Newbies Nest

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Sausage. I did tell him that's why I feel cranky, we had a talk about it last night - that's when he said he wanted me to start drinking again. I told him he just has to put up with it for a bit longer and then I'll start coming out the other side too. I think it's all just been a bit of a shock to him - me drinking has put a strain on our marriage at times which is why he doesn't like it. I think he thought that once I stopped drinking, everything would magically be ok and it isn't. It was never going to be suddenly ok cos this is hard.

I told him last night that to him everything is so black and white and simple, and real life really isn't like that! I feel like I'm the mum and he's a teenager sometimes because he just cannot get things into his head. He's very anti-smoking, anti-drugs and now, anti-drinking and he just can't understand why people do it. I'm actually really glad I'm much more open-minded!

Thanks everyone else too, you're cheering me up a bit now x

[Irie]

Newbies Nest

Lolab and Byrd, I respect you both tremendously and am going to do everything I can to take your words to heart. The reason I posted this isn't so much to give myself an out as it is to throw my weak link out there and make it very public so that I won't have an out.

I have to be honest. I really am worried about this trip. I'm just trying to do everything I can think of to have my brain in the right place before my feet hit the sand. I know I will only take one bad choice to loose everything I've been working for. For now, I think the most important thing I can do is get more AF days under my belt. They are my biggest weapon at this point.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Do they know about you quitting Irie? What does your husband say about it?

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Willow,
I absolutely do not want to scare you but ~
I had the same situation with my husband......
He wasn't happy long before I started really drinking, wasn't happy while I drank & still wasn't happy a full year after I quit. Consequently, he hasn't lived here for the past two years
His unhappiness is all about him ~ not me! Married nearly 39 years but living alone has made me understand a lot about him & myself too. Hopefully your husband will recognize that he has issues to work on himself.

Irie, if I was in your shoes right now, worried about this upcoming trip - I'd cancel. Your health & happiness are more important, aren't they?? We can't be successful in this journey if we don't make changes! If you know this trip will be fueled by AL then why go??

[shueaddict]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesties,

Just a quick chirp that I am still AF, 2 weeks after crawling my sorry behind back into the nest . I had episodes of tiredness, crankiness and now a monster headache. BUT - It is getting easier - and I don?t want to go back. This is take #5 for me and I do not want to mess it up.

Byrdie ?I have copied a few of your quotes, LolaB ? I just love your enthusiasm and general take on things, Lav ? mother hen, thank you for keeping us honest.

To all the other fellow nesties, hang in tight.

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Irie;1269747 wrote: Oh, boy! You just nailed my biggest worry. I'm on day 22 today, and hope to never drink again. We have a two week vacation coming up on mid-April in Jamaica, though, that I'm really afraid will derail me. It's a trip we take every year with a group of friends and is a ton of fun, but the drinking goes on from morning until night! I've tried imagining not drinking there, and some days I can. To be honest though, there are also the days when I wonder if it's even possible and recognize that this simply may not happen for me.

What are your thoughts, BlondeAF? Were you sorry you gave up your AF time, or did you see it as a break before you got back on track again? I know how important it is not to give in to AL, but I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to be strong enough to avoid it.

Irie is it the drinking that makes this trip fun? Or is it the people, the location, and the circumstances? Drinking doesn't improve anything, ever. Can you imagine having a great alcohol-free day with your friends in Jamaica and waking up the next morning and thinking, "Damn, if only I drank yesterday it would have been even better."? Imagine you're in Jamaica with your friends having a great time, but instead of drinking they're smoking crack. Might seem extreme, but really what is the difference? Alcohol is a drug just like crack. Alcohol is poison to your body. Would you feel like you needed to smoke crack? Of course not! You'd probably be horrified. But you've given yourself permission to use this drug. Society tells us that this drug is okay. But there is really no difference. The drug is not what is making your trips to Jamaica fun.

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Irie, the minute I read your post, my first thought was "cancel the trip". There can be no ramifications worse for you than drinking from day to night on a two week "vacation". No amount of money you lose from canceling, or anything anyone else thinks could be worse. Not even close.

