lifchange - I love that toby story!
Jane, listen to Lav...I know it's easy in the early weeks to get caught up in wanting everything to be normal "now" - but it just really takes time. If they are true friends they will wait for you to get through this phase...and then you can all enjoy conversations where you actually remember what you talked about. This phase is not permanent! it's not going to end tomorrow or maybe not next week - but you will come around and feel like socializing again...and sober. I'm actually looking forward to a get together with friends we used to drink with - I've taken the possibility of me drinking - totally out of the picture in my mind - and I am excited to spend an evening "with" everyone...and not sneaking out to check on something in the kitchen and downing extra vodka while I'm out there. This didn't happen over night. In fact probably even a month ago, the thought of a get together like this scared me half to death. What would we talk about??? Then I thought the whole scenario through in my head and realized that I haven't "talked" about anything of real importance at drinking events with them for years...I keep myself so busy preparing food and filling glasses and drinking - myself - just so that I wouldn't have to try to follow a conversation....THAT would be too tough to do in my state...because by the time of an evening dinner party, I'd have been drinking for half the day already....by evening it's not too easy to follow along or join in a conversation without making an ass out of yourself. So I learned to be the quiet drunk. I did see over Christmas - myself actually talking to relatives...asking what was going on in their lives...and caring....not being preoccupied with drinking. But in those early days/weeks of sobriety - I was definitely self centered! I went to bed early - I didn't want to talk - it was a real struggle - but it WILL pass!!!!!! :l
Australia - thanks for the congrats....:l Today is the 26th and I started on Sept 26th! Only recently do I feel like I'm not "trying" to be sober....I feel like me. Not "trying" to be anything other than me. It's not a constant effort anymore. But I'm still here and still reminding myself of what I don't want to do. I don't want to be that "me" that depended on alcohol to get through every single day...and the only way to avoid that is to leave it alone completely.
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