Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Sugarbeat: I love Monty Python and the Holy Grail! In fact, this past weekend we were trying to decide if the kids were old enough to see it (ages 8 & 11). We decided that they probably wouldn't "get" the humor. Thanks to you, I will also now think of the G/S/R brothers as those "dodgy knights"!:H

K9: "4 headed swamp monster". Yep, I've been one of those too. Can't imagine how the husband put up with me. I think he was in more denial than I was...

It is great to see a lot of folks here racking up the days. Whether it is 5 or 105 days AF, those are the days that we stop poisoning ourselves.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Belle, congratulations! That's a great post too, a great reminder about the reality of drinking for us folks here.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Belle, CONGRATS to you on your 60 AF days ~ very nice
I'm sure you will inspire others to follow in your footsteps!

Great to see everyone today. We had a touch of Spring here, it was so nice out & it's still mild even now. My crazy looking chicken 'Stella' & all her sisters like this milder weather as egg production is up this past week :H Gotta love them :H

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest
Lav

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Well done Belle!!!!!

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Day 65 for me. Even went to a family function and was ok. They were still drinking but they didn't offer me any so I guess that's a start
I didn't want to drink today though. I gotta say, sometimes the pull is so strong, but I went there with ammo and I knew I wasn't caving.
Nobody seemed to mind, or ask why. *shrugs*

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Hi Belle -- Just wanted to stick my head in and say congratulations on 60 days! I think things have been a little bumpy for you in the last few weeks? Me as well -- but still hanging in here! My kids are still struggling with the time change. They are not at all happy to get up and get ready for school in the morning. How are yours doing? Personally I?d be happy if we just did away with daylight savings.

Good job to you too Nursie! 65 days!!! It?s always such a relief to me when nobody comments on my not drinking at functions. I?m nearly at 6 months AF and still feel very self-conscious about not drinking in public -- especially around family and friends.

Well, I?m off to do some reading here. I haven?t had a chance to get to it for a few days...

[allswell]

Newbies Nest

Great job Belle on your 60 days!!! Anyone want to fill me in on what the G/S/R brothers are???

[shueaddict]

Newbies Nest

belle, well done for 60 days ( despite adversities ) ... you are an inspiration

K9 - you get hotter with each AF day!!!!

have a lovely humpday, nesters

[Unwasted]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters,

I just wanted to post an article I found helpful - thought it might be of use to you here in the nest. I just celebrated 4 months AF yesterday and am feeling great. Congrats to everyone here racking up time. Keep it going because it really does get easier and better. I have a down day periodically but I hang on and the next day is good! :lilheart:


Alternative Addiction Recovery Course -Total Abstinence and the Zero Tolerance Policy
by Patrick on October 5, 2011

Yesterday we looked at the need to make a decision for recovery from addiction. Today we are looking at the need for total abstinence and how to handle this mentally. This is another idea that is not revolutionary but it is extremely important regardless of which recovery program you claim to follow in your life.

If you can learn to moderate your drinking or drug use then you do not need a program at all. Go self medicate and be happy! I have no wisdom for you.

If, on the other hand, you find that you are actually addicted and really have a problem, then eventually you will discover that moderation does not work for you. This can take decades to fully realize for some people.


Once you decide that total abstinence is the way to go, now you have to work on the mental implementation of that idea.

How do you manage this idea mentally, the idea that you can never use drugs or alcohol ever again?

I call it ?the zero tolerance policy.? It is a mental agreement that you make with yourself.

And what exactly is this agreement?

The mental trick that you have to engage in is just this:

Make an agreement with yourself, right now, that you will not allow yourself to entertain the thought of drinking or drugging.

Make an agreement with yourself, right now, that you will stop yourself immediately if you find yourself romancing the idea of being drunk or high.

Make an agreement with yourself that you will never again allow yourself to consciously fantasize about drinking or taking drugs again.

And of course, make an agreement with yourself that you will not take a drink or a drug, no matter what.

That?s it. That is your zero tolerance policy that you make with yourself. You do not tolerate even the thought of going back to using.

And why not? Because if you romanticize the idea of a drink or a drug, it will make you miserable in the long run. Eventually, it will make you miserable if you keep remembering ?the good times.?

The trick is this:

After you have been sober for a while, taking a single drink or a drug actually would produce the effect that you want. It actually would work exactly as you want it to, at least in the short run. But that is the whole key: in the short run. Before the first day of your relapse is over, you will have seen how quickly the misery comes back. Your tolerance will shift instantly as the old addict brain kicks in, and by the end of the first week of a relapse you will be chasing a high that you can never reclaim. The vicious cycle will start all over again, and all of this because you romanticized the idea of getting drunk or high again. You entertained the thought for a split second too long, and your brain said ?screw it! I am gonna go get me one!?

So you cannot ?go there.? Not even for a second.

Now as an addict or alcoholic, your brain will ignore this idea at first, and you will find yourself having random thoughts of drinking or drugging from time to time.

Shut them down. Instantly. That is the agreement that you are making with yourself. That you will not DWELL on those thoughts. Because that is what creates the relapse. If you dwell on them, if you allow yourself to remember the good times for a hair too long, you will end up relapsing over it eventually.

Not worth it.

Use the zero tolerance policy to instantly shut down the thoughts when you have them. Make a decision that you will not purposely entertain the idea of relapse. It is off-limits for you.

Total abstinence is your new mantra. You must commit to the idea mentally, and shut down idle thoughts that could lead to relapse. If you are not taking an active role in managing those idle thoughts and redirecting yourself then you are on shaky ground.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

That's the way to do it Unwasted - accept the fact that you can no longer drink safely. Once you do that, it all becomes much easier

Greetings to one & all & wishing everyone a happy humpday!
Lav

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Great article, Unwasted, and great job on 4 months (that's .33 years!!).

This is something my intuition has been telling me about euphoric recall and random thoughts about drinking. I can kind of tell how dangerous it is to not shut those thoughts down right away. This is where "NO, HELL NO!" comes in. It is nice to have these concepts reinforced.

I hope everyone is having a great AF day!

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Belle, congratulations! I am sooooo proud of you! You're doing it!

UW, 4 months - wonderful. You're an inspiration. I love that part of your post "If you can learn to moderate your drinking or drug use then you do not need a program at all. Go self medicate and be happy! I have no wisdom for you." :H

I have to say though that what has worked for me this time is actually entertaining those thoughts when they occur....after a point, I guess. When I first quit, I had to push them right out of my head, keep busy, and try to not even think about alcohol. But now, when I have thoughts of drinking....and I do....I actually - for quite awhile - have been pausing and thinking the scenario through...every last detail.

The taste of it, the initial feeling I'd get, the lasting feeling I'd get, the later (headache,etc...) feeling I'd get, and the damage that I'd be doing to my body. And other than the "initial feeling" thought - all the other images are awful. I don't imagine sipping on wine. I imagine downing my vodka in secret....vodka and water does not taste good....the feeling right after is a relief feeling....but if I fast foward an hour, I'd be going through the motions as I prepare dinner, and help with homework, and try so hard to make it to bed time and to not let anyone know I'm drunk. NOT a good image. That image is actually one of the strongest that keeps me from drinking. I want to be in charge of my life, not be some drunk puppet that only does what she absolutely has to do - who wakes up one day and says " what happened to my life? It's gone and I never even lived it"

Then, of course, I don't want to wake up and feel like crap, and my body has been put through enough shit in this lifetime and hung in there, it's time I repay it for hanging in there through thick and thin! :H

But that image of me - in my mind - in a horrible head fog - trying to get through the tasks and events that make up my life - making excuses to not have to drive anywhere....sitting down and trying to stay awake while the rest of my family has a nice evening. Actually seeing that in my mind - as an inevitable outcome - actually keeps me from "going there".....

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Jane, I think I know what you mean...you don't feel that initial euphoria of "I can do this!" Kind of BTDT....is this all there is? But it's just that early stage.....really. You'll gain confidence and be happier with yourself ever single day.....:-)

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

Just had to say HI today and congratulations to Belle Girl. Good Job!!

Unwasted - You are doing great too. Keep up the good works.

Lola -- I too envision where that road would take me if I gave in and it helps a lot. There was so many times I was completely aware of how miserable I was that it is hard to forget and easy to see it going in that direction again if I gave in. Because that's where it would end up -- Hopeless and full of despair.

I am finding it hard to believe I have come this far and the reality is yet to sink completely in. Sometimes , especially on the weekends, I can't believe I am waking up without a hangover. I think for a long time I felt like I did have a hangover just because that is what I was used to feeling. I can honestly say being completely sober takes a little getting used to. I deserve to feel good and so does everyone of us. I need to just let the goodness in and see it. It can be sneaky too, so being aware is very important to me.

I am almost at six months and it is just starting to feel like my NEW reality. It is so great to feel something positive in my life rather than the opposite!!

Love the Nest....such a great place to land every once in a while.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nestlings!

Just checking in to report that I am AF for 3 weeks as of Yesterday...whooohooo! And I see many goals being met here which is just fantastic! Good going everyone!

I have been posting more in the abbers section and gen discussion but I love to come to the Nest to say hi and let you all know that you are on the right track. Working towards freedom from addiction will lead to peace and happiness deep inside yourself. Staying in the trap of addicition will only lead to pain, misery and frustration. With every sober day you have, you will see how much more clearly you think and how much better you feel. I realized that I was not loving myself when I was pouring AL down my throat. How could I go through life being so bad to myself? I choose to love myself and that does not being self-centered. It means taking care of yourself...both mind and body. AL will not do that for you...it is poison and until you realize that, you do not fully love yourself. Please, DO love yourself...you're the only "YOU" you've got!

Be well!

Blondie