Newbies Nest

[twitt]

Newbies Nest

FlyAway;1226427 wrote: Twitt, settle on in, do some reading, and make a plan. Even if you're still drinking, just keep checking in. I think that the more we talk about it, the more we think about it, the more we read about it, and the more support we get, the more likely we are to quit. And even if quitting doesn't happen the first, second, third, etc., time just keep on trying. It's better than the status quo.

Thankyou, but i have a feeling this is my last chance at quitting, i just have too and i do keep coming back here about every hour all day to day

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

MrsG....slipped those 60 days right in on me!!! You just make it look too easy, you are giving those of us who white knuckled it a really bad wrap! Well done, my not so new nester......very well done. No hat for 60 days, sorry. But just look at that horizon....doesn't it look brighter than ever?!!! I challenge you to hold on to your 60 days with every ounce of your being. Selfishly guard them...they have been hard-earned. Don't give them up for nobody nohow (as we say in the South). I'm so proud of you! Byrdie

[Herbie]

Newbies Nest

Hello All

have had a hard day and I am very tired and actually very depressed tonight...I have re read all the post several times and I am having a hard time keeping everyone straight tonight.. so will re read in the morning with fresh eyes..

Hope you all have good rest tonight and wake up fresh ready to go..

Nighty night

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

I'm on the fence about what I tell the SO - I am certain I'm not going to tell him about the site - don't want him here. This is my place. I'd told him before I was following a detox plan where you could drink again after 30 days if you wanted to...I think I'm going to leave it with given the job sitch and every thing else happening (I can't go into it - but really - it's a bad time) - that I don't think I should drink for a while. That it's better I learn distress tolerance in a more positive way. That maybe in a couple of months I'll feel differently.

And then - months from now - should he ask - I just won't feel like it anymore.

Because honestly - I've heard how he talks about the other people we know with issues - and I don't ever ever want that aimed at me.

I'd like to be more honest - but from the beginning I've felt like this was my fight. For all those reasons. And I'm not sure I feel differently today. I'm still mulling it over though. Maybe he will say something that will alter my perception.

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Greetings!

LolaB -- I am happy to report that I am feeling MUCH happier and better about things than the last time I posted. I agree with you completely -- the newness of not drinking is not as amazing as it was in the first month -- now it just goes on and on-- forever I hope. Congratulations to you for not giving it a second thought at your party tonight though -- that IS an amazing accomplishment!

Thank you Byrdie for your reassurance -- everything you said was absolutely right. I fully agree that a bad day sober is better than any day drunk! I do think the party I went to the other night where everyone except me (or so it seemed) was drinking messed up my head a little. I let it -- but I also need to remind myself that it is normal -- natural -- to feel a bit depressed now and then -- and definitely need to remember that drinking will only amplify the situation -- not make it better.

I would also like to give a big congratulations to Mrsg for 60 days!!!

Unwasted, good for you as well -- these are all big milestones!!

Hello to Twitt. I?m thinking I must be around the same age as you and FlyAway.

Tut -- have you made it through day 4?

PraireFairy I hope you are managing okay now. It sounds like you are having a really hard time. I have not told my husband about this site, nor do I intend to in the future.

Herbie -- hope you feel better soon.

I am also wondering about Windy -- I always look for your posts as I am just a few days ahead of you with my quit...

Goodnight to everyone else -- thank you all for making this such a supportive place!

[Audrey14]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!!!

I did almost 7 AF days, went to before-Christmas party (i was afraid to go..) and blah - my"party " was prolonged for 3 days..
Today i was struggling a lot for going out and buy some wine..i didn' t/..i just didn' t go out, i volunteery locked myself in a house..my BF is in job trip so just me and dog..
Was reading and reading and said myself - you have to stop TODAY..

