Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Butt velcro on securely and strapped back in the nest...after last nights s(l)ips. I am thankful it wasn't enough to disturb my sleep or give me a hangover. I did make it 5 weeks, and know I can do it again. But poking the tiger is scary. One would think after all I had learned here, I wouldn't have done something so stupid. I can give "reasons", but as SuperScrew says "there are no reasons, just excuses" (sorry if I misquoted). I did not even enjoy the wine, so why didn't I stop after the first sip???

Onward...today is a new day and a new week.

Love to all. Lolab...you are amazing how you are able to make everyone feel so special.

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

PF...thinking about you today. When you fly back home to the nest, we will all be waiting for you with big hugs.:l:l:l

[windy]

Newbies Nest

I am really feeling bluesssey today....I have teenagers.. They are the hardest thing in the world to deal with. It would be easy if you didn't care so much about them, but they are you and you are them. As a mother I feel so responsible for their physical and mental well-being, and when they are feeling down or sick, I feel that way too. Maybe that's why alcohol was always my crutch to get away from taking on other peoples' feelings; to not feel anything and just numb the pain or hide from it. I don't know how to make them feel better or become happier. I just feel overwhelmed with their pain. I am not going to drink one drop, but it has crossed my mind. Just needed to let you know why I am not posting that much. It is hard for me to share my feelings when they are not uplifting. So...sorry for the dump...

Holiday Season is coming and I need to get a better attitude and I promise, I will..

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Windy, girl you need a cookie. Go load up the kids and set out to find the most wonderful cookie in town. Sit down with them and enjoy it. This is, unless one of the reasons your teens are unhappy is that they've put on enormous amounts of weight, then see Plan B. Go to a movie. I'm so sorry you are down. I wish there were something I could do to help. But if I had all the answers, I'd be a teen! (sorry, couldn't help it). IS there anything I can do to help? B

[windy]

Newbies Nest

But if I had all the answers, I'd be a teen!

Byrdie -- That's hilarious. You really made me laugh. You are wonderful...that's what you can do to help....keep me laughing. The best medicine of all. Thank you!!

I am going to make cookies even if nobody needs them....but that is a perfect idea.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

everytime i sign on and read, i feel like i get some answers, or at least clarity.
windy, i totally know what you mean. my children are younger, but i feel similarly and i always wondered why my desire to drink is stronger to when they are around. it increased the guilt i already had tremendously and made me wonder what kindof a mother i could possibly be.
today was a FIGHT with the demon, for lack of a better name. i was shocked at what a physical fight it was as well as mental and emotional. from 11 am until about 3pm i felt like i was in the boxing ring and had to do EVERYTHING i could think of to keep from caving in. i was at work, where i'm thankfully fairly free to move around, and i stomped and air boxed and looked/glared at myself straight in eye in the mirror(s) sometimes growling and sometimes saying, "you can do it!"-- i ate and drank a mocha and ate some more. as i was walking home i thought of a thread i saw a while ago entitled (i think) you know when you're and alcoholic when...and i remembered a couple of months ago i had 7 euros in my pocket and needed to go shopping. i left the kids at home and bought 2 bottles of a crappy red wine and a small vodka instead of the few staples i'd intended to buy. i somehow managed to get breakfast together with a headache from hell--i was so ashamed.
today i had 7 euros and before going to the store i came home and signed on to this site for some support.
and it was such nice support. thank you all so very much.
after reading i really had no urge to drink and i thanked god for helping me ge through the day.
for 6,59 i got (at the organic mkt) a loaf of sunflower seed bread, a liter of milk, a granola bar, a nice chunk of cheese and bananas.
and i could listen to what the girls had to say, play memory and read them a story.
the only thing i was preoccupied with is reading some more of what you all have to say.

i'm glad you're all there.
glad you are there, daisy. it seems like a lot of us wanted some time under our belts before signing on again. i also couldn't manage to stop until i came here. i won't leave again!!!

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

that was hilarious, byrdie!

how are you, if dreams? i wish i had something to say or could do something to help.
these relationships with inlaws can be so crazy difficult and hurtful.
i'm sending super possitive vibes.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

one last thing...
thank you lolab for your support!
and belle for your experience. knowing the guilt you felt even after just a couple sips helped me not to go there.
waiting to hear how you are, prarie.
and lav, i always love to read what you have to share.

[noal]

Newbies Nest

I have a 16 yr old son so I can sort of relate. They have their own agenda which to them is me,me,me.

My relationship with him is always up and down...mostly down...I have drank quite a few using him as the excuse....he was 16 when he was 13.

He knows I have a problem and has let me know that when ever he is mad at me.

Thing's are a bit better since I straightened up but once in awhile he can turn it around. Thing is, now I am not letting it bother me and I am keeping it together. I think its making a difference because I am noticing he is not holding that grudge for as long as he used to.

Who knows, as I keep this up someday he will look up to me with respect and we can have a good relationship but for now he is 16 and I need to remind myself he will grow out of it.

Also wonder if this is how I was...hope not!

Today is AF day 42 and all is great. I am feeling like I am over the hump I know better. I know staying AF is a job I need to work on for the rest of my life and right now I am excited to do just that.

