Another Day

[Crusinthrulife]

So yesterday I made my first post, I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with my problem, moderation or abstinence - last night I had one glass left in the bottle, that is what I had. I had other AL in the house but didn't touch it. As far as I'm concerned, it is a start.

Then today I get a phone call and find out my husband has once again lied to me about his drug use and taken money from out bank account. The account is overdrawn and I had to transfer money from my savings to cover it. This is the second time he has lied to me in the last four days. His child also came over for dinner last night which means she needs rent money, although he is lying to me about that. His child never comes to visit unless she needs money.

My urge right now is to get to the store and buy a bottle of wine for tonight. I can't just leave this man even though he treats me with no respect. I owe for our home so I can't leave because I know he would go right back into the drug use and we would lose the house. So I stay and wait for him to get things done around here so we can qualify for a refinance and secretly hope things will get better; it's been over a year now and nothing has changed except my bank account as he continues to bleed it dry. At this point in my life I should be enjoying it, instead I'm watching my back to see what he does next.

I'm going to try to moderate tonight; what do you think my chances are?

[shirazgirl]

Another Day

Hi....
Well, if you are anything like me, moderating with wine is NOT an option. I go in with good intentions but next thing you know, the entire bottle is gone. Last time I drank wine I drank an ENTIRE bottle in 1.5 hours. That was months ago.....it is my nemesis. Strangely thought, I can drink a beer or two and never have more. I guess I don't really like it and I was fortunate enough to never make the venture to the harder stuff.

In encourage you to try to go AF. If you don't drink anything, there is no questions of whether or not you may abuse it. Good luck!

[startingover]

Another Day

Hi Cruisin, it sounds like you are having a really tough time right now....
Is there no way you can block your account so he cant get access?
I know its hard, but you should really concentrate on looking after yourself now. If your husband has drug issues, nothing you do or say is going to change that I dont think. Its the nature of addiction. We all get to a point that we decide to change when we want to and not when someone else tells us to.
This is hard I know...

[time2change]

Another Day

Crusin
I can truly relate to your post. I have been married for over twenty years and am currently waiting on a judge to sign my divorce papers. My husband has also over drawn my bank account on many occasions, also for drugs and alcohol. He has been doing drugs my entire marriage, sometimes more, sometimes less. During these years I have lived in denial about alot of it. Looking back I see that now, but at the time I knew it was happening, but always let myself doubt what was happening. It was easier that way.
Yes his behavior helped lead me to alcohol as well. I used his poor judgement and bad behavior as an excuse for my drinking. I am finally accepting the fact that no one else has the power to make me drink but me.
I really feel for you because I know how difficult it is to leave. It means being alone(in my case I was already), scared, and insecure financially. Everyone has their breaking point and mine came when he was arrested for drug possesion. I thought then that I needed to get financially separated from him. Things happened quickly from there including my house being condemned after a hurricane and here I am 5 years later finally getting a divorce. My point here really is that you will know when it is the right time to say "enough is enough". In the meantime it is important for you to get yourself clear headed and strong. I have found that it took that for me to make important decisions for myself. Hoping things will get better is good, but doing something for yourself is very important. I hope you make the right decisions, are able to truly enjoy your life and can stop watching your back.
Time

[Montana Mommy]

Another Day

Hey cruisin,
Just read your post. I don't have any advise. Me and Hubby started out when we both we on drugs, but got sober together. I got sober first and was going to leave him- but he put himself in rehab and we've both been clean for years. It sounds like time2change really relates to your story. Just wanted to let you know I read your post.
MM

[cassy]

Another Day

Hi Cruise

sorry you are in such a tough situation..As Time just said try and look after yourself and get some AF days to clearly think about where this relationship is going.

you cant do that straight talking to your inner self when you arent sober can you.

i hope you get through this evening without drinking and start to feel you can make some changes for yourself.

It sound slike others have had similar experiences and are willing to share with you and support you..so keep coming on site and dont go getting that wine out.

Good luck with making it through the evening..do something to occupy yourself or sit on this site typing away until the craving passes.

good Luck

Cassy