Newbies Nest

[stella123]

Newbies Nest

Byrd is it poss you or anyone else can put all these wonderfull feeling staying AF gives I am struggling to imagine it will ever come to me??

Thank you x

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Jane, on a post you have written, see down at the lower right corner the edit button? Click on that and delete is an option.
Thank you SL..... I have the same thoughts and wishes too. If we have nothing else here, it's a place to be totally honest with our feelings. The only place I know of, where our most vulerable underbelly shows and that's the beauty and strength of it. B

[scottish lass]

Newbies Nest

Stella, a little while ago i was talking on a thread of different feelings that I was having after getting thru the first 30 days - and someone asked what they were - this is not quite what you are asking, but some of those feelings are similar to wonderful feelings off AL.
i think it would be good to have a list of wonderful feelings - maybe someone else can add to some of my ideas? this weekend i have been battling some of my demons, so I am just cutting and pasting from my old post - see what you think.............
?Sleep is different - I still struggle to sleep, but what I get is so much better
?I have more time - time to think, dream, do!
?I have more freedom, not tied down beacuse I am crippled by where my next drink is coming from, too drunk to function, too drunk to drive.
?I am not worried about what I said or did, and can't remember - no more treading softly in case I said or did the wrong thing
?Different life as it not revolving around where the next drink is coming from, so actually planning to do things.
?More efficient at work, so meeting goals sooner - time at work
?Different food - not just what I am capable of fixing when drunk, but actually planning and cooking (same for shopping)
?More money
?Not falling into bed drunk, actually putting on foot cream, face cream, brushing teeth!
?Planning the future
?Caring about my appearance/health
?Singing in car on way to work instead of panicing if I am going to die of liver failure because I drank too much again, and can I actually get to work because I feel so bad.
?Reading in bed at night as I am not passed out.
?Not breaking things
?Not worrying about what my kids will think of me, and what to do if they want friends around

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Stella, why since you asked!!! Will these wonderful AF free feelings ever come to you? Boy, you have posted a great question!!! I hope other nesters will give their takes...but I will share this with you. I came here (lurking) Jan 2010. I thought I was at the end of my rope. Things were falling apart all around as a direct result of AL. I was getting caught (and I was GOOD, I thought). Vodka was my choice and I carried it everywhere I went. When my hubs gave me the big talk about MY PROBLEM...I found this place. And I gave up vodka Jan 31, 2010. I switched over to wine. I thought I didn't have a problem with wine at all (this is sick thinking). So before you know it, I was drinking wine earlier in the day and all day long on weekends. I tried to stop that, managed to get 12 days in twice...but I just couldn't give it up! It was too much to ask!! I LOVED DRINKING...I loved escaping...I loved how talkitive I got you name it, AL made it better! Finally I started routing my air travel via airports that had wine shops where I could buy some and get it on my carry on, and this still wasn't what made me stop! It was't until my hubs packed his bags on Jan 19, 2011 and left the house. We wrote me a note telling me he didn't think I was capable of stopping on my own, and that he'd had enough lies and promises for a lifetime. The next day he came home to get more clothes...and looked at him as if looking at a stranger. He was asking how we were going to divide our assests...and blah, blah blah. I knew at that moment...I had to make a choice. My marriage of 25 years, or AL. It was a hard choice to make. But that day, I committed to him, and to myself that that was it. And so my journey began. I came to this board every day many times. I read all around here. I HAD to do it this time...finally I passed that 12 day mark...Day 13. Something just clicked in my head that day...that this wasn't an impossible task. Maybe this is something I CAN do. So my next goal was to get to Day 30 and when I did, I still felt really good, but that craving was still there. I got one bottle of L glut but couldn't tell much difference so I stopped taking that. Then 60 days...while I felt wonderful and happy-er....I still didn't have that inner peace that Lav and so many others seem to exude. It really wasn't until I hit around the 4 month mark that I found I wasn't thinking about AL every hour. I'd look at my watch and it's be 7 oclock and I hadn't thought about AL all thru that horrible 5 oclock hour! Around that 4 month mark, it becomes as natural NOT to drink as it was to drink. I will tell you this...Day 13 is important...but every day after that you put between you and AL your thinking will be clearer. Your mood will be MUCH better. You aren't TIED to that dam bottle and planning out your supply and how to get rid of your empties. It is freedom and it is peace. I read a post by Nelz a couple months ago, and he's 4 months behind me, but his sense of peace seemed to happen sooner than mine. I dwell on things and hold on until there's no hope left, so that might be why. But I can tell you that here at a year, being AF is as natural as putting on a sock. It probably won't take you as long as it did me...but being AF is the best gift I ever gave myself. I had no idea what a hole I had dug for myself, the web of lies, the social isolation...all so I could drink. There is a wonderful peace inside my head now. When you get to Day 13, I think you'll get a sense of it...it will happen!!! Trust me or I'd never have been able to do it. The payoff is WORTH it!! I am now enjoying the life I busted my ass to have...the mindpeace will come....but it does come slowly. It comes by getting thru today. Byrdie

