Newbies Nest

[Herbie]

Newbies Nest

i am thinking of leaving my husband... I will be so isolated an jobs are basically .. will need all your support

[scottish lass]

Newbies Nest

The nest has been busy today. Welcome to new faces and returning ones! Congratulations to successes big and small - LoLab, Ruin, Andrew - and all who are keeping on track!
Quick check in to say hello....

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

Herbie, I'm so sorry - I've been there done that, so I totally get what you're experiencing. Please feel free to vent and we'll help be your sounding board. Hope you can maintain your AFness through all of this.

Sending you peace and strength.:h

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Thank you all for the kind words and advice which is such a boost to my confidence. I just know I can do this...and I will thanks to all the support here.

Herbie, I send you a big hug. I had to leave my husband over 20 years ago (remarried now) and never can forget how painful that was even though I was the one that left. The main reason for my leaving was that he was an alcoholic. How ironic is that now? There were other issues that we could not overcome even though I loved him. Please stay with us here. You have done so well AF. We are here to see you through this.

Unwasted...I do think I know why I am drinking. Stress and anxiety give me physical symptoms that I just have had enough of. Booze and diazepams are about all that fix it and I am out of Xanax. I have been toughing it out for a while but finally gave in.

Goodnight all...looking forward to a better tomorrow.

[shueaddict]

Newbies Nest

Unwasted;1237722 wrote:

How to get ?SELF-CONTROL? Over the urges and cravings of a bad habit

Self-control is what you build up, develop, create and learn by controlling your behavior
repeatedly. We should regard self-control as a skill. It is not a character trait or a thing
you have to have that lets you control your behavior. (or a thing that not having it
prevents you from doing so.) If someone says, "I have no self-control over my drinking
or drugging, or eating sweets or whatever," it might be asked, "Are you well practiced
at resisting your urges or opportunities to use or to overeat the wrong things?" The
answer would likely be, "No."

.

Good glorious morning, nesties,

I managed it !! I did not drink yesterday! The urge came to me at 3 different times (boredom, anxiety and the last one was the want of a shot of brandy to kill the taste of the last mince pie).

Lav and Unwasted, I have you to thank for, I kept thinking about your post and how in the past I have been rather successful in exercising self control, I just need to start practicing again. :thanks:

Jenni, the headache will pass ? first time I quit cold turkey, in July I had a total shit time, I felt like I was run over by a truck and resented ever so slightly all those people that felt ?elated and clear headed, so full energy, now that we?re a few days sober? ? I was depressed and low on juice for about 2 weeks, it might be less for you but it is so worth it , going through this detox. Make sure you eat small meals often, I found that really helped alleviate the headache at times. After years of getting my sugar from AL I could not expect the transition to be smooth.

Belle ? I hear you :l, it is so much harder to summon the willpower again and again. I felt like this all week. Here is to day 2

[mrsg]

Newbies Nest

Well done Lola, big achievement. I hope all the nesters are doing well. Herbie, I've been there too, you'll be fine, you just need to be strong and stay AF, that will give you perspective. We are all here for you. Andrew, well done on day 3, you've got it in you, you know you do.

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Good early morning all.

I love that I'm up really early and I know I'll be tired today but I won't feel anywhere nearly as bad as if I'd been drinking last night. And tonight I'll sleep like a baby.

Unwasted - I meant to tell you I loved the quote about self control as well. It was very thought provoking - I think a lot of Alcohol related literature I have read said that self control doesn't have much to do with stopping drinking as it is an addiction - but really that made me feel kind of helpless. I really like the idea of self control being a skill that you can exercise and strengthen.

Herbie - big hug to you. I have been through a lot with my marriage in the last year and considered divorce at one point as well. :l

It's great to hear all the success stories in the nest - I hope everyone has a wonderful AF day. :h:h

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

PS - I keep forgetting to say CONGRATULATIONS LOLA! You are an inspiration. :goodjob:

[Steady Hands]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

Day 55 for this bird?

Not feeling on top of the world. I am still adjusting to this new life and I realize/see a pattern when I set out to do a big job ? I suddenly become numb/useless/unable to do anything. Last night I had to unpack the holiday stuff and organize my room for the new academic year (still have 2 years of studies left), but instead I grabbed some wool and started knitting like mad till 2am?!!! Very tired today.

When I feel overwhelmed I feel that something is missing. I DO want to be sober more than a drink!! I mostly miss lighting up. I was a working machine while boozing and smoking my way through whatever!

I need something or someway new. Thought of burning lavender oil and keeping my tea warm on a candle burner setting a calm environment. Usually it was smoke, loud music and booze and me singing along while being beyond focused. I feel a bit lost with this new sober life. I?m here, but I don?t know what to do.

Saw some class mates yesterday and one guy almost fell on his back when he saw me. I didn?t gain THAT much weight!!! Almost kicked him!! So while knitting last night I ate a bag of chips and downed a 2 liter soft drink? Don?t want a new addiction!! I do think a lot has to do with being on holiday and that I would forget about stuffing myself once I?m back on campus.

Herbie ? My heart goes out to you!! Good luck! This is my 2nd divorce. For me the worst part was to decide to go. After that, YES it hurts!! But since splitting from hubby #2 I realized I am so much stronger than what I think. Waiting for him to do or not do something just wasted my time!! Adjusting my moves to accommodate him just set me on the wrong path. He is not a bad person and I still like him a lot, but he will always hold me back in life. Sometimes love just ain?t enough?:upset:

Andrew!! ? When I read your posts it is like a light is turned on or off! You had quite a ride! Congrats!!

Lolab ? As I am typing this a song plays on the radio?. Mariah Carey ? ? that a hero lies in you?
Congrats on your 100 days!

BelleGirl ? It is interesting looking at your posts how it started with a simple glass of wine that your husband poured and you didn?t know how to say no. And last night you deliberately drank a bit to ease emotional pain. I understand that. I drank mainly to shut up anxiety. It came to a point where I would be drunk, popping pills and have 2 cigarettes burning at once, but still going crazy!! Nothing and no amount of it helped in the end. 2 bottles of wine and 20 cigarettes a day weren?t enough anymore? oh, and the 6/8? pain killers! I really hope to see you do 30 days again! You know where the diazepams and great amounts of booze go to! I am using Urbanol at this stage and hurt my Achilles when I practiced too hard at the beginning of withdrawals and use anti inflamms and other pain killers. Plus GABA and 5HTP etc. I know I have to quit that soon as well. This isn?t easy. Don?t want to preach, just want to see you doing well again.:h

SH

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

ML & Shue - I'm quite sure that practice has helped me stay abstinent this time. I think that's why there are so many long-timer posts around that talk about making it on the third or so try - most people don't get it the first time around, so there must be a way to "practice" getting better at not drinking. One of the tenets of Buddhism is practice. They say if you want to be a Buddhist you do so by practicing, so I think it's the same for anything, really. I'm not saying there's not an addictive element to alcohol, but if we want it enought and keep at it, it's doable. Sure, we're going to have down times, but look at the awful dungeon we were in 99% of the time when we were drinking! Stay strong everyone, it is worth the struggle and will get easier.

SH, good job on day 55, I'm right behind you on day 51. We can do this! Anything worthwhile is often as difficult as it is desirable!

To all my fellow nesters, please have a wonderful AF day!:l

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Ok - this is going to be a REALLY quick post - I meant to post last night but I got some exceptionally bad news last night that took a long time to really absorb/plan around. Not sure I've fully on boarded it...it's really going to dramatically alter all my plans - effective now. Which makes this new addition to what I hope helps some of us - important.

As I spent time over the holidays - I did a lot of reading. Because it had become clear that a lot of why I was stumbling was unresolved "stuff" that would trigger. As luck would have it - I stumbled across a book recommended by Malcolm Gladwell that had data driven answers about various treatments success for different issues in mental health or behavioral treatments. And surprisingly - a very effective - according to the data - intervention for "Unresolved Issues" was a special type of Journaling - that you can do at home - that essentially allows you to "rewrite" your way through the pain and actually write a new story for yourself. Once you've done that - over the next 5 - 6 months - supposedly the ways to measure healing - visits to doctors, vital signs, blood work, tests on mood indicators, etc - show improvement over normal cognitive therapy's.

It's called the Pennebaker method. He has a book you can buy on Amazon to guide you through the process. Mine was delivered to the complex office last night so I'm hoping they will put it somewhere I can get to it...but the short form I'm going to post here in case anyone wants to give it a try because they have similar issues. I'm hoping that adding this to my tool kit will help me deal with my major stumbling block.

So - without further ado - if this helps great - if not - feel free to skip it...


Quick guide: Pennebaker method of Journaling/found by statistical research to be more effective than therapy in healing difficult or complex events/feelings

Do’s:
? Write 20 minutes a day over a period of 4 days. Do this periodically. This way you won’t feel overwhelmed.
? Write in a private, safe, comfortable environment
? Write about issues you are currently living with, something you are thinking or dreaming about constantly, a trauma you have never disclosed or resolved.
? Write about joys and pleasures you have in your life as well.
? Write about what happened. Write about your feelings about what happened. What do you feel now? Why do you feel this way. Link events with feelings.
? Try to write an extremely detailed, organized, coherent, vivid emotionally compelling narrative. Don’t worry about correctness, grammar or punctuation.
? Beneficial effects will occur even if no one reads your writing. If you choose to keep your writing and not discard it, you must safeguard it.
? Expect initially that in writing this way, you will have complex and difficult feelings. Make sure to get support if you need it.


Don’ts:
? Don’t use writing as a substitute for taking action
? Don’t become overly intellectual
? Don’t use writing as a way of complaining. Use it instead to discover how and why you feel as you do. Venting will probably make you feel worse
? Don’t use your writing to become overly self-absorbed. Over-analyzing is counterproductive
? Don’t use writing as a substitute for therapy or medical care if needed.

OBTW - LOVE to Lola B - congratulations! Great job. Herbie - my heart goes out to you. And BelleGirl - I totally understand. I'm with you on this. Let's do this together my friend.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

I'm in the midst of a marathon post but had to jump in here to say hey WINDY!!!!!!

Congratulations on 100 days!!!!!!!!:jumpwow:a

:h

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Happy humpday & all that
Dealing with very cold weather in my portion of the nest 15 degrees - must go check on my feathered friends.

Wishing everyone strength, the ability to focus & major self control today

Lav

[canadian gal]

Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters!

I've just been trying to read over all the posts...there are soooo many! Everyone seems to be doing great! Congrats to so many of you...Windy, Lolab, Ruin, all of you great job!

Herbie- I'm so sorry and I am sending you a big hug! Come on here and vent or bitch or whatever. We're here to support you.

Well I decided to end 2011 on a sober note and get ready for 2012. At the end of tomorrow I will have 7 days under my belt. I feel really good, have loads of energy, I'm happy and I love waking up with a clear head. My friend left Beijing and so I have no people around me to influence me to drink with them. This will be a huge help!

Keep up the great work everyone!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Good morning! Lav, it was a lovely 0 degrees F this morning on the way to school…. I hope those chickens are keeping warm! Thanks for the congratulations and your neverending support and for being blunt when we need you to be…

Baby I’ve got some serious catching up to do around here. I’m feeling a little left out of the loop. First and foremost, MrsG – I am so very happy for you and your husband!

Shue – I’ve seen your posts over the past year. I’m glad you’ve joined us in the nest – as you know, it’s THE place to be to get the kick in the pants you need from our mother hen Lav, and her sidekick Byrdie…:-) It sounds funny, but it’s the absolute truth. They don’t allow you to sit in the half-way there mentality. You either do it or you don’t – and if you’re sincerely ready to do it? Then you’ll have all the support in the world.

Hi Belle. I’m sorry you’re still struggling…I really really want everyone to skip over the nasty first part and just BE where I am today. Just for a minute – to see how much better it really gets. All of us have our reasons for drinking…and while we’re in the midst of it it, those reasons try to win out over the reasons that we have for quitting.

Unwasted, you’ve offered so much support – you really are there, aren’t you!!!

Scottish Lass – you seem very strong lately!

Pinecone – I love your always supportive posts…

Herbie – I’m sorry for your situation – the good thing is that you are making the decision with a clear mind. Hugs to you.

Steadyhands – congratulations on 55 days! And try not to focus too much on those feelings of being a little lost. I do know exactly where you are coming from and it’s not surprising at 55 days. Those feelings are going to come and go – I think it’s important to acknowledge them but also to keep pushing through as you are doing. You made me laugh with your description – I can do the same type of avoidance when there is something daunting to accomplish!!! At my 100 days, I still am discovering who I really am sober, and I expect that to go o n for quite some time. Sometimes I feel totally lost.

Windy as you celebrate your 100 days, I bumped your original thread. I hope others read it as it’s a wonderful inspiration for what you can do if you want it badly enough. I know when I started, I tended to sometimes look at those who had lots of days piled up – and I was pretty jealous. And somewhere in my mind, I justified somehow that it was not as difficult for them as it was for me – or they didn’t have as strong reasons as I did for drinking….but when you go back to everyone’s roots on this site, you see that it’s not easy for anyone. Not at all.

Thank you mylife and prairie – I am soaking up all these congratulations….when Windy posted that she was going for 100 days – take notice in her thread – of who DIDN’T join in. Me. No way did I think I’d be here with her. Somehow I kept plugging along and something HUGE changed in my thinking along the way.

Hi Byrdie. Just keep doing what you do – and know that what you say has been instrumental in changing at least one life….

Andrew, keep racking up those days – soon we’ll be celebrating your 30 days!

MWOlady – what is MCT oil?

Irie, how’s it going today????

Today, I’m glad you’re back – push to get through these early days and keep on the right track – it’s obvious that you want it!!br />
Wickedmom, I really am liking that sleep learning cd – I got the one for help with sleeping. I seem to be doing much better.

Jennie, I don’t know what it is with the headaches…I know early on they hit me too – and then occasionally I’d still get bad ones for quite awhile. I also had body aches and pains which came and went and have finally left me alone!~

K9, love that statement about “coming to” from being unconscious…..and mylife , and unwasted – the trudging through is bad enough when you’re trudging through a hangover but my worst memories of last year are trudging through several days in a row – most likely the whole 2 weeks of Christmas break – never sobering up. Taking vodka to bed with me – drinking it during the night to go back to sleep, still having some in the glass in the morning and downing it when I woke up – knowing that sip would start the ball rolling and keep me in a fog all day – unable to stop drinking. Looking like crap – arguing with the cable guy – only half living.

To be continued…