[twitt]

Newbies Nest

I do the same thing lock myself in and leave my pj:s on I don:t go anywhere as i know where my feet will take me. I do have to go out today but its raining and i hate walking in the rain all well 4 days couped up in here i need to get out i just hope i have the will power to walk past the liquor store

[gregorino]

Newbies Nest

Close call

FlyAway;1225737 wrote: The scary part for me was that I've got somewhere around 2 months sobriety under my belt and I was rocked hard with cravings when going to this party. So hard that I had given myself permission to drink. I can't believe how weak I felt and that I caved in my mind. Fortunately I never caved in reality. When we got there and everyone was gathered around the bar I just ordered water and decided to sip that and see how I felt about drinking later. By the time we got to the dinner table I was feeling quite a bit stronger and just stuck with water. And then once I saw how ridiculously drunk my husband was getting I was glad I was sober and able to deal with getting us a cab and getting him back to our hotel room. I think I was feeling a little too sure of myself too soon. I let my guard down and it was scary when I realized how weak I truly am.

Hey Fly! I am happy to BE back and thanks!

Your experience at the party is pretty much what happened to me last month, only I drank! And then I drank the next day, and the day after that, and the next day.....

You were very fortunate, because I think we get this complacency thing going after a couple months - we're feeling great, looking great, AL "seems" to be licked, and then BOOM! I am sure glad you didn't follow through with those impulses. I realized that I didn't have a 9-1-1 plan, and so when I made the decision, I just walked into the bar and ordered a drink. I have since implemented specific steps to take when that happens again, and hopefully will follow through on putting them into practice.

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone,
I had some cravings today and that was the first time in a long while, I am over 2 month A/F but I must admit if there was a beer in the fridge I could of easly drunk it.
I know what started the cravings....everyone was talking about drinking what with all the Christmas Parties ect. I have managed to stay away from the old drinking conversations but people are making a point of comming up to me and asking if I would join them here there and everywhere as there are alot of end of term get togethers. I am lucky as I have a very good excuse to turn them all down as I coach teeball 5 times a week but everyone seems to be talking about drink.....and I know its Christmas and all that but I feel like telling them all to shut up.....lol
I am also getting worried about the Christmas holidays..... my parents are comming out from the UK which is not a problem as my Mum has now been sober for over 20 years so she is a big help but I was thinking about just me & hubbie going away for a weekend as my parents can look after my boys but then I start to think, well is it worth it cause I might have a drink.
How can I stop thinking like this?
Thanks for listening
Ronnie
xx

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

the newness of not drinking is not as amazing as it was in the first month -- now it just goes on and on-- forever I hope

WM - just wanted to say that I think this is such a good point as many have caved to AL even after some period of time. I am going to be hypervigilant because I know in the long run drinking just throws us back into the same rut. Facing up to the empty promise of the positive aspects of alcohol is inevitible. We can either learn to live without it now or risk it being more difficult to give up down the road. I think we get very impatient for life to just be miraculously wonderful in a very short period of time. Patience............we have to be patient and learn how to live differently. I always try to remember what I'll feel like in the morning. So far, that's keeping me grounded.

Stay strong everyone.

[Nelz]

Newbies Nest

ronnie;1226678 wrote: Hi Everyone,
I had some cravings today and that was the first time in a long while, I am over 2 month A/F but I must admit if there was a beer in the fridge I could of easly drunk it.
I know what started the cravings....everyone was talking about drinking what with all the Christmas Parties ect. I have managed to stay away from the old drinking conversations but people are making a point of comming up to me and asking if I would join them here there and everywhere as there are alot of end of term get togethers. I am lucky as I have a very good excuse to turn them all down as I coach teeball 5 times a week but everyone seems to be talking about drink.....and I know its Christmas and all that but I feel like telling them all to shut up.....lol
I am also getting worried about the Christmas holidays..... my parents are comming out from the UK which is not a problem as my Mum has now been sober for over 20 years so she is a big help but I was thinking about just me & hubbie going away for a weekend as my parents can look after my boys but then I start to think, well is it worth it cause I might have a drink.
How can I stop thinking like this?
Thanks for listening
Ronnie
xx

Way to be strong and not give into your AL brain trying to tell you what you need...

I dont know if you can just up and "quit thinking like that". Most of us spend decades abusing our minds, bodies, and soul. Even if we have conviction to stop, the AL brain is still craving what it had, and is a VERY powerful and tricky opponent.

There is no set timeline, its different for everyone, but I can assure you, the cravings will become fewer, and farther between. Everyday you dont drink, you take two steps forward to your goal, and rewiring your brain. Everyday you do drink you take 3 steps backward.

