Newbies Nest

[petal]

Newbies Nest

I am back as a newbie, I have to do this this time I am back on day 1 and dreading the days ahead, but I am looking forward to waking up without a heavy head!!!! that's if I can get to sleep first!!!

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Day 6 guys I am proud but at the same time, really struggling. Still not sleeping well, or eating well and my skin looks so much worse than before which makes me feel awful. Plus I am still so grouchy, last night my husband actually told me to start drinking again. He even offered to get it for me. This is a guy who is teetotal and doesn't like me drinking. My head is seriously all over the place.

I've been to the gym this morning and to Starbucks and had a coffee, but still can't shift this dark cloud. I really don't think I can do this, not when I haven't got anyone immediately in my life supporting me.

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Morning /Afternoon Nesters (depending where you are !)

Day 4 for me - feeling OK just now, reasonably positive although I expect this will change later. Just been to the shops and stocked up on some of the alternative drinks people suggested to me on my "what do you drink now?" thread.

Headache only slight today - however I did wake up feeling really dehydrated which was weird given that I'm not drinking AL - guess its the final part of the detox process?

Willow I see you are in need of urgent help. Stick with it . I know what it's like to have a none understanding spouse. Mine is a serious wine drinker and he doesn't think I have a problem even though I've told him I was drinking well over 30 units a week and he is a medical Dr and should know the risks. He drinks the same amount approx as me and has no intentions of quitting, thinks I'm nuts and dont have a problem - or else doesnt want to see it and that I should just enjoy alcohol.

What has really just got to me is this am is I just bought myself a bottle of that POM pomegranate juice and he just saw it and said "hmm tha stuff is really expensive u know!" to which I replied " nothing like as expensive as a bottle of wine!" last week he ordered 3 cases of wine to be delivered from the wine club which does not help!!!

Willow you are not going to see instant improvement the first few days - will feel look worse initially as you detox. Try explaining that to him - it will get easier - believe me - I've been there before at least 3 times before I've relapsed.

Relapse is so annoying / devastating. If u feel tempted read threads / posts of people who've just resumed drinking again and see how guilty they feel.

Also, I know u have young children ( mine are now 6 and 7) they were 2 and 3 when I seriously quit before. U need to watch a film ( you'll get the DVD on amazon for less than a price of a nights booze) " when a man loves a woman" starring Meg Ryan. It's a about an alcoholic mother with young children. You will relate to it I know and it will make you more determined - maybe see if your husband will watch it too. Don't be put off by sloppy title, it's not a romantic film, it's about a family struggling with the mother's drinking.

Keep strong everyone and watch those days build up like beads on a string!

Take care all

Sausage

Day 4 ****

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nestlings!

Hope we are waking up to a bright and beautiful Monday! Oh, am I too cheerful or what? Sorry, but I have sobriety to blame.

Welcome to Petal! You will surely blossom here, stick to your AF guns and do not give up. I hope you are waking up with a clear head after a good night's sleep. I have managed another solid 8 hours, 3rd night in a row, 6th day sober starting today. Life is good. Getting better each and every day w/out AL. You'll see!

Nelz said something on one of the threads yesterday about an "ahhhhhh" moment, where the sun really shines, the grass is green, the birds are chirping and you finally see the ultimate moment of clarity after being AF for some time. If Nelz is reading...how long did this take for you? Just curious. Last year, after being AF for 60 days straight, I remember feeling like that and did not want to ever drink again. Then I went on vacation to Jamaica, the island that specializes in getting people fucked up, and it was all downhill for there. (Do not get me wrong, I LOVE Jamaica and its people and we were even married there in 2010. But let's face it, it's party central Island and not a place for a new AF person to tread waters...). Anyway, I am so looking forward to that moment of AHHHH again, and with every AF day, I feel I am closer!

Sausage, wow. Hubby orders wine by the case count? I assume this is very difficult for you? You are doing so great. Hope the headache is waning. Keep yourself hydrated to get the last of the AL out of your system for good. Massage your temples with an anti-headache balm from the health food store...something with lavender or peppermint essential oil would be ideal. Put a hot compress over your eyes and temples afterward and lie down to relax. You will feel a lot better. Always works for me as I try to stay away from ibuprofen and other pain killers. Figure I've done enough damage to my poor liver! Good luck and maybe with you not drinking, your husband will follow suit?

Hi Canadian Gal! You are so positive...it's wonderful to have you on here! Keep up the good work in rallying us!

Hi Lav...PS, I love the pic of your wee chicken!

Willow, hang in there. We are arm and arm in days I think. We can do it! Way to go for hitting the gym and starbucks early! I have to hit the gym afterwork and sometimes it's a struggle to get enough energy to go but once I am there, I catch a second wind.

