Newbies Nest

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1208090 wrote: Looka here, Can'tBelieve....I can't believe I'm still at it either! But here we are. Not ONE of us got to where we wanted to be on the first or even the 10th try...but when you are sick and tired of it enough, you will find your quit. I just couldn't take what I was doing any more...I was sick of me. So grab your stuff and climb back in...I'll pass you the butt velcro. We'll get thru these holidays all of us together!! Byrdie

Hi Byrdie - mother nester. I think I'm getting there - feel so utterly sick of myself. Thought I was there this morning, alas not, but think I will be. I'm hanging out here a lot tonight - reading, posting - perhaps obsessing, but at least it's in a good place. I am in the rabbit hole right now but want to surface tomorrow with ANOTHER renewed resolve. Surely I can do it if everyone else can.

Now, to the butt velcro - give me masses of the stuff, please!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Hiya Gang! Wow, busy Sunday in the Nest...just got through reading all the post since my last visit this morning.

Can'tBelieve-The beauty of life is that we can always start over, no matter what. Get back on the horse tomorrow, my dear. Picture a beautiful black stallion all geared up and ready to take you on a wonderful journey starting tomorrow morning. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step

Ronnie-At Can'tBelieve's request, we ought to throw a land lubber's party...maybe on a ranch or something? Although I did really enjoy this past weekend's cruise, but I'm a beach/ocean girl at heart!

Bryd- You wrote about reconsidering the relationship with AL after being sober for a while: "It's like saying I will re-evaluate my relationship with my ax murderer husband". That is a very powerful statement and a great comparison! I will remember that next time I falter. Even tonight, on my way home, I was thinking to myself, hmmmm...if I stay sober till Thanksgiving, maybe I will just drink on THAT day. Ugh, go away AL thoughts...I now flush you down the toilet! I am stronger than AL and any damn monkey that dares to perch on my shoulder! Go to hell! It's not worth the hangover, shame, despair and chance of ruining my life. No thanks, period.

Min-Stay strong my dear! Sounds like you are finally getting some ZZZ's...it will come in time, just keep yourself free from AL and building on progress, cause you're doing GREAT! And that baby of yours does sound like a true, wonderful miracle! You are very lucky

Shaky: Sounds like you are doing well also! Keep up the good work!

Herbie: Well done on jumping into the nest instead of the bottle. You should be proud. Good to see you here. Wine would have only made things worse.

Lav: A toast to the little things in life my friend! Glad you had a nice day with family! Wow, almost 3 years, that is inspiring!

Willow-Hope you are doing well today. Also, Capn', Lolab, Belle, Nolla et all. Hope everyone reading is having a safe and peaceful Sunday night. Lav always says that she realized that she can no longer drink "safely", and whenever I read that, I realize how true it is, but we often don't think (or I don't often think) that when I think of drinking AL that it will put me in danger. BUT, it absolutely does, on so many levels...physical and mentally, you are putting your health at risk everytime you take a drink. I owe it to myself to stay "safe" by staying sober...Don't You?

Good night all, sleep tight! Don't let the AL bugs bite!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hello all
I went away for the weekend and just settling back in
Went to dinner last night and the bottle of wine was placed RIGHT in front of me
Yikes!! Huh? I forgot all about it after I ordered my water
I thought it would be torture and it was not!!!
CB I know you're listening to all the wise people here -you've done a good thing coming back you will get it right.
I'm sorry for the lack of motivating words -I'll try in the morning
zzzzzzzzzzzz

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Well Done Lolab on your no wine victory! I feel as though I would be able to do the same, now that I am learning even more and more about the downside of what any type of AL does for the body/mind. I'm after harmony these days and I don't think that's possible if I caved in for wine...it's just not worth it. Great job!!!

[mimi911]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Still waiting for that down time. Yes the hubby is gone but the 2 year old fell asleep on the way to church tonight and slept all the way through it. So now she will probably be up until midnight. If she goes to sleep by noon then she can go to bed at 8p.m. but when she doesn't get her usual nap and falls asleep late then she doesn't go to sleep until late. Oh well.

Can't believe- Hang in there, We've all been there. Alcohol is very powerful. I was so tempted to get wine tonight but since I have the 2 year old it wasn't an option. Even if she hadn't been with me tonight I would like to think I would have made it through this evening.ops!:

:hug: Goodnight everyone, I better get going as I hear a 2 year old that has escaped from her bed.:upset:

[nollie]

Newbies Nest

Just goes to show you should never be complacent. There was I thinking I'd cracked it when hubby & I had a (tiny) row. My instant reaction was 'I'm desperate for a drink'. I didn't go there, but it wasn't easy. At least I've identified a trigger. In fact, without avoiding taking responsibility because I know I'm at fault too, with hindsight my crappy relationship with my husband probably accounts for a great deal of my FORMER drinking. The booze doesn't help, it might smooth out the edges & blur the pain for a short time, but it causes far more pain in the long term.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Morning guys.

