Newbies Nest

[if dreams were horses]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters, I actually slept until 4:30, that is not bad for me. Beats the heck out of 2:30 or 3:30. My mind gets rolling and I know I cannot sleep.
So today, I enter into Day11, it actually feels as I sit here, I have been AF for a lot longer, later today, I however will fight the demons. Yes it is still a fight, but it is short lived and I win. I am getting tired of ice water, but there are times it tastes so good.
I actually came across a couple of my post when I was here as Litre, I cannot hardly remember being that sad, it made me cry. I did not want to see the next day. Everything back then was dark, and I saw no light, untill I looked at my 3 Grandchildrens picture. Today I have 5 grandchildren and another coming in March. I am so glad I looked around. Even when life is at its darkest, there is always, always something or someone who makes your world worth living.

Mylife, Kodo's to you telling your hairdresser your conserns, I have not told a sole, that takes courage.

Byrdlady, People are stupid and rude, at least some are. I sympathize with you on your fall. A few years ago when I was shopping in the city of London Ontario, I looked up and a 4x4 was turning a corner and not paying attention to me. She was on her cell. She was so close I screamed. She sat in her car and spread her arms and said (Sorry), she did that a few times waiting for me to move. I was frozen. I could not believe her. I would have gotten out of my car and made sure the person was okay. When I finally moved another lady came to me and asked if I was hurt, she saw everything. So some people are good, they can make up for the ones like you and I had the unfortunate pleasure of running into, excuse the pun.

Australia, you want humour, I do not know if you get these programs there, but I love the "Big Bang Theory" or "Mike and Molly". I have also popped in dvd's of I love Lucy, any program you love will lift your spirits.
Australia, Piper and Mylife, losing a best friend is so difficult. My Renna was just that. I lost her 4 years ago, and I still feel the loss. I did go and adopt another, boy I forgot the work involved, she is a good companion however, but will never replace Renna. My heart goes out to you all. Losing a pet now when you are dealing with staying AF is difficult.

MiniStar, We are walking hand in hand, both of us are going into Day 11, are you grouchy, anxious, do you eat alot, cause I sure am, and boy do I have an appetite. Congrats to your day, and when we reach Day 30, we can celebrate on cyberspace.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Chilly but sunny this morning

windy, I am subject to sinus type headaches related to weather changes
It's tough when the barometer changes rapidly!

I brew up a quart or two of decaf green tea everyday & just drink it as it is - hot or cold. I never would have guessed that would become my preferred drink. Who knew? :H

Wishing everyone a fabulous AF Friday!

Lav

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys -

I know I have been quiet this week - but between work stuff (believe it or not - I'm closing out some of my bigger projects so working many more hours) and guests coming - so have been slammed.

The alien almost got me twice this week because I was off schedule with vitamins, supplements, and food. All of which - In the past at trigger time have led to disaster. Also - people I have told I was detoxing - are all wondering when I am coming out to play again... Because sure with the holidays and the work crap they can treat me to a lovely red.

I am making it through - but the ODAT is different than the ODAT of Day 12.

Day 37 - and today I will be stronger than AL,

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Lav, I never really know why I get headaches, but maybe that's it. It was really warm here a couple of days ago and now it's COLD. Humm... What do you do about those headaches? Also, I have been taking HRT's and recently decided to stop as I was wondering if that was the cause. Any way it is exhausting.

Prairie Fairy -- Boy do I understand ODAT is different at 37 days than 12. It is a never ending struggle. But that being said, some days I don't really even think about it and it is easier than at 12 days, but there are times when AL rears his ugly head and I am caught off guard and surprised by it's the strong pull and grip. So I remind myself of how far I have come and how much better off I am without it. I will always be better off without it I now know that, but it took some time to get to this point. I don't want to go back, but the Holidays will be tuff and I need to have a strong plan in place (or a good story).

Mylife -- I almost forgot....I have had this conversation with my hairdresser TOO. She said there is no way in He!! she would give up her wine. You are right, there are so many people struggling and a lot of them unwilling to recognize the danger, or the mere fact there is any danger at all.

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in quickly as I'm running late this morning. Gearing up for an epic battle tonight as I am only on day two and I know I will try to rationalize that it's the weekend and since I already fell of the wagon a couple of days ago I might as well wait until Monday to quit.

At least I know myself and can start preparing now to beat down those thoughts. Best to everyone today, and let's stay committed. I want nothing more than to wake up on Monday morning and know I was successful. I guess that's my first minigoal....

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

aww...geez - everybody's changing their image around here!!! :H it's enough to confuse a girl!

Windy, we ARE breathing the same air because I woke up during the night with a headache...and it lingers a bit this morning...I think Lav is right. I think this one is weather related. Changes in barometric pressure, I think is the trigger...so maybe we should all live in a pressure controlled bubble. Other than that, I don't know.

Such wonderful posts - but I have hair color on my head and have to get it rinsed out. If I start a looooong post, I'm afraid I'll fry my hair.

so, it's Friday. I'm not going to drink today or this weekend. I have no desire whatsoever to wake up in the morning feeling guilty ashamed and like I was hit by a bus. I have no desire to open the door that tiny crack for alcohol to stick his foot in and then push his whole body through - and I know that's what would happen. I read a little bit earlier - on here - and someone posted about just not being able to be pressured into saying "oh OK, I"ll just have one..." and then "handle" things ok for a little while...because it wouldn't last. I know that.

I don't want to trudge around my days with my feet feeling like they weigh 10 pounds each - not really enjoying anything. I don't want to have that nagging feeling in the back of my fuzzy mind that I am literally killing myself.

And I would leave a husband and a young man behind that would know that I did. And I wouldn't even be a nice memory for them. They would hate me for it. And my boy may quite possibly head down the same path because of the damage I caused him.

I don't want to go through those AWFUL first days of fighting the urge to drink so strongly...and I never want to have to re-do all the good that I've done for my body in the past couple of months. It could all unravel with one drink. It happened to me before and it won't happen again. It was one glass of wine at a baby shower. Nope, I didn't keep drinking that day. Probably not even the next - but something changed in my mind and it was like one brick was taken out of the dam. The pressure of the alcohol kept building up behind it and I controlled it pretty well for awhile - but the weakness was already there with that one brick missing...and before too long, I was drinking through the day and the night. Back where I started - where I swore I'd never go.

I'm confident and committed but I'm also on guard....I'm thinking about alcohol less and less but we've all seen it too many times - where someone lets their guard down - and some with lots more AF time than I have!!!!! It scares me because I know they felt the same conviction that I do right now. So right now, I am making a promise to not drink this weekend.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I woke up this morning at an obscene hour, with a headache! My first thought was, OH SH##! Did I drink??? Whew! No, thank God. So I will join the East Coast Head Throbbers Society. Baby it's cold outside!

Andrew, I've sure had you on my mind...in fact, once I cleaedr out the cobwebs of whether or not I had a hangover, I started thinking about you. I imagined your wonderful and adventurous life...jumping out of airplanes, for Pete's sake! Everything in the world to live for, except this one dam demon that is choking the life out of you. The more success you have in life it's like the tighter the grip to AL. I'm not saying that the way I want to exactly. But I understand that emotion completely. It's FEAR.
That emotion sums it up for me! What if I can't even live up to what I'VE already accomplished in life??? Where do you go from there? So to retreat in the safe confines of AL was very nice and cozy indeed. Sure the whispers and innuendos hurt at first when people began rolling their eyes at me when I drank...but I got used to that, because nothing...NOTHING was as important to me as my next drink. (not even the one I was drinking). Fear is a very powerful motivator, too. Yes, it is easy to fall back into the bottle. Trust me when I say, I LOVED everything about drinking! The anticipation! The taste! That first burn of when it's going down...the look of it even! but most of all, it took me away. And that is an understatement. It took me very much away, until I didn't even recognize who I was anymore. I was a broken down HAS-BEEN. This is a sorry place to be. I want you to look at me square in the eye, Andrew....LOOK AT ME...you must get control of your mind! You can tell yourself, NO, HELL NO! You must do it and if not today, then when? Let's take a walk into the future....if you keep on this path down the hole....it kinda gets worse doesn't it? Each day do you find you drink a little more? Testing your own boundaries? Let's say we fast forward to April 2012....where you gonna be? Will you still have a job? Will your son still be part of your life? On this projection...prolly neither. Now let's take this plan another way...today, I decided not to drink. Hard to do. And then the next. I don't have to tell you that getting a couple good AF days under your belt makes a world of difference. Then you find yourself at 7 days...and as Greg says, the better it gets the better it gets... then at Day 13, you have a realization, maybe this IS something you can do! After that the days and weeks pass and this dam demon that has haunted you for ions is now NOT consuming every waking hour and minute. YOU are back in control...on ONE condition...that you do not drink. It's a deal with the devil for sure. All or nothing. For us, that's about it. There are no bargains to be made, you must cut off his life source...and we all know what that is. You can do this....we all have done it, and you have too. You must begin it this time, with solid resolve...get your life back dammit! Don't give it to that frickin bottle anymore. ENOUGH. Give yourself a break and try it. You will never be sorry for not drinking...I'd stake my life on that. Byrdie

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

:applaud: Byrdie...you are so right...I hope you're doing ok Andrew. "It took me very much away, until I didn't even recognize who I was anymore." yep....so true also.

Oh Windy, P90X is a 90 day home workout program. It's hard. Especially when you drink most of your calories in vodka.

I was just thinking some more and it goes hand in hand with what byrdie was saying about fear...(I'm waiting for repairman to arrive....got the color washed out of my hair.:H)

One of the things that scared me the most...and I'm still figuring this out..."scares" me the most I guess - is that I do not want to become the "image" that I have in my mind of a non-drinker. Please don't get offended if you're currently a non drinker! :H But I know several people - we probably all do - who act "holier than thou" with their abstinence. They act as though they're better than others and loudly proclaim that they don't drink. One is trying to arrange a non drinking 30th reunion for next year. These people are not fun. They're uptight and judgemental.

I don't want to become one of them. I want to be with people - even if they're drinking...and I don't want to pity them or look down on them because they are - I just want to be me - but without drinking....and then I also worry about them having that "image" of me...because undoubtedly there will be times where I'll not be into a party scene and want to go home. But how is it different than slipping away to have extra drinks on my own or going up to bed before a party is over - because I'm drunk? It's not but it's all in the way that people see it.

Now maybe their abstinence is a result of their "uptight-ness"......maybe it's all part of the personality and that makes it easier for me to swallow. Because I'm really not uptight or judgemental...I just don't want to become that way.

I remember years ago when my mother was trying to quit smoking, she said one of the hardes things was that she didn't want to be a non-smoker...non-smokers were not "fun". kind of the same thing with the alcohol. But I know otherwise....in my heart.

But when I quit smoking 14 years ago, I always said that I would never become one of those people who doesn't let people smoke in their house....tha't just crazy. But I don't. And I truly can't be around the smoke....can't even imagine the smell of it in my house. So I kind of got uptight about that....

I'm just rambling....darn repairman is late. as usual. And you're all paying for it with my rambling. :H

~lola

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Hello Guys!

Checking it at a more decent hour.

Lav, I brew a pot of tea every night and I sip it slowly all night - hot or cold I don't care! My latest favorite is Spearmint. Yum.

Windy, sorry about the headaches. My sister suffers from those - I never get them if I'm staying away from AL. So that's just another reason on my list of reasons to stay away!!

Byrd, thanks for the great advice on AF days under the belt. That keeps me motivated to keep adding them up.

Lolab - I agree first days are frustrating and awful. The guilt and questioning and frustration are enough to make you want to keep those sober days under your belt!

Dreams, this time around I'm just trying to be more open with people in general. I may not say "I'm an alcoholic" but I will probably start saying a lot that I was uncomfortable with my drinking and decided to stop. It's kind of nice to get it out in the open so people stop offering!

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, even with a throbbing headache, your post is spot on!

Include me in the "East Coast Head Throbbers Society" this morning. I am glad I was not hungover, as I had to take my car in for service and the shuttle driver took the roundabout way home (and I was sitting in the way back) as he had to take drop off other customers. I would have barfed for sure if I was hungover.

Irie, I am also on day 2 since my most recent slip. Let's get through this weekend together. We can do it.

Piper, we just got a dog in September, and are so attached to her already (funny enough that her name is "Piper") that if something happened to her, we would be devastated. She is not a pup, but a 3 yr old rescue, and the most wonderful addition to our family.

Lola, you always provide plenty of "food for thought" around here. Thank you!

PF, I hear you. ODAT when you are in the 30+ range is different than ODAT in the single digits. I got very lax after 30 and slippin' i did go. You are doing awesome...

Lav, Dreams, Windy, Herby, Mylife, Andrew...glad we are here and in this together. Keep strong today and keep this guy away! :devil:

[noal]

Newbies Nest

Another one of my confusing long stories

A few sips and I would be right back where I started 47 days ago. I feel sorry for everyone that is having a hard time trying to get to 30 days, I don't think I could do it without the meds. Good news is that I have cut back on the meds, rather than two doses three times a day I am feeling just as good with one dose three times a day.

When I started the job I am currently at 23 years ago there was so much overtime going on and the fact that I was so excited to be working here that before I knew it one month had gone by and I hadn't had time to drink...seriously, the hours were six to midnight every day if we wanted too and thats what I did. Prior to starting this job I was single, a major party'r, had two DWI's on my record and I was customizing vans...which wasn't bringing in the cash. Anyway the overtime continued, I became a leader in the shop and loved my job. Got married after the first year and before I knew it "again" I quit had drinking for 9 and a 1/2 years.

I'll back up to where I had been sober for 5 and a half years. I went to night shift so we wouldn't have to put our first born (son) in day care. Every Thursday on night shift there were a lot of people that would grill brots and drink beer after work in the parking lot. For four years I would just walk by them all and head on home because I did not drink,,,and everyone knew that. I remember very clearly the bad night I had at work and decided to have one beer before going home. did the same thing the following week, and the next and the next until I was staying and pounding down a six pack in about an hour. Next thing you know we were taking off early once a week to make last call then back off sale after the bar closed.

Well that was 14 years ago, I have been struggling to quit ever since, and to me it gets a lot harder to quit the older I get....thats why I decided to try the meds.

I am now at 46 days, I haven't been here in a long time. I am so proud of myself and feeling so good.

Every day I think about what I would it be like if I went back to drinking and its very ugly, it actually scares me. I can't go back there.

I think new people here should take a serious look at the supplements that are reccomended. I kind of went to the extreme when I had a chat with my doctor and asked for meds that is now on my health record which bite me some day???? but right now I don't care because it is working for me.

Maybe if I had found this site earlier I may have tried the supps and succeeded, along with my own tool box and forum reading.

Good luck everyone, hope you all have a safe AF weekend.


Just check, day 75 for me will be new years eve....cool. Don't mean to sound like I am bragging because I'm not...I hope for the best for all of you...I'm just a guy that doesn't sooth feeling's very well.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

noal,, your post made me smile.....and I'm in a rotten mood...:H

thanks - and :goodjob:

[noal]

Newbies Nest

thanks good. when I read my post I smile too just thinking how I can't write....wish I could have our secretary proof read and make corrections before I post.

The gist of my post is I went almost ten years AF and all it took was one beer to set me back another 13.....that stuff is wicked.

i think my new saying is "don't forget your tool box"

[if dreams were horses]

Newbies Nest

Mylife, like you I tried to tell a friend I was not drinking, he inturn thought he would be funny and made a comment about starting with a very illegal and highly addictive drug. I simply thought what a jerk.
On the bright side, today I went out, and instead of heading to the liquor store, I simple walked to the library. Usually if I have a deposit, it is off to the liquor store, I can walk to where ever I want to. I feel I crossed a real milestone today. Never even thought of heading that way, till I had gone another block in the opposite direction, and I had no inclination of turning around.
I also get headaches when the weather is going to change, we should use our heads to forcast the weather and get paid for it. At least we would be right, the forcasters on tv are always wrong.

A word for Andrew, I also hope you are okay. Focus and make a promise to yourself. It does work.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

"we should use our heads to forcast the weather and get paid for it." LOL ifdreams! I love it! It's strange how so many of us share that.

noal, I totally got your gist! You write better than you give yourself credit for. "I am now at 46 days, I haven't been here in a long time. I am so proud of myself and feeling so good." that was the part that made me smile... Your story further reminds me that I don't want to take even one teeny tiny step backwards...thank you.