Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

:goodjob:Big congratulations to you Noal!!! Hope you catch all the fish you can handle!

[Steady Hands]

Newbies Nest

ANGRY AT FAMILY!!!

Hi Nesters!

My last post was on 1498. Tried to post last night, but computer started hanging...

I am sooooooo ANGRY!!!! (day 6)

One of the things I wanted to post about last night is how relationships change when you get off the AL.
No doubt in my mind that I had to ask my husband to leave. He was my #1 drinking buddy (who would never admit that he abuses alcohol) and sees enabling as good manners.... Next I had to get rid of my sisters who damn well know that I am worried about my drinking, but would pitch up any time for free wine and when they wanted to get drunk!

I know we should not blame others for our drinking problems, but I DO blame the people closest to me!!!! I feel that they exploited my problem. They didn't care!! They used me to feel better about themselves when they wanted to get drunk!!!

I just had to listen to my mother over the phone telling me (with a slight slurr) that it would be better if I go away for Christmas, since my sisters don't want to see me.

I don't understand... This is what I wanted (not to see them and be in old drinking situations). WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD!!!???:upset:

Did any of you went throuhg this when going of AL?
Any advice???

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Yikes, Steady....that's quite a dump you just got handed!
I am going to think about this, but in the meantime, I will dispense just a little of what I was told in the beginning. Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. Once you get your house in order, you will be in a better position to deal with the other crap. Having said that, I will also say this....I know when I saw someone else getting a grip on the very thing I couldn't seem to...I resented it. I was JEALOUS of their control and my lack of it. So I say keep your head held high and keep doing what you are doing. Succumbing because someone else wants you to fail is the oldest trick in the book. You will never please everyone no matter what you do...but you know in your heart of hearts you must stop drinking...AL plays for all the marbles...maybe your example will help the others to find their way (I know...but we can dream). You stay the course, once they see you can't be bullied they will back off or drink themselves to death.
Just my 2 cents...Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Dang it I forgot something...you are now seeing things thru a different set of lenses...and things look an awful lot different when you have a clear head. Things we missed before now jump out like a sore thumb. People who drink love people who drink. I know I did. B

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

SH,

I also take (took) full responsibility for my decision to try to numb my depression by drinking tons of wine. But, I wasn't always a depressed person. I was always happy & full of hope until I realized after 25 years of marriage ~ my depressed husband just didn't give a damn about me or anything else. I become suddenly & extrememely depressed when he refused to go on a trip I had planned for us for our 25th anniversary. He watched me sit & plan this trip to Europe for 3 years, had the cash all tucked away for it - all he had to do was go. I kind of 'hit the wall' with him at that point & began my serious drinking career. In hindsight I should have just kicked him out but I didn't. I somehow thought he would pull his head out of his butt. Year later, after I had quit drinking for over a year he just suddenly up & ran out - 38 years of marriage down the tubes.
What I am telling you is - if you think yor husband or your sisters are causing you problems - they are!
Let them go & take care of yourself first & foremost! I know how hard it is to let the people go that you have loved for so long. What I have learned is that if they don't want to change then they won't. You can only change yourself

[Steady Hands]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdlady and Lavande

I feel a lot better. Also reading back the posts and realising how much better life gets every day without AL.

Toxic people and toxic families... These changes happened faster than what I thought it would. I knew the people closest to me are toxic, but I didn't realise it is going to hurt this much. I was so numbed up!!

Thx for sharing your stories. It must have been realy tuff too!!

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

SH - I want to throw in a little different take on your situation. Of course, the dynamics in families are complex so it's not easy to explain exactly what's going on because it would take volumes to try to describe all the interactions between relationships.

I know this, though. My husband loves me dearly - and it's really taken him a long time to truly get how horrible alcohol is for me. Whenever I start to make excuses to drink he goes along. So, he is an enabler even though he loves me. It wasn't until I really laid it out in a very serious way that he started to understand and change. But, he's not an alcoholic. If your husband/family members are, then they probably won't be able to grasp what's going on with you right now. I know when I drank I thought people who didn't were absolutely nuts. Now that I've developed a problem, my thinking has changed 180 degrees.

