Newbies Nest

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon nesters!

Today is day 14 for me :yay:

Welcome Audrey - whilst you are still feeling really rough about the alcohol, jot down how terrible you feel, reasons why you want to quit etc, then when you've forgotten the evil effects you can remind yourself. Pocket, I too like to watch Rain in my heart, although they are sad and disturbing, they do motivate me. Hopefully your sleep will improve in the next day or so.

Lav, hope you have a fun( even if it is exhausting time) with your grandchildren today. Like the sound of your art Daisy, I definitely think its good to keep busy in the evenings, which brings me on to what I wanted to post.

Yesterday evening was really busy for me, parents evening at the school and then swimming club,. It was only when I was driving home about 8.40 pm that I suddenely fancied a glass of wine for the first time all day, and yet my witching hour (or 2!) normally begins around 6.30 pm. Obviously I'm over physical dependence and now a lot of it I feel is embedded in psychological dependence and breaking a routine. If I can stay busy I know I will think less and less of alcohol. It isn't always possible to go out in an evening though as i am on my own with the kids a lot but I need to think of ways of keeping busy in the evenings now I'm not wasting them sipping wine all night.

Hi to everyone else in the nest whom I've not yet mentioned, and have a great AF day.

[ImaClean]

Newbies Nest

Good Day nesters!

I'm still here and still sober. Congrats Sausage on 14 days!! That is awesome, you should be soooo proud.

Welcome Audrey!

Lav - 12 1/2 hours with small grandchildren!! Enjoy them!

Onto Day 5, so far, so good. no major challenges yet...but the weekend looms.

[hope10]

Newbies Nest

canadian gal, I am loving your list!!!

Happy day 14 to you!!

I know I have missed many of you. But stay positive all of you! I have to get to work.

[sugarbeat]

Newbies Nest

If we all keep doing what we are doing now we're going to have some party here next Feb/ March with so many of us starting the journey together, hard to imagine all the good things that are going to happen to us

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Imaclean, how exciting that you can look forward to your first sober weekend in how long? Great!

Great job on 14 days sausage! It takes some time, but you will get used to being home in the evenings without sipping?:l

Howdy Pinecone, hope, flyaway, turnagain, allswell, lav ? (you made me laugh about Daisy?s painting?), and Daisy I can?t even tell you how nice it is to see you standing up all tall and confident again?

Byrdie, - I feel awful for you and for your hubby, but I know the common sense that comes forth in your posts HAS to spread over into your real life and that it will all work out because of that.

Belle, I do know for a fact that what you?re going through is temporary, too. I?m still experiencing lots of different ?stages? in this journey and that ?let down? of the newness wearing off?it was a biggie for me. I wondered if I would feel that bored?that boring?.forever - without alcohol. But I can say with confidence that it IS just another step. I don?t feel that way at all anymore. Each day, it becomes more and more clear ? that things are just the way they?re supposed to be?I?m not missing anything ? and life is good, not boring at all.

Wow, Blondie, your AF time is FLYING by for me! (maybe not for you ? LOL!) but I was so happy to look at your signature and see that you are over two weeks already.

Hi Audrey?that?s where the plan comes into place?when those scary first days are over. You need a rock solid plan.

Almostfamous ? two weeks for you too??? :goodjob:

Sugarbeat your post was very inspiring ? I know that people in those first difficult days get so much out of hearing the truth of someone who has just emerged from that craziness?

Steady, library, I?ll see your two chocolate bars?your 3 slices of cake and raise them 2 chocolate chip cookies! But seriously, can?t change everything all at once. Get rid of the damn alcohol addiction and then worry about those 60 lbs!

CG ? THAT was an awesome post. I?m glad you?re doing well?

Nursie, I hope you?re doin ok?

Hi UW ? thanks again and again for all the wonderful inspiration you provide.

Hi Pocket?end of day 3 ? there are a few tough times ahead, but in my opinion you have made it through the toughest already! I tried the tea at night to help with sleep, but then I was up a couple times, peeing?.:-(

Hi dogwoodblossom ? You too, are approaching an exciting AF weekend ? any plans? Oh yeah?you can?t expect miracles in the first week or so?.I?m STILL feeling changes that I know are due to cutting out alcohol almost 6 months ago.

Snap, willow, and piper, You have to keep trying ? keep posting ? and keep looking within to figure out what it is that keeps you from succeeding?there?s got to be that little - maybe 1% - that is keeping your from being 100% committed. But the answer is not to stay away?.the more I post, the more I figure out what is going on in my own head?maybe I?m thick headed, but I often don?t know the obvious until I?m typing it here.

