Newbies Nest

[Herbie]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters... getting cold here... been outside working this afternoon and still kinda chilled.. think I will have a hot soak in the old tub (less wine!!!) Finishing day 8.. can't believe how fast it has gone by... I just got a bit emotional a bit a ago felt a tear come on but it past... my CDs still have not arrived and I ordered early last week... I am bummmed... looking forward to the sleep one.

PF you are very inspiring.. when I first picked up on your post you were wanting to eat the carpet and that was not that long ago..

Belle happy you are having a happy birthday..

You all have a wonderful night, I am off to the tub to warm up....nighty night

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Good evening everyone,

Had a busy day today and got lots done...much more than I would have a few weeks ago on my day off as I would have started drinking well before the "allowed" time of 5PM. So getting more accomplished makes me feel very satisfied.

Cold and rainy here today. Did some retail therapy this afternoon and bought some new lamps for our bedroom that I have been eyeing for a while. Had a coupon for the store that expires on Sat. so I said, what the hell, and spluged. Felt good to buy something tangible...had I been drinking, I would have saved the money for AL.

NELZ, my seltzer partner in crime...they now have holiday flavored seltzer and I grabbed a few to try today. They even have eggnog....not sure on that one but I'll let you know. So far, the pumpkin spice seltzer is really good. Not sweet but just a touch of flavor...weird but good. I think I will bring some with me on Thanksgiving and make it my go to drink!

Great posts by everyone today, I really enjoyed reading them and so glad you are all doing well. Hi to all the new folks and those returning from a while ago. It's always a welcome place here in the Nest!

Herbie, a hot bath sounds good right about now...enjoy your tub time!

Prairie, glad you had a nice time with your SO...sounds like he really appreciates the new sober you. Keep up the good work!

Night everyone...I have a few chapters left in a novel I started this week and want to finish it tonight.

Peace out.

[gregorino]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters!

Thanks again for all the birthday wishes. You are all like an extended family to me. I know I would not be 4+ months AF without The Nest. Thanks!

Ms Lav - The Bullwinkle hoodie and hat are FABU! I'll be struttin my stuff in the cool morning air tomorrow!

Had to work some OT today, and didn't get a chance to read all the posts. I did read Prairie's however - wonderful stuff there!

I will be driving cross-state and back tomorrow to handle a maintenance issue with Chapter Two. Have to work 10 hours on Saturday, and then have off through Thanksgiving, so it will all be on the water - moving the boat as far and fast as I can.

I am so proud to see some great sobriety stepping up here to help the Fledglings and encourage each other. Lola and Praire and BlondeA. and Ronnie and Windy come to mind especially. Keep doing all that you are here - it is so important to the brand newbies!

Stay strong and be calm!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening one & all!

Great to see such fabulous posts - I'm proud of all of you

I am physically & mentally exhausted after a day involving some work stuff & an 8 1/2 hr babysitting marathon. My grandsons are wonderful but a lot of work :H

Greg, I put a Rocky & Bullwinkle DVD in my desktop & made the 3 year old watch it so I could get some work done today :H Glad you liked your Bullwinkle duds

Congrats to everyone on their AF progress ~ it really is life changing
Wishing us all a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

I wrote my post on my mobile phone and there’s so much I didn’t get completely right. So - I hope you don't mind - but I really wanted to fix what I think wasn't spot on when typed in 20 minutes from a mobile.

I wasn’t really ready to start this quit - but I never would have been ready. I would have just drifted around bemoaning where I was - never taking action - if I hadn’t accidentally started Day 1.

If I hadn’t accidentally started Day 1 - I am almost certain I’d have parted ways with the SO - I was hurting him because he couldn’t bare to watch me devolve.

If I hadn’t accidentally started Day 1- my friends would have continued to worry - because each night was becoming worse.

If I hadn’t accidentally started Day 1 - I would have continued to wake up every night at 3 am, dehydrated and looking for food because the wine sugar had worn off and I hadn’t eaten dinner. (Hello dark circles...soooooo pretty on me.)

If I hadn’t accidentally started Day 1 - I’d have continued to have pathetic labs - with B levels so low they almost certainly were leading to anxiety, a marked reduction in ability to handle stress, and PROFOUND anemia.

If I hadn’t accidentally started Day 1 - I’d continue to be riddled with fear, self doubt, self loathing, and paralysis. Where I’m successful in much of what I do - this would be a continued boogeyman under my bed - a boogeyman ready to steal away my heart, my soul, and everything I’ve worked so hard to earn.

I wasn’t ready to start Day 1. I didn’t WANT to start Day 1. But I desperately needed to start Day 1. For my friends, for my family, for my beloved - but MOST importantly - for ME.