But as others have said, you have to take care of you no matter what. If any of my family members were a hindrance to my sobriety I'd have to make big changes just like you've done.

Just wanted to throw that in because there are lots of angles and different situations - as many as there are people, really.

Sending you peace and strength.

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

windy;1209545 wrote: Hey Nesters,

Wicked -- It was Nice to see your post today and to read your thoughtful comments. I am in the same boat in that there is not way in hell a bottle of wine is getting in my house, let a lone opening it by me, which is something I did quite regularly. My habit was drinking wine at home.

SNAP! And no vino getting in my house either. looking forward to a happy Day 4.

K9 - hoping doors open for you soon new jobwise - go for your dream

Night fellow nesters

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Steady,

Wow, I am sorry to hear about the issues with your family. I have a mother who drinks like a fish, sadly. When I have quit in the past, she was NOT supportive...always coaxing me on to have some. It is very sad. I am sorry for your pain but know that we are all thinking of you. Stay strong and AF my friend!

NOAL! 30 DAYS IS AWESOME!!! Way to go! Best of luck on reaching your next goal of 60 days...it will be here before ya know it! Thanks for sharing your successes with us!

MightyMite-I don't think anyone here would regret mentoring you just because you had a glass of wine the other night. The important thing is that you are still HERE and posting. You need to do what is right for you, not anyone else. So if you can mod successfully, you are one of the lucky few. You have a voice inside you that will steer you in the right direction, be true to yourself and follow it.

For me, it's the evening of my 15th day sober. Had a good day puttering around the house, doing some chores and also pampering myself with a protein pack for my dried blonde tresses which turns them into silk. I have to leave it on for an hour and it dries making my hair stiff as twigs, then you rinse it out and it is wonderful. Oh, smells like cat pee too but that's the price we pay for beauty, eh gals?

My new coat and snow boots came in today and sadly, the boots are too big and the coat isn't what I expected at all. Oh well. They're easy enough to return. And there's no snow here yet...just RAIN. But it's cozy as I'm sitting here with a cup of tea and listening to my new Christmas CD's...one is a Scottish themed CD and it's lovely. Makes me want to visit Scotland...on my list of to do's someday. That's my heritage, 100% on my mom's side.

Well lovlies, I hope you are enjoying a safe warm evening...MinStar, Windy, Lav, Byrd, Greg, Ronnie, Can't Believe, Prairie, Patrice, SH, Mighty, Willow, Belle and anyone I am not mentioning here. Sleep tight, tomorrow will be a wonderful sober day!

[MinStar]

Newbies Nest

Evening everyone! excuse typos. On phone again.
Noah-W ell down on 30 days! And Heres to another 30!!!
Mighty-no time wasted. You had a drink! So what. You find what works for you! I would loveto have that restraint but sadl I don't. You did well to have one so acknowledge it and keep moving forward.
blonde!! Sorry to hear the shoes and coat were not what you expcted. I like the sound of that cd! Makes me feel all Christmassy. Did start my shopping this week. Tying to get small things in. Last year I was six month pregnant and had most of my Christmas shopping done!!

No major AL cravings this evening.but I am finding evenings boring! Trying to call friends and family for catch ups but running out of peopleto call. Lol. I am coming to bed early but surfin about. Still really tird so I am starting iron supplements tomorrow. I find they HelP alot. Sinuses playing up since last night. I used to get them bad before pregnancy but nothing since. Started up again last night . Really bad. I am blocked up one minute, snotty next and then sneezing. So loud I woke up baby!!!

Well enough gassing. Better ty and get some sleep. HappyAF day peeps. Keep strong.