Jane, you?re back and making me laugh with that sense of humor and such helpful advice? I?ve said it before, but I?m so impressed when someone flips things right over, in the beginning if they messup?because when I did, I just posted less and less?.kept ?trying? to not drink ? but I wasn?t back here in full force ? being honest, and helping others?.and that is what it takes?

K9 ? I hope I don?t offend you that I really laughed at the ?drinking was never rainbows and butterflies, it was DUI?s and handcuffs.? I didn?t laugh at you ? I laughed at the outrageousness of the reality of that statement! If we could all put our own ?realities? into that statement?.I think that should be your signature?it?s brutal honesty.

Rudiger, Hello and welcome! Have you visited the Toolbox thread? https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html It?s important to come up with a ?plan? to implement in staying alcohol free. Read through and get some ideas?and take some time to explore the site. You?ve done a great job finding the newbies nest - keep posting and tell us some of the difficulties you?re facing.

I hope I read back far enough that I didn?t miss anyone. Lav, boy, I?ll be thinking of you today! How fun, but I bet you?ll sleep well tonight!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters and happy "unthirsty Thursday" to you all!

Sausage, a big congrats on 14 days! You done us proud girl! Keep up the good work!

CanadianGal, that is a great list...I could have written it myself. It's so nice to be reminded of the positives of not drinking when we sometimes get pulled away by the euphoric recall of that first sip of wine...when knowing full well it will only bring us sickness, sadness and despair.

Lolab, I have to admit that my AF time is flying for me too...lol. Not the first few days (it does get better you guys in your first week!) but now that I have 2 weeks under my belt, I have to recount the days I have been sober...which isn't a bad thing.

Welcome Rudiger! Check out the toolbox that Lolab so graciously posted...it is a great place to begin.

Hey, anyone heard from Irie lately? If you're out there, come in to the pool...hope you're doing "irie" my friend!

K9, I had to laugh at your botox comment on the thread about physical changes due to giving up al and your experiences with the California gals and their botox mishaps. From what I know about it (never had it done and never will) it is injecting poison into your face...so imagine if a doc gets it wrong...yikes! I think I will opt for Olay or Avon antiaging line...thank you very much...lol.

Lav is having fun with her grandkids right now I bet and yes, I'm sure she will have no trouble sleeping tonight!

Lolab, wise words to the newbies about sorting out your own thoughts by posting on MWO...I am also finding this to be true. In fact, on the abbers thread, last night, it really really REALLY hit home that I came to my own answer just by posting with them. And that was quite a learning experience for this sober chick.

Alrighty Nestlings...must fly out to the big bad world now and get stuff done but I will be thinking of you all and wishing you well. Don't stray too far now...

In the meantime, have a glorious day to all. I'm enjoying 60 degrees and sunny on March 8th in New England...WTF? (But I'll TAKE it!)

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesties!

Lolab - You don't offend me at all by laughing at my comment about "DUI's and handcuffs"...I sorta laughed as I wrote it...Thank God I can laugh now, but it sure wasn't funny at the time! Ah, we live and learn (the hard way), but by George I think I've finally learned my lesson!

Blonde - I'm with you on the Botox thing...no thanks! I love the Oil of Olay Regenerist line, that's about as crazy as I'm willing to get in the anti-aging war. LOL (p.s. Burts Bees has a great line of facial products, I've recently discovered them, just thought I'd throw that out there too)

I just wanted to say that I can relate to those of you who are at a certain point in your sobriety and the "newness" has worn off, I get those thoughts too. Sometimes my brain takes me so far as to think that one drinking night every two months wouldn't really be so bad, would it? Hell yeah it would. Who knows, that ONE night might be the night I drive drunk and hurt someone, or myself, or end up, once again, in the slammer. I'm just not willing to risk it. Even if it were less eventful than that, I'm sure it would still be a mess, drunk texting/emailing/calling, making a fool of myself, waking up scrambling to piece together the night before, spending all day Saturday laying around and dry-heaving. Ugh...now why would I want to do that? That's the true insanity of addiction.

Congratulations to all of you racking up those sober days. Some days are easy, some days are tough, but we can do this. Remember the reality of drinking and not the "fluffy" version...and I'm sure you'll always make the right choice!

Everyone have a great day and stay strong!

K9

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Blondie, it was in the 60's here yesterday and still above average temps, but windy and rainy....hope it's not headed your way!

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

How To Stop Drinking Article

How to Stop Drinking

Far too often, the traditional wisdom for how to stop drinking is plagued with useless relapse prevention tactics that try to pinpoint our problems and triggers in helping us to prevent relapse. My experience has shown this to be ineffective.

