Newbies Nest

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Quick check in to the nest, off to bed early, feel a bit shivery / achy, hope I'm not coming down with something!?
Day 37 completed
Sausage x

[grade1/2]

Newbies Nest

:new:
Hi everyone, I think the most difficult thing about drinking (aside from staying AF) is that I have overcome so much in my life, I don't understand why I haven't been able to overcome this. But here I am at day 1 again.... It is so frustrating! I go from feeling really well to stopping to get 2 bottles of wine. I don't even like wine anymore (it is the only thing I drink ) so why do I continue with this insanity?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Andrew! I have wondered about you 1000 times and hoped you were doing ok. Please don't feel like you have let me down...hell's bells, this is hard. I have struggled myself today, and am baffled by that. If it were a cake walk, then you wouldn't have such organizations and support groups to deal with it. This is the fight of a lifetime/for a lifetime...we are all here for each other...it would only take about 2 days for me to get right back in the ditch...You would only be letting me down if you stopped coming back and trying to do better. It's a struggle...and it takes work. Trust me....I know.
Belle, the hope of drinking again is probably the biggest thing of all that sucks about this. That 'hope' that someday .......(you fill in the blank). This is agonizing...and if you look at the stages of grief, this is the bargaining phase of it. However, if you go to the last stage, that of acceptance, then your world will be a much more peaceful place. That post that Unwasted put up the other day, the one that spoke of Zero Tolerance...that was good to read. Even in the few posts that were done after yours, it's a theme, over and over and over again....We cannot drink..it is going to kill us. Maybe you weren't as bad as I was, but if I kept on the path I was on....it was totally self destructive. You don't have to have AL to live or to be happy...what is the use of putting in any days if you think you are going to try it again? The result is going to be the same and worse...every time. Sorry to preach...I think I'm angry at the whole thing today, too...today was a struggle, and I've been at it over a year. But this I DO know, tomorrow will be better. No day is made better by drinking. I hate ALCOHOL.
Let me go practice what I preach and make some cookies...Easter is around the corner and I have adorable neighbors who would love a treat....Strength to all...Byrdie

[DesertLady]

Newbies Nest

Day 4...

Hallo all! Feels a bit weird joining in this thread when everyone seems to know everyone else already - like crashing a party (bad analogy?). Anyway, I made it past Day 3 and Day 4 is looking good. The weather is cruddy - zero degrees (Celsius), and stuff falling from the sky that can't decided if it's snow or rain.... We've had sun and warm temps for the last week, so the snow is finally starting to melt and everything is slush and mud and potholes! At least spring seems to finding its way to us though.

So, today I told my LifeCoach where I'm at, and she is so excited for me, which is hugely encouraging. My DH is on weekend duty at the mine site, so I've started this without him here - It's probably not a good thing, but he definitely enables me, so once he's home I'm going to have to be very definite about what I need him to do to help me. I've been thinking lots about it, and I realise that simple things like hearing the clink of ice in glass is going to be a trigger for me. Also, sipping and chatting and being together is something that's very much us, so it's going to be a challenge to find other ways for us to be together without a glass in my hand. Any suggestions, anyone?

It's been a strange few days as I've been quite ill with this head cold, so I've allowed myself to exist in a kind of funk, just wanting the hours and the days to go by until I feel that I've made some sort of progress...I've spent most of the past week all over this site and have learned HEAPS. Until I found MWO I felt there wasn't really any real hope because I thought the only option was AA, and to my mind, sitting in that circle and admitting that I was helpless and needed some higher power to help me find willpower just never seemed like an answer. Maybe AA isn't like that, but boy, an I so happy to have found this site and so much sensible research and info.

Time to start thinking about supper - I brought prawns for me and my boys. I reckon I can spoil myself with some good food for making it this far, dontcha think?

Nice getting to know you all!
Cheerio!

I'd like to think that down the line I won't mind if he has a drink while I don't, but right now I still feel quite fragile about it all. I've also been thinking lots about what I'll tell people. I'm really overweight and not terribly healthy so I'm thinking I'll say that I've started a serious detox, get-healthy program and that it involves not drinking.