Got on the scale this am and finally lost a few AL pounds I think. It has been about a week almost since I stopped sucking down a bottle or more a night. Feeling less bloated and someone at work yesterday said I was looking more fit. So, it's paying off!

Have a great day everyone who is checking in!

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Willow, hang in there! I read a post on here months ago (I can't remember by whom) that said if quiting continued to feel the way it does the first couple of weeks, no one would do it! I'm just in early days myself, but I know from reading posts from those who break free that it does get better. Much better. I'll bet that your husband is really proud of you, and just doesn't know how to deal with the fact that in the short run not drinking has made you grouchy instead of all sweetness and light!

[westiesrock]

Newbies Nest

Hi Wllow 23. A few days ago, you said you couldn't imagine yourself getting to Day 4...you are already 2 days past that goal!!!!! You did it! I found taking the negative thinking pattern (can't) - when I catch myself thinking or writing in the negative, I turn it into a positive helps alot. Hang in there. They tell me the exercise really helps. I located a gym this weekend and will start this week! I liked the guy's message: exercise will only expand your life, not shrink it. Just like AL. Being a non-drinker will only expand our lives, not shrink it. Hang in there. On day 6 too. The insomnia is hard; but last night slept 6 hrs!!! And no night sweats!!! I with you 100%!!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Monday morning Nesters!

Sunny but chilly here, warming up later

Willow, sounds like you are trying to talk yourself out of quitting - am I right?
Regardless of how you are feeling today, each day will be a little better if you just give it a chance. No one ever said quitting is easy - it isn't! It's work, hard work & requires commitment. Do something, anything really to distract yourself. Go listen to a meditation on youtube, focus on your breathing for a few minutes.......really helps

wishing everyone a great AF Monday!
Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Good morning.


Hey Willow - Of course you can do it! There are loads of us here who did it without "support" from those in our "real" lives.....Keep your mind on the REAL reasons that you are trying to quit. Go back and read your first posts....

I can say how much better sleep is without alcohol...how nice it is to not worry about people smelling it on me...or to be able to drive places in the afternoon and evening...that my skin looks better....that I've lost weight...that I am proud of myself...BUT all of those things can get pushed aside if my mind decides that I want to drink " just a couple".....the TRUTH of the matter is that I am 47 years old and I don't want to die from alcohol related problems....I don't want to kill someone by driving while drinking....I don't want my child to grow up with the shame of having a mother who chose alcohol over him - a mom who could be in jail or dead. I want to be around to see him grow into an adult...to HELP him grow into an adult...and not be some terrible experience in his life. There are many things that I want to experience in my life before I am gone...and FULLY experience...not in the fog of alcohol....things that i'll never ever do if alcohol takes away my motivation.

This is not easy....Especially at first...but recognize that sneaky voice of alcohol itself - trying to lure you back....

If it stayed as hard as it is in the first week or two? There's no WAY any of us could continue on AF. It does get easier!

Do you have a solid plan? Figure out what you will do when you get exhausted...because you will...

what will be your "plan" when you get stressed....because you will.

what you'll do when you just have a "down" couple of days....because you will.....

If you expect these things and know exactly what you're going to do, you'll have a much better chance of making it. You're about to turn a corner - that means hang on tight!!! :l

Read through a couple threads... https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...lan-41280.html

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Thanks all. Well, I just had to drop my son at preschool and there's a store we have to walk by - but I only took out keys, not my purse so that I couldn't go in. I'll do the same later. Maybe this will be my last day of it being hard - the darkest hour is just before dawn and all that.

Irie - it's funny you know cos last night he said,"I just want my wife back' ie wants me to be happy like usual. I replied,"Your wife was a drinker and you didn't like that either!". I can't win! I said he'll just have to put up with it for a bit until it gets better - but it is really hard to follow something through when it's creating tension.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lav - not talk myself out, I just can't SEE a way out if you know what I mean? My husband has been on my case for so long about drinking, so I stop, but then he's still not happy because I'm cranky! I just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall right now.

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

BlondeAFAmbition;1269729 wrote: Last year, after being AF for 60 days straight, I remember feeling like that and did not want to ever drink again. Then I went on vacation to Jamaica, the island that specializes in getting people fucked up, and it was all downhill for there. (Do not get me wrong, I LOVE Jamaica and its people and we were even married there in 2010. But let's face it, it's party central Island and not a place for a new AF person to tread waters...)!

Oh, boy! You just nailed my biggest worry. I'm on day 22 today, and hope to never drink again. We have a two week vacation coming up on mid-April in Jamaica, though, that I'm really afraid will derail me. It's a trip we take every year with a group of friends and is a ton of fun, but the drinking goes on from morning until night! I've tried imagining not drinking there, and some days I can. To be honest though, there are also the days when I wonder if it's even possible and recognize that this simply may not happen for me.

