Newbies Nest

[scottish lass]

Newbies Nest

Herbie - I left my husband a year ago - moved out of my home and into this rental Jan 4th - so exactly a year ago - I have filed for divorce and am waiting for the finalisation. It has not been a easy nor a good year, but by myself I became strong enough to give up AL eventually. I started to live for myself, and look after myself. I have two young girls, had been married 17 years and together for 22 years. I am hoping that 2012 is the year that I come back to life. Let me know how I may support you. I have got so much help from this site, you will too.
LoLab - you mentioned that "Scottish Lass ? you seem very strong lately!" - I read this at work earlier today and have been thinking about it and realised that I do feel strong. I posted last night that I did not know how long I could do this - I meant that I was starting to realize that I could keep doing this, not a despairing comment. I have realised a switch has flipped - I know feel that this could actually be my life. I hope this lasts, I really do - and I think it might.I have everyone on this site to thank for this - I have a new goal to reach 100 days, and I am so looking forward to meeting it!
Keep going everyone - I know that I did not believe that it would get easier, but it is true.

[canadian gal]

Newbies Nest

Good day Nesters

Herbie- I am so sorry to hear about all the troubles you are going through. Yesterday was a bad day, but make today a better one. My friend called me yesterday saying "I think that Dragon (her husband's english name) and I are going to get a divorce. I am drinking alone". I told her to stop drinking cause that wont help the situation and bitch about everything to me. In the future if your frustrated and angry with your husband, is there someone you can call to talk to instead of drinking? I am sending hugs your way.

Jen- you can do this tonight. Stay strong. Stick to your plan.

SL- you are doing great and I am so happy that you are feeling strong. I have full confidence in you that you can make it to 100 days!

I am on day 7 and I am positive that I will make it to the end. This is my 3rd attempt at quitting since signing up with MWO. You know what they say: Third time's a charm!

Have a great day everyone!

[shueaddict]

Newbies Nest

Day 3 here I come !!!

I said no to an offer for a drink twice yesterday ? I have found my feeble inner voice that can say NO and I am going to do everything I can to nurture it.

Lola and Windy, I am feeding off your positive vibes.

Scottish Lass ? You DO sound so much stronger and positive since your posts in the summer.

Herbie ? Big hug from me, my hubby is lovely but even so - any small argument with him used to send me straight to the drinks cabinet ? that was my coping mechanism for an increasing number of situations

SteadyHands and K9 ? When I dried up in the summer I noticed a huge change in my dog ? i.e. a lot more obedient ? ohh .. the number of times I walked him drunk, he would not heel, not come ? he basically looked at me as an unfit alpha.

Jennie ? stick to your guns and if the urge strikes ? take your phone to the ladie?s, read and post on MWO ? a bunch of us did this at various work functions ? last resort !!!

Canadian Gal in China ? this is my 3rd attempt too on MWO ? I am taking the supplements this time and really watch what I eat.

Belle ? how are you doing?

I am psyching myself up for an AF holiday , the 1st one ever. God, I really hope I can make it .

Have a great day everyone

[FreeFly]

Newbies Nest

Herbie, I really feel for you - similar situation cemented my excessive behaviour but AL only made it worse. Just wanted to send you a big hug. If you can make today, and the next, you'll start to feel so much better. You'll also find the strength to do whatever needs to be done for your future.

Belle - good luck with day one, you can do it. I've had too many restarts to remember now since finding MWO (I think it's 4) but starting day 4 today.

Glad you're feeling positive too CanGirl & Shue. I'm sharing your determination this time.

Hi to all other nesters. Have a great day

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Herbie - sending you hugs/love/support.

Belle - I get it. I read your note and I get it. So - we did it together before - will you do it with me again? I can use the accountability buddy. If you aren't ready yet - I understand.

I am struggling really hard right now. There is so much going on I feel like I am drowning in unhappiness and now this week - in betrayal.

AL won't make this better. I need to have strength. AL steals it. Even just a little AL - and I feel personally bad. It's a case where even one simple glass of wine and I get paranoid - is is going to be one? Should I have done that? Now I feel bad.

So - I am bumping up my nutrition again. I am bumping up my Hypnos again. I am going back into the tool kit to see if anything that didn't speak to me before makes sense to me now. And I am really finding that book I mentioned about the power of rewriting your own story - changing your health status - motivating. Basically - it's journaling - but not just what happened today - but with the intent to heal your past and your psyche. I read about it in several other places so bought the book by the actual research scientist.

So - if it sounds like something you might be interested in checking out - it's at Amazon - called Opening Up - the Healing Power of Expressing Emotions by James Pennebaker PhD.

It's early yet - but given what I am reading - I have hope this will help me expose and address some of my triggers.

I am not over confident. I know this is a fight. And after the last time - this is not a fight with a physical need - at least to me - but a fight with my own mind. So - I want to give my own mind the best possible chance.

And I wanted to let you know how glad I am you all are here - because doing this without you is unthinkable.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! I just wanted to check in and say hello!

Shue addict, that is great that you turned it down! Go from passive to active!!! Nurturing that voice is a great plan. It is also great to practice turning it down. You can have that AF holiday if you put your mind to it. I'm pulling for you!

Canadian gal, great job on your 7 days!

Everyone else, keep up the awesome work, even if it doesn't feel awesome every single second! If it was quick and easy, it wouldn't be worth fighting for. Everyone here is trying, and that is the most important thing!

Have a great AF day.

[Herbie]

Newbies Nest

morning all... slept well last night and feel so much better than yesterday..still have a stuffy nose and cough but doing better... thank you all for your kind words of encouragement,, and Bel we are on day 2!

SL PF PC thank you all... i don't have an answer to my situation yet but I am determined to stay stronger than AL

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

There are a few of us on day two! Let's stick together! We've already got one of the hardest days behind us. I refuse to give up. I've had so many false starts, but I am not going to let that get me down, or even consider that because I haven't been successful before I won't this time. I will, and I'd love to have some quit-mates.

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters,

Just wanted to stop by to wish all of you well.

Herbie and SL - you guys are really to be commended for going AF during a tough time. I know it doesn't seem like it, but not drinking will actually help you cope much better with the issues you're facing. Alcohol gave me anxiety and once I stopped drinking, the anxiety left me. Funny, because I always thought it relaxed me.

Best to everyone here - I want to add this motivation from Pride Before the Fall. I think it's one of the best I've seen (just posted it in the 2012 Jammer's Thread too) Hope it gives you that little boost today to remind you why sober is so much better:


I drank for joy and became miserable.
I drank to be outgoing and became self-centered.
I drank to be sociable and became isolated.
I drank for friendship and made enemies.
I drank to ease sorrow and wallowed in self-pity.
I drank for sleep and woke without rest.
I drank for strength and became weak.
I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
I drank for confidence and felt unsure.
I drank for courage and became afraid.
I drank for assurance and became doubtful.
I drank for conversation and tied my tongue.
I drank to forget and became haunted.
I drank for freedom and became a slave.
I drank to ease problems and my problems multiplied.
I drank to cope and failed everyone and everything.
I drank because I had the right to, and everything went wrong.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

pinecone - you said something that really got my wheels turning

...."Go from passive to active!!!

Wow, what a simple statement but does it ever say alot. I think it is very important in the attitude that's needed to succeed. Feelings and statements such as "I hope I can do this...I'm going to try to make it....I think I can make it this time....or I drank because the stress was too much...." are all ways of seeing ourselves as a victim of outside circumstances....just passively susceptible to things that happen around us....with little or no control.

And if you've said some of these things - don't take this personally - I did too! But I think it's important to shift our thinking from a passive stance to an active stance - I AM going to do this and this is HOW I am....I gave in to the stress of the holidays - but I learned THIS and I am going to avoid it in the future by doing THIS....and instead of sitting here waiting for the next temptation to come my way, saying "I hope it's not too strong!" or "I hope I don't give in!" or "I really hope I make it this time!" - say and believe and have a plan....an active plan...those statements are a passive plan. Saying "well, I had a drink but I'm not going to beat myself up over it...." is a passive plan.

"I drank. Then I dumped all the alcohol in the house and wrote my plan down on paper and ordered the hypnosis CD's" is an active plan.

[MWOLady]

Newbies Nest

Morning all. Today is my day 4. This morning I woke up from the first really good sleep I've had for YEARS. Thank God for GABA and 5HTP!! And I'm counting my blessings. No cravings, just that very odd thing - during dinner my eyes went to that place next to my plate that my wine glass used to occupy!!! Funny - this drinking lark is such a HABIT.

I see above that many of us have had troubled marriages - I think that goes with the drinkers territory!! I'm on #3 so don't have a good track record. For me low self esteem, being an adult child of an alcoholic, being very lonely and isolated from family, living in a place I don't like, living with a DH who can be a bit passive aggressive (although he is loving and good to me) makes me very unhappy. I always used to use this unhappiness as an excuse to drink.

But guess what? The unhappiness is partly caused by the drinking - and when the drinking stops, some of the unhappiness is still there!! So time to take action. Today I'm going to haul a bunch of stuff to the basement that has been driving me NUTS because it's been clogging up my den, and upstairs spare room. I would ordinarily never do this without asking DH - and he would always say no don't do that, or come up with some reason why it wasn't a good idea - and even if I didn't ask him, mentally I'd think he'd not "approve" so I'd not do it. I'd be "frozen" and not take action.

But NO MORE!!!! Today, I do what I want to do. Boy - empowerment!!!! If this is what not drinking does for me, and what having the support of all you lovely people does for me I'm on the road to good things!!! - sorry for the long post but I just feel so positive today I wanted to share.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Taking back control of your life by kicking AL out is what it's all about!!!!
I feared quitting for so long because I just couldn't imagine how I would survive without my 'friend/helper'. I had no real idea just how much my friend was holding me back. If you are just starting on your journey please believe me when I say you are doing the best thing possible for yourself & those around you & you will never be sorry

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Thursday!
Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Shue...Lolab is 100% dead on the money...
HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY! You must make a plan for this vacation...hope has nothing to do with it, because YOU determine the outcome. I hoped I wouldn't be an alcoholic, but guess what! Plan on not drinking no matter what and no matter who. Period. Byrdie

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters! Good to see everyone here. I made it through day one, even though the kids were driving me nuts last night. Probably mostly my problem due to crankiness from the poor sleep the night before. Feeling better today and yes it is Day 2. And I KNOW I will see Day 3 tomorrow, because I am sick of the b!tch named AL.

Herbie, Irie, we are on Day 2 together. Let's see Day 3...and Day 4...etc...together. Prairie, yes, we can do this together, as we did it before.

Shue, looks like you are off to a great start. Keep it going. MWO, you too! Seems that when AL is not keeping us down, we can feel empowered...go for it. Take all that crap downstairs and let the husband deal with it.

Pine..."passive to ACTIVE". I think that woke me up. And Unwasted...I see a new Nest Mum in training!

I really saw myself going back down that rabbit hole. This time with the nice scotch my brother brought over from scotland. If i drank any more of that i would have to start refilling the bottle with something. AND i am not going there again...AND i have vowed not to walk into a liquor store.

Time to run off to yoga class. I really hate stressing to get there in time and running in late. Sounds so silly...let's hurry up and stress out so we can relax.

[MWOLady]

Newbies Nest

Here's a fun idea my son started on his Facebook. Find the song that was number one on the Hit Parade on the day you were born!! And listen to it! Mine was Sentimental Journey with Les Brown sung by Doris Day! What a lovely song. My poor son's was Go Away Little Girl by Donnie Osmond!!! Oh how the quality of songs has changed eh?