[DesertLady]

Newbies Nest

Oops - don't know how that last line ended up at the bottom, but it's supposed to be up where I'm talking about DH.....

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Desert, this site has a mind of its own...many of us type out huge litanies of advice only to have it disappear...someone said it times out or some such...it is hugely aggravating..
Filling up the time that was spent drinking is something that takes some adjustment. When your hubs gets home, it will be hard to see him enjoying something you can't. You must anticipate this, and know that you are going to have a huge pity party for yourself. You are right, be good to yourself, have things around that you love to eat. I told my husband that his drinking (he doesn't drink much) doesn't bother me, that drinking is my problem, not his. You can't isolate yourself from people the rest of your life, so you must adjust your thinking. Try not to focus on what you can't have and think about what you can have. Also, getting your story together about why you aren't drinking is very important. You must have that answer at the ready because if you show one ounce of hesitation, many people will start to insist, or shame you into it. Stand pat. This is so important in the very beginning because people will sure test you out...
I'm so glad you are here with us. I was in the same situation as you...my next stop was going to be rehab or AA. This place has been a godsend to me...just what I needed and in the right dose. I can use as much or as little as I need to...stay close to us here in the nest, and you will have success! Byrdie

[jessie]

Newbies Nest

Hi all,
PrairyFairy, I sometimes think that anger is at the root of our problem. Anger with ourselves and the world etc.
Sausage, I'm so happy for you - you seem to be doing very well.
Grade1/2, I'm also a wino, and it does not taste good anymore, and, it doesn't give me the buzz anymore - I try in vain to get the buzz but only get drunk. So I quit drinking.
To everyone a happy AF April.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Grade 1/2, welcome to you. As you begin your new journey, your emotions will be bouncing off the walls. One minute you'll be ready to take on the world and the next...ready to drink until you can't hold any more. I think I said that same thing in my first post back in 2010! You just keep at it and you will be so surprised at just how much control you DO have over yourself. Getting your life back is the best reward of all...that feeling of no control is frightening and very lonely. Just take it one hour at a time and put as much distance between you and AL as possible. Keep stay strong! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,
Hope everyone had a good evening
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.

Hello & welcome Grade 1/2. Guessing you are a teacher? Please stick with us, we'll help you reach your goals.

[sypisfurn]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, :new:

So I'm 29 this year and I've probably been drinking for about 12 years already and in these recent years I have been feeling terrible with myself for drinking, however much or little but I just keep going back to the bottle.

Just last night (around 12 hrs before the time of this post) I was out partying with my friends and we had vodka, so I got pretty sloshed on it and I can't remember how I got home. My friend told me she sent me home though.

Thing with me is that everytime I drink, I feel terrible the day after. It's like I've committed a grave sin and feel that I should be punished. My friends keep telling me "No, you don't drink everyday, it's not a bad thing..." but I know that's not the truth. I know however much or little I drink, it's still bad.

I hate this crappy feeling of guilt towards myself. I used to enjoy drinking and now I can't do it anymore without feeling terrible. No, I'm not trying to find a way to feel good drinking again, I'm trying to put the bottle down. It's the sense of guilt that will kill me eventually (if the alcohol doesn't)

Anyone know how to get your mind off booze? I work in an area that is pretty close to bars so everyday I walk to the subway I'll definitely pass them. My friends on facebook are also mostly party animals so party pics are definitely inevitable unless I block them which I don't want to.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Hope everyone held on last night

Hello & welcome sypisfurn!
Glad you found us, this is a good place! You are wise to take steps now to take back control of your life. Binge drinking can escalate & get you into serios trouble, but I think you know that. I started out by reading the MWO book, you can download it right from the Health storte here on the site.
Then go take a look at our https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html for lots of great ideas to help you make your plan. There are thousands of things you can instead of drinking. It's going to take a strong commitment & the willingness to make some changes. Avoiding your heavy drinking friends for now is going to be important for your success. Please check in with us, let us know how you are doing.

Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday!
Lav

[WickedMom]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone!

