Newbies Nest

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys

Back again and this HAS to be it now. Yesterday as Sausage said, it was Mothering Sunday, I cooked a big roast lunch but ate barely any of it. Just drank a bottle of sparkling wine. Then took the kids to our local pub/soft play and I had 3 more large glasses of wine. I ended up collapsing and having a panic attack and had to be taken to hospital. Luckily my friend was also there and she took my kids home with her whilst my husband came to hospital in the ambulance with me. They released me pretty quickly but I am absolutely mortified. Some mother I am huh.

I can't remember who said it - Lav or Byrdie I think but someone said you just have to completely take AL off the table and make it so it's just not an option anymore. This is going to have to be me, I can't live like this anymore.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Yep Willow, I said that & truly believe it's the only way for the majority of us. Stopping after 1 or 2 glasses just doesn't happen for us, does it?
Glad you are OK & hope you make a firm commitment to keep AL out of your life forever

Hey Kaslo!
Greetings to everyone & wishing a marvelous AF Monday to one & all!

Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

:wavin:

How are all the nesters doing? Willow, jump back in the nest and hold on tight...:l

I'm off and running this morning too...this crazy summer weather in March has me going a little crazy! I want to get things done so I can get outside.

Nursie, you are so right. Right at the beginning of the nice weather last year is when I went back to drinking...and continued on and off throughout the summer. So I am right beside you experiencing the sun and warmth sober but seeing it as a bit of a challenge. Last year it was too much of a challenge apparently, but not this year. I am much better equipped and READY to see how much better it all is without drinking. And luckily thanks to mother nature, I'm able to get a preview of a sober summer...

Lola

[CollieMom]

Newbies Nest

Nursie & Lolab - Count me among that number. It's one of the things I've been dreading - working outside all day, feeling accomplished and weary and then.............wanting what we used to call 'a reward.' Don't know if the 'dreading' is good mental preparation - hope so.

Witching hours have been a bit more difficult last couple days. Feeling all-tuckered-out when one still isn't off-duty - ah, that's when a martini used to work its magic. (Which waned of course as the evening went on......) Last nite, around 530...I made a 'cocktail' of apple juice, ginger ale and a bit of lime. Went out on the deck, sat and caught my breath....and felt better. (And the apple juice lasted almost two hours. Can't say THAT about a martini!)

Am through Day 11:wd:

[Garliclady]

Newbies Nest

Good Day!
I'm jumping back into the nest to join you all for some company and non judgemental help. I didn't drinik yesterday and don't plan on drinking today. Trying to keep busy outside in this incredible weather doing some yard cleanup.
I have cut way back from a bottle of wine every night to a bottle on Friday and sometimes on Saturday. It's a very hard struggle for me but I'm going to continue to try.
Off and out for the day!!! Best to all of you.

[Kaslo]

Newbies Nest

For those of you gardeners out there, struggling with wanting a reward after working outside all day, I REALLY struggled with how I was going to manage that last summer. I quit Feb of 2011, and one of my BIG triggers was coming in happy and tired from being in the garden weeding or planting or what ever and rewarding myself with white wine, usually a lot of it, sometimes not so much, but I wanted to know how I was going to make it through that. First off...BIG glass of ice water while still IN the garden, then when inside a special, non AL not too sweet drink, like cranberry and soda water in a carafe. Which I made a big deal out of with nice glasses, and a twist of lime, and set this up as a big reward.... That really helped and I never slipped all summer. That was my weak point and a personal trigger for me, and I just changed the reward subject a bit but still had this ritual I could do.

One of the many many many reasons I wanted to quit was I was so tired of wandering around in my garden too hung over to do much about anything that needed to be done, and feeling ill, all from a stupid habit of drinking like a fish after the first opportunity to actually get out there.

Kaslo

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesters!

I had a miserable non-alcohol induced sleepless night last night. I woke up around 3:30 and couldn?t go back to sleep because I was worrying about my children -- and feeling very guilty and angry with myself. I can?t believe I let alcohol be more important than being a good parent for so many years. I could just shake myself!