MinStar x

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

This is the time of day the cravings hit, and here they are, right on time. I have no worries, though. I'm in for the evening and there is no wine in the house, so that takes care of that. If I'm a little grouchy, so what? It will pass.

I read something in Jason Vale's book that helps when the cravings hit. He used the example of buying a new car that has the instruments for the windshield wipers in the place where your turn signal was in your last car. Out of habit, you may turn on the windshield wipers a bunch of times when you meant to turn on your signal light. Would you think, "I can't do this. I'll never learn to drive this car. I can only drive my old car"? Of course not.

I'm trying to apply the same rationale when those wine cravings hit at 5 pm. It doesn't mean I can't learn to expect other thoughts at 5 pm, and it doesn't mean I have to go back to my old ways. I just need to give it some time. Hope this makes sense to some of you. It's helping me at the moment.

[Audrey14]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!!!

Wow!! While i was sleeping there are a looooot of great and encouraging posts!!! I tried to read all of them but probably i skipped something......

Congratulations to everybody who reached 30 and more AF days!!!!:goodjob::goodjob:
Sounds as a dream for me!!!
I'm sending a sun from South Australia to Nesters who have lack of it..for me as a quite norther person sometimes sun here is to much

Today i feel very nervous because "my period" is on the way (this only for girls) and for me it' s always like that..but when i drunk i really didn' t notice..But... I' LL NOT DRINK TODAY!!

Lav - thanks, i know that you' re very wise and experienced person and medical..i grew up in doctor' s enviroment, my ex and daugther's father is doctor..and i'm non-practising psychologist (which freeks me out) and that' s why i'm so embarassed that i'm alchoholic..
Yes, my English is only once per week but i love it..yestarday i did a lot of readings and wrote mails which i postponed..and made meetings..

Byrdlady - i always listen to others peoples expierence with antidepressants..actually when i was in Latvia, i went to my psychotherapist (he knows me very well) and he prescribed me Zoloft which i used 2 times with interruptions and it worked very well and was able to quit easy..BUT..i postponed to buy them until now because i know they' re chemicals and i don' t like to use extra drugs even i try to avoid antibiotics how much is possible..but now it was getting quite crazy..i was crying when i drunk and when i didn' t, bad mood all the time in spite of wonderful climate (in my homeland now is +2 and winter coming with minuses), opportunities etc. Yes, i have issue - my boyfriend is alchoholic too and it has dual influence on me, i think to write about it in another thread - i need advice and help. One thing is to have long distance relationship, another - to live together...

Patrice - thanks Dear for your nice offer!!! Yes, i' d love to talk to you on skype, i' ll send you my skype name. My course is English as a second language too but it' s only once per week. I want to tell you that in spite of beeing in foreign country you have 2 very important things:
1. JOB AND CONTACTS TO PEOPLE
AND
2. MOST MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD - YOUR DEAREST KID - SON

Probably i'm over-emotional today but that' s how i feel, sorry

A

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Feeling your feelings is perfectly normal Audrey & much healthier than stuffing them, right?
Funny you mentioned Zoloft. The psychiatrist put my husband on that 8 years ago but he didn't want to take it so he quit before it really had a chance to make any difference
Try to get out & enjoy that sunshine

noal - CONGRATS TO YOU ON 30 AF DAYS!!!!!!!
That is just terrific & I hope you are feeling proud today

MinStar, I hate sinus problems.......annoying!
I generally fill my evening with online seminars, radio shows, etc of the spiritual, healing type along with a bit of meditation ~ helps with sleep!

Irie, keep hanging in there! It takes 28 days to break a bad habit & replace it with something new & better

Blondie, I color my hair at home but if it smelled like cat pee :no: NO WAY!!!

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Just noticed something ......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAP'N G :bday1: :crazymonkey:

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

I'll chime in and send another Happy Birthday to Cap'n G. Nov 17th is my Birthday also, and hopefully this one (YES IT WILL BE) AF!:bday2: