Newbies Nest

[hope10]

Newbies Nest

Well, I messed up twice. Once on Sat. night and another time on Monday night. So now I am back to day 2. I was up to 11 days and I caved. I could tell it was going to be a rough weekend b/c I was in such a depressed, horrible mood on Friday. I got through Friday but once Sat. rolled around, I was annoyed, bored, and could not deal.

I had already messed up once so I threw in another day of drinking on Monday. I woke up numerous times with my heart racing, night sweats. I feel defeated, but I have got to dust myself off and try this thing again.

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

lolab;1280156 wrote:
The taste of it, the initial feeling I'd get, the lasting feeling I'd get, the later (headache,etc...) feeling I'd get, and the damage that I'd be doing to my body. And other than the "initial feeling" thought - all the other images are awful. I don't imagine sipping on wine. I imagine downing my vodka in secret....vodka and water does not taste good....the feeling right after is a relief feeling....but if I fast foward an hour, I'd be going through the motions as I prepare dinner, and help with homework, and try so hard to make it to bed time and to not let anyone know I'm drunk. NOT a good image. That image is actually one of the strongest that keeps me from drinking. I want to be in charge of my life, not be some drunk puppet that only does what she absolutely has to do - who wakes up one day and says " what happened to my life? It's gone and I never even lived it"

Then, of course, I don't want to wake up and feel like crap, and my body has been put through enough shit in this lifetime and hung in there, it's time I repay it for hanging in there through thick and thin! :H

But that image of me - in my mind - in a horrible head fog - trying to get through the tasks and events that make up my life - making excuses to not have to drive anywhere....sitting down and trying to stay awake while the rest of my family has a nice evening. Actually seeing that in my mind - as an inevitable outcome - actually keeps me from "going there".....

Lola...are you sure you are not living in my head? I could have (if I was a better writer) written exactly what you did...Vodka and everything!!!

Jane...After my first 30+ day AF stint in Oct/Nov...I had a hard time getting psyched to do it again. It took an incident in January, where my brother busted me drunk on the phone, to jumpstart me. You will get there, something will happen to kick start you too (hopefully nothing too serious!)

Wicked...YES my kids have been disasters in the morning with the time change. But what is worse, I cannot get them to go to sleep at night. I tuck them in and 15, 30 + minutes later they are up with some complaint. My daugter last night: "after I lay on my pillow, it is too warm and I can't sleep". I caught my son reading in his room at 11:45!!! I used to like DST, but not so much anymore.

allswell...the G/S/R brothers were named by our beloved Byrdie. They stand for Guilt/Shame/Regret (or is it Remorse?).

Unwasted...awesome on you for 4 Months! :goodjob: Thanks for posting that article. I'm going to read it with my next cup of coffee.

Nursie...65 days is awesomeness too!

Thanks everybody for the congrats. It means alot. Now lets all keep kicking this AL butt.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

jane27;1280154 wrote: Nursie, Glad to see you going strong at day 65:-)

Day 3 over here ( after caving on day 7 last week). It’s a strange departure from the me that just recently went AF for nearly 2 months- the cravings I felt in the early days then were FIERCE. I felt like AL was the grim reaper & appearing each day as early as 2pm to begin the seduction BS.

The problem here is not entirely that I’m craving AL. It’s more like I can’t remember feeling positive and committed like I did the first time. I really don’t know what happened. I felt the change occur over a course of days and still it was only in my peripheral vision. One day I woke up and I was 65% transformed back to not caring, ONLY (here’s the good part) without the habit of drinking as freshly ingrained. For that, I’m really grateful. It’s the anchor that kept my foot in the circle.

I am having trouble staying awake when I get home from work, and trouble falling asleep at bedtime. Still have night sweats.

Lola made a comment that stuck with me, ‘You used to write more about your feelings in the beginning”. I remember that, so that’s what I’m trying to do.
Love & Strength to All
Jane "Faking It Till I Make It" 27

Jane, I could have written your post myself. I get exactly how you are feeling. I feel I am not having the same desperate cravings that I had first time round. It feels like more of a 'decision to make my commitment stick'. Going back to Unwasted's great post, I think that I am very much working from the Zero Tolerance aspect.
I feel my determination is as strong as the first time, but with tons more knowledge to back me up. Haven't been able to make it stick for a long time; think maybe because my last slip was so huge it brought me right back to how I was drinking and feeling a year and a half ago that I came back here desperate to make it work - don't think I have been that low since first coming here.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Unwasted! You post the best articles! This is exactly what I preach here!!! NO, HELL NO! As soon as you start down the happy path, turn it around and say NO, I am NOT going to drink, no matter what and no matter who! Wow...it's nice to know that I'm not just making this stuff up! You have come such a long way on this journey..as have Belle and Nursie.. It truly is a journey of self discovery. You may just gloss over that sentence....but I hope you don't. Every single day that passes that you don't give in to yourself makes you see someone you haven't seen for a very long time. You get to see just what you are made of...in the very beginning...it's HARD to face. As time goes on..it's eye opening. It is amazing how differently I handle everyday stress...I spilled a whole McDonalds drink on myself the other day and rather than flying off the handle...I dealt with it. I think you begin to see things thru a very different pair of eyes. Almost like you aren't you...and sometimes that is scary. EXCEPT...I like the new me...she is making ever better decisions with a calmer head and what seems like..more facts. It's like I am more informed or something. I think I am taking in more information instead of being a zombie. It's nuts...I feel like I just generally cope better. After the 6 month honeymoon, it does move into a different phase...sort of a dangerous phase if you ask me...one of Lola's been there, done that....but you must keep your focus, because the time between 6 and 9 months is just the best place in the world to be. Settled, centered and happy. Now it is a matter of Zero Tolerance (I LIKE that a LOT). This is a journey of a thousand different phases...I never would have thought it...but it keeps getting better and better. Just hang in there no matter what and no matter who. Byrdie

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Great post Byrdie! You and Unwasted have set me up for my next 'stage'!

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,
Sorry not much time to read. Wednesday is a v busy day for me, work, supervise homework, swimming club training for kids later. No time for AL!

Will check back later when I fancy a late evening glass of wine!

Sausage x
Day 20

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesties!

Lolab- That was an excellent post. I can envision my drinking exactly too...going through the "motions" from the first happy buzz to the excruciating hangover the next day. I am all too familiar with the GSR Brothers! I lived with them for a long time, but no more!

I need to go back a few pages to catch up, there's so much activity on this thread! I saw that UW posted another article (where do you get all these great articles?) that I need to go read.

My daughter is at home today, I let her stay home, she's been feeling "down" lately and I'm starting to get a little worried. She was in tears last night and "didn't know why". She just got over her monthly thing so it could be hormones, but she says she's just "sad". I hate to think of her moping around the house all day alone, but I didn't want to force her to go today, sometimes we just need a day "off".

Anyway, glad to see everyone here...stay strong!

K9

[CollieMom]

Newbies Nest

Baby Steps....

Morning Nesters! I got past Day....6 - (had to check!) - last nite. A bit more of a challenge than the first few days. But. Some of the thoughts and mottos I've encountered here ("it's not a craving; it's a choice") worked...as did going out with the dog for a quick walk and then hitting the shower before my dinner.

A main 'trigger' for me (I'm sure I'm not alone with this one...) is getting to the 'end' of the day..well, dinner-time, and I'm exhausted and, typically, want to reward myself if it's been a good productive day...and i HAVE to prepare some kind of decent dinner (spouse's issues, health) so I can't get away with ANY frozen or fast food or pizza...And that first martini DOES work. (well, Did!) A boost of energy. A little feeling-better.

If only it weren't always followed by the second martini. And then all the rest of the brood.

So. I made it. And I'm very very grateful that - most of the time - my craving, while strong enough - is fairly brief. If I can get to 8 p.m., I'm in pretty safe territory (MOST of the time!)

I'll face my first hurdle this evening...though I think it's not that big of one. Still. Have a book club dinner. We're not big drinkers, but typically most will have a glass of wine. It's good for me that we'll be at a wine-and-beer only place as wine is not a trigger for me and mostly I don't even enjoy it. Beer....well, I scarcely consider it alcohol, but I know I need to skip that as well if I want to play in the AF yard. Still, when everyone else is liftng a glass...it can be hard not to decide to join in. I've been prepping mentally for it. And the thought of the hard work by everyone here, and the support offered, will be a big boost. So, send your energy to me this evening, please! (And at lunch tomorrow - similar story...)

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters! Last night I went to a certification seminar at a hotel and walked past a bar! The whole euphoric recall hit me like a train. Seeing people laugh and having fun in there really tested my sobriety. But I just started thinking about the hell i would have gone threw today if I would gotten drunk. And I would have went on a bender if i walked into that bar. Thank goodness I thought things threw and made a logical choice instead of a illogical one. Alcohol has such a power it's almost like it has a life of it's own over you at times. But...I got threw it and ready to enjoy a beautiful day outside and take out the lawn furniture from the storage shed and bask in the sun AF! Hope all the nesters are having a great day!

[azurmyst]

Newbies Nest

so happy for you finallydone. Great job

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1280224 wrote: Morning Nesties!

Lolab- That was an excellent post. I can envision my drinking exactly too...going through the "motions" from the first happy buzz to the excruciating hangover the next day. I am all too familiar with the GSR Brothers! I lived with them for a long time, but no more!

I need to go back a few pages to catch up, there's so much activity on this thread! I saw that UW posted another article (where do you get all these great articles?) that I need to go read.

My daughter is at home today, I let her stay home, she's been feeling "down" lately and I'm starting to get a little worried. She was in tears last night and "didn't know why". She just got over her monthly thing so it could be hormones, but she says she's just "sad". I hate to think of her moping around the house all day alone, but I didn't want to force her to go today, sometimes we just need a day "off".

Anyway, glad to see everyone here...stay strong!

K9

Hope your daughter feels better! I remember being that age and getting down once and awhile. It's probably hormones and just that natural progression of ups and downs we all had at that age. My nephews are going threw that time in life too were they are very moody. I really hope she does feel better! Take care you two!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Finally!
She had Jack In the Box for lunch so that's a good sign. LOL
Ah, teenage girls...fun! lol

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1280430 wrote: Thanks Finally!
She had Jack In the Box for lunch so that's a good sign. LOL
Ah, teenage girls...fun! lol

Yes that is a good sign! Lol! The 15 and 14 year old nephews can get very testy at times. Which I am sure your aware of with a teenager yourself. Remember when we were like this...lol....good to hear she is doing better though!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

finallydone;1280487 wrote: Yes that is a good sign! Lol! The 15 and 14 year old nephews can get very testy at times. Which I am sure your aware of with a teenager yourself. Remember when we were like this...lol....good to hear she is doing better though!

I have six nephews between the ages of 11 and 18...so I know ALL about the teenage madness. But the teenage GIRL madness is a whole other can of worms. LOL

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

K9Lover;1280506 wrote: I have six nephews between the ages of 11 and 18...so I know ALL about the teenage madness. But the teenage GIRL madness is a whole other can of worms. LOL

Yeah I can imagine it is!! The neice is 9 and has three older brothers. So she is pretty tough. I feel bad already for any guy who wants to date her...lol. She is a tough lil hombre. I learn more about the teenage girl madness as years go by....lol! Your a good mom to give her some space today. That was cool! And everyone is right....what is your secret to having great skin. You should be on a noxzema commerical or something . I love being sober. I can actually say things and mean it and open up to people. I do really hope your daughter is feeling better which sounds like she is. Sober I start joking around with people again. I actually feel like myself again today and I really love it alot. Why do ever drink to begin with...grrrrrrrrrr!