My youngest is nearly 7 years old and having some behavior issues that I am convinced come from being brought up by a drunken mother for the first 6 1/2 years of his life. He gets upset very easily, screams a lot and says he hates me on a daily basis. I don?t know how to deal with him when he?s like that. He is also one of the most stubborn persons I have ever known. Actually neither of my kids are willing to help with chores -- even simple things like putting their plates in the dishwasher or picking up their dirty clothes off the bathroom floor becomes a major battle. I blame myself for this because I never trained them to do those things earlier. While I was drinking I was too inconsistent in what I expected and I mostly did everything myself because it was just too much trouble to get them to do anything. I?m seriously worried that I?ve ?ruined? them.

I know I can?t go back and change the past, but I really wish I could. I would love to start over. I feel like I?ve wasted so much of my life and theirs as well. Anyhow, I?m off to work on a plan to repair my relationship with them and hopefully to teach them how to be considerate and caring boys. I know they are still young and I?m hoping I can somehow make up for my neglectful and irresponsible parenting?

Well, thanks for listening -- and any suggestions would be much appreciated!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesties!

Glad to see the oldies and some newbies too! Congrats to those of you who made it through St. Paddy's day and other events alcohol free...I know it's not easy, but SO worth it. I spent my weekend "chillin'"...it was rainy and stormy and I loved it!

CG - Your story of the pukey guy at the restaurant is just gross...but that's the reality of drinking. I know that I do NOT miss the vomiting one bit.

My nephew went out Saturday night to a party and I guess there was a lot of drinking. I woke up Sunday morning at 6:30am and the light was on in his room and I knew there was NO WAY he was up that early...so I peeked in and he was passed out on his bed. I talked to him later and a friend drove his car home for him so AT LEAST there was no drinking and driving. But still...*sigh*

Well nothing exciting to report, it's Monday morning...blah! Hope you all have a great day!

K9

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone

Day 25 for me...

Willow - good to see you back. Even if yesterday was really embarrassing for you, jot down some notes, just for yourself on how you felt including the embarrassment and you can re- read them when you feel weak. Stay close to the nest in the early days, it does help. I've read about others on here who have had similar A&E experiences and it has been what gave them the final motivation to go sober.

Wickedmom - can relate to what you say about your sons behaviour and is it linked to drinking? I know I have been inconsistent with my children and this has been partly linked to drinking ( my youngest aged 6, is also v difficult.) . Stay sober , be consistent from now on and I truly believe it will pay off and they will respect you for it in the long term.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all having a good day.

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Kaslo -- I can identify completely with "wandering around in my garden too hung over to do much..." That's the kind of gardener I have been for the past however many years. Sun and hang overs don't go well together -- for me at least!

Gardening while under the influence can be hazardous as well. A few years ago I stupidly gave myself a black eye while trying to build a bean teepee for my kids. I was standing on a stool (after dark of course) hammering bamboo posts into the ground and somehow managed to hit myself in the eye with the hammer and knocked myself out for a few minutes. So grateful that nobody was watching -- but explaining the eye was not easy. My son's preschool teacher asked if I was having troubles with my spouse...

[Turnagain]

Newbies Nest

That is a great suggestion, Kas! The idea of an immediate bubbly reward is perfect. I quit drinking in the middle of gardening season last summer. It helped me quite a bit to also reward myself in a way that meant something beyond the immediate moment. I began saving the money that would've otherwise gone down my throat or up in smoke and treated myself to a few big pots of dinnerplate Dahlias. Those big, beautiful blooms reminded me every day of my success in quitting and inspired me to keep going.

What can you do for yourself or someone else with the money you would've used on drinking? Go for it!

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon guys. I went and saw the doctor this morning, DH came with me for moral support. I have to say, he's been great yesterday and today. The doctor told me to get in touch with AA which I don't feel very comfortable about so may pass on that one, but she's also referred me for counselling and put me on antidepressants too. Ive also ordered that Jason Vale book and that Meg Ryan film about the alcoholic mother. I feel much more serious and ready to completely quit now and although whenever I think of yesterday I cringe, in a way I'm glad because it's given me the impetus to really do it properly this time.

I had my hair cut today - about 14 inches off but I love it. Also had my eyebrows shaped and DH and I went out for lunch, just the two of us whist the kids were at school/preschool. It was really nice and although I've spent a fair bit of money today, at least it was on more positive things than AL!