Better than tactics for recovery are strategies. Strategy is more useful because it is more encompassing and can affect larger areas of our lives, in such a way that we can affect massive change. Using tactics is more short term and leads to smaller, more incremental changes. In addiction recovery, we need massive change. We need to change everything. Strategies are the way to do that, because they give a broader sense of guidance for all of our actions and decisions.

Strategy #1: Take massive action. If nothing changes, nothing changes. The scope of what you are trying to do (quitting drinking) is truly massive. You are trying to change your whole life. This takes a huge effort. Do not underestimate it. Go big or go home.

Strategy #2: Blast through your denial. See your drinking for the crutch that it really is. Honestly see how it controls you and dominates you, even though you ?enjoy? it. Measure your time spent being ?happy? while drinking, and notice that you are almost always miserable, but hanging on to happy memories of drinking.

Strategy #3: Seek professional help. Alcohol detox can be dangerous. There are huge benefits to inpatient treatment. Seeing a counselor or therapist can be a turning a point. Getting any form of help is action, which is always good.

Strategy #4: Build real self esteem. This is the strongest form of relapse prevention: if you truly value your life, you will not throw it away on a relapse. Take care of yourself. Push yourself to grow. Help others.

Strategy #5: Pursue holistic health. Recovery is about living healthier. Extend this in new directions to enhance your recovery from addiction. Quit smoking, start exercising, make nutritional changes. Seek emotional balance. Etc.

Strategy #6: Create a new life. You have surplus time and energy now that you are in recovery. How will you use this surplus? Find outlets that match your talents and strengths, while allowing you to help others and create real value in life. Experience growth.

Strategy #7: Seek balance as you progress. Watch out for extremism. Recovery is about living, not about recovery. Balance growth and acceptance. Stay active in pursuing new things. Stay open to growth opportunities.

Strategy #8: Push yourself to grow. Do not get lazy in recovery. Do not justify laziness with self acceptance. Do not close the door on self examination. If you stop growing, you relapse.

Strategy #9: Get physical. Fitness is huge in recovery. Most people disregard fitness due to inherent laziness. Push yourself to exercise regularly and reap huge benefits. Some recovery programs are based on exercise alone?that is how powerful it is.

Strategy #10: Embrace gratitude. If you are truly grateful, relapse is impossible. Gratitude is the mindset for learning and growth experiences. Practicing gratitude enhances recovery and leads to more learning and thus more growth.

Strategy #11: Avoid complacency. Our natural state is to be drinking. Therefore, we have to keep pushing in order to avoid reverting to our natural state. We can only do this through the push for personal growth. Seeking holistic health gives us a broad platform for growth experiences.

Strategy #12: Explore a new vision. Take action first, then reflect on how it has helped your recovery. Seek growth based on your strengths. See how you can use this to help others. Start becoming the person you were always meant to be.

Strategy #13: Discover your purpose. Your vision made real. Helping others in a profound way based on the personal growth you have experienced. Achieving dreams that you once thought were blocked forever by your drinking. True contentment and joy.

Stop drinking today?.how many reasons do you need?

As a recovering alcoholic, I know that this is a difficult decision. Even though there were a million reasons for me to stop drinking, I had a million reasons why I should continue. These reasons of mine to continue drinking were because of something called perceived benefits.

The tricky thing is that there are some real benefits to drinking alcohol for most of the adult population. But for the true alcoholic, those benefits are largely illusory, and become less and less valid as their disease progresses.

In other words, an alcoholic might cling to the ?benefits? of drinking, rationalizing that these are important reasons for them to continue to self medicate, but in reality those reasons are no longer valid, and they are just fooling themselves. This is called denial.

The perceived benefits of drinking

The perceived benefits of drinking will be a bit different for different people. Just to give you an idea, here is what I thought alcohol was doing for me:

1) Fixed my shyness ? Before I started drinking, I was naturally shy and found it difficult to speak in groups larger than 2 or 3 people without any anxiety. Alcohol fixed this. The problem is that, even though alcohol fixed this, it was not a viable long-term solution to the anxiety problem. This is because my tolerance increased and I had to drink more and more in order to overcome my shyness. Eventually it stopped working altogether, and I would remain shy even in a complete blackout. But I stubbornly clung to the idea that I had to drink in order for this personality flaw to be corrected.

2) Celebration and passion for living - I believed that life was a party, and that you were not celebrating life unless you were living it up and getting wasted every day. Somehow I believed that the only way to live passionately was to drink heavily. These ideas were obviously from the ?good old days? when drinking was still fun, and hanging onto this illusion was just another part of my denial.

