How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

[kate123]

Tonight we went to a play with friends and only had 1 glass of wine with dinner beforehand. Okay. Come home 3 hours later and still downed a bottle with chips. Why? I was fine beforehand. I know I have feelings now and then of being "not good enough"....but I will say drinking and eating chips feels so good!. How can I stop w/o constantly struggling? I pray every morning for God to please take this need away. My life works so much better w/o it, but I dont' see that from 5-8pm, only in the morning.

Any input?
Thanks!
Kate

[Guitarista]

How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

Hi Kate. And a big welcome to you!
Sounds like some alcohol free time is needed for you. Have you gone af, (alcohol free) before? Could you try a day or two af to begin with, and just see how you feel? Of course, if you can have a crack at 30 days af, you will learn a lot about your drinking, and yourself. It would be a good idea to seek medical advice first, to make sure you withdraw from alcohol safely. Many people here recommend the M.W.O. book/program/supplements available on this site. Never read/tried it myself. The 'Toolbox' thread in 'monthly abstinence' forum has good info for staying off grog. Whether you want to give up completely, or drink less, get yourself a plan. This site has heaps of great info, and support. Read as much here as you can. Post away too, as you have done. Don't stress too much, and great to 'see' you here............G.

[Aussie Chick]

How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

Hey Kate, welcome..... I was you 6 days ago! At least a bottle of wine every evening between 5.30pm and 9pm for as long as I can remember. Didn't think or realise I could do without it as it made me relax after a hard day and I enjoyed it so much.

Then the guilt sets in at 4am, 6am and you resolve to drink a lot less or nothing that night...then you start feeling normal by mid afternoon and start fancing a drink and the cycle starts again.

I've not drunk for 6 days so far, it hasn't been that tough at all once I made up my mind. I've read the book, ordered the Starter pack but it hasn't arrived yet so I am just doing it "cold turkey" and it is working OK but with the support of this site - which is brilliant.

Good luck to you - there is a way out and you may find it easier than you think once you get your head around it.

I am not sure where this is taking me - possibly to be AF for a long time or I expect I will take a while AF then try moderating. I am not pressurising myself at this stage just taking a day at a time and going from there.

Good luck to you.
AC x x

[savon19]

How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

Your post reminded me of something.

A month or so ago, I was leaving a party with a couple of friends (yes, we were tipsy!)... and this lady ahead of us said to her friend: "I don't need to drink to have FUN!"

At the time, I thought it a rather snotty remark, but it's sort of stuck with me. I don't even think she was directing it at us in particular, but it made me wonder: WHY do we think we have to drink to have Fun??

To some extent, there are associations between drinking & fun that we have experienced, so that "drinking" alone becomes our perception of fun?

But I also have been trying to re-evaluate what fun IS. Fun without drinking, that is. Then I remembered I've been using this byline lately in my emails:

"I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun." ~ Katharine Hepburn


(I think I stole that from someone here, come to think of it - lol!)

Just something to ponder... Can't we have GREAT FUN without Drinking??

[A Work in Progress]

How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

Kate, the way we think about alcohol plays a huge role in our behavior and in our emotions. If you believe that you "need" it to have a good time... then you will have a VERY hard time giving it up... but "wants" are not "needs." Those of us who are alcohol-dependent have a very skewed system in our brain that tells us we badly, badly WANT to drink. If we refuse to give in to that "voice," we will find that we certainly don't "need" it, and that we have a much happier life without it.

Welcome, and best wishes to you...

[johnnyh]

How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

Hi kate.

FIrst of all a very warm welcome. Well done for joining us here at MWO. It is a decision you will not regret.

A couple of things.

Firstly. We are all in the same boat. you are not alone with this. O yeah. I just know too well how nice that wine is especially with some chips. or how about some beer with that. I also know that it is too difficult not too have that 2nd, 3rd and 4th glass because it just feels so right and tastes so good.

The answer to your question; why do I need a bottle of wine to be happy might just be the question. As long as you are dependent you do need that bottle of wine to be let's say ok rather than happy. Yea. I too know that initial lift the wine gives you. feels like flying. untill that 4th, 5th, or 6th glass when it rather feels like drowning, sucked back into that couch by gravity. the eyes heavy.

The interesting thing. Yes. it is a damn struggle to go AF (alcohol free). And you WILL feel more miserable in the first couple of days than you currently do. Chances of that are 95%. The truth is after you made it over that initial hurdle you will probably feel that you are happier than you have been in a long time and without that dreaded bottle of wine. The drinking actually pulls you down.

I was were you were 33 days ago and I am at what I just described. I feel so much better and happier.

You say you pray to god to take the need away. I too did. Untill I realised that will not happen. He will give you the strength to quit and encourage you, but you will have to bite that bullet and take the decision. It will not come magically or through a miracle.

Pray to god for wisdom, courage but take the steps and he will guide you.

A last pointer. Different things for different people. But because I associate with your thread so much:

There are different supps/meds that can help you. I personally take Antabuse. Try reading up about it and see if you can associate with that or whether that is something that could help you. (also known as Disulfiram). It has been the answer to my prayers!!!! (You simply cannot drink while you are on Antabuse.... please read about it).

All the best. I hope it helps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lil.michelle]

How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

Hi hun.
To be honest, it sounds like it's just routine to you. Something you feel comfortable with but for you own life and well being you need to brake the habit. I know what you mean by in the morning you feel like you can do this but in the evening you can't. The stress/strains/feeling tired/the need to 'relax' are all reason you most likely drink at this time. You need to change your routine. Get rid of all the drink in yuor house, right notices around the house abuot how YOU felt after you downed the bottle, your thoughts and wishes. Stick them in places where you look and hopefully that'll get you through a night. If you really can't, try antabuse then you CAN'T DRINK!

[Red]

How come I need a bottle of wine to be happy?

Hey Kate
You are definately not alone. I used to sell wine for years and spent hundreds of hours studying it and doing tastings... For me, whether it was red or white it just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I could never have just one glass because then the partial bottle would call my name. Pretty soon there wasn't just one empty bottle but two. Wine has always been my biggest crutch for sure. And, there is the ritual of wine drinking that you may be missing. Picking out the right bottle, the right glass, cutting the foil....I'm right there with you... It's gonna get better! What i've noticed is that I really enjoy myself alot being sober and I've had some realy great sober conversations. My time with my husband has been alot more fun. Maybe try some of the meds/supplements availaable here for the cravings. (Ugh! hate those cravings!) Anyway, we're all here for you.