Newbies Nest

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Mstall! I remember you from earlier this year! How are you? Welcome back to the Nest and well done on Day 2. Good luck on your new AF journey. Have a wonderful day and stick around the Nest, we have plenty of room here .

Be well everyone! I'm off to work. Sober Mondays Rock!

[LostButFound]

Newbies Nest

Another Monday

Hi All.
I'm really not good at this social forum thing as I've never really done it.
I did relatively well for the last 7 days - relatively.
Last Monday I had a whopper of a hangover for work. Abstained easily the rest of the week. Fri eve was 2 small glasses of wine, Sat eve was 3 cocktails at a party with food, Sunday was helping at a party so had 4 beers. I went home and had 1/2 a beer with dinner. My reasoning was that it was early enough that I wouldn't suffer today.
Guess what? You've got it. Some suffering today.
And it's not just the hangover part - it's the fact that I slept TERRIBLY. Up half the night, dehydrated, boiling hot, restless, etc...
So why oh why do I (we) do something that will only lead us to suffer?
I'm trying to learn moderation. Fri and Sat I was very good. Had water, etc...
I need that little inner-voice to warn me when I'm getting close to my limit.
I've had a few hangover free weekends and am happy for that, very happy. But this is the second Monday with hangover and frankly that is just not cool.
It's difficult to come to terms with this. I'd rather try moderation first and see if I can get a handle on that instead of quitting.

[AGUYFROMNC]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning All
I see alot of people are on their way to AF days, good path to choose.
AF Day 13 for me today
Finally got most of my appetite back.
Wish everyone a AF Monday

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good morning friends! Andrew, great job getting through the weekend. I found that getting over those hurdles in my head (like weekends, holidays, etc) really gives me strength and momentum! Keep it up!

It's nice to see AGuy and Piper helping each other out. I think that is part of what makes this a great place.

The main thing that held me back for years (yes, years) was the fear that I would be losing a part of myself by not drinking. "You mean I can't ever have one ever again?!?" It is very slowly dawning on my tiny, stubborn little brain that the alcohol was NOT part of me, it was something from outside, and it wasn't enriching my life, it was actually covering me up. I feel like I am starting to come out of the fog a little bit and I like who I am alot more sober, and so does my family. With the tiny bit of AF time I have, I see that the fear wasn't real fear.

Hope everyone has a wonderful AF day!

[canadian gal]

Newbies Nest

Pinecone;1224558 wrote:

The main thing that held me back for years (yes, years) was the fear that I would be losing a part of myself by not drinking. "You mean I can't ever have one ever again?!?" It is very slowly dawning on my tiny, stubborn little brain that the alcohol was NOT part of me, it was something from outside, and it wasn't enriching my life, it was actually covering me up.

I couldn't have said it better myself! I love when our brains finally start thinking rationally and we realize that Al isn't me, it isn't life, it isn't fun. :thanks: Pinecone. I'll look over this post again in the future when the urge to drink hits!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

BloneAF....Nice job on your 115 days, unfortunately we are all out of hats due to the success of other nesters...you must settle for a pair of fuzzy slippers!
Andrew...I am so very proud of you. Your story is mine....you just keep doing what you are doing. Don't go down that hole, there is nothing to see down there. Yes, it IS a dead end.
LostButFound. The only inner voice we now have is the one that tells us to drink more. MORE. We lost the one that gives us limits a long time ago. In your post I see what I did almost 2 years ago....I drank this...BUT. I drank that...BUT. Those BUTS are what's killing us. In so many words you are saying: AL=BAD. Everytime you drink you feel bad, right? Well that's not going to change...well maybe it does, it gets WORSE! On the other hand, every time you don't drink = GOOD!! After 2 years of battling this thing, I can say one thing for sure. The only way to win against this beast is to cut off its life source. The only way to not drink is to not drink. Period. Now if you are like me, you are going to have to find this out for yourself. It took me over a year to figure it out and finally get it thru my head. Once I 'got it'....I was at peace with it. No more fighting the dam thing. Because I am afraid this is the most fierce opponent I have ever met in my life. He plays for all the marbles. You cannot bargain with the devil himself and that's just what AL is for us. I sure wish I could save you a year of your life and countless dollars at the dr's office when your liver readings start coming in a bit 'off'. But alas, it is a journey we all must take. I never drank harder in my life as the year I tried to moderate. I wish I could show you a crystal ball of hundreds of people I've seen come and go in this nest....and the only common thread we all have is that one drink is too many and the next one is not enough. I was at the end of my rope when I came here...losing everything I'd worked for and sacrficed for...a 24 year marriage, a great career... I came here ready to pay the ultimate price....but somehow I got thru one night without AL...and then another. And so it went. I am almost 11 months sober...and last week I won an award at my company convention. I was in the top 10% of my sales team....selling to retailers in this down economy. 20 people got to go up and receive an award out of over 200, and I was one of them. AL had nothing to do with it. I mean nothing, as I have not had one drop of it since Jan 20, 2011. As long as I have a marble up rolliing around in my head I will continue to not feed this beast. It WILL WIN.
So...I will issue you this challenge, as I have many times over the past 11 months....give us 30 days of being Alcohol Free. If it's no problem for you...go about your business, and it was nice getting to know you! If it's all you think about night and day....consuming your every thought and you even dream about it....you might want to pull up a twig. When you get agitated at people here and say I don't owe them anything, besides, I don't have as bad a problem as I thought after all. When AL only brings out the GSR brothers in you (Guilt/Shame/Remorse) you might be one of us. When you start making rules for yourself and then breaking them....well, you get the idea. It's not a sentence to be cried over....quite the contrary...it is Liberating!!! And being off AL feels REALLY GOOD! No kidding!! The only way to know is to start. Byrdie