[CollieMom]

Newbies Nest

Kaslo - Great idea/inspiration for garden 'thirst'.....and (not making excuses here) but sometimes a drink DOES start with thirst and staying hydrated is always good to do. Plus, the mocktail at the end of the shovel shift. It kinda worked for me last nite; hopefully, will continue to. As usual - PREP is part of the solution.

K9 - Got to be hard co-habitating with 'a drinker,' and even more so - one so young. Your resolve here has been admirable, so I'm sure you'll stay strong.

Wicked Mom - My kids are long-grown, but (even w/o AL being a factor - just my own ADD), I was never long on routine when they were young - hence, messy house; little cooperation with chores, etc.

No idea if I'm on the right track here - others with kids at home would have useful perspective, I'm sure. But - it's not any secret to your kids, even the youngest, what's been going on over the years. Among other things, perhaps they are fearful if this current 'you' will last? Does it make sense to think about sitting down with them, 'fessing up to where you've been and how you are working on it now....and maybe they can 'get on the team' to do their part?

[windy]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,

There is a lot going on here today...Yeah... I too love to garden, but it is a lot of work, especially done half assed (as in hangover). Every year I try to do something different. Not sure what it will be this year??? In the past gardening has been a love/hate relationship because, well.... quite frankly, everything I enjoyed was that way. Not this year! No more burdens from the things and ones I love. I have great plans and will scale down half and throughly enjoy the other half as a peaceful way to relax. I too crave something alcoholic for a reward especially after physically accomplishing a big task such as yard work. I have been making herbal iced teas and adding a little stevia with lemon, served with tons of ice. Really refreshing.

Wicked Mom -- I truly understand what you mean with the kids. I have three at various ages (11, 17 and 19). I have noticed since becoming completely sober that our relationships have changed. I am much more level headed and firm with them. They think I am nicer now, and I am sure I am. Sometimes there is nothing you can do or say to get them to be different than who they inherently are, and that is extremely challenging, but you can't give up, even when they are 17 and 20. And I don't think at his tender age you are the cause of their bad behaviors (at all). I am sure they don't like you very much when you are trying to get them to do something they do not want to do. My youngest has said this too and one time when she was very young she attempted to run away. I just let her. I thought she would come right back because it was cold out, but I HAD to go get her. She was mad and stubborn at only 5. This has changed some, she still has temper tantrums that are off the charts, but she gets over it and we discuss her out-of-control behavior. Our children are so different and unique it is really hard to figure out how to handle and appreciate that difference. I am sure with a clear head and more patience, he will start responding to your good nature. Let's face it, raising good citizens of the Earth is REALLY hard!! I am sure I drank plenty times because of problems I was having with the kids. Now I am trying to deal with it more maturely and honestly.

Have a good day/evening Nesters.

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi Fellow Nestlings,
A lot here has hit home with me today...gardening, kids, and drinking. Kaslo, I love your suggestions for "mocktails" (love that word) as rewards after gardening. I did my first hard-core gardening session on Saturday, and the thought crossed my mind how a nice glass of wine would sooth my achin' body. Luckily, there were things I had to do after gardening, and taking a shower was reward enough. I am glad this topic has come up here, so I can be aware of it and on guard (and prepared) this spring and summer.

I tried to start a nice garden last year (first full spring in our house), but most mornings were too painful (hungover)...and later in the day it was always too hot and I needed to nap. So, not much got done. In fact, I had so much mulch left over from last year, I have been able to get an early start this year!

As for kids, Wicked I have sometimes wondered also if I have screwed up my kids. But since really consciously stopping drinking last October (with a few slips, of course), I think everything is OK. They actually talk to me a lot more now (I guess even kids don't want to waste their time talking to a drunk) and I can be so much more level headed when I ask them to do something or have to apply a little discipline. They are almost 9 and 12 yrs old, and I am so glad I quit when I did. Of course I still lose it sometimes and yell, what Mom doesn't...but at least if there is a bit of irrationality, it is not coming from AL!

Willow, that must have been a horrible experience for you. I pretty much fouled up my daughter's second (or was it third?) birthday party due to drinking. It looks like you are taking some positive steps and great that hubby is on board and supportive. Cool about getting the hair cut! Have fun with it...

Did all the housework I plan to for the day, and now my reward is to sit on the deck for a while with a Coke and kick back until I have to take my son to TaeKwonDo. I hope everyone has a lovely AF day.