Newbies Nest

[Ruinator]

Newbies Nest

I made it to 1 month today. New years eve was the hardest so far since there was a bunch of people over drinking (my alcohol) while I just sat in my room. But I made it.

-Ruin

[Today]

Newbies Nest

I am checking in after couple months away, mostly AF I am happy to say. But I think that says it all doesn't it. One drink for me changes everything, even if I behaved okay. And I did. No blackouts, no remembering awful things I said or did... On Dec 30, 31 and yesterday, Jan 1st I had approx. 4 drinks, but want to stop again for awhile.

When I make the decision not to drink (and its hard!) I feel more in control, less distracted and better about myself. I am glad that I never got out of control, but by drinking I did not feel "in control." I found myself back constantly thinking about a drink, the next one etc, wondering if other people would think it too early to make a new one, wanting to sneak sips/gulps extra besides what was in the glass. Not where I want to be.


Girl1973; vodka was my thing too. Don't let it keep you from getting a job, let it from being you again. It is too bad about your niece but try not to let her crappy words get you down too much (I know, easier said than done). Show her, and the rest of them how strong you can be because your actions will speak louder than her words. I could relate to what you said about being good on Xmas this year, I was too and felt good about it because I can't even remember dinner last year (lunch for that matter either). Keep coming here, post and read a lot.. it helps! Good luck :-)

Okay, so I tried drinking and it just doesn't work for me. It got away from me as it inevitably does.

Welcome to anyone new or returning as well, and hello again to the regulars. So, back again in the Nest... so glad you are all here!

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Congratulations MrsG -- that?s a huge reason to stay AF!!! I wish you a healthy happy pregnancy! I tried for years to get pregnant with my first child -- all the while drinking away and knowing that it was probably a big reason I wasn?t able to conceive. I wanted to quit but couldn?t (didn?t). When I finally got pregnant I thanked my baby everyday for the entire 9 and a half months for coming along and quite possibly saving my life. I had no trouble whatsoever giving up my ?precious? daily wine long enough for him to be born healthy and strong.

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

MWOL -- I agree with Lav about the hypno cd?s. They are definitely worth a try if you are struggling. I can?t remember how much I paid for them a few years back (but didn?t get around to using until this past September). Whatever it was -- it was nothing compared to the amount of money I spent on wine.They really helped me a lot in the beginning -- and I still listen to the ?sleep learning? cd (on very low volume) all night long nearly every night. There is no narration -- just babbling brook-like sounds, that I admit took some getting used to. I?m not sure how much credit it should get for my success, but it certainly hasn?t hurt!

[shueaddict]

Newbies Nest

Hello and happy new year, nesties,

I am still struggling to have one day AF ? the last one was Boxing Day but that does not count since I was hung over from Xmas. I had pain in the upper right side ( suspect the liver) - but that did not stop me from drinking very small amounts ( 1-2 drinks) every day after.

I need to go back to my square one of thinking ? I can always find an occasion (read excuse) to have a drink, the real success is when I actually don?t.

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Ruinator;1237478 wrote: I made it to 1 month today. New years eve was the hardest so far since there was a bunch of people over drinking (my alcohol) while I just sat in my room. But I made it.

-Ruin

Just about missed your post. Congratulations on 30 days! That is fabulous!

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

start of day 3 for me.....yesterday, went out to dinner with my family. My husband, who barely drinks (only at parties or maybe a beer once in a while during the week) announces he wants a bloody mary. I said NOT ME and gave him a long, long look that said "i am not going to drink"....anyway, he orders his bloody and it looked bloody good! But I held fast.....then he said, I think I will get a beer, want one? NO
Had 2 diet cokes and a healthy meal. It would have been so easy to just say yes.....but I was just as easy to say NO>>>>>
I too am very scared about NOT drinking in social situations. My friends will notice and they will make a big deal out of it because I am always leading the charge in alcohol consumption. My other problem is work. I have many work functions that have drinking and people in my industry are BIG TIME BOOZERS.....Next trip is January 18. 2 hour cocktail party then dinner. The only thing that usually gets me through these boring and anxiety ridden events is the wine. So, I have about 2 weeks to prepare myself and figure out a strategy ..... any ideas?

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Ruinator, congratulations! I was pulling for you! I know you posted about your difficulties, but you obviously found some techniques that worked for you!

Jenniech, it sounds like you passed a very difficult test! There are lots of good threads on here about "little white lies" to tell people. Going on a diet, doing a detox, taking a break, etc etc. I can't think of all of them right now, but there are some good ones. Check back in the threads around Thanksgiving time, the start of the holidays. Those "fears" can turn into excuses, where you "need" to drink, but only if you let it happen. You don't owe anyone enough to have a drink. Do your friends really need you to lead the charge? You have two solid weeks, but you don't need any kind of complicated strategy. It WILL come down to a moment where you have to make a black or white decision.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow! So glad everyone is checking in! A quick pop in as I have an appt first thing (poor planning on my part, the first day back from vacation!).
Andrew! Today is Day 3 for you!!! I'm so happy...this is a big day in our minds and our bodies...this is the day that AL is out of your bloodstream and you are operating on all Andrew Power! You keep up the good work, you'll feel right as rain in no time. Strive to get to Day 7 ok? You don't get a hat, but you'll have conquered every single day that the week can throw at you and succeeded!! I am thrilled for you!
Ruin....I'm sorry to say, that one month, does not a hat equal....ehehehe...30 days gets you a hat and you're a victim of the calendar! On Saturday, the 7th your hat will be bestowed upon you!! The nest will celebrate...you have EARNED it....well done to you.
Steady, the nest has nailed it.....and I saw it with my circle of people....when you don't participate in that anymore, you've just outgrown those people. Why on Earth would you take a step backwards to fit in? Nope, forward is the only way to go....find new people who will enrich your life.
Jennitech...I was the poster child for company conventions....I will have to touch more on this, I had a convention Dec 5, so if you have time on your hands, check back on my posts and see how I did ! I got thru it and so can you.....some years ago, they were making bets on if I'd make the morning meetings...that's how embarrassing it got for me...(head shaking)....
I'm out the door....success makes more success and well, you know the flip side of that one....keep up the good work! XO, Byrdie

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Outside influence are creating road blocks for many of us. It is really difficult to stay AF sometimes when everyone around us is drinking and having a good time. We feel left out and boring; like we don’t fit in. I found the exact opposite is true. You have much more to share and are more interested and things are actually more funny. It is very important to listen to your voice that wants a healthier life for you. Nobody and I mean NOBODY wants that as much as you do.

I have found in just a short time, that our perception and what is really happening and what "we think" is happening are completely two different things a lot of the time. The social functions I have attended and did not drink were at first very awkward. At one event someone asked “what meds are you taking that you can not drink”. Now understand I didn’t even give a reason for turning down the champagne, I just simply said “no thanks”. When they asked what meds I was on I simply responded “I just want to feel better and healthier”, and the person went on to talk about their bad year last year. What I have become to believe is that the reason she asked was because she had a recent experience where she did have to take medication for an illness and was not able to drink, and actually was trying to relate to my situation. She wasn't fishing for anything as I was afraid people might be. Most people are so busy and have problems of their own to care about mine. I just hope we can share a laugh and not be judged too much.

My point is: Most people don’t really know what YOU are doing and why (or care) really, and will move on as soon as the opportunity arises to turn the conversation to more about them or something they can relate to. Only fair. Being aware of that makes it a little easier to ease into sober social situations. Just start by asking questions about the person or persons and they will run with it. Stay focused on the other person and not on your self. I guess you could say: try to steer the conversation and turn the focus on to the other person.

After an hour our two passes no one really notices any more what you are doing. The conversations get louder and people start to look tired or do silly things. Don’t get me wrong, I try not to judge too harshly and can still find this amusing and people entertaining. You will surprise maybe even yourself on how you can loosen up to since other people have even without alcohol.

So sorry this is so long. I think it is paramount that we listen to ourselves and be who we want to be and not let someone or something get in our way; especially when it comes to being AF.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Tuesday morning Nesters!

Ruin, CONGRATS on your 30 AF days!!!!!!! That's a tremendous accomplishment, hope you can reward yourself in some way & feel proud

Welcome back Today! Have you made your plan? Don't forget to vist the Tool box for great ideas.

Greetings WickedMom, Irie, Pinecone & Byrdie! Hope you all have a great day!

Shueaddict, hoping you are inching closer to a real commitment if that's what you want.

Girl73 & jenn, hello & welcome to the nest!
Kicking AL out of our lives is hard work but you'll never be sorry! Please let us know what your plans are? Jenn, arriving late with an early exit strategy (if you feel pressured) will help keep you safe at company functions.

I have a huge To Do list today so I'll go get started. Wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!