It?s snowing on my cherry blossoms this morning! Yesterday was beautiful and warm and I spent most of the day outside gardening. Well, at least I have a chance to check in and say hello today. Sorry I?m so inconsistent?

I just wanted to comment on the anger thing. After more than 25 years of heavy drinking, (more than half my life!) the nearly nightly blackouts, the physical damage to my body and my mind and the CONSTANT VICIOUS ANGER I felt towards myself but took out on my family had to stop. I don?t really know exactly where the anger came from but I do know that alcohol magnified it, making the smallest irritations seem like insurmountable problems to be dealt with by consuming even more alcohol. Another of those never ending circles. So finally last September I somehow managed day by day to get through without my precious crutch. I did all sorts of weird things to distract myself during the cravings, I was still angry at myself and still taking it out on my family. For whatever reason -- I still do that on occasion but to a MUCH lesser extent. That?s something I?m working on. It takes a lot more to irritate me these days. My patience has grown from almost none to a more reasonable level. I no longer find it necessary to gulp down a half a bottle of wine just because my 6 year old son has misplaced his homework again and then to finish off the bottle and open a new one after they?ve all gone to bed to calm myself down after the chaotic bedtime battles -- mostly created by me!

So I guess what I?m saying is that for me the anger -- which I now believe was fueled by the drinking -- is still around but not nearly as powerful as it used to be. I feel like I?m slowly learning to deal with the bumps and bruises that come with everyday life and so happy to know that I can do it without the ?help? of alcohol. I think the help was actually the cause.

Welcome Sypisfurn -- I started drinking seriously when I was 17 too. Better to put a stop to it earlier than later. You will thank yourself for it!!!

Thanks for letting me ramble. Cheers to all! :heart:

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

So - Day 1.

I am supplemented up, I have given away all the booze in the house, and due to blue laws - it's not sold here on Sunday's. I just took the GABA, Taurine, Inositol, Amino's, L-Glut, and the Kudzu. I am loaded for Bear. Sunday's are bad for me. Boredom. Check. Loneliness. Check. That loneliness thing? A MAJOR trigger. I pretty much need to be here on Sundays during the witching hour. And supplemented up. Or under my custom Hypnos I had made.

The witching hour starts in half an hour so supplements have time to kick in. I arranged a phone call during that time too so that may or may not help because it might be tense - the AL use has led to fighting with the SO - and while he knows I started a 30 day detox today (it's what I tell him since I am not explaining this place) the conversation may well be strained. Big fight yesterday in the morning - bad enough that I actually did something I don't do - decided I have done enough groveling. I can't undo my actions. I have apologized. I have told him my plan. And he is very well aware of the number of truly crushing things that have happened in my life lately - that have snowballed and been difficult to handle.

But I want to write a bit about anger. I might not have time in this post but I will tonight because it's really relevant to my recovery.

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Day 1

So - Day 1.

I am supplemented up, I have given away all the booze in the house, and due to blue laws - it's not sold here on Sunday's. I just took the GABA, Taurine, Inositol, Amino's, L-Glut, and the Kudzu. I am loaded for Bear. Sunday's are bad for me. Boredom. Check. Loneliness. Check. That loneliness thing? A MAJOR trigger. I pretty much need to be here on Sundays during the witching hour. And supplemented up. Or under my custom Hypnos I had made.

The witching hour starts in half an hour so supplements have time to kick in. I arranged a phone call during that time too so that may or may not help because it might be tense - the AL use has led to fighting with the SO - and while he knows I started a 30 day detox today (it's what I tell him since I am not explaining this place) the conversation may well be strained. Big fight yesterday in the morning - bad enough that I actually did something I don't do - decided I have done enough groveling. I can't undo my actions. I have apologized. I have told him my plan. And he is very well aware of the number of truly crushing things that have happened in my life lately - that have snowballed and been difficult to handle.

But I want to write a bit about anger. I might not have time in this post but I will tonight because it's really relevant to my recovery.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters!

Good to see plans being made, supplements being taken ~ whatever it takes

Keep pluggin kids, you'll never be sorry. I am one grateful granny these days, honestly
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav