him, children love their parents unconditionally forever.

[nancy]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

To Three Fs:

Its tough but stop blaming yourself and just train yourself to look to the present or future.

I think abuse goes in cycles. Chances are you experienced some yourself though I don't remember reading your story.

As we grow into adulthood we start to recognize our dysfunction and where it came from and hopefully outgrow it. That involves compassion for our parents and ourselves.

And your son will probably go through the same thing later on.

Don't imagine the worst, try to hope for the best.

the book You can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay may be helpful to you. She advises you to try to imagine what would have created a parent such as the one you had and to just imagine they did what they could with the knowledge they had. That's all we can hope for really is compassion.

19 is definitely not too late. but maybe that's a lesson you can teach your son.

[Guest]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

peacenik;512819 wrote: last night i sat with my daughter and told her my new year resolution is to stop drinking wine. she got sort of mad at me and said that was a good idea because drinking isn't good for me and if i want to lose weight, wine doesn't help. she then softened a bit and told me she was proud of me and we just embraced each other for a good minute and she told me she thinks i'm a smart person.

i want to live up to her expectations. i want her to see that she is the most important thing in the world to me and that i will do all i can to be here for her for as long as i can.

i'm doing this for me so i can be the best mom i can be for her.

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, life!

I think your doing the right thing, my daughter is 11 and I hate to think she will grow to think you cant have a good time without copious amounts of alcohol! Lead by example, me thinks, I feel there is a much greater chance of her been a drinker if she sees me at it all the time.Day 4 for me! Good luck !:l

[johnnyh]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

Hey Peace.

Isnt' that the most beautiful reason to give up the bottle of your children?!! My son is only 22 months and hardly knows about his dad's drinking problem but I just feel like being such a better dad without the bottle.

Three F's... All is not lost believe me. I only really developed a good relationship with my mom once I was an adult and I actually had to move to the other side of the globe for that to happen. So our relationship was not great at all. (Maybe I will post my story some time in the future )

Just take it one step at a time. Kick the habit (If it were only so easy as the three words sound). Be the best you can be and you might find that everything falls back in place. Don't blame yourself for the past but try and change your future to the best it can be!! :l

[A Work in Progress]

i had a talk with my 10 year old

Peacenik: GOOD FOR YOU!

3F's: good suggestions and ideas above. Don't give up; keep learning from your mistakes, and set up a plan that works for you. If you are determined to beat this... then you will.