Lav

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

Welcome new nesters, hang with us, it does get better. Windy, excellent post, thank you. Following is a great article about controlling urges that I've also posted elsewhere:

How to get ?SELF-CONTROL? Over the urges and cravings of a bad habit

Self-control is what you build up, develop, create and learn by controlling your behavior
repeatedly. We should regard self-control as a skill. It is not a character trait or a thing
you have to have that lets you control your behavior. (or a thing that not having it
prevents you from doing so.) If someone says, "I have no self-control over my drinking
or drugging, or eating sweets or whatever," it might be asked, "Are you well practiced
at resisting your urges or opportunities to use or to overeat the wrong things?" The
answer would likely be, "No." This person is well practiced at giving in to those urges
and opportunities to use. (No criticism from me! I did this for years and years.)
Getting control over your urges and opportunities is like getting control over a bicycle
or roller skates or anything else. You?re not going to start out as an expert. You will get
control of it only by forcing yourself at first to act differently than you feel! (It looks like
the bike should fall over.) And it may feel very difficult or strange. But by practicing
over and over, you learn to ride the bike! So the reason people correctly "feel" that they
don't have self-control is because they haven't been practicing what would give it to
them. In this case, the skill is in resisting urges or opportunities to use.

Along with other related strategies, at SMART Recovery? we learn how to stall,
distract and resist those urges. If sometimes we don?t succeed, we keep trying and resist
discouragement, like getting back on the bike if we tumbled! Those who do practice
resisting urges, after a while report that it becomes easier and easier to continue. They
have been exercising and building their self-control and now have begun to show a fair
amount of skill. In every day language, thinking that you must first have "self control"
before you can acquire a change in your behavior is "putting the cart before the horse."
In one famous study, children were left with a candy bar and told that if they didn't eat
it they would get two candy bars. The children who resisted the temptation while alone
were secretly observed using verbal self-reminders and distracting activities. Children
who didn't resist were later able to do so after being taught new strategies for better selfcontrol.

Things like learning that urges are time-limited, and they will crest and subside
if we stall and divert the thoughts to something else. We practice doing this in our group
meetings to help you be prepared for when you are tempted.

At SMART Recovery? we have a ?toolbox? of proven techniques. Learning about what
self-control really is, and using it to deal successfully with an undesired habit is an
important example of a ?tool?. We hope this knowledge gives you new insight about
ways and means you can utilize to overcome problems, even very difficult ones like
dependence on or misuse of substances.

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

OH, and way to go Ruin - 30 days is a biggie - congrats! Jenni 3 days is a big milestone too for the early-on days.:goodjob:

[MWOLady]

Newbies Nest

today is my Day two and I won't be drinking today. Getting my Tool Box ready. Starting Topamax today. I don't have very strong cravings and the amino's I'm taking are working well but I want to be ready when the honeymoon is over.

I gotta tell ya that last night when I woke up at my usual 3am I actually felt GOOD! I simply felt calm and peaceful and went right back to sleep.

And this morning for the first time in months I did not feel like killing myself!!!! My suicidal thoughts are not strong, and I'm not in danger or anything, but long term low-grade depression has had me waking up feeling like I just did not want to have to go through another day - and the worry/anxiety about having to get through suppertime without wine.

But this morning I woke up full of energy.

My Tool Box contains:

Light Therapy for half an hour first thing every morning.
Strong coffee with coconut milk for breakfast.
Cod Liver Oil and MCT oil too.
Gaba and 5HTP several times a day, and more for sleep at night.
Very low carb eating with lots of fat, cook with coconut oil and use it for oil pulling in am.
L-Glut morning, afternoon and before supper.

And today I start Topa.

So those who are struggling, or trying to make up your minds if you should attempt to be AF, I urge you to get your ducks in a row first, and set yourself up for success!!

Have a great day. (and thank you Lavande again for the kick in the pants) - oh by the way, this forum has been KEY in getting me going.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

yes, MWOL - I still usually wake up at 3, but I don't have that sense of dread - those thoughts of "why can't I stop doing this to myself!?!?!" and I don't stay awake for hours - feeling like sh!t in the morning. One thing I'd like to add for newer newbies (haha) is to remember to include an "emergency" plan in your toolbox. Something that you will do when that urge hits you and for whatever reason, you are tempted to drink. Whether it's yelling for help here --- using a fact acting supplement (someone used a sublingual form of L-glut, I think) --- reading posts here , or a particular post that hits home with you --- exercise --- a walk --- eat something ---- Just have a plan. You'll get tempted - either by the desire to fit in, or by stress, or by wanting to escape, or sleep - so when that feeling hits you out of the blue - be prepared. It can make all the difference in the world. :-)