WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

[upnorthgirl]

I have no idea why I would stop at the store and buy a fifth of Vodka today. I am freaking HIDING it from my husband right now. We had a nice dinner, nice talk, things are good (except freaking mommie dearest) and we planned to go out but it is snowing to beat the band so we postponed it until tomorrow.

We did have some fun together earlier but now I am here and wasted--I need a Day 1, 5, 15, 50. Why would I do this? Enlighten me.

My siblings are pissed at me that I won't contact my mother. I will send emails and cards.

I wonder if Husband knows i am trashed right now--will I just LIE AGAIN and say I took an allergy pill..or a pain pill ? Or just say that my session with the therapist was so traumatic I needed bed (true, actually)....The last night I drank he did not refer to it directly--just said the next day--wow, you slept heavy last night. DUH! Speak up!

:upset::durn:

WHY am I such a freaking liar and loser and dumb ass..I KNOW I can NOT drink even one....I really do NOT want to be the raging mean drunk bith my mom is. I do not want my children to hate me and be ashamed. yet here i am.

But of course hubs is downstairs watching freaking TV and may not even know I exist.

I think I may totally suck as a sober human person.

[aidanspappa]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

We are here for you, and always will be. Soon you will be there for yourself again and return the honor you deserve.

You no more suck at being a human than I; or anyone else on this forum. We are here for you, always, especially should you fall (not fail, for as along we are alive we are succeeding). Keep moving and take joy in the movement; as the beauty in life lies not in the location of where we are rather is found in the direction in which we are moving. If you don't feel the direction reflects your true nature, take a break...sit on the side of the road and re-do the map. It is ok to fall, it's even ok to stall, you know its temporary. Your true self awaits you with open arms and loves the effort you make each day towards it. However crooked the path may seem to you, your true self sees effort in the movement and is satisfied beyond your understanding. Take comfort in your efforts and be kind to yourself tonight.

Drink some water, forgive yourself now and again with every reoccurring moment of doubt. Your head might hurt, your heart might even ache a little...but it's not because of tonight or any night prior. The ache you truely feel is yours to own when you are ready; and until you heal it...we are here to keep you from hitting your head on the ground. Big hugs.

Forgive, Relax, Release....and rest up. You are among true friends who do not judge (lest...we know better).

Sleep well tonight

[Cinders]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

upnorthgirl,

I totally understand. I am in the midst of ruining a wonderful marriage to a good man I have been with for the last 35 years, married 33 of them. I am ruining my relationship with my grandchildren, they sure notice when I am trashed. I am ruining my health, my spirit and my soul.

Why? Because I am unable to shut the brain off and I need some serious time in a situation where I simply cannot drink.

I have actually had my husband take all the keys to the cars to work with him so there is no way I can get out and get any booze. This is ridiculous.

Sometimes I feel like I have a giant L across my forehead.

However, I refuse to give up. If I can't do the long term rehab, I will do something. I am working with my EAP and we will figure something out.

Hang in there and keep trying. Giving up is not an option.

Love,
Cindi

[Sunbeam]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

If there is anything left in the bottle, dump it out. Drink lots of water, go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day 1. Think about fessing up to your hubby, but I don't know your relationship. Marriage works so many different ways. But I hated the lies as much as the alcohol.

[keg]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

Up north girl,

You are not alone and you are not the only one who has done this!! When I read about your lying and saying you took an allergy pill..I was like !!!!!...somebody else does this??? I have told my husband many times that I took a xanax and that is why I was passed out at 9! I have bought bottles of wine before and, get this, snuck it upstairs to our bedroom drinking in bed while under the premise of reading a book or watching TV while he was downstairs watching sports....YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

You went and bought that bottle NOT because you are diseased or have an incurable problem...you bought that bottle b/c you can't handle the current conditions you live in or you haven't properly dealt with issues in the past. I personally don't believe that alcoholism is a disease..i believe it is a symptom of other issues around us....stress, past, etc.

So, don't beat yourself up...just recognize that your "traumatic" therapy session, as you put it is what drove you to drink..NOT a disease that's incurable....you CAN overcome this. Try to remember that your problems will still be there when you wake up.... drinking won't make them go away.

i also read somewhere that to quit a bad habit, you should replace a bad habit with a good one, so like when are stressed or when you come out a hard therapy session and you want to drink, have that good habit you've decided to replace it with ready...your tennis shoes for a long walk...those CDS to listen to as you take a long drive...a big bottle of sparkling water....drive to the book store and read the magazines or buy a new novel for yourself...hell! go shopping...just not at the ABC store...

hang in there...you were right to come here when you were drunk...that is a good sign...you're wasted but you still turned here...so you can get yourself back!!!!!!

[universal]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

Hey up north,

You have been given a lot of good advice. I am just curious as I also go to a therapist - does he/she know about your drinking? It saddens me that your therapy appointments make you want to drink.....unless of course they are bringing up emotional issues in which case I completely understand.

Dust yourself off and be proud that instead of hiding in a corner, you came here to talk. That's an accomplishment in itself......

Hope you are doing better in the morning - keep trying, we'll all be here.

Uni

[Accountable for Me]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

Hugs to you, upnorth. Tomorrow is another day. A new start. You can do it.

[veritas]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

Upnorth, keep going. Just hang in there.

In terms of therapy, it's only recently that I had the couage to tell my therapist about my drinking. I was always so ashamed. She has been so supportive, but very firm.

[ezzmae]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

Up - it is only normal to make mistakes, it is how you go on from here that counts.

You should also not feel pressurised to speak to your mother if you don't want to. For you, the most important thing is to stop drinking for yourself. Deal with your mother when you are feeling stronger in yourself.

[gyco]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

hi up,your like many of us,to much,as far as hiding it he knows,i did the same the other day,bought a small very small bottle of rye,put it in the cupboard and had a pinch,actually tasted nice,its there for all to see,its about to much,that's all that bothers them,nothing like listening to a blubbering idiot,I'm not promoting drinking,it is nice to stop,but if all around you drink,it is very hard,gyco

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

How do you think your husband would react if you told him about your drinking? If you think he would be helpful I suggest you open up to him.

Take Care,

Myheart

[CaptJBean]

WHY would i buy Vodka today--dumb ass

well it's not VJ day.. so why did you????