Newbies Nest

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Today I feel blessed.

No - I still don't know about the job. *That's not why.

I feel blessed because I started the 30 Days AF trial by accident. *I started it when I had managed to well and truly screw things up with my SO who I love with all my heart. *I hadn't meant to start the 30 Days when I did. *I wanted to start but I was so terrified to take that step.

What if I failed? *What if I was farther gone than I really thought? *What if I couldn't save myself? *What if I was too late? *What if my strength and will were no longer enough?

All the "what if's" just circled my brain - I couldn't see my way past them...I was paralyzed in front of the red wine bottle of fear.

But then I had a horrible conversation with the SO - too much wine, too much honesty (yes - there can be too much of that) and an old family sitch became nearly the end of the relationship. *Since I had no filters, I didn't know when to SHUT UP.

And the next day he was SOOOOOOO angry at me. *And I was fogged and couldn't remember all of (or even most of) why. *There you have it - going to lose the best man I have ever had over this - this stupid alien - who's habit has snatched me up.

That next night I was so flipped out, felt so sick - physically, mentally - I skipped the vino and went to bed. *Day 1 was born by accident.

Fast forward. *He last saw me on Day 10. *Still had headaches, felt hit by a bus, *was getting some energy back but not much. *And stress? *Out the wazoo.

He got here last night - Day 20. *Side effects *largely gone. *Supplements kicking in - so energy up, anxiety down, skin looking better, slept like a baby next to him rather than up twice in the night...

We had breakfast - both worked from my home office today - had lunch before he headed out on a trip.

He laughed when he saw all the supplements lined up on the counter like soldiers. *He laughed again when he saw the giant load of pills at lunch. *

But he did say he hadn't seen me this happy or relaxed in a long time. He looked delighted to say that. *And it was very clear that he was glad to have much more of the "old me" back.

So here is to Day 21. *A gift that was hard earned - with fear, with hope, with white knuckles and your support. *

This day will be one of those memories that holds me in the darkest hours.

Day 21 - Today I •will• be stronger than AL.

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

Some Ideas and Suggestions

All,

Here are a few things I'm learning about that might be of help.

One of the best tools for not caving into cravings is the concept of detachment. If you can just "name" the emotion -- say to yourself "craving, craving" and then just let it go, it becomes less powerful. We have all kinds of emotions throughout the day - "anger, anger" "irritation, irritation" etc. The Eastern way of looking at things is to not judge them as bad - just recognize them and move on.

I'm trying to summarize from a book, so hopefully this makes sense. It's worth learning, though, because detachment becomes our biggest single tool in winning out against alcohol. It's not that detachment prevents upsets, it just renders them less overwhelming. Detachment involves letting thoughts and emotions come and go, as they will anyway. In Japan, they say that "feelings are as changeable as the Japanese sky." I think that's a lovely metaphor for the essence of detachment - notice, honor, enjoy, or don't enjoy. You do not need to do something special or immediate about the upsets, losses or cravings. Let them be, and they just might let you be. Practice detachment and it can become your core tool in propelling you along the path to a drug-free existence (from Tao of Sobriety).

Also, think of a craving as a wave, and just ride it out. And, use self-talk. Phrases like "I can and will stay on track, no matter what" can keep the mind demons at bay. And, the AA saying "Fake it till you make it." To take a stand for something different and liberating, you have to keep repeating this self talk - don't worry about being repititious.

There are probably ideas like this in the toolbox, but since I'm reading about them and they're fresh, I thought it would be good to post them here.

Sending you all peace and strength.:l

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

PF - Xpost. Congrats on your days and great self talk!

[timpin]

Newbies Nest

Congratulations PF....keep it up ! Looking forward to getting to day 21 myself.

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Timpin wrote...

However I know that there are dangers lurking and it might only take one drink to change everything, so I intend to be strong and try to resist that happening to me. You will be able to tell from my tone that I am ecstatic that I have got this so far. However there must be many like me who have got this far and then fallen back and I don't want to do that. Can anyone offer any advice about things to watch for ?