I printed this from the tool box and hung it on my tool box in my garage this weekend. I think it says it all.

It's been so long since we've touched and since I've held you. I can remember how you smell and taste, but it doesn't bring the memories I thought it would. I thought I was so in love with you...I thought I needed you so very badly, but now when I think about you, I only think about the deceit, the lies, the hate, the hurt, and the disease."

I drank for joy and became miserable.

I drank to be outgoing and became self centered.

I drank to be sociable and became lonely.

I drank for friendship and made enemies.

I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.

I drank for sleep and awakened without rest.

I drank for strength and felt weak.

I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.

I drank for confidence and felt unsure

I drank for courage and became afraid

I drank for assurance and became doubtful

I drank to forget thoughts and had blackouts

I drank for conversation and tied my tongue

I drank to be in heaven and I came to know @#!*%

I drank to forget and became haunted

I drank for freedom and became a slave (of alcohol)

I drank to ease problems and saw them multiply

I drank to cope with life and invited death.

I drank because I had the "right" to and everything turned out wrong.

Said this fellow, "It must have taken a bunch of booze to get you in this shape?

I said, "Just one. For me one is too many and a thousand isn't enough."
__________________

[scottish lass]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters and especially Daisy - i can't recall how to do the quotes, but here is her post "Hi Nesters. I have not been here for a while. Thought I could do it alone. Bottom line - I can't and need all the help I can get.
Found it really hard to come back and admit my latest fall from grace so I was trying to clock up a couple of weeks and then come back. Well, that didn't work out - didn't realise how much I need you all here.
Enough said, Day One!"
That says it all - i was doing well, so well I thought I could have one, slowly but surely I am pretty well back to the beginning - well, not quite as I have 11 AF days in november, but the days are getting less each month, and the drinks are more each time I do drink, and here is monday and i feel horrible again! So back to try again!
Enough said, Day One! I am with you Daisy, and other old friends that I see on here! Thanks for being here!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

scottish lass, daisy & mya,
Welcome back to all of you
I haven't left MWO since first finding it nearly three years ago. It is important to have companionship on this journey - really!

I am a working fool lately - the holidays bring me a lot of extra business & that is a good thing for two reasons:
1. $$
2. keeps me out of trouble :H

Thinking of PF & all of you. Please hang in there & focus on T O D A Y!!!!

Lav

[piper123]

Newbies Nest

Lav,

I am back too. I am in a pretty bad place -- had to put my dog down on Sat. morning. He had cancer really bad and I just had to do it the poor guy was suffering. He was very old and it took a lot out of me to take care of him. Now that he is gone the grief is overwhelming. And my kids all left for school yesterday, so the house is so empty. I know I need to get out, I need a plan, but I am having trouble starting it. I went to an aa meeting earlier today and came away with some numbers but I just don't know where to start and it seems like such a hard way to go. I read alan carr's book and he describes exactly how AA makes me feel. Like I have this monkey on my back for the rest of my life. I am going to do some serious soul searching and hand out here again.

[Steady Hands]

Newbies Nest

Hi there

I am almost asleep, but if I don't post now there will be 2 or 3 pages tomorrow and I won't know who is who anymore!

Lolab - Thx for your long posts. Good thinking in investing the effort in the nest to "ensure" (almost) a better outcome. I am also an all or nothing person and rarely do something if it holds little value in my eyes. A good thing in some situations and very bad in others! Also good to hear that after 10 weeks this journey is still a process. It makes it realistic and our beginners can know what to expect.

BelleGirl - Ignore the sips and congrats on 30 days!

Mrsg - You reminded me of my own mom... I told mine too - why do we do that?? We know they are going to blurt it out! She offered to buy me the sups. I emailed the names of the stuff and haven't heard anything on that topic again. Anyhow, when someone in my family would ask me, I would act as if health is my new hobby and bore them with health facts and act as if my mom lied! I really can't handle telling people I have a PROBLEM...

Horses - Good luck with your situation. It may be that she is projecting some of the stress of dealing with a pre-term baby on to you. But keep the faith, babies have a way to bring families together.

Daisy + ScottishLass - Glad to meet you!

Noal - Great post!! Easy to forget how rotten it really was. Will print it for the holidays.

Good, safe night...

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Noal, that was a beautiful post....how true is ALL of that...very sad, but true.
Piper, Scottish so glad you are back. It is something isn't it? To get that time in and then have it suck the life back out of you. I could not be more sympathetic, as that was me...but you know what? It only takes a couple good AF days under your belt to get yourself back to square. That's all we can do, is make things right today. Scooch over everybody, and break out the crazy glue and the butt velcro. We won't let you fall out again....just hang on! Deal? B

[nollie]

Newbies Nest

Piper, sorry to hear about your dog. One thing's for sure, the drink might numb thing for a moment but then you'll feel even worse. I felt the same about AA after reading Alan Carr but have found it to be a huge support and have met some great, shockingly normal, people there. Maybe it depends on the group. You're right to try & keep yoursel busy, idle hands & all that.