Newbies Nest

[MWOLady]

Newbies Nest

Back to square one

Hi all. So inspiring to read all the posts - even those from folks who have not had such great success but keep on trying. That's me in a nut shell. Made all kinds of promises to myself, set up a system, had everything in place and of course caved at the first hint of trying to get through a stressful time with no wine....but I did take a Naltrexone before, as well as an L-Glut and a 5htp (or is it 5thp? can never remember!).

So here I am, going to try for an AF day today. Will take some 5htp and distract myself by praying Lauds at 4:30, and starting my knitting - can't knit worth a darn, but want to have a mind release, and a hand-busy project so will try knitting socks!!!

I'm not sure if I should try TSM again. This would mean deliberately drinking every night with Naltrexone in my system, or if I should try cold turkey (and hey, got plenty of that in the fridge :H:H:H). I did pour a glass last night which I drank, tasted like water with the Nal in my body, and poured a second glass which I did not finish - so Nal does work. But maybe I'm just putting off the AF day that I need to get me pumped ?????? Any suggestions welcome! I think my aim MUST be no booze at all.....so unsure of what to do....

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Hi nesters

I am checking in to say my holiday has been completely AF. Never thought I had ii in me. Typing on itty bitty phone keyboard, so I will spare you and just hope newer newbies hang tough.

[MWOLady]

Newbies Nest

I need some advice and help quick!! My biggest difficulty really when I think about it is this: My husband likes to drink wine every night because he says it's good for his heart. There is nothing wrong with his heart and I think he uses that as an excuse to drink. Like me, he's been drinking almost every day for years and years and he just likes to drink - he would never admit he has a 'problem' because he doesn't over do it and at least here at home doesn't get drunk.

So my trouble is that he makes his own wine and there is always a TON of it around the house. We also have vodka, scotch, and liquours too. Every night at around 5:30 he pours himself a glass of wine and says "do you want a glass?"

It's so hard to say no. Because we have been doing this for YEARS. We always seem to be saying: well, now our stressful day is over, it's time to sit down and unwind and have a "relaxer" but we're retired for heaven sake - there is nothing to relax FROM.

SO I need help. What should I do? I know I have to change this routine from what we always do to something else.

He also wants to get dinner ready and then we both sit and eat in front of the TV - we always watch a movie. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE but I don't know if he will be hurt that I want to change this routine. I'd like to eat at the table, and then watch whatever later - that way I'd have broken that wine drinking routine.

I really don't think I can stop having the wine unless I break this routine. Can anyone out there help? I've ask him to stop this routine before, and to have less booze available in the kitchen but he really does not want to change. I don't want to make him unhappy. He doesn't see that I'm an alcoholic and he doesn't see anything wrong with drinking EVERY DAMN NIGHT!!!!!

HELP!!!!!!!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hi shue, windy, Irie. CONGRATS on an AF Christmas

MWOLady, I'm not entirely sure what you are looking for excepts possibly an ecouraging kick in the pants
You have a good plan, now you need to commit yourself & only you can do that!
As far as the AL in the house & the drinking husband - well you are going to have to decide how to handle that. I pitched every drop of AL in my house & told my husband he would be drinking beer in his garage/man room until further notice
You have to change your routine - there is no other way! Tell him that you are concerned about your/his level of drinking & will not be drinking today - PERIOD!!!!!
Eat dinner at the table & exchange the wine glass for a tea cup!

[MWOLady]

Newbies Nest

Yes, you are so right that I NEED to change this routine. My real hope and wish is that I will not be a drinker. PERIOD.

Yesterday on another issue I decided that I wanted a certain outcome. And that my actions had to match what outcome I wanted. So I did make a change in that area.

So if the outcome I want is to become sober, forever, I have to match my actions to that outcome. I KNOW THIS!!!!!!

So tonight I will tell my husband in a nice, cheerful, friendly, loving way that I will be eating at the table. Hey I might even eat in the dining room!! With one of those nice Christmas place mats I bought - and a real napkin!! And that if he wants to join me I'd be very happy with that. Then I can clean up, and if he wants to put a movie on that's ok. If I don't want to watch it, I can go up to the spare room (which is my "den") and read, or knit, or whatever....so that's a plan.

Thanks for the kick in the butt I needed. That's why I'll be sticking close to everyone here :thanks:

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Morning All-
I don't want to make a huge deal of this by starting a thread, so I'll just come out with it here. I had 2 nights of drinking. I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm going to get back on the Antabuse today and do what I know needs to be done. My daughter is away, and honestly I get so lonely, I guess that was the trigger. But no excuses. Lonely or not I will not drown it out with alcohol. Thankfully nothing "bad" happened, other than the disappointment I feel in myself. Well, back on the horse, starting today. I love my sober life, and these last 2 days just reinforced that.
K9

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

MWOL - I had this EXACT situation. I just had to get very real with my husband who for a long long time was my enabler. Finally, when he got it through his head that alcohol was causing me great agony, he stepped up to the plate. But, it was not without a lot of trials and tribulations. He no longer drinks every night like he used to. But, he still drinks if we go out with other people. That's about the best I can ask for. When I needed alcohol to be out of the house, he complied with that and got it out.