Lola, well done, that must have been hard! Well done to everyone else who got through the weekend too.

I'm not going to lie to you guys - last night I had a bottle. I feel ok about it, at least it wasn't two, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it. You know what though, even though I'm not hungover cos I drank water and tea after, I can tell I've had a drink. I feel a bit fuzzy headed. So it's good in a way that I drank, cos its reminded me why I'm doing this, and that no matter how good it feels at the time, it doesn't have to be a huge amount to make me feel a bit odd.

Day 1 starting again - so ICantBelieve - I'm right here with you!

[available]

Newbies Nest

and with me Willow, i had about 6 glasses over the weekend, not full ones either and with soda water. didnt do my any favours either. so here we go again with a positive attitude and ive already been to the naughty corner so all good lol

[Steady Hands]

Newbies Nest

Good morning from Sunny SA!

Just went through last night's postings. Great stuff!

I am still a student at this (32) stage in my life... If it were not for AL, I would have done this years earlier!!! Still have 2 exams to go for this year. Studying with AL gave me energy, but messed things up late at night and oversleeping in the morning. I chose a good time to quit. Last 2 exams are manageable while I get off AL. Concentration lower, but sufficient.
I can still feel my sore mouth and throat when I breethe deeply, but it is way better!! Eating and sleeping a lot, but guess that is what my body needs.

Can't believe - I also can't wait for you to change your name...affirmation works! I do BELIEVE that you can make your first day and the rest of the 30 and we will be here for you!!

Herbie - Congrats with day 4! Seems like I'm breathing in your neck! More like one and 1/2 days behind you due to time zones... You pulling through day 4 will give me strenght today!

MinStar - Hang in there! After day one you will feel so much better!! And confident! I was a very impatient mother night one and felt very bad about it, but it is going to be worth it!!

Lav - Reading about the great time you had with your kids give me a lot of hope. I used to get home, get my wine and mellow out in front of the TV getting agitated with the chores of motherhood. It interfered with my drinking!! In my short 3 days AF we were in the garden till late and bath time was fun too....Hel!! AL stole a lot!!!

Going to the park for a good looong walk. Then some studying. Then ending day 4!
Go well my fellow nesters!

[Steady Hands]

Newbies Nest

Hello Willow and Strong

Yeh, don't beat yourselves up. You've tried and you've learned.

Have a great day 1!

[MinStar]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!!!

CantBelieve- Love that you want more Butt Velcro- Shows you are willing and ready to move on- Get back on hun!
Willow and Available- Welcome to D1. It is good to acknowledge and move forward. Dont look back. There is nothing you can do about the past but you can do something about now and change the future. It is amazing how becoming aware of what we are doing with AL, What AL is doing to us and coming on this site. I see you posted that you were mixing your drinks with Soda/had one bottle of wine. I am sure in the days gone that would not have been the case. So there is a positive in there somewhere

Blondie! How are you Chick? I did manage some sleeps but madame decided to play until 1am! She has been off her milk and so I had to get her up to give her some. She then woke up and wanted to play. ha ha. Too cute. In my Alcohol filled ways I would have been angry- instead I enjoyed it. It reminded me of those night feeds and enjoying the time with her!

SteadyHands- pleased to hear you are enjoying AL free days! Keep at it. I keep thinking of the things I will be able to do- I thought of going out with friends (have a spa day on Monday and booze will be involved) and without AL- How I will do? I want to enjoy the day without! Never would have considered that before.:l

Nollie- I have had the same reaction to fights. I have to say hubby and I do not have a ideal relationship and have used AL to numb lots of unmet expectations, disappointments, pain and loneliness. I don't deny I have those feelings now but I need to find an alternative way of dealing with those. I am scared of when we do fight again and whether I will turn to drink. I will cross that when I get there. Congrats on walking over that bridge AF!!!

LoLab- well done hun! Inspirational stuff! I hope I can do that on Monday!

Well done everyone else- run out of time for personal responses- madame needs her morning nap and so does Mummy! LMAO- Felt a little more bright eyed but still tired! I really need to get those Vitamins in
:l

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Morning all

Yes, I fell off that wagon with a whopping thump - it hurt! Back on and joining Available & Willow on Day 1.

Sorry but I feel too crappy (bad head!) to reply to all but wanted to say massive thank you for all support last night. Normally I'd continue down a spiral cos I'd feel so bad but coming here means I'm not doing that anymore - a bit of progress then!

Butt velcro firmly in place - see you tomorrow on day 2

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

good morning! Tough weekend around the nest eh? Starting back on day 1 is not a bad thing, provided you learned something....even though nollie didn't drink, she was able to identify a major trigger which will allow her to figure out a plan in advance for when that happens again. It works the same way when you do succumb to the bottle...look back on the situation and figure out what made you decide to take that first drink. could be one thing - but it could also be a combination of events or thoughts.

