Newbies Nest

[Kaslo]

Newbies Nest

WickedMom, the hammer in the eye thing sounds excruciating! Thank goodness those days are over.

Kas

[Garliclady]

Newbies Nest

I do my gardening mostly in the morning with coffee in hand. My reward is lunch then usually errands. It's that 5:00-6:00 p.m. that is hard for me. Gotta figure out a way to get past that time without my brain wanting that glass of wine while cooking dinner.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Busy nest today ~ great

Hello & welcome Garliclady!
Glad you decided to join us - what's your plan?

Wicked Mom, the best thing you can do for your kids is learn to forgive yourself.
I had a bit of a hard time with that concept too but I'm telling you it's the best thing to do. On the suggestion of a friend here I read a book called 'Radical Forgiveness' by Colin Tipping. I highly recommend the book to you & anyone here. You can also read a lot of info on the website:
Forgiveness at Radical Forgiveness.com

Letting go of the past will allow you to move on & into a better AF life

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Good Afternoon All -- I?m feeling a bit better than I was this morning. Those middle of the night self-incriminating sessions are tough with or without alcohol! I?m not letting myself off the hook for my bad parenting, but I do realize that I alone am not responsible for who my children are. I do hope to lead them by example to become, as Windy so nicely put it, ?Good Citizens of the Earth?.

Thank you Windy for your thoughts on kids. My oldest (now 9) has threatened me with running away too, although the farthest he got was behind a bush next to our mailbox. I think it?s actually my reaction to their ?bad? behavior that needs serious attention. Even though thoughts of drinking are rare occurrences (for the most part anyway) -- I still seem to have problems at my former witching hour. I quickly run out of patience, lose my temper and start yelling around for them to take care of what needs to be done. It has been getting better though. At least I?ve become aware that I?m probably the main source of stress in the house. I?ve been trying to remind myself to calm down -- and recognize that they are just young children who would much rather be outside playing, bugging each other or watching cartoons than doing homework or cleaning up after themselves. Of course they don?t like me when I?m yelling at them to do something they don?t want to do. Who would?

Belle -- I?m glad to hear that your relationship with your kids sounds so stable. It?s really nice that they talk to you more often now. I?m trying hard to win some credibility with mine and am feeling more confident that it can happen. Sitting on the deck until school gets out sounds fantastic. My deck is currently covered in half a foot of new snow. It was practically summer last week and now this! Anyway at least I got some flower and veggie seeds in the ground before the storm hit. I can also say that this year my garden/yard is much farther along than the same time last year. I actually dug several new beds last week -- complete with added compost! My garlic is already coming up -- this is the first time in almost 8 years that I?ve managed to get it in on time during the fall. Perhaps because I took my last my drink in September? I think so! Just one more benefit of being AF! I?m really looking forward to having a successful garden this summer.

CollieMom -- my kids definitely had a certain awareness of what was going on regarding me and wine. They would groan every time I would stop by the liquor store and make them wait in the car. Once my oldest came in with me and asked at full volume why I had to buy wine so often. I almost died of embarrassment. Anyway, I definitely will try to get them on board with becoming ?part of a team?. That?s a concept they might actually like!

Sausage -- Sorry to hear your 6 year old is difficult as well. It certainly can be tiring -- but in the end I wouldn?t trade mine for anything?

Welcome to GarlicLady -- by your name I think we could probably be friends!

Thanks for the book suggestion Lav. I will look into it tonight. I love the idea of letting go of the past. I run it through my head over and over all the time and it never gets any prettier.

Anyway, didn?t mean to take up so much space here today. I really appreciate everyone?s thoughts! Thank you all so much!

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Oh -- and yes Kaslo -- the hammer in the eye was excruciating after the wine wore off. The embarrassment I felt from doing such a stupid thing to myself was the worst of it though...

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

Welcome Garliclady, love the name and love garlic.

I had another jam packed day full of gardening, shoveling, tree trimming and rock picking. I called my brother (trigger) to help me because he has a truck. He came, with a 12 pack. Kept trying to give me a beer. I had my ice cold seltzer cans and refused alcohol all day. It was tough to see him getting drinker and drunker, especially when everyone else was not drinking at all. It was completely ridiculous by the time he left (girlfriend driving thank goodness).

It is hard to not drink. It is hard to bot drink with triggers (brother and beautiful day gardening). It is hard to not say "fuckit, gimme a beer".

It was also hard to do all that work today. As my brother was helping me, he said "look sis, all this hard work will make you a beautiful garden. If it were easy, everybody would do it". And I looked at him, agreeing and said "yes, the hard work pays off, I wish some people would realize that". I don't think he got the metaphor.

I want him to have the beautiful garden of sobriety.

I looked around today at everything Mr. Nursie and I accomplished. Good and dirty, we marveled at life and what a perfect day it was. And I didn't do anything to fuck it up.

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters! A big warm welcome to garliclady. I love that name! First thunder of the year up here and all the lakes are starting to come ice free at the earliest on record. Wow what a year! Hope everyone is doing well.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Nursie, I liked that post about the gardening! It sounds like you were in a nice mental "place" when you wrote it.

I like gardening alot too. This year, I have plans to move my garden out of the back yard to the much sunnier front yard, and make it much bigger. I could never get this done if I was drinking!

I think gardening is a great metaphor for our common struggle. It can be alot of work, especially at first, but eventually it pays off.

Jane, good for you for getting back to the gym!

I hope everyone has a great AF night!

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesties! I thought I had posted in here today, but maybe not (I can't find myself, hee hee). I hope everyone had and/or is having a great Monday. I'm on day 26, nearing the 30 day mark, and I've begun thinking...again. Since it's been relatively painless this go round, maybe I CAN have one night a week to drink. Just entertaining the thought.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

LG, entertaining the thought & actually stopping after 1 or 2 drinks is another whole story. I will never go there again & I hope you really give it serious thought.
I'm feeling quite contemplative right now because I am getting ready to celebrate my 3 years AF next Monday. I wonder where I would be & what shape I would be in right now if I had continued on the shitty path I was one

finally done, I heard a news report about your area experiencing the warmest weather ever recorded for this time of year. I'm sure my friend has discontinued his ice fishing activities

Nursie, look on the grateful side of night drinking. It's quite amazing if you admit! Let your brother look like the A-hole & his girlfriend have to deal with him

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

LibraryGirl;1282962 wrote: Hi Nesties! I thought I had posted in here today, but maybe not (I can't find myself, hee hee). I hope everyone had and/or is having a great Monday. I'm on day 26, nearing the 30 day mark, and I've begun thinking...again. Since it's been relatively painless this go round, maybe I CAN have one night a week to drink. Just entertaining the thought.

I think the reason you're feeling it's been relatively painless is because you 'know better'; you've been down that road - just don't forget what it was like! I know for a fact that I would go right back to the way I was - maybe not right away, but inevitably would get there eventually - been there sooo many times.
I really want the sober life and everything that comes with it; could I say the same about drinking wine? 'I really want the first glass, and then the next 2 just to feel good, then the next 2 to get that kick, then the next 2 because my head is so far up my arse I don't know any better, then black-out, no bed, sleeping in clothes, ugly and dry in morning, ashamed, disappointed and embarrassed and Day One again! I just can't be arsed with it any more and I don't think you can either.......
I'm day 16 and can't wait to get to day 26, so you hold tight!!!!!:h

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

hi Library Girl-- just want to respond because i am at the moment still caught up in "moderating"--i also found it quite easy to stop for a couple of weeks and had the smallest glass of wine at a birthday party to toast. i was fine for a week. also had intentions of just drinking wine with my boyfriend on fridays. before i knew it i was drinking each day--not a lot, but more than i wanted to. and because my boyfriend is scared of my drinking, i began to hide it. AGAIN!! even though i'm not drinking "so much", i'm not happy with drinking at all. i'm not exercising as much, i'm thinking about drinking all the time. i know i want to quit but it is so much more difficult this time. i don't trust myself to really stop, so i don't.
anyway 26 days is such a great start. and like so many have said the more days free of alcohol, the clearer your mind, the more free your soul. i think that usually, if one is questioning whether or not they can moderate, they can't.

[Willow23]

Newbies Nest

Hi LG - I agree with the others. I tried to mod just recently and although I wasn't drinking as often, I was still necking back two bottles of wine when I did. It will never end pretty, I can tell you. What happened to me on Sunday scared the hell out of me, which is why I've made my decision now to just not drink. Ever. It's not worth it and I can't control it.

It is entirely your choice of course and sometimes it has to get bad before it really gets better. I was never ready to 100% commit before but I am now. If any of us here could control our drinking, we wouldn't have come looking for this site, that's what I'm finally seeing.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Have to get on my way for a busy day but wanted to wish everyone a wonderful AF Tuesday

Lav

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Thank you all for your thoughtful, loving replies. I am overwhelmed by the support here, still. It's amazing and so very comforting. I know in my heart that I cannot be a casual drinker, but every now and then that little voice says, Look at her, look at him. You never did that! You quit and it was easy! (it hasn't been easy)

Why did I listen to that little, BIG voice?