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, I don't post here often cuz the nest is so full, but I do read the tread quite a bit. Your posts are brilliant - always spot on and overwhelmingly inspirational, honest and, well, pretty much perfect. I sure hope you'll stick around -- you're an invaluable mentor!

Lost But Found, the Byrd lady is right on - hope you can learn from hers and others' wisdom who post on this site. She's probably right that you'll have to learn the hard way as most of us have, but if there's any way you can raise your "hitting bottom" and save yourself a lot of agony, i.e. via moderation, you'll be doing yourself a big favor. If not, well, that's okay........just not your path at the moment.

Best to all here - such a great thread.

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Hi LostbutFound,

I would consider myself the same as you in many ways: I don’t like social networks and feel awkward at them and am fairly new at it. I too wanted to moderate and felt I was good at it most of the time. What really woke me up was the realization that I “craved” it, and I had a hard time having just one drink without desperately wanting another one. I have come to realize this is not “normal” behavior. I had to admit I would probably always have cravings for MORE once I started. Of course, I thought I could stop when I wanted to…but honestly sometimes (a lot of the time) I couldn’t. I just plain could not STOP AT ONE.

I would say I have had a hard time coming to terms with my alcohol use and abuse and recognizing it for what it was: AN ADDICTION. That in itself was a wake up call, because this was becoming a serious problem for me that was harder than hard to admit to. I would drink 3 or four beers, 5 nights a week and sometimes finish a bottle of wine on another night, then feeling lousy the next day. There are so many days I would wake up and promise myself I would do better. I didn't do better...over and over....so many times.

I no longer struggle with day-to-day drinking, but that damned monkey is on my back, slowly loosing it’s grip as I am prying it off with my determination and new resolve. What really made it click for me was admitting my habit was not just a habit but a “PROBLEM” that was controlling my life in a very negative way.

I wish you success in whatever you decide to do. I just found our stories very similar that I wanted to share a little of mine with you.

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Pinecone -- Brillent post. Loved it. I can soooo relate...

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Blonde AF and everyone else!

Yes I am still around, just not as much posting lately. I read, read, read everything around here, but don?t have that much time to post anymore. I don?t like logging on at work (only briefly to post a reply?.rarely). And when I get home, I have a shared laptop with a teen so we know who wins that battle. LOL. I do read all the posts daily from my phone (at work?yes, guilty) so I DO to keep up with you guys!

I just want to say congratulations to everyone that is staying AF, especially during this difficult Holiday Season. Personally, I do not celebrate holidays, but I know for a fact that if I did, this would be a hard time of year for me to fight the AL beast. In the not-too-distant past I had a slip up of my own, for about 2 weeks. For anyone tempted to give in and then start over later, please know that each time you try to quit it does get harder?so please just hang in there! As I like to say: A craving will never last as long as a hangover. It will also never last as long as the guilt, anxiety, shame and depression that alcohol can cause.

Anyways, just wanted to let everyone know I?m still around and will try to post more often. I do enjoy getting to know the new members and of course catching up with the ?old? ones! Everyone have a great day and stay strong!!

[twitt]

Newbies Nest

this is old stuff where is the new

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Hey Twitt,

What's going on and how can we help?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hey Twitt

I've looked back at your posts....You haven't said much. Tell us what's on your mind...and BTW, you are right...it IS all old stuff...because we ALL know what we have to do....it's just DOING it that's the bug! You've checked in for about a month...what has you at loose ends? Byrdie

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Butt Velcro Needed

I tried it. I tried to mod. I wanted it to work. It's not going to work - not now and quite possibly not ever.

I've done a lot of soul searching over the past few days. The why's, the wherefores, all of it. No great answers - just the same things that I don't want to hear.

So - it is what it is. No excuses. I liked myself better when I was here. I liked my life better when I was here. So - here I am. I start again.

Please pass the butt Velcro and nest straps.

[windy]

Newbies Nest

PF -- Passing butt velcro to you along with a wing extended for a big hug. I was worried about you and I am glad you are back. The why's; the wherefores -- all of it. I am still searching myself. Let me know if you have gained any words of wisdom. Little baby steps...that is for sure.. The hard part is how long it takes as it is a process. Probably a lifetime for me as I will always be looking for the answers.