JMHO, hun, and I'm just a newbie. Day 5 for me.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Lav - totally. He definitely has his own issues! This is what I mean when I say he is very black and white. If no-one 'fits' into his idea of a perfect box, then that's not good enough. He doesn't drink, hence doesn't like it in me, well, especially me, but hes not comfortable with it generally these days. He says that my behaviour when drunk has made him that way - he doesn't easily take responsibility for his own actions! He has to put stuff onto other people. I think it's a low self-esteem thing or something but he'd never admit it. Things are always my fault, because of my drinking - and I'll accept some responsibility but no way will I accept all of it. Me not drinking will definitely not fix everything in our marriage and I wouldn't be surprised if I go the same way as you eventually.

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, am struggling a bit myself right now, more than at weekend actually. It's a school night, kids didn't want to do homework.....tempting to pour a glass of wine........

Willow, remember u are not just doing this to fix your marriage but also for YOU and YOUR CHILDREN. Sounds like Mr Willow has no experience of combatting addiction even from close friends etc, doesn't appreciate the struggle. Bit like my mum really, she thinks I drink too much "it's ridiculous u drinking all that wine every night, I don't understand why u just don't stop . If it was me I'd just stop" she has absolutely no concept of what a struggle it is because she has never smoked, drinks about 7 units alcohol/year!

Try and be as reasonable as you can with him,mavoid any more stress and try and combat the issue and see where that takes you - you'd surely feel even worse if you were drinking as well.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Sausage, my mum is the same. And yeah, tonight has been hard for me too - found yesterday that DS has nits so had to wet comb, then he wee'd all over the floor ... DD fell over at school and hurt her knee but won't let me put cream or a plaster on it .... arrrrrggghhh! So very nearly tipped over the edge! But I'm through it now - so that's it! Day 6 done!

Thanks so much today, all of you. You really carried me and got me through it.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Oh and something else that has really helped me too - I've already decided that tomorrow I'm going to go to the gym again, take DS swimming again whilst DD is at school and maybe go shoe shopping lol. I wouldn't be able to do any of that with a hangover so that's keeping me focused too.

DH is coming home with more sparkling water, crisps and some sweets to keep me busy - I think that's going to be the way forward in the beginning and not to worry about crap just now. And I also managed to eat some dinner - not a huge amount, but some

[westiesrock]

Newbies Nest

Willow23 that is wonderful!! On to day 7 tomorrow! Way to go!

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Two things are different for me this time compared to 3 yrs ago;

Firstly I definitely think I am having withdrawal symptoms ( didn't notice them before)

Secondly , it scares me more drinking with slightly older children. They were definitely starting to notice me with a wine glass from about 6 pm (I was noticing I was staring to drink earlier and earlier in evening also, I used to start not before 7pm and only when kids were in bed - obviously they were in bed earlier at age 2 and 3 compared to 6 and 7 now when they are often still awake at 9pm and beyond! One thing that makes me derermined to stop was I was not happy about them seeing me drinking every night - they were obviously unaware when younger. I do not want to be an alcoholic mum sipping wine whilst they did their homework and screaming at them.

Ask yourself where you see yourself and your current situation a few years down the line when you are all a bit idoliser -- assuming u change nothing and still drink.


I REALLY need a drink .........just pouring myself a grape juice .....(non alcoholic)!

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Just read your last post Willow. That's great........way to go!! like your plan for tomorrow. Maybe you'll become a shoeaholic instead!!!

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Sausage, one of the reasons I am trying so hard with my quit is that I don't want my kids to grow up with an alcoholic mother. They are 8 and 11 now, but the older one is a boy and he was/is probably clueless to my drinking. A boy thing...but who knows. However, the 8 yr old girl is pretty observant and when she caught me filling a gin bottle with water in the laundry room...I knew that could never happen again.

"I do not want to be an alcoholic mum sipping wine whilst they did their homework and screaming at them. " So well put, and that could be me saying that also!

Willow...sorry to hear about the nits. Guess what? as soon as I finish posting I have to inspect my daughter's hair because I think she has nits also! We went through that last summer and I did many combouts while drunk and not remembering that I did it the next day. Therefore, because I really did not know how to deal with it, it took the entire summer to get rid of them. But I swear, those stupid nits aren't going to make me drink this time.

It seems like Willow, Sausage and myself are in similar situations. Let's lean on each other. :h