I could not continue. I wouldn’t have made it. I was shrinking inside myself. I was becoming a ball - a tiny knot of a soul drowning in a sea of red wine - with no one to blame but myself - and no one who could save me - but me. And I wasn’t sure the me that was left - was strong enough to save the me that needed saving.

Has it been easy? No. Not even a little.

The first few days as the AL clears the system - I felt hit by a bus. Tired, achy, mood swings, and the CRAVINGS. The boogeyman wants the booze. WANTS it. WANTS to make you take a drink. It’s been living on it, relying on it for so long it WANTS it. It’s like the Golum - I heard it whispering “WANTS my PRECIOUS” over and over again. I would yell back at the Golum in my head that “I’m stronger than you. I WON’T. I WON’T. You can’t make me.”

More than one night I sat outside the grocery store doors in my car. Staring...watching people going in and out. Knowing - just knowing that if I unlocked my door and walked in - that Malbec was coming home. The quit would be over. Not because I physically needed a drink. That ended much quicker than I thought. I realized soon enough my issues with AL are habit. A STRONG habit built on a lack of coping skills - but HABIT.

Those nights as I watched people go in and out of the grocery door - the quit so close to ending - I had decisions to make.

I thought about the pros/cons of walking in - taking that bottle home...

Pros:
The Gollum would SHUT up - for a while
The WANT would SHUT up - for a while
That wonderful warm fuzzy feeling would be back - for a while

Cons:
I’d let you all down - and I was surprised at how much that mattered so soon
I’d let down my friends, my family, and my SO - even though I hadn’t told them about the quit yet
While the Gollum would SHUT up - he wouldn’t shut up for long - and I’d be back to more than one bottle soon
The WANT would become a NEED because I haven’t learned other habits
Is it really a warm fuzzy feeling? Or comfort because it’s habit - like an old pair of jeans or your rubber duck jammies when you get into bed?
Do I want to be slurred on the phone?
Do I want to have flashes of anger for no good reason in the evening?
Do I want to go to bed angry?
Do I want to check FB at 3 am to see what I typed? HOLY SHYTE - did I really? CRAP...please GOD say no one was awake.
Do I want to check the call log to see who I called?
Do I want to wake up hating myself?

And I looked at the people going in and out of that door. I said no. No I don’t. No - I will not give in to the Monkey Chatter no matter how loud, no matter how insistent. Not today. Because if I give in, I’m not sure there will be enough of me to put me back together. Because the accidental quit might be my one miracle.

Today - I’ve made 21 days. That’s longer than my entire adult life since I graduated HS by the longest possible shot - I can’t even guess. It’s long enough to be a habit. It’s not yet. I’m not taking it for granted. I no longer believe that the accidental quit is my only miracle.

I believe I am surrounded by miracles. First - there’s you. All of you. I get your support. Your ear. Your faith in me. Your foot in my tail when I need it. Your advice on how to make it ODAT - even one minute at a time. And I can’t believe how good it feels to give back. To find something that might help someone like me - who lurked for over a year before coming out of the shadows. Who might be on the fence, who might not believe she’s enough - who might not believe there is any hope left. I’m no expert. Not even close. But if I hold out a hand - like everyone in the nest ahead of me held out there’s - maybe it’s enough. Even for one person. And that would be a miracle.

I wake up clear headed in the morning. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to sleep about 14 hours a day. I think that’s my body wanting to heal. On weekends I want to SLEEP. And sleep. And then do some more. I’ve used this ole’ thing shamefully hard. There’s that old saying “Ride her like you stole her.” Yup - been there, done that, bought the shirt. This body has had her tires chirped and been over more than one curb at a high rate of speed. She needs the supplements and she needs some sleep. But between the fluids, the supplements, and the sleep - it looks like I’ve dropped 5 years in 21 days. I’ll call that a miracle. It’s a free face lift.

I told an old friend I had quit tonight - I hadn’t told her yet. She cried. She told me she had been so scared for me. Another friend earlier in the week who is having the SO and I over to dinner next week told me to bring whatever beverage I wanted - I said can’t speak for him - but I’ll be bring tea. She was surprised - she said you are still on your detox program? With everything going on in your life right now? I said yes - I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to have anything to drink, eat healthy, take supplements, and cut back on caffeine until after November 25th. And that I was NOT going to break a promise to myself just because it was Thanksgiving. And the surprise - happy surprise - from both of them? Miracle.

Going to sleep with the SO - staring at me in wonderment...so happy to have “me” back but not saying it. We’ve been together long enough to just know. Miracle.

