Newbies Nest

[TRUCKER123]

Newbies Nest

Congradulation's Prairie

[if dreams were horses]

Newbies Nest

Congrat PF on your 30 days, and Windy you will make it you have come a long way.
Belle I was feeling the same way you were yesterday, thank goodness it passed.
Thanks to Byrdlady and Steady Hands for their words of wisdom and encouragement.
Today I enter into day 5 and 112 hours AF, a week ago I never thought I had the strength to even go 1 day. I cannot say it is getting easier, but as I said I have Scottish Blood and can be stubborn. I am going to knock that little devil that sits on my left shoulder to the ground, and keep my mind clear.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

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Way to go Prairie!!! Congratulations on your 30 days! You made it!!!

Good job to everyone else hanging in there too! You all deserve a big pat on the back for making it through this tough time of year AF.

I'm off to working early this am but just wanted to fly in and say hello to all of you wonderful Nesters! Have a safe and sober Saturday!

[nollie]

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My thoughts exactly PF. Well, I've managed my 30 days, would never have thought it possible to go more than 2 days without a drink (on day 32 now). Big test coming up tonight, people coming for dinner & I have abig bottle of red in the house. I'm not going there. If there's wine left at the end of the evening and they don't want to take it home with them then it's going down the sink.

[Prairie Fairy]

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Yay Nollie!!!! I am so glad you are still here. :-)

wow - I give you credit- I'd have trouble pouring down the sink...I'd make the so do it while we clean up no big deal - but me? I am pretty sure I would slip. The alien would get me in this scenario because he would have me dead on in a different family childhood norm - nothing wasted. I'd go down for sure.

Good on you for being able to resist Nollie!

Regardless - it's meant a lot to have you on almost the same days through this path. Thank you for being you and congratulation again!

[Prairie Fairy]

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Huh - the more I think about it - the more I realize how many times after thr guests left that I drained the party bottles dry because they would "taste like vinegar tomorrow".

Or just finished the "soldiers" withou comment...

OH CRAP.... Party clean up is a major problem and I never thought about it. Someone else is dealing with the booze....

[Lavande]

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Good Saturday morning Nesters!

It just happens to be Thanksgiving & a double birthday celebration day at my house :H :H

Big CONGRATS to Prarie Fairy & Nollie on their 30 AF days :yay:
Hard work - yes but well worth it

Have to keep myself in the kitchen today but will check in tonight. Wishing everyone a fantastic AF Saturday

Lav

[windy]

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Good Day Nesters,

Nollie and Prairie Fairy -- I think you guys are amazing -- GOOD GOING and keep it up!!

Belle Girl -- I want to congratulate you also. You are really keeping it going too. Yeah for the 30 Day ers .:wd::wd::wd::wd::wd:

I can't wait to see who's going to join the club.

[BelleGirl]

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I'll second a shout out for Nollie and PF. Well done!!!:goodjob:

Thanks for the support last evening. I did make it, though I had to take a xanax. Don't really even know why I was so anxious. And I hate substituting the xanax for the AL. Only have a few left and I doubt I will be able to refill anyway.

So this morning I went out for a short run and had a talk with myself about why, since I hit 30 days and Thanksgiving is over, I feel really shaky about everything. I decided I needed to refocus on a new goal...so I am looking at 60 days. That will end before Christmas so I will still have that hanging over my head. One saving grace is that my brother and sister-in-law will be visiting. Sister-in-law is pregnant, so she won't be drinking. That is a great excuse to have things around like AF sparkling cider, seltzer waters, etc. And I can just drink them right along with her.

My real goal in 1/31/2012. That would be 100 days. However I am afraid if I put that in my signature I will jinx myself. Stupid, I know...

[Irie]

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BelleGirl, Noille and Prairie Fairy...you are an inspiration to those of us who are just starting out. Congratulations!

[windy]

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My real goal in 1/31/2012. That would be 100 days. However I am afraid if I put that in my signature I will jinx myself. Stupid, I know...

__________________
Belle girl -- I made the same commitment and introduced myself here by starting a thread with the same theme. It has been a huge reason I have made it as far as I have. That Promise (to myself) in front of all of you keeps me going. So...I for one encourage you to make that goal. I think you have the power you need to do it because you have made it this far already. My 100 days will be Jan 5 and it would be great to have you along for the ride.

Also, I have been feeling some things lately about AFness too, and I bet I would have been back to day one if I hadn't made that long-term goal. That's just me....but it has worked for me.

Good luck and it is really ODAT.

Special Hello to Irie....

[Prairie Fairy]

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Hi BelleGirl -

I had same thought about jinxing myself about putting dates in signature line...but I thought about how much Nelz signature always cheers me up/gives me hope.

When I think about me - I have been thinking short - End of the next hour in the first few days to just ODAT. And while ODAT has worked really well - I found I kept having to pull out the calendar and check for anchor dates...

So...we will see - I put them up there as accountability dates - almost like - ok Prairie - everybody knows we are going for 60/90. I won't lie - Lav and Byrdie have talked at length about how modding calls to almost everyone at this stage and it is. I am having an interior conversation about modding often enough to thread dive all over the ancient boards - so I am well aware this vigorous debate has lasted since the site opened. Haved to say with the number of modders who become AF - evidence is on the AF side.

