just starting--again

[nosupport]

Well here it is--went 12days w/o beer, anxiety, depression, and stress got the best of me along with my major "trigger", my husband being so judgemental, that I finally asked for beer. Drank 7 beers that night, 5 the next night, and couldn't control the stress of it all! woke up Saturday morning with him in a bad mood--after 12hrs of dealing with him, got a 12pk and plowed it down. I explained that I was disappointed in myself, and really needed his support, and he agreed and said he felt disappointed too, but he wasn't going to get mad, he would try to help me better as I want to quit. Then I woke up on Sun--and the crap hit the fan and has been ever since. I am proud of the fact that I went without drinking for those days, and am disappointed that I let my nerves get the best of me--but it was still the best I had done in awhile. Now, since Sun when I woke up, I haven't had any beer--but the anxiety of dealing with him is getting the best of me....everyday at 3pm it starts, and by the time he gets home I am a mess....wanting anything that will help me hide, cover my head, escape....just don't know what to do. He can me so mean, and I am not willing to allow his mood and temper to push me to "want" beer. I don't know how I am ever going to get through this without his support, and I can't figure out how to get him to support me, listen to me, instead of just blaming me and threatening me that if I don't just STOP, that "no more or I will leave you" crap! He tried to quit smoking for three days, and couldn't do it--what makes him think this is easier???? Any help or advice would be great!:thanks:

[sunshine_gg]

just starting--again

Oh dear nosupport :l

I can't imagine doing this without the support of my loved one. It must be so hard. Do you think he would agree to a few counseling sessions? A third party often can get something across you may not.

Wishing you heaps of luck - and be proud of yourself for dealing with it SOBER! That's awesome - well done!

[nosupport]

just starting--again

Asked about counseling

I asked in Novemeber if we could go to counseling--obviously that didn't go well...lol I try to explain to him that his ignoring me, being judgemental, and hateful words are not making it easier for me, that the stress just leads me to want the beer....he seems to think that I got myself into this mess--and he is just along for the horrible, miserable ride. Somewhere along the line I have allowed him to control every aspect of my life except beer, now he is just taking that and continuing to be-rate me daily. He says that all of our problems are my drinking, and I think we are equally responsible for the demise of our relationship--getting him to admit to any wrong doings is like pulling teeth! He never apologizes for anything, never admits to anything, and never, ever makes me feel like I am a worthy human or partner in his life. He treats me worse than anyone else in his life, and his escape is the computer and talking with friends on his games (not chatting--actually talking into a headset).

Just need to find a way to deal with all of this! He makes me feel so weak, I often have wondered if it is true.

[sunshine_gg]

just starting--again

Hmmmmm..... Gosh, are you married to my ex???? :H

[A Work in Progress]

just starting--again

NS: that's a miserable situation... Good for you, for making it through a 12-day stretch! And... if you can do that, with "no support," you can do it again... this place is a place where you CAN get support, and I'd recommend that you stick around here, do a lot of reading and posting. It helps tremendously. AA is also a VERY good resource for support during early recovery. It's sad, but true, that we don't always get the support we want and/or need from the people we most want it from... but don't let that stop you from getting free from alcohol. Many have done it despite horrific situations at home... you can do it if you are determined to get out from under the misery of alcohol...

[Bandit]

just starting--again

Hi nosupport,
Gosh, your hubby sounds like an ex BF of mine too!
Being honest, and I know I am only an outsider, it sounds like he is using your drinking to hide possibly other things, he possibly knows that while you are drinking he has the upper hand so to speak and can use it to blame you for a lot of things, I had the same happen to me. Best thing you can do, although very hard, is to stay off the booze if you can..not only will this make you feel physically and mentally better..he cannot use it to accuse you of stuff either. I know, easier to say than to do but got to be worth a shot.
I have to admit I currently have the support of my husband to help me to beat this thing and I know I would find it difficult without it but sometimes he riles me and says that I can't do it and it makes me try even harder
xx

[nosupport]

just starting--again

all the kind words

thanks for the suggestions, but mostly the kind words.....I will check back and read a lot of what everyone else has to say on other posts as well....I am really trying to keep my head up. in regards to AA, tried it for 5days, until husband asked if I was going to "socialize"--see I am a stay at home mom to a 4yrold, quit my job when I had him, love him to death, but miss my career and having my "own" money. Husband provides very well financially, but I take care of our son, cook, clean, everything without his help--which he frequently reminds me isn't good enough. His temper also flares up with our son, but I stop that immediately. He is on his way home, so I will have a few moments here and there to get on this site--but for now, I am just so glad I found it!!!! Gotta start some dinner. Thanks again--and I have already found more support than I had before, so I guess this site might just be what I need!

[Summer09]

just starting--again

Hi NS I feel really sad for your situation. This is such a hard process and I'm sad your feeling alone. I have kids too and they are one of the main reasons I'm trying to pull myself together. Everyday they need us and they deserve their best Mum!! And you DESERVE to be the best you!! Try not to focus on his judgements just concerntrate on healing YOU!! Stay strong xx Summer09