Knowing - to my bones - that I made a promise to myself and I don’t intend to shortchange myself. Realizing that I went from being a happy wine drinker to a swiller. Having to face that it’s entirely possible I may never be able to settle for one or two. Not knowing if that’s true - hoping it’s not - having to examine all my choices good and bad for clues. But doing it with a clear head. And knowing that I may well have to be AF for my whole life. Trying to come to terms with that. Realizing that if it comes to that versus being where I was - then so be it.

In the last 21 days I did what I didn’t think I could do. Without AA. Without a rehab center. With nutrition, hypnotherapy and the support of this group. And an accidental Day 1. Let me say that again - because I can’t say that enough. With an accidental Day 1. This quit started as a miracle. It stayed a quit through hard work and determination not to let an enormous number of people down. And now - it’s a quit that feels good. It feels like hope, like faith in a better future, like a different world of possibilities exist. This world is light years and 21 days away from passed out on my chaise lounge with the TV blasting, waiting to be abandoned by everyone I loved because they couldn’t watch the self destruction anymore.

So - if you are new to the nest. And you think you are hopeless. That you can’t do this. You are listening to the chatter scaring you as it swirls your brain. Stop. You are enough. You CAN do this. You are NOT hopeless. You are in the right place. Your miracle comes with hard work. When you are ready to work - accidentally or not - we are ready to help.

Today is Day 21. And today I was stronger than AL.

[Sick'ntired]

Newbies Nest

Started a similar journey six weeks ago and all I would like to add is Yes! Yes! Yes!

[nollie]

Newbies Nest

Wishes, you're in a good place. We all know about being desperate to stop drinking and never thinking it possible. It is and you can. Draw on the strength of the group, you'll find all the support you need here x

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

PF....once again.....a wonderful post honey, thankyou xx

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning nesters!
I'm on the fly but just wanted to check in & see the nest was open for business

PF, I believe in miracles too, we can nmake anything happen. Congrats to you on your 21 AF days, you are making major lifestyle changes

Sick'ntired, congrats to you as well! Stick around & let us know how you are doing!

Hello nollie & ronnie! Hope you both have a wonderful day!

Must run for now but will be back later!

Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

"I told an old friend I had quit tonight - I hadn’t told her yet. She cried. She told me she had been so scared for me." powerful stuff prairie...congratulations to you!

Good morning everyone! It's a winter wonderland outside - BRRRR!

I will check back in later in the morning.

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hugs to Lav - holding everyone accountable in the nest is a lot of reason that you and Byrdie have created a culture where we owe each other our best - and when we stumble - we get back up.

It's also why I lurked here forever before doing anything - Seriously - better than a year - before I did anything - because I wasn't ready - at least fully - to face all of the subcomponents.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Mornin' Nesters, Happy Friday!

Ugh, today marks the start of a 6 day stretch of work...my next day off is Thanksgiving. But, it will be busy and fun at the store this week and I am grateful for a job in any shape or form in this economy, especially one I can walk to and one where my co-workers are like family!

Someone posted a link about the Zappos shoes, thank you for that; however, I was after snow boots and in my mind, if you're gonna buy snow boots. LLBEAN IS DA BOMB! They are guaranteed for a lifetime. Hoping I get the size right as the pair I got in was a tad too big even with heavy socks. But, alas, no snow yet so I have some time. Will be here before ya know it though

Hope everyone has a great day. It's the start of the weekend for most of you so be strong and don't give into the drink, OK? Get some of that butt velcro and secure yourself to the nest! Good luck!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

PS, 17 Days so far for me...I had to go back and count! Plus 101 for the entire year...and we're not talkin' 'bout 101 Dalmations!!! Just wanted to share

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

YaY for Blonde Ambition - More AF days are a BEAUTIFUL thing!!!!

[Herbie]

Newbies Nest

Morning all

PF you are amazing, your energy and strength come roaring through the computer,,,, hope you had a wonderful night with your SO

Starting day 9... !!!!!

When I came in from working outside last night, I was cold and tired, a normal trigger for getting glass of wine to reward my effort... the thought slipped through my mind and back out had hot tea instead.. I don't have any wine in the house and don't know if I would have been much more tempted if it was just an arms length away... leaving for Phoenix on Sunday back on Friday... this little trip will be my test, and I have got a plan thanks to all of you and your good suggestions... will look for that flavored seltzer water.. taking my sleepy time tea... have all my meds in little pill boxes that say SMTWTHR.. have 3 of them for morning noon and night.. need to check in see if I can carry on the can of powdered vitamins .I hope my CDs get here before I leave so I can take them..by the time I leave I will be on my 11th day so I have a good foundation under me..I will be taking my computer so I can come to the nest to warmth and comfort and to say hello to everyone...

Another morning outside, then off to lunch with a dear friend.. then it will be friday night!!