3) Drinking = happy ? I truly believed that the only way that I could be happy in this life was to be drunk. This was a twisted mindset. I really looked down on other people who didn?t drink and pitied them that they were not able to ?get happy? like I was. The truth of the matter was that I was miserable for 99% of the time, and it was a rare moment when I could find the right level of toxicity where I could even claim to be ?happy? in my drunken stupor.

So these were my main ?benefits? of drinking. I call them perceived benefits because this is what I truly believed, but looking back we can see that I was in denial about my drinking and therefore I was only fooling myself. These benefits were illusions that I clung to; they were actually false 99 percent of the time.

The denial exists because alcohol used to work as described. At one time, these perceived benefits were real, and my life was not screwed up yet from excessive drinking. In other words, there were some good times that I had with drinking, and my mind stubbornly clung to those ideas. This is just one mechanism of denial. All of these perceived benefits became false as my alcoholism continued to progress, but my denial kept me from seeing the truth.

When you really analyze the perceived benefits of drinking, it almost looks like a belief system. I had established the idea firmly in my head that alcohol was wonderful and those who did not drink it were missing out in life in a big way. I really believed this. Not only that, but I believed it at a very deep level and it had become part of who I was.

So in spite of these perceived benefits, eventually we have to see the illusions for what they are and break through our denial. It is only then that we can have any hope at even caring about a reason to stop drinking in the first place.

But once we become the slightest bit open to the idea, the tide can turn, and we can start to get excited about a sober life again:

Reasons to stop drinking

We can separate the logical reasons to stop drinking into these broad categories:

1) Longevity of life

2) Quality of life

Pretty basic, right? Alcoholism can affect how long you live, and also the quality of your life. So let?s take them one at a time:

Quitting drinking and your lifespan

Obviously, if you are an alcoholic, then quitting drinking will greatly increase your potential lifespan. But by how much?

To answer that question, we have to look at some statistics. I?ll spare you the charts and data and summarize it for you: most alcoholics die about 15 to 20 years earlier than their peers.

Now the question is: ?How much is 15 to 20 years of your life worth to you?? This question is actually fairly deep and complicated, because the answer can change so drastically depending on your state of mind.

For example, a miserable drunk will usually brush the question off entirely, waving his hand and saying ?whatever. Take me right now if you want!? That is the miserable desperation of addiction talking. Now if we manage to sober this person up and get them involved with a creative new life in recovery, their answer will likely change quite a bit (I know mine did!). Life becomes precious in recovery.

And of course we are just talking about numbers and percentages here?you might be able to continue to drink and still live a very long time. But the odds are against you. It?s not just the direct effects of drinking that can kill you. For example, guess what the number one killer of recovering alcoholics is? Lung cancer. In other words, it?s not just the booze that will kill you?.it?s the lifestyle that gets us in the end. Not to mention drunk drivings, accidents, slip-and-falls, alcohol poisoning, liver damage, and so on.

With alcoholic drinking, there are a million ways to die. Problems compound as the lifestyle becomes increasingly more dangerous. It?s a progressive disease, so the risks increase for both the direct effects of alcohol, as well as for ?lifestyle deterioration.? In other words, as time goes on, our drinking takes us to new lows and to do things we said we would never do. All of this steadily increases the odds of our untimely demise. Luckily, there are a million ways to stop drinking as well.

Quitting drinking and the quality of your life

The discussion so far as focused on how long we will live if we drink alcoholically. But lets take a look at what it does to the quality of our life.

There are a number of ways that drinking impacts the quality of your life:

1) Overall health ? Not only will heavy drinking reduce your lifespan, but it also has the potential to bring on any number of diseases, disorders, and ailments.

2) Alcoholics are more susceptible to other drugs ? which can have devastating effects on your life as well. Many people pick up ?new habits? while they are drunk.

3) Alcoholics are several times more likely to be cigarette smokers - which, combined with drinking, can really have devastating health consequences.

4) Risk of suicide ? is determined by studies to be over 5,000 times greater in alcoholics than in that of the general public.

5) Social effects ? Alcoholism negatively impacts divorce rates, domestic violence, job stability, and so on.

6) Mental effects ? Alcoholism contributes to depression, anxiety, and in the long run can result in ever more serious mental conditions, some of which might eventually be permanent.

Is there a Stop drinking pill?

There is a medication called Campral that can help with cravings, but it is by no means a magic bullet. People who rely on the pill to ?fix? their alcoholism are going to be very disappointed. There is no magic cure and you have to put forth a tremendous effort in order to get sober aside from simply taking a pill like this. But, it can be helpful, and so any alcoholic should consider talking with their doctor about medications like Campral that might be one piece of their recovery journey.

