Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

[keg]

I'm new..I found this site yesterday, ordered supplements, read tons of threads and advice, and I am thinking I am ready to do this...I have been drinking at least one bottle of wine per day, sometimes more...I was all excited about this and thinking, finally! I get control without letting anyone know or doing AA (not for me). At dinner last night, I had two glasses of wine and that's it...even went to bed at 9 b/c I was exhausted. I think 2 plasses of wine is a huge accomplishment but for some reason I feel guilty again...like hey you committed to do this and you didn' t even go just one night AF. But for me, 2 glasses is NOTHING to what I've been doing. So, now i guess I want to know how do you decide between moderate drinking and abstinence? How do you know which is best? I really would like to be able to drink 2 glasses with dinner, but usually I can't stop there....how did you all decide which road to take??????? Help!

[kitkatsue]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Welcome Keg !

I guess you have to ask yourself if the alcohol is interfering with what is important in your life, your health, your family, your job, your friendships, your mental health.

You found this site because you were looking for something. Change

If you know when to say when. When to stop, moderation might work. I don't know how.

So I have chosen to stop, but I have to work at it.

I am sure you will get more good advice from others here!

Take care !

kit

[vlad]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Keg - I think this is a decision you need to make.

But what's worked for me (especially if your aim is to drink in moderation) is to be alcohol free first, at least the 30 days as recommended by this program. It helps to change your mindset, tolerance levels etc etc...

Personally I think that trying to moderate takes a lot more work than being alcohol free.

[Eve11]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Keg,
Welcome. I had a friend who joined who went from a bottle of wine a night to probably not even 7 drinks a week now so your 2 glasses are to be commended.
AF (alcohol free) vs modding (moderating) are questions that plague many of us in this community for even some of us who have been onboard for months and months.
I am moderating and trying to stay to 7 drinks per week although I had 8 my first week in January.
I agree with what Vlad said. It IS a lot of work to moderate. And when you go AF it's such a NICE feeling of no after effects the next day that it's easy to see why some choose to go AF rather than moderate even if some could.
Only you will be able to decide what's best for you. My advice. Follow the book - can't remember what's recommended - 30 or 60 days? Good way to totally cleanse your body of AL and honestly you'll start to feel so good that you may not want to even go back. There's great advice and support on the AF board so hang there while you're AF and keep checking the boards (all of them) for information along the way.
There's tremendous help everywhere here.
Good luck and you'll make lots of new wonderful cyber friends.
Eve11

[cyclefan]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

I ditto what has already been said. Get the book and see if you might want to try the 30 days. I think most people can say that they are glad they did. It will give you a clear choice after the time away from alcohol to make a decision about which way you want to go. There is a lot of non judgmental support here at this website for people who make an effort, so read through some of the threads and ask questions, see which way you might want to go. Welcome.

[keg]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

thanks everyone! will read book

Thanks so much for answering, everyone. This is such a great site! Like I said, I have only just ordered the supplements and book, so have not read what the book suggests...I have been reading a lot of threads from being on day 1, day 4 and irritable, day 7 and still not sleeping well, and day 15 and wanting a drink so bad and I am thinking OH my!! I could never do that...why don't these people just try to moderate instead of the AF route. But after reading your responses, I see now why you need to do it that way..to get rid of all those toxins, cleanse your body and your mind so you can decide. whew! I will read the book when I get it and try to do what it says...I think 30 days. I am sitting here right now and it is 8 p.m. and I am wanting a drink !!!! I wanted a glass of wine with my lunch today but I said no, and instead I ate another plateful...so no drink, but now I am eating in place of it!!! Maybe I need the Topamax for this? I didn't order any of that...just the supplements...wow so much to think about...I really appreciate the advice. I also have not said a word about this to my husband..don't know if I should..or if I can. It's embarrassing,but in a few minutes he is going to walk in the door and ask me if I would like a drink??? I hope I can say no!!! Or if not, at least only have 2 drinks. How did you get through 30 days???? That is amazing to me!! hats off to all of you who have done it :-):new:

[Aussie Chick]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Hi Keg, welcome to the site, I think we joined about the same time - I am 4 days AF and everything you say sounds exactly like I am feeling at the moment and felt a few days ago. I am still waiting for the Starter Pack too but downloaded the book, I've decided not to go the Topamax route as I don't want to speak to my Doctor about this and so far I dont think I need it.

I decided to go AF for a while (not sure how long at this stage but I'd love to do the recommended 30 days too much pressure to put that on myself right now though). I am on Day 4 at the moment which is the longest I've gone since I was pregnant over 6 years ago. Not having the book, CD or supps I've just gone cold turkey but am doing the exercise and taking extra B vitamins and multi vits just in case they help.

I thought it would be a lot more awful than it is to be honest, I had a bit of a head ache days 1 & 2 and have not slept brilliantly but then I never slept well on alcohol either. I think about it a lot though but not in a craving sense just because all this is very new to me.

I did chat it over with my husband but not in the "I think I am an alcoholic" type of way but more generally saying that I am going to take a few days off drinking and then make sure I drink less when I do start drinking again as it doesn't make me feel great. Plus I told him I'd ordered some vits and stuff to help cos I'd found a really good website. I just needed to stop him pouring me glasses of wine when he got himself a beer. He's been very supportive and not making a big deal of it - except I've just spotted he's put all the spirits up really high so I can't reach them!! Not that I hardly ever tough that sort of stuff anyway and if I want them I'd just get a chair and stand on it...strange!

Anyway, I hope to stay AF until I've got all the gear then once on Kadzu Rescue etc I will feel more confident in seeing how good I am at moderating. I am thinking I'd be pleased if I just had 2 bottles of wine a week which by my reconing is 14 units. I'd enjoy that and it would be healthy, enjoyable and within the government guidelines.

I look foward to hearing your progess, certainly until I did my 1st day AF I didn't know if I could do it either.

Good luck.
AC x x :welcome:

[Charliegirl]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Hi Keg,

I have been AF for 4 weeks today, I tried to tell my husband that I wanted to quit and why and I think at first he was frightened that I would expect him to do the same, as he kept asking me if I was going to give up forever. But after showing him that I was serious by having my first AFD at my work Christmas party and then Christmas and New Year he is now treating me with awesome respect saying he wouldn't have been able to. I have now noticed that through the week he is going AF with no pressure from me.I started hypnotherapy sessions the week that I started and I will continue to have one session a month for the next 12 months. I think they are a tremendous help and I am sure the CD's will have the same effect. I could never moderate as I know after the first one I will just give in. At the moment I feel liberated, healthy and in control, and I don't ever wan't to feel like I did before. What did help me get through Christmas was the de-alcoholised wine you can by from Woolworths, K-Mart etc. I bought the Edenvale brand and it has won awards. It is real wine, just no AL, I find if I have a glass of "wine" when out with friends or even a drink on the weekend with hubby that it makes me feel not the odd one out. I never would have believed it and I would have laughed if someone suggested it to me a month ago as I was drinking over 70 units a week.
good luck and welcome

[gyco]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

hi keg,it is your option,if you can have 2 glasses and stick to it ,good for you,as far as the guilt,its your coscience telling you something,it is not easy either way,been there done it,ive been in and out of AA for 10 years,hospital stays at least 2,both psychiatric ward,also detox once,and finally rehab,which i will tell you was a hell for me.did make me think,didnt make me stop,like smoking,overeating,,not eating there all the same,its an addiction,we or i seem to like more,i have proven i can take it,or leave it,it is possible to be normal,hope it helps,and alll you long abstainers,stay where you are,sometimes it can be a war,,gyco

[gyco]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

dam didnt check the spelling hahahaha

[Monica]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Put me down for one vote for AF. It's far, far easier than moderating. If I could moderate, I woudn't be visiting this site. The only times I've tried to moderate was a bit of white-knuckled control when I threatened myself that if I couldn't, I'd have to quit. It never worked for me for long - I would relax and go straight back to heavy drinking. But it's taken me a long time to realise that. I finally accepted that if I was a moderate drinker, I wouldn't even be thinking about my drinking.

[CaptJBean]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

at some point you will know all on you own....

[lil.michelle]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Old bad habbits mostly ALWAYS come back if not nipped right in the ass completely! I've given up AF for 30 days then decided to mod. I just slowly went back to where i was in the first place. You can try mod but just be aware. I got to the point where i was like, damn, had too much tonight, i'll cut down tomorrow but never did.
Try it, if you go back to normal drinking, you'll know you need to go AF.

[Eve11]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

Charliegirl;515582 wrote: What did help me get through Christmas was the de-alcoholised wine you can by from Woolworths, K-Mart etc. I bought the Edenvale brand and it has won awards. It is real wine, just no AL, I find if I have a glass of "wine" when out

Aussie girl- Good luck to you. Hang in there and know we're all supporting you as well.
Charliegirl-Thankyou! What a great tip. I have found the new amber light O'Douls beer to be really great tasting. So much of drinking is that social thing - being a part of the group.
So these things really help. I'll try the wine. THANK YOU!

[nancy]

Somebody help m,e choose moderation or AF!!!

This might not be a popular answer...

I think part of the decision is how important this is to you in life. I have seen some people post considering AF or modding and they really didn't even miss alcohol.I tell them NO!!! Then you read other posts of people saying while AF they were like a ticking time bomb, the whole fear of the forbidden, and I do think for those people moderation might be worth trying. After all the abstinence probably is going to fail with that mentalit. so think harm reduction as opposed to moderation. I have heard of a number of people reducing their harm, lots do on this site, but few go the whole way to moderation.

Consider these questions:
How much damage has it caused?
At what stage or your life are you at, could you do without it socially?

The conclusion I have come to recently is that if you have had a problem, you can reduce the harm (as mentioned above) but if you do aim for moderation, you really need to have as little as possible.

Read sunbeam's story!