The one thing you can't do is think " oh it wasn't that bad, I felt 'OK' physically the next day - so it was not a big deal' - that is exactly what started me back on the slippery slope....I did fine for a few weeks at not drinking every day and controlling how much I had. I wasn't consciously "modding" I just had lost that doomed, panicked feeling of "I am killing myself - I HAVE to stop doing this to myself! I just can't have alcohol in the house!" that comes when you first get the desire to quit. After you're AF for a short time, you forget how awful it was to be stuck in the middle of it, and how difficult it was to stop.

So as long as you're jumping right back on the bandwagon and staying determined to keep looking within yourselves to figure out what happened and willing to do whatever it takes to keep yourself from going there again, then I'll shut up -

It wouldn't have taken me 5 months to quit again, if I had jumped right back to the horrible drinking me....hiding bottles, feeling like crap, not sleeping....but believe me - that drinking me was and still is inside me. It just lurks looking for an opening - and then will slowly take over if I let it. But as long as I don't feed it ANY alcohol, there's no opening.

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Good morning in the nest!

Had some monkey chatter last night - no physical reason - just it was Sunday nigh wine night. I did everything I could to change up routines but I still felt that calling for
7:30 on. Replaced with the standing herbal teas plus researched how much inpatient clinics use of l-glut plus GABA when things get dicey - so I can go higher if I have to. And managed to find my missing bottle of kudzu and milk thistle.

So - I am truly supplemented OUT.

On the other hand - my skin looks like I've lost 5 years. No kidding. Realy. CRAZY!!! Can't wait for the BF to see me this weekend - he doesn't normally notice these things so he may not - but I am certain my family will.

I have more energy. The B's are finally starting to build back up - I can tell. And I found softgels of calcium/d3 and a separate one of magnesium which I take at the same time. I uptake soft gels far easier due to problems with my GI tract - so my nails are already harder. Since all three work together to calm the CNS system in conjunction with the B's -it's a good thing. Hoping that with the Hypno's and a couple more weeks of catching up on being deficient - my brain will have more of what it needs and the monkey chatter will settle down to a quieter level.

Because it isn't physical now - but truly habit. And I am going to BREAK this habit.

Today - I will be stronger than AL.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Good Mornin' all! Just lost the post I started, arghhhh! Why does that happen!

Anyway, waking up to a lovely day 13 here...almost 2 weeks as of tomorrow! I am feeling stronger
with each passing day in my resolve not to drink and not to attempt at modding. This time feels different. Previous times I have tried to quit, I have always thought of myself being able to drink in the future...those "special" occasions glamourously celebrated with wine. Well, I now know that is bullshit. It is not glamourous. It is ugly and sad and downright pathetic. And that is what I will be coming back to if I succumb to the false hope of modding. I speak for myself here but that is my reality and so be it. Time to get on with life and AL will not be in it.

Hi Everyone ! Had to get that off my chest! How are we all doing today? Can'tBelieve: Will look forward to seeing you back in action. Sounds like you are taking it easy today. Be well and take care of yourself. We all care about you.

Hi Windy! You are so right about false starts...Lordy knows I've had my share. I hope they are done and this is it. The feeling of 2 weeks sober is so much better than a night of caving in and waking up feeling like crapola for the day, only to start it all over again.

I am feeling much more clear headed these days. Like many of you say, the "fog" lifts after a while and I think it is finally blowing out of the foggy harbor that my mind was in for a long time.

Hi to everyone in the nest this morning. Make sure you are strapped in with plenty of butt velcro!

WHERE DOES OUR MONEY GO WITH AL? You know how we talk about how much money we have blown on AL in the past? I averaged about 50-60 dollars a week, sometimes more. Because I was buying wine almost EVERY day, the weekly figure didn't hit me but when you think about it, that is thousands of dollars a year! So, last night, after posting on here, I decided to take advantage of a weekend sale at my favorite retailer, L.L. Bean. I need a new pair of snow boots and warm winter jacket in the worst way since I commute to work "on foot"...about a 20 minute walk each way, and haven't invested in good boots or cozy jacket in years. So I made my selections and proceeded to check out. The order total came up on the screen and I felt a pang of guilt on what I was spending...granted I was getting free shipping, 10% off and a 10 dollar gift card since my order exceeded 50 bucks. Then it occurred to me...the order total was about the same amount of money as what I would have flushed down the toilet 13 days ago on wine...and I wouldn't have flinched at that. So I pressed the "Place Order" button and shall have my new garments in a few days, ready for the upcoming "wintah". So instead of wasting money on wine that would have only given me remorse, I invested in some new practical items that will serve me well for years to come. Take a peek at my new jacket...doesn't it look cozy? I got the blue as pictured:
Bean's Warm and Light Jacket: Jackets and Coats | Free Shipping at L.L.Bean

Well, have a super day all! Stay strong!