Stop drinking, lose weight?

Of course alcohol is empty calories, and those who get drunk every day tend to have other factors that contribute to heavy weight. Not only does the quality of nutrition drop, but most alcoholics are very inactive when it comes to exercise. Part of recovery, if you use a holistic approach (which is strongly advocated on this website!) is that you should be considering things such as nutrition and exercise as part of your recovery.

So simply quitting drinking is but one step in losing weight. The accompanying lifestyle changes are what will really kick your weight loss into high gear.

Stop drinking too much alcohol, or quit entirely?

Some people think that they might be able to regulate their drinking instead of quitting entirely. If this works for you, then that is great! Moderate your drinking. But an alcoholic is defined by their inability to do so. Eventually you may have to get honest with yourself and realize that you cannot control your drinking consistently.

Denial is the trap that you can control your drinking some of the time. If you hang on to those successes, but ignore the train wreck that is your life, then you are in denial.

If you can?t stop drinking now

If you try to stop drinking now but find that you cannot do it on your own, then ask for help. Call up a local treatment center and ask them what you need to do in order to get into treatment. They will lay out your options for you and help you to get funding so that you can get the help you need. Pretty much anyone who is persistent can find some resources to help them with their problem, it is just a matter of putting in the effort and the footwork that is necessary to get the ball rolling.

Stop binge drinking

If you are a binge drinker then you may be fooling yourself that you do not have a problem, when in reality you need to stop just as bad as anyone else. The binge drinker is a special kind of alcoholic, but they are still an alcoholic. They may go for long periods of time without drinking any alcohol at all, but when they do drink, they go on long binges and usually spin out of control completely. Just a different flavor of alcoholic, but one that still needs help in order to change their life.

Problem: an active alcoholic does not care about this stuff

So here is the real challenge: even when posed with a vast list such as this as to why a person should stop drinking, most active alcoholics could care less. The problem is that they are depressed, suffer low self esteem, and cannot bring themselves to care much about their own well being.

In other words, you could promise them the world if they would just quit drinking, and they will politely decline and go back to the bottle. They just don?t care.

Now I know this because I have been there before. And eventually I got to a place where I wanted to care, but I still could not bring myself to do it. I was stuck as a miserable drunk. I could not figure out how to stop drinking alcohol.

The breakthrough for me came when I decided to give sobriety a chance. Perhaps this was divine intervention. I had tried to achieve sobriety in the past but it had not worked, so I was extremely skeptical. But for some reason I was miserable and tired enough to give it another shot.

This is the balancing point. This is that tricky area of surrender that a drunk has to find their way to. It is a fine line. You are just miserable enough to want to stop drinking, but at the same time you are 2 seconds away from saying ?screw it? and going to get another bottle.

This is why I think surrender to the disease of addiction might be divinely inspired. It almost seems impossible for an individual to find their way out of the alcoholic trap.

If you want to know how to stop drinking, here is my number one suggestion to you:

Ask for help.

Really. That?s it. Start with that, and things should start falling into place. It is possible to learn how to stop drinking on your own, but it is pretty tough.

[Steady Hands]

Newbies Nest

Thanks UW. That is really good info.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hang in there Jane! It's easier to NOT drink than it is to give in...doesn't seem like it now, but it is. You don't want to keep going through this over and over again do you? Rack up a few more sober days and get your mojo flowing again...it will ease up. I'm thinking of you and wishing you strength!
K9

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Oh yeah -I remember taking special note that even if I just had a little it seemed to break down some invisible barrier and made me more vulnerable to alcohol thoughts- but it will only last a couple days! Hang tough!

[timpin]

Newbies Nest

Hi all

Just popped in to see what is going on. Great post there by Unwasted. That is some really good stuff for everyone to study and take notice. Only one thing to add to all of it..... Have a plan !

Plan how you are going to stop drinking and plan for the moments when you are going to be tempted. That way you will be better equipped to deal with difficult situations.

I stopped counting the days since I had my last drink now but must be around 120. Good luck to everyone.

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! Hope all the Nesters are doing well through our early struggles. I have made it thru my first week. Been tough at times, but thru alot of keeping busy at school and doing meetings and talking with my old AA sponsor I have managed threw this week. I am sending alot of good thoughts to all those going into these very tough physical and mental early days of AF. It will be worth the struggle.

Peace and love to you all!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Glad to see you back FinallyDone! Congrats on getting through the first week, that's the toughest part, in my opinion. Stick close...everytime I've gone back to drinking it's because I've distanced myself from MWO (well not the only reason, but you know what I mean). Those folks are really helpful...but you gotta stick around! Keep up your good work!
K9