What are your thoughts, BlondeAF? Were you sorry you gave up your AF time, or did you see it as a break before you got back on track again? I know how important it is not to give in to AL, but I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to be strong enough to avoid it.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

I remember in the beginning - isolating myself...not really consciously - but I just couldn't deal with ANYTHING....I went to bed early, and I do remember sitting at the dinner table and snapping about something and when I looked up - seeing all very wide eyes focused on me...at least your hubby knows why you're crabby - I didn't even tell mine. He must have thought I was possessed! :H

You've got the right idea...hang on...and keep venting....that's what I love about this place....you say you're in trouble and look at all the advice you get!:l

Hey irie...you're doing so well....it's probably not what you want to hear....but it seems that you'd have a hard time getting back on track. :l

lola

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Willow - I think u need to sit him down and explain to him that first couple of weeks will be really difficult / hell for you and almost as didfficult for him also as you will not be easy to live with - but give it a couple of weeks and it should get easier. Just like if someone is quitting smoking - he must have friends / colleagues who have tried to do this and not been easy to live and work with. Ask him to support you - remind him how it was his idea to quit and how he hated you drinking . Tell us what he says to this?

Why not keep a little diary on how you feel each day - urges, times of strength - record them all and see how you hopefully improve. Jot down all the reasons why you want to quit, why you hate drinking - show him the list. Then make a list of all the reasons why you want to stop, what you'll gain - show him this list also. Jot down inspirational quotes you read on this site also etc etc.

Hope this helps.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Irie...it sounds to me you are giving yourself an escape hatch for your vacation. I'm in sales, and if I've heard it once I've heard it 1000 times, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. You don't drink. Period. No matter what and no matter who. You must get your mind around this. How many times have we seen it with our friends here? They are doing well, then BAM...months and years of work down the tubes. It's a never ending struggle...UNLESS you do one thing. DO NOT DRINK. That's all there is to it! Simple...yes. Easy, no. You will not be an outcast....hell, do what I did at my last company meeting (see my posts on previous company meetings where I fell in a ditch of water in an evening dress, or where they announced at the general session that I
was there in spite of the bets that I wouldn't be because I was off the walls) just ACT drunk if you have to. Be loud and laugh loud and you will fit right in. You do NOT need alcohol to function or to even have a good time. Those days have passed us by....AL is no longer fun for us, it is killing us. Do not entertain for one minute that you will fail...and you know what? You won't. Because no one pours it down your throat...it is a choice. Just like my choice was....Heaven or Hell....it boils down to that. Look forward to your vacation!!! Plan to enjoy it and remember it and to be the life of the party! AL is not on your menu.
I also found in the earliest days that putting myself into the service of someone else was a huge help. The mood swings and pity parties are just awful. If I could set my mind to do something nice for someone else...it took the focus off my problem. I baked cakes for others....or baked cookies. I offered to take people to the dr's office (this IS thankless, BTW). I picked up the bill for a lady standing behind me in Wal Mart one day. Doing something for someone else only comes back in spades to you. Compared to lots of other people out there, our problems are small indeed. We can do this....one hour at a time....15 minutes at a time....Byrdie

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

a quote from sausage a couple of pages back: "I've just been looking through my old diaries and the longest AF stretch I've ever managed was 257 days between 2008 and 2009. I am so mad for giving up and trying to moderate - I was pursuaded to have one glass of champagne at my next door neighbours 18th birthday party and it was all down hill from there. Moderation never works for me. Have had several shorter AF stretches over the past few years and I always fail by thinking i can moderate and I can't and then it takes me months / yrs to get back on the waggon again.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?!?
"

When I was young, I bartended at a little dive in my hometown. We were allowed to drink, and I always did. I could work from 3 PM til closing and drink the entire time, and still mix up drinks, work the cash register, and carry on conversations. I didn't consciously pace myself, and I never EVER got falling down - unable to carry on a conversation - drunk. I continued to be able to drink like that up until a few years ago. Then some unseen line was crossed. I don't know if it was in my ability to handle alcohol or in the sheer amount I drank or in the chosen poison, but now I simply cannot drink and still be "normal"...

Even though I was still not stumbling drunk when I quit, I had my moments of "Losing my thought" mid sentence....of things just not quite going as well as they used to...of not taking care of myself like I used to....of not caring like i used to. It scares the hell out of me to think of where i was headed.

So to think about a trip where there's drinking from morning to night? couple years ago, it would have been my dream. that also scares the hell out of me - because I don't have the kind of "restraint"? that I used to have to be able to do that....drinking wasn't fun to me anymore. I have to remember that. It just was not fun anymore....If I drank, I'd be on a vacation that I'd not even remember most of...