Stay strong....set some small goals......one day seven days thirty days, and soon we will see a thread that says......Ronnie is 30 days!

Wishing you all the strength, knowledge and support needed to meet your goals Attached files [img]/converted_files/1731864=6450-attachment.jpg[/img]

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey Twitt - spend some time before you go out - formulating a plan. Don't leave it to luck, or chance or will power to walk past the liquor store....plan EXACTLY where you will walk and make sure it's not past the store! Or don't take any money with you - or go when they're closed - just have a solid plan to make sure you don't stop there. It will give you strength and confidence when you are successful. If you get home and you're tempted to go back? Then deal with THAT issue THEN. One thing at a time.

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Audrey14;1226597 wrote: I did almost 7 AF days, went to before-Christmas party (i was afraid to go..) and blah - my"party " was prolonged for 3 days....

Ditto here, except for me it's been 5 days. The 5 days prior to that I did not drink, and was happy, proud and confident. The last five days have been miserable. I'm recommiting myself once more. I'm so ready to quit...and stay that way.

There's a lot of conversations here in the last day or so about the roles our husbands and SO's play in our struggle. In my case, my husband is very supportive of my efforts, but he drinks more than I do. Heavy drinking every single day. So, that obviously makes it hard since there is always alcohol in the house.

He has finally started to acknowledge that he would like to quit, but I don't think he believes it's possible, and he's not ready to try yet. What he is willing to do, which will really help me, is to commit to not drinking this weekend. I appreciate that because if I can get through today, and then the weekend, I think I will be well on my way.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hi Irie, I was wondering about you...

In my experience - the first serious go around early in 2011, I didnt clue my hubby in at all on what was going on. This time, at the beginning I didn't either but somewhere in the middle of it - a few times during the summer, I struck up casual conversations about how drinking wasn't as much fun anymore - and about the book I was reading that was about the strange social acceptance of the addictive drug alcohol..."isn't it funny how it's so acceptable - and it doesn't have to be that way - it's not a "given" that you drink when you're of age - and I don't want our son to get that message." He didn't have much to say, but at one point I did offer him the Jason Vale book to read and he read it - and he quietly has been working on it himself. It's not been a big issue that we talk about alot, but he knows I'm not drinking - and I know that he is not - at home. He may have some when out with clients or on a trip.

Anyway, I haven't mentioned this site, and I'm not going to. But it is helpful that he knows that I am not drinking.

You might say to him that it's hard for you to be around it, and could he keep it somewhere out of your sight (or knowledge?) for a little while to help you out? Or is it something that has to be kept in your refrigerator?

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

I am here just quietly listening to the great conversations going on. One that strikes a chord with me is the issue of the pink could lifting (what is known as the thrill of being AF wearing off). I too am feeling it, but in a very positive way as I know there is another chapter waiting for me and I must be patient, and as I am learning -- it is a long road. The more I seem to learn, the more I realize I don't know (Just like the stock market). When I first started this journey of sobriety my main concern was to remain AF for at least 100 days -- That's it, just that. I promised myself I would not work on my weight, my kids, my job or my house. Just simply staying sober. So far, I am on track. The one thing I know for sure is this is a constant battle and you cannot ever let your guard down and become complacent. The next chapter I intend to work on myself a little bit more and with more focus, since I am not concentrating on alcohol as much, but it is forever a main concern.

Lola and Wicked -- Thanks for being my accountability sisters:h. We are in this together for the long haul and I was getting lazy...

As far as letting your SO know about this site and how you perceive your situation. I do not tell anyone about this site at all. It is just mine and I don't want to share. They are aware of it for sure, but don't mention it because I have let them know (subtly) it is not their business. My husband and I have discussed the issue lightly and he has respected me enough to leave it to me to initiate the conversation. And I do, but not in depth as I can do here with people who understand. I think he sees it black and white and not gray. It's the same old perception of alcoholics as one size fits all. Well, we know that's not true, but try to tell that to a someone who doesn't get it. .... They just don't.

Very busy with Holiday stuff and have a party on Saturday night that I have been stressing about for a while, so I have been getting a lot from the stories shared here too. Thanks again, Nesters....you are the best.