I guess it took about a year for us to really work all of this out. We changed our routines - changed the trigger restaurants we ate at, the whole nine yards. You know, if you had a disease or condition like diabetes he would be okay with not having pies in the house, right?

I think a lot of it hinges on you making him understand the depth of your problem. I never drank a lot compared to many, but it was a huge problem for me anyway.... I had to get pretty forceful about showing him it was an issue for me.

K9 - at least you know now - I'm glad you came back.

Best of luck.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Getting HONEST with ourselves is a must!
It took me a few weeks after finding MWO to work up the courage to stop BS-ing myself & make the commitment I needed to make. I cannot have one glass of wine anymore than I can have one smoke, potato chip, M&M, etc. I know I have an addictive personality & the right decision, the only decision for me was to go completely 100% AF & NF. I have never regretted my decision, not for a second

K9, obviously you planned to drink since you stopped taking your Antabuse. Do you think it was due to lonliness or is there something else at work there? Glad you came right back to the nest, that was the right thing to do

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1233885 wrote:
K9, obviously you planned to drink since you stopped taking your Antabuse. Do you think it was due to lonliness or is there something else at work there? Glad you came right back to the nest, that was the right thing to do

Lav-
I WISH I knew what was going on. You're right, I had to PLAN the drinking...sometimes I fear that the Antabuse is the only thing keeping me sober. I know I want it, and I know I love being sober, yet....
I think lonliness is the main thing. I don't have a lot of friends, and my family doesn't know of my struggles. I am trying to integrate myself more into my religious group, there are some good people there, I just need to force myself out of my comfort zone and get out there and interact more. It's so easy to withdraw. I can stay at home for days without leaving the house (when I'm not working of course)...I guess that would depress anyone huh?
I should take a lesson from my daughter, she's a social butterfly and is happy. Sometimes I feel like a bump on a log. My job is boring and doesn't involve much interaction with people. I'm going to work on finding activities to keep me active and around people. I haven't pursued that in the past, and that may be why I haven't found complete satisfaction in my sobriety.
Thanks Lav...now you gots me thinkin' Time to try a new approach.
K9

[twitt]

Newbies Nest

twitt;1233631 wrote: Oh i am drinking water right now, still holding on as i go to work tomorrow again and then off to see my grandkids they are a great distraction for Thankyou for the vote of confidence

where are you today? i came home from work early as i was getting pretty emotional still have to see my grad kids but shit i wish i had a drink of something

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

twitt,
You are about to see your grankids - do you really want that drink???
The arrival of my first grandchild is what helped me to decide to put AL away forever! I wanted to be fully present for him & have complete access to him. I surely didn't want him having memories of a drinking granny Think about that - you are leaving a lasting impression on them ~ make it a good one

K9, lonliness is tough & I know it kept me drinking too. I remember you talking, not too long ago about a possible career change. Are you still working on that? I work alone from my home shop & sometimes feel isolated but I chose that after nearly 30 years of having people in my face all day long. I guess we need to be careful what we wish for

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Just quickly checking in to say I safely made it tonight without drinking. And it was hard. Damned hard. Again, the concept of urge surfing and thinking about whose voice it is saying I can drink when those urges hit - mine or the alchohol's, made the difference.

One other thing that helped me tonight was simply accepting that I'm choosing to do something that sometimes is hard and not at all fun. Big deal, I can still keep my promise to myself.

I hope the rest of you are finding strength tonight. I almost caved, but I didn't. I know I will not regret tonight's hard work tomorrow.

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Well done, Irie. Some of the best things in life are hard-earned, and sobriety is one of them for people like us. It was nice to have a HFM (hangover free morning) today, and looking forward to another one tomorrow morning. You will be even more proud of yourself tomorrow morning!

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Right back at you, Belle! We're going to have a great morning!

[Herbie]

Newbies Nest

posted this on another thread earlier today..

hi all... I had wine both Christmas Eve and Christmas Evening. I am poundering why,,, I think I just wanted to see if I could... moderate as they say.... drank more than I planned to Christmas Eve but on Christmas Day.. stayed on plan. I don't think I will turn to moderating at this point... up until the 24th I was at 44 days AF and felt great so I am going to cont to add more AF days to my total. If I would have stayed on plan on the 24th I may be considering modding... so I think I need more AF time to figure out if I even want to try modding again...Congrats to all you you who stayed AF over the holidays

I did not have any AL last night nor tonight......I plan on just staying AF for the time do more self reflecting and see if I actually want to try modding later or to stay AF for ever