Newbies Nest

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

Ahh, I've been with many people coming into this world and many people going out. It's a deep and personal experience that is something you don't forget.
Thinking of you Unwasted, and sending you hugs and prayers.

Day 4 today and I'm super tired but ready to face the day. I have been exhausted, with so little energy. Maybe I'm coming down with something. I just want to sleeeeep!
Have a good day nesters!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Irie, go ahead and mention it. It's part of the process and your feelings along the way are an important part of the learning. I suppose it is then a case of evaluating the fear - is it a fear you will never have another drink?, a fear that you will have another drink?, fear that you don't have the strength to go the whole way? You know that saying 'feel the fear and do it anyway....'
I know I've had these and more and you then have to turn to another part of yourself and look for deeper understanding and belief in yourself.
It would be worse if you weren't feeling the way you do - more likely to become complacent later.........I think you are doing great!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hi to the rest of you Nesters.
Unwasted, hope all of your family and yourself get the peace and love that is so often felt at these times. God bless you all.....

I am now on day 4 AF and day 3 NF. Actually feeling better today than I have in weeks. Went for a 4 mile 'thinking' walk last night. Just nice, fresh, and came back feeling great. I feel like I have been lost recently (really I have, in that alcohol haze that hangs while you drink, after you drink and comtemplate more....) and at last I can see the way out again. This time though I think I have fallen so many times and I don't want to again - the thought of re-opening old wounds is just too much.
Feel pretty sure this is 'my time'.

Have a great day everyone. Will check in later...

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Nursie, like Jolie, I started it but you just reminded me to finish the Steven Tyler interview...I have it DVR'd. He's interesting.

Yeah, Irie, I think Daisy's right - you definitely should mention it....those feelings that you have - even if they aren't making sense to you - you should mention them. So many times I've come here and just started typing about random feelings that I'm having and by the time I get done typing, I've often come to some kind of "realization"...and if I haven't - then some wise one here has words of advice that help me through. It is definitely a scary thing - continuing on and wondering if your life has changed for GOOD? It's not easy - even though we know that what we were doing wasn't working - thinking about never doing it again. I try to keep focusing on the fact that I know I am doing the right thing and stop thinking about long term....besides with your shift in thinking - those thoughts of "if I were to drink again" shouldn't even be there, right?

I'm sending you strength UW - My mother has been in a nursing home - hospice eligible - for 8 years or so....we've been called to the hospital and the nursing home more times than I can count - to say goodbye to her. It's very emotional and hard and I am feeling for you and admiring your strength....I haven't done it AF...

Jolie, you're cracking me up with tales of kinky sex (or not) and Kevinthekillertherapist :H


We're getting ready for some possible snow in tomorrow's forecast - probably totals of only 6 inches or so....it's been a strange winter so far! New snowthrower hasn't even been fired up yet.

I kind of feel like it's time to start living my life again....figuring out how. I want to figure out how to socialize - I have friends that we always drank with - but I know they are friends who won't care if we're drinking or not - when it comes right down to it. But it's still making me really think alot....we'd typically have dinner parties with these two other couples and their kids - the kind of cocktail we'd have would always be a major planning point. And if it were just me, it would probably go unnoticed - but my hubby isn't drinking either - and I'm just feeling that it would be uncomfortable to invite people over and serve them drinks and not drink ourselves.... Neither of us are even considering drinking - but we want to see our friends...I'm considering two "pitchers" of cocktails and just not making a big deal of it...one with al and one without.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good morning friends, I'm not posting as much as I'd like to because I am splitting my online time up now, but I have been reading.

Daisy45, sounds like a nice walk you had. Being honest with ourselves is a powerful and humbling experience. I'm so glad you are feeling well!

Irie, I know what you mean about the fear/anxiety/worry etc. We are putting ourselves on the table each time. When I think about all my failed attempts, I realize that there was alot of fear and I let the fear make me hold back on getting serious. I think the fear might also just be the other side of the coin for our desire for success (does that even make sense?). You might also be telling yourself to re-examine your plan, i.e. what steps are needed at this stage?

Thank you, Canadian Gal, it sounds like you are doing well!

Unwasted, thinking of you and your family.

I hope everyone has a great AF day.

[Nelz]

Newbies Nest

Irie;1243180 wrote: Good morning! I can't believe how busy it is here! Wow, that's a great thing. I just have a moment, but wanted to touch base. Starting day nine today and looking forward to double digits. As the days are starting to rack up I have to admit it's kind do a double edged sword. On one hand I'm excited and proud. On the other, I'm getting.. I don't know, scared isn't the right word. Worried? Worried, I guess, that the higher the number gets the bigger deal it will be if I were to drink again.

I guess that's good pressure and I shouldn't even mention it, but I wonder if any of the rest of you are feeling this?

I think running the gamut of emotions is very normal. I know I did. And yes, the more days you rack up, the more pressure there is(if thats really a bad thing) to keep them going.

Eventually, and the time table is different for evereyone(took me forrrrrrrrrever) you slowly start to reach an indifference to AL. The cravings dont go away completely, but they come farther between, and easier to deal with.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Dark rain clouds hanging over my portion of the nest - oh well, I hear it's going up to 60 today. Such strange winter weather.

Unwasted, thinking of you & your family.

Irie, I really think you need to change your thinking. If your intention is to remain AF then lose the thoughts of 'if I drink again'. That thinking is just a form of self-torture. Take on a positive attitude, believe in yourself, keep working on the gratitude list

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Thursday!
I'm off to the store to pick up some food for my girls night tonight. My daughter & grandaughter are coming today & staying the night

Lav

[canadian gal]

Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters!

At the end of day 14 and feeling great.

Irie- I completely understand what you are feeling. For me it's like this worried feeling of how many days can I go until I F up and have a drink. Last year I made it 4 months. 4 months! And then all it took was one night where all my friends were drinking and I joined in. When one of my best friend's quit drinking she posted something like "Why am I counting? Am I counting to see how many days I go until I fail? Do I expect some sort of trophy for how many days sober I am? If this is a decision that I have made for life then why am I counting?" Would you feel better if you didn't count? I agree with Nelz that it DOES GET EASIER! Just allow yourself to get that point.

Daisy- Isn't a great feeling when something just clicks? It's so hard to describe, but somehow you know that this time is THE TIME, right? It's so hard to see the way out with the booze goggles on, but once they come off, everything just kinda falls in place. It's great that you're in your "zone" and ready to kick al's ass!

Lolab- You should start living again lady!!! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a dinner party where the hosts aren't drinking! You are not telling your guests that they can't drink. Definitely make 2 pitchers. I bet the kids would also enjoy the non al drinks. If anyone asks questions, it's simple- hubby and I are trying to live a healthier lifestyle. Who can argue with that?

Because I am also a smoker I like to compare these addictions. If you had a party where everyone smoked and you and your hubby didn't, would you feel left out? Or pressured to smoke? Would your guests think differently of you? Absolutely not! So have those parties and have a great time doing em!

Well that's it for me. Off to read my book and hit the hay! Nighty night!

[WineWrangler]

Newbies Nest

Good morning, UW my thoughts and prayers are with you. Day 12 for me today, starting to sleep better and feel better. Going to my parents cabin for the weekend, no snow this year so I'll keep busy clearing land and playing lumberjack. I'll have to be careful in the past this has been one of my drinking spots. Some good food a good book and a roaring fire in evenings are my plan. Wish everyone the best for the weekend.:new:

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Morning All!
Day 17 here...or so my phone says. I have stopped even thinking about the number of days, but I do have a counter on my phone that reminds me every time I look at it...and it is kind of nice to see those days rack up. My January calendar is FULL of stickers so I know I'm on the right track! Can't get too confident though, because I have been known to blow through the first 30 or 40 days and then let the stupid AL thinking back in...so I do need to stay strong!

CanadianGal - Wow...I am seriously impressed with your "shout outs" to everyone! You asked me about cutting down smokes as opposed to quitting cold turkey. Well, I've tried both and neither has worked. So hows that for advice? :H Seriously, I think cutting down in preparation for cold turkey is a good idea. Maybe cut down a cig per day, per week...that's what I'm planning to do. Others have mentioned nicotine replacement, but how do you know if you're really addicted to the nicotine, or just the physical act of smoking? Personally, I think it's just the "act" for me. Hmmmm...deep thoughts to ponder. LOL

Everyone sounds SO good in the Nest lately. I feel a different vibe these days, like 2012 is going to be the year we really "get" it! It's taken me years to get to this point. It's actually kind of sad to look back at my old calendars and see the days I went AF (they were few and far between), and I say "sad" because it shows that I've been battling this for a long time. "Normal" drinkers don't mark down days they didn't drink. But looking forward, I'm positive this will be the best year yet.

Everyone stay strong...the weekend is coming up again (3 days...yay!). To all the newbies, remember that it does get easier. Weekends are just days, and not an excuse to drink. Hangover-free Saturdays and Sundays are the best!

K9

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

p.s. Welcome WineWrangler...we were posting at the same time. I saw an earlier post from you and meant to give you a big :welcome: I'm not good at naming everyone like some others around here (show offs....j/k!) Anyway, welcome to the Nest....you're gonna love it here! GREAT job on 12 days....in my opinion you are over the hardest part, now just stick with it. A fire and a book sounds wonderful...just my cup of tea! What are you reading? Go to the "What We're Reading" thread for lots of good suggestions. I am a true bookworm so I'm always looking for ideas.

Again...welcome and stick close!

K9

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Irie! The longer you go, the more INVESTMENT you have in your quit...the risk vs. benefit ratio becomes skewed! To me, it happened at Day 13. After that, the prospect of starting back at Day 1 became just too high a price to pay. AND it was easier to fight it off. I wish I could find the post again, I think it was Lolab or Windy who statedif it stayed as hard as it is for the first 3 days or so, no one would ever be able to quit...but each day that passes it gets a little easier...then Nelz points out that sometimes after some months it still comes up, but is more easily dispelled. Your quit becomes EVERYTHING to you...and now defines who you are. Why? Because AL was defining everything you did, now YOU are. So your sober life is like peeling back an onion...who knew you had so many interesting layers? It is a happy path!!
I say keep counting the days!!! Yes, keep score. Then there will be a time...when you lose count!! This is a great day! Because you know you are doing it...I don't consider it counting days to fail, rather my thinking is that you can't manage it if you can't measure it. There have been times I had to think back as to how many months I have...this is a mighty good feeling...That quit date is everything to me in this journey...because I can never get that date back.
Just rack up as many days as you can and build up that investment. It is soooo worth it. Byrdie

[WineWrangler]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for the encouragement K9, I'm reading John Muir's autobiography (thick as an old dictionary), have great weekend.

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

So here I am at work. Today is day 1. I managed over 6 months in 2009. Then I managed to f it up. Weird day to start on a Thursday, but here goes. I haven't been on MWO in 2 1/2 years, but it was a great tool in the past. Appreciate any support..will check in tonight.

[mylife]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1243260 wrote: Irie! The longer you go, the more INVESTMENT you have in your quit...the risk vs. benefit ratio becomes skewed! To me, it happened at Day 13. After that, the prospect of starting back at Day 1 became just too high a price to pay. AND it was easier to fight it off. I wish I could find the post again, I think it was Lolab or Windy who statedif it stayed as hard as it is for the first 3 days or so, no one would ever be able to quit...but each day that passes it gets a little easier...then Nelz points out that sometimes after some months it still comes up, but is more easily dispelled. Your quit becomes EVERYTHING to you...and now defines who you are. Why? Because AL was defining everything you did, now YOU are. So your sober life is like peeling back an onion...who knew you had so many interesting layers? It is a happy path!!
. Byrdie

Thanks for that Byrdie - I get more nuggets of wisdom like yours above every time I come here and read. :thanks: