i am really scared

[toomuch]

hi evereyone. i am new and i'm really scared. i drink way too much. i've already started today because i was too hungover to function. drinking mimosas and i haven't had coffee or breakfast yet.i am on a rollercoaster ride that i can't seem to get off. missed work yesterday because i was sick from drinking. lately my drinking has escalated to the point of getting up in the middle of the night and downing wine or beer just to go back to sleep. this is so scary. i am out of control. thank god i found this site. i got the book but i haven't started anything else yet. i think i'm scared nothing will work.if someone could please tell me some words of encouragement i would really appreciate it. i really feel that life is too hard right now and it;s just not worth it. all this sufffering from alcohol. has anyone here really turned it around. thank you. toomuch

[Bambino]

i am really scared

Hi there toomuch

I joined this site on wednesday and this is my 4th day off the alcohol after many attempts of trying. I was in the same boat as you - I drank from when I got up and didn't feel ok until about 3 in the afternoon. I was drinking 4 bottles of wine a day . I was scared of giving up again because of the withdrawals - if I tried without meds - just cold turkey and the last time I did it I was in hospital after 3 days psychotic and hallucianating badly. Each time I tried going cold turkey the hallucinations waould come 3 days after my last drink but each time they got worse and worse. My doctor has prescribed Librium, and I have had no shakes, sweats thowing up or anything right from the word go.
I don't know if you are as bad as I was but if you are, and you can't function without being ill, then I would definitely suggest that you think about Librium. it is a godsend for me.
Take a look at other peoples posts, it dependnds if you want complete abs or just moderation. i have read about topa and campral which I had never heard of before but a lot of people find that this works for them I have found out from reading this site.
It really is an excellent site with loads of help, support and advice.
Everybody is ACE on here and I feel that I really can do it now with their help.
Be strong and don't be scared. There is always someone to talk to here.
i wish you loads of luck and am sending you a big HUG :l
Where are you from? I'm in the UK and it seems that there isn't any support for us alckies over here. Even the doctors frown upon you, so reading peoples experiences has made me realise that I'm not a leper and that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Lots of love
Bambino
xxx
:h

[toomuch]

i am really scared

bambino thank you so much

thank you for taking the time to respond. i have to admit that i started crying when i read your post. i'm in california. i had such a rough one last night. i was having wierd dreams and almost hallucinations, just wierd thoughts all night. felt like i was going nuts. don't know if this was from alcohol or what but i HAVE to get off this rollercoaster ride. i am going to try this program. i just hope it works. thank you for reaching out to me and good luck. toomuch

[InnerStrength]

i am really scared

Hang in there

Hi toomuch
Welcome to the site. You wont be sorry that you found us. You are welcome here. There are tons of people who want to hellp you if you want us to.
Where do you live? Woudl you be willing to consider medication?
Do lots of reading - read the book, the posts etc. We are here!
Jen

[InnerStrength]

i am really scared

ooops

I'm sorry toomuch - I just realized that you already said you live in california....

[sujul]

i am really scared

:w TooMuch--
Yes, last April my life was totally spiraling out of control--I drank ALL THE TIME...and, like you, I even got up in the middle of the night to have more wine...and, always, first thing in the morning, otherwise I just couldn't function--and then another day was shot....and nobody really knew how bad it had become because I had a huge tolerance plus I spent a lot of time alone drinking....finally, drinking was ALL I wanted to do--anything else just interfered with my drinking time--I mean, I got so that I would actually delay having a shower, for god's sake, because I couldn't put my glass down long enough!!

I was in such bad shape that by April 2006 I knew I either had to do something or I was going to die....not that I even cared so much at that point, but I knew it would cause unnecessary pain to other people who actually did care about me.... So, I made the decision to go to an inpatient rehab for 10 days because I had to make a huge "before and after" marker...and the rehab was such a horrible experience that I certainly don't ever want to do THAT again!

But I did get prescribed Campral (which I had never heard of) and after I came home I wanted to find an alternative to AA, which I can't stand (like so many others here)--and I found this site! Wow!! This had been the most powerful thing in keeping me abstinent and I am so very, very grateful for RJ for starting it, and all the terrific folks on here who make it work by showing up for themselves and each other....

And I don't think it's at all necessary to go into rehab to change your life--in fact, if I had actually started participating in this site before I went, I probably wouldn't have gone at all....

You are so not alone in all this--there are so many of us here that have felt like you...keep reading and posting...you'll see, this can work for you too! We're here for you--we really are! :l
:h
susan

[deanie]

i am really scared

I am really scared

Hi Too Much,

I just wanted to say welcome. We all do understand and you are not alone. I am in California as well. If it is all possible and you are able you might want to start on the supps asap. I would also recommend you make an appointment with your doctor and discuss the possibility of topa or campral. Download a copy from this site of the LANCET Study. If your doctor is unfamiliar with the off label use of topa this can help. If you are able as well, start the book. Just baby steps. I started the book day one and felt not so alone and encouraged. Remember, this will be a journey. We are all supporting one another. You are NOT alone. I have found the CD's to be enormously helpful. Give them a try. Have an open mind. My thought was it was obvious that my way was not working for me...I was slowly dying inside. What did I have to lose? MWO was a godsend and I am happy to report I feel so much better and hopeful. Too Much, you are welcome here. I look forward to hearing good things happening in your life in the very near future!!

Big Hugs,

Deanie

[toomuch]

i am really scared

thank you all for the encouragement. i do feel lost and out of control but i'm going to give it a shot...no pun intended. i wish you all the best. toomuch.

[Lou]

i am really scared

Hi toomuch,

I just joined and posted for the first time today, i've never done anything like this before and like you im also very scared. I'ts a massive thing to try and do an im just hoping that this will help.
I think were in pretty much the same boat drinking wise... i do the getting up in the middle of the night drinking thing too and i also feel out of control. I now have half a bottle of vodka left and im promising myself that i wont go out ih the morning an buy more...iv done this for as long as i can remember but this evening with the positivity an support iv already recieved from these people, i actualy do believe that i can do this. Fingers crossed eh!
Keep me posted on how your doing, its gonna be hard for me to.

Take care Lou x x

[Wayneuk2006]

i am really scared

Hiya Toomuch,as Tawney said to me the other day after my first post, Theres somebody on the other side of the world thinking about you right now.
Goodluck from a hairy Englishman.

[headless1]

i am really scared

I am in same boat, scared

Hi, I feel exactly like you, scared to death. I have tried many times and failed to stop drinking. I want to drink right now. Today is the first 24 hours w/o booze. I can't beleive I am counting the hours. I have had so much to deal with physically with 4 major surgeries in past 2 + years. I truly don't know what to do, I am out of work unable to return possibly facing another back surgery and all I want to do is drink. I never really knew how bad I really was w/drinking. I rationalized everything and probably still am. I need help and know that I may fail because of my track record. I am not young and do not really know if i can do this. My whole life has revolved around drinking. Any thoughts, help, welcome. My best to all who are in the same boat. Thanks for listening, headless

[tawnyfrog]

i am really scared

Hi

Hello Headless,

Just letting you know I've read your post. Nothing could be scarier than facing yet another surgery. If you'd like to hang around with us - this is a pretty good place to be. Sometimes, just knowing you've connected with someone, can be a major comfort.

My thoughts are with you.

Tawny