Timpin...First of all let me say congratulations on 13 Days....You should be very proud of yourself....I am on about 52 days now and there was a time when I completed 30 days before I finally decided to go AF indefinitely. I thoughts I had it under control and could then moderate; that was a lie. I did manage to cut down dramatically, but It was not enough. I needed to be AF for good. What convinced me and what I had to recognize was that I was not going to be satisfied with just having a few. I craved alcohol and at that point, I knew that was not normal behavior. So...in order for me to commit to AF, I had to admit I was not a normal drinker and never would be because I CRAVE ALCOHOL and that MAKES ME DIFFERENT than normal drinkers. I do not believe a self-confessed "problem drinker" can successfully moderate. That was the fact I had to embrace for me.

So what I would watch for is that fricken voice (I call booze brain) that starts trying to convince you that you are doing so good, go ahead and have just one, little drinkee poo...you're okay, you can handle it...look how far you've come...wouldn't it be nice with dinner...blah...blah...blah..... Don't believe it for one minute. Kick the beast in the teeth and don't let it talk to you like that.


Good luck and keep posting as it helps to write it down and be held accountable.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

awesome post Windy...

Timpin - congrats you're doing great! and prairie, you gave me chills.....THAT'S what it's all about. Not that he was so damn proud of you, but that you are so damn proud of yourself....

[Anfield]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys, does anyone know if of any threads here that are geared towards people trying to moderate rather than quit altogether?? I'm almost at end of week two on a moderation plan that's working really well for me, (so far). It feels a little unfair for me to be posting about cutting back in a thread where so many are working so hard to quit altogether. Any pointers would be appreciated!

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Praire -- Great post...I am truly enjoying your post and I can see the determination. Good job on day 21. I think that is a significant day. I remember reading somewhere that it takes 21 Days to truly break a habit, so this is truly a turning point for you. :applaud:

Anfield -- There are two sections here completely devoted to moderation. Good luck.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hey anfield I will try to link to the monthly moderation section Monthly Moderation - My Way Out Forums

And I'd like to thank you for being sensitive to the fact that we're sometimes struggling to actually quit here in the nest. :-)

Best of luck to you!

[Nelz]

Newbies Nest

PF, that post was awe inspiring!! Gave me the chills too WOW Congrats on 21 and keep your eye on the prize until 30, I wish you continued strength.


And here comes this moments winner of...................
Attached files [img]/converted_files/1708710=6929-attachment.jpg[/img]

[patrice]

Newbies Nest

Praire
Great post, I'm so proud of you..we started on the same day - you are now 21 days, me starting on day 5
I'm following in your footsteps and feeling heaps better

Take care everyone
Patrice

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

PF, look at you...I am so proud I could bust. To read your first posts, and then read that one>>>what a journey. You have gained so much, and really given up very little, wouldn't you say??? You are an inspiration...
Now there's only ONE THING that could screw it up...and we all know what that is!! So don't do it...don't mess up your quit no matter what and no matter who...All my best, Byrdie

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

PF.........WOW that is a great post, and a BIG well done to you honey.....keep it up......
Hope everyone else is doing well, sorry but I have not had time to read all posts, it is Friday here and this is my trigger day but as the days mount up the urges and triggers are fadding. I have done so much more with my life just in the short time that I have been A/f.
The longer I go the more determind I am to stay A/F, this is a great feeling, it is an even better feeling than when I was half cut on the booze and it hasnt cost me a thing and I know I will will fantastic again in the morning.

Cant Believe.....Hope you have a great BIRTHDAY today xxxxxxx

[Audrey14]

Newbies Nest

Prairie!!

Very touching and emotional..
Thanks for sharing!!!

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, and thanks for the kind birthday wishes...they are much appreciated. True what Byrdie said, I think this is the first sober birthday since turning 18 (or maybe even before that...had a fake ID when I was 16). It's 53 for me, but 25 days AF means so much more right now. It's been a very busy day in BelleVille and it ain't over yet. Been driving kids to/from activities and have one more pick-up to do. One thing I am proud of is that I never drove drunk (or after drinking) with kids in the car, so on days like this avoiding drinking was easy. I guess it is good that I am too busy driving today to even consider a birthday drink.

I haven't had much of a chance to read posts today, but did see one heck of an awesome post from PF. Very inspiring!!! PF you are doing wonderfully.

Hello to all my nestmates, and everyone else there. Hope you all are doing well. See'ya later!