DAY 7 TODAY!! Feeling pretty good. Have a great day, ODATers!!
Thought I'd share a funny with all you people up North... (I Know there's a joke site, but!)
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our
cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
looked like a Grandma Moses print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of
the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be another lovely place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea
I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the
sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor
tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be
awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I
don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! It snowed 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the
driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I
would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in
shape this way. I wish I wouldn't
huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. I bought snow tires
for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think
she is silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
There was an ice storm this morning. Fell on my a-- on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was
off for 5 hours. I had
to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate
it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the darn stuff last
night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The darn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to
shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying
a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
they're lying. Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white
crap fell today, and it's so
cold, it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I
was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says
he's too busy. I think the a--hole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the
house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a
month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I
was having a heart
attack. If I ever catch the son of a b who drives that snowplow, I'll drag
him through the snow by his balls
and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the
corner and waits for me to
finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and
throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
and open our presents,
but I was too busy watching for the darn snowplow.
December 25
Merry flipping Christmas! 20 more inches of the darn slop tonight - Snowed
in. The idea of shoveling
makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's a flipping idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff
her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours
of waiting for him, he only
charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The WITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I
ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver, and now he is suing me for a
million dollars, not only
the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel
up his a--.
The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why
am I tied to the bed?
Thought I'd share a funny with all you people up North... (I Know there's a joke site, but!)
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our
cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It
looked like a Grandma Moses print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of
the landscape. What a
fantastic sight! Can there be another lovely place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea
I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy
again. I did both our driveway and the
sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the
sidewalks and closed in the
driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor
tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be
awful! Bob says we'll have
so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I
don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! It snowed 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped
to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the
driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I
would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in
shape this way. I wish I wouldn't
huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. I bought snow tires
for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think
she is silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
There was an ice storm this morning. Fell on my a-- on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was
off for 5 hours. I had
to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife
and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate
it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the darn stuff last
night. More shoveling! Took all
day. The darn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to
shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware
store around to see about buying
a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think
they're lying. Bob says I
have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's
lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white
crap fell today, and it's so
cold, it probably won't melt 'til August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I
was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says
he's too busy. I think the a--hole is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the
house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a
month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I
was having a heart
attack. If I ever catch the son of a b who drives that snowplow, I'll drag
him through the snow by his balls
and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the
corner and waits for me to
finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and
throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her
and open our presents,
but I was too busy watching for the darn snowplow.
December 25
Merry flipping Christmas! 20 more inches of the darn slop tonight - Snowed
in. The idea of shoveling
makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by
asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad
attitude. I think she's a flipping idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff
her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours
of waiting for him, he only
charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The WITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I
ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snowplow driver, and now he is suing me for a
million dollars, not only
the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel
up his a--.
The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why
am I tied to the bed?
I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
c: 
nice too--I bought him a new big-boy snowblower for Xmas!
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