But that doesn't mean I don't feel the desire to try anyway...

So those dates at the bottom remind me that choosing to be AF - I have to have goal dates still. I am too new not to have things to celebrate or be held accountable for. So mine on the signature line - so you all - the accountability circle - have them. To either celebrate or remind me when times are hard...

Which is why I rely on this place...Nollie and BelleGirl - we haven't been at it that long. Someday God willing - we will be celebrating multiple years and this will be more engrained...but I suspect a big part of why we are still AF is not that we are stronger but we kept coming here.

When we were close to slipping - we came to vent it. When we wanted to cry - we vented it. When we wanted to kick the alien's a$$ (that would be me - I think that's more my problem) we came here.

A lot of people who started with us or were already here when came - have disappeared. And some are fine but a number of them have gone back to where we all started - except now they think they have failed here too. They haven't - they just quit coming.

So - I feel weird about those dates in my signature line - but if they aren't there - I know myself enough to know I won't keep working as hard. And with the song of modding singing in my ear - that won't help.

[Nursie]

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Great going everyone!
Good morning Nesters. I Think I made a conscious decision to drink yesterday. Hunters got stuck in te mud so hubby went to help and got our truck stuck in the mud. We were working all day to get unstuck. After 3 hours I called my brother and he came with his big truck and got us all out. We pushed the cars and I hurt my back so that I can barely move.

So with my brother comes alcohol. We got a pizza and he cracked a beer for everyone and we all drank. I am sad today and my back is killing me.

I need to beef up my plan for when I'm around my brother.

Its those unexpected times that catch me off guard. I feel like that's how we bond. I am picking myself up and am going to work on a stronger plan. If anyone has any ideas, feel free to throw them out there.

[Byrdlady]

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PF and Nollie...did you EVER think you could go 30 days AF???? I didn't think I could go 2 hours, let alone 30 days....You deserve a hat...instead, you'll get a big 'well done' from me and the nest!!! What seemed impossible.....now history!
On moderating....isn't that just like everything else in life? You gotta make that decision and learn for yourself. God knows I tried...and tried...and failed...and failed. As you may have read in my back posts, I never drank so hard as I did when I tried to moderate. I think it's got something to do with hoarding....and here's why. When you dive into the 'why's of hoarding, it's because in those folks' lives, something has been taken away. In my case, it was AL. So when I allowed it back in, I drank for all I was worth, because, God knows, I could lose it again! I drank without tasting...I drank to drink it all gone! I got 'head starts' on parties. Pretty soon, I was praying that I could control it in my behavior so no one could tell just how much I had consumed. That's pretty sad. So I will say this....look inside yourself and ask why you came here in the first place. Was it a last resort for you? It was for me. I do not believe you can ever be a moderate addict of anything. I see folks that white knuckled it thru right along side of me, telling the same stories of lies and sneaking...only to give it another try. Why? Is drinking that important? To the detriment of EVERYTHING ELSE? In my case, it is not. I lived without it for years and I can live without it now. Moderating is agony...and I don't need that either. Why let it back in, all it will do is take over...it will take some time...but it will. AL always wins. Now this is my opinion....feel free to dispute it, but if I can help one person save his/her quit I'm going to say it. Don't give in to the siren's voice!!! It is there to lure you in! It's a TRAP!
If you don't agree with this, please don't go away....this nest (I hope) is large enough to accomodate the differences among us. We are here to help each other and whatever that help is, is here for the taking.
Be strong today! That's all you gotta do! Love to all, Byrdie

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie -

All that you have written is almost certainly true.

I know it's true I came here on my knees. I know it's true this was terribly hard work. I know that it's true I never ever thought in the first few days beyond the next couple of hours - sometimes minutes.

I know that I have worked harder at this with nearly anyone knowing - because this was my fight, my demon, my questions, my need to answer- and I had to do it myself. No comments from the peanut gallery.

So really - my big promise to myself is to not break before 60 days - give the custom Hypnos with their abs message mixed with facing problems, self forgiveness, replacing bad habits with excercise and living each moment mindfully - obsevent of what is happening inside of me emotionally- a chance to rewire the pea brain.

It takes 22- 28 days to rewire. I've listened for 5 days and am feeling my emotions lift - things that would crush me emotionally aren't - things I would berate myself for over and over again with horrible self talk - I don't already. The excercise thing? meh - not interested yet. But I am much more alert to my emotional state and I am finding in the moment -where I would have pretended not to be upset, gone to bed angry - and held a poor me party - so misunderstood - I confront it in the moment and tell people my feelings are hurt.

I will say the behavior changes are taking people by surprise. Because everything above would have been a trigger to drink.

But - if I give it a full 30 more days - so I'm not just listening to abstinence but tools on how to deal with my triggers - and embed them - I have a fighting shot at staying AF.

So - rather than 28 days - I'll have had 35 days to embed before reassessing.

I have been waking up with panic attacks because of the job - in the old days I'd have poured a glass. Now I put on a hynpno - and trance out. I have to say - waking up from a hynpno comes without a headache, cotton mouth, and has the advantage of a less negative attitude.

So Byrdie - it might not be the most traditional reason for a 60 day trajectory review - but it makes sense to me. And if I am trancing my brain to a complete rewire from the alien - I am all good.