[htide]

Newbies Nest

15 days and I'm stuggling cuz i didn't sleep and I'm remembering things and I'm scared because we all know cunning baffling and powerful..don't want to drink but it really is easier untill it wears off..I will stay sober today if it kills me ...that is how important this new was of life is to me but I'm just so damn emotional..it right now just feels so bad and hopeless

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

scottish lass, stella & everyone else struggling in the beginning of their journey -
Please find some patience! You will have the lives you want, absolutely! But it takes some time to get it all together. We don't screw ourselves up overnight so we can't expect to fix it all overnight

Set up a good plan & stick to it, no matter what. Eat healthy, learn to feel truly grateful for every step you take forward, for every AF day. Exercise a little, appreciate nature & those around you. Start a meditation practice. You will begin to feel the peace of an AF life very soon, one day at a time

[available]

Newbies Nest

Oh Byrdie what a wonderful post, congratulations on what you have achieved.

[stella123]

Newbies Nest

I cant sleep I feel so stressed with my job and normally would have had some wine..... and i think i am posting in wrong areas...dont think im getting te hang of this at all....aaaargh...

[Today]

Newbies Nest

Wow, what a story Byrdlady... thank you for sharing it, I definitely needed to read it especially today. I hope you know what an inspiration you are. Thank you to all of you for coming here and sharing. It is not easy to open up about our sins.

htide, if you mean you didn't sleep last night, me too and it has been a long day so far. I am trying to be positive and think I will have a great sleep tonight. I cannot let the stress get to me.

I decided to try and do something with my day than feel miserable so I took my kitty to the vet. He's been lethargic and not eating and I thought from the look of his teeth that maybe he had infection and would get antibiotics. Nope! The vet is keeping him overnight to completely clean his infected and possibly extract a broken tooth. And he's not very old!

So I'm worried about him and partly wish I hadn't taken him in (selfish I know, but it may not be best night to be anxious), but overall am glad I dealt with something. My cat was uncomfortable and I hadn't even known cause I was stuck with AL. So kitty comes home tomorrow, he will be okay in couple days and back to his happy, playful self and I will be more AF!

[stella123]

Newbies Nest

Today,

I hope ur kitten has a speedy recovery

[Today]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Stella, normally he sleeps with me so tonight will be an adjustment.

I get work being stresser, it is for me too. You stay strong, stay away from that wine! Just post all over the place, I like reading all the dif threads

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Thanks for sharing your story today, Byrdie. It was just the pep talk I needed after the frustrating day I had.
With the kids home, I barely had a minute to think my own thoughts. That type of thing was always key in leading me to the drink. I resisted today, cranky as I was, and will see Day 4 tomorrow. Even though I went 34 days AF in Oct./Nov., this time seems more difficult.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Yep BG i think so too. the 11 i did was a breeze but maybe we are focusing too much just thinking we did it last time so easy peazy this time. I do remember the first few days as terrible and didnt realise how much. bit like childbirth lol

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hello to all my friends here! Sorry for neglecting the nest!

I worked long hours all weekend, part of my computer time tied up in a distance learning course and a minor illness in the family has kept me busy. But I am doing it all AF, that is the important thing to me!

I used to think that I was cursed because I couldn't drink. Now I am starting to feel like I am blessed because I can truly appreciate my sobriety. My thinking is starting to turn upside down.

I'm so glad for everyone who is trying so hard and I hope you have a wonderful AF night!

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

I thought I posted already?
Hi Nesties,
Good day, got lots done. Made a cake and wanted to eat half...ok maybe I wanted to eat the while thing. I am craving junk junk junk.

Worried about work tOmorrow...I'm at a point where I really need a vacation I guess.
Hope those of you who are turning in have a restful sleep.