Newbies Nest

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

This has been one hard weekend.

It was a holiday which ratchets up crap with both exes - and exceeded all expectations this year. Kids on both sides had stuff going on. My job stuff. And going the first AF weekend to boot.

Actually - don't think we would have survived some of the Sh*t this weekend of I had been ripped because had I not been able to count to 1,000 - formulate a measured response, I would have looked no different than the Ex.

But it was horrible because that 2 day bender where I have no idea what I said - keeps sitting here like the elephant in the room. I pushed on it last night - trying to find out how big an elephant is it, what type of elephant specifically, and was told it was a horrible elephant that lasted two hateful days, couldn't expect anyone to walk past that kind of hurt but at the same time says you were clearly out of your head and I am not repeating any of what you said to me - ever.

His point was give it time, let things settle, and went out of his way to say things would be ok. And bundled me up in hugs but it isn't the same thing. When you have had so much better - bundled in hugs can actually feel worse than nothing. But I still am going to make the long drive home today - bereft. I am trying.

But it is really hard not to to say f'it all. Why bother?

I guess I'll have a good cry on my drive home - and maybe part of my plan should be writing down all the reasons why I bother to fight AL when I get home. Because if I don't - this is going to be a one week quit.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone!

DesertLady, I hope you stick it out, because your are going to be feeling great very soon. You might have a cold or something? I can totally relate to your experience with anxiety and the mild surprise that it is just not there when we have given up alcohol, even after a short time! That kind of calm will spread into your whole life, and I think you will find yourself dealing with things so much better. It is a bummer that you feel under the weather though...Are you excercising at all (that can REALLY help with energy levels)? How about hydration and your diet? I'm pulling for you!

Hi Steadyhands! Good to see you.

I haven't posted much in a few days, so I will be playing catch up today!

Have a great AF day everyone!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Had a great sleep last night so I'm ready to tackle a busy day & week ahead!

Glad to hear so many have made it through the holiday weekend AF. It really doesn't matter how hard it may have been, you did it & that's all that matters

PF, I'm sorry to hear your mental/emotional struggles continue. I'm not entirely sure what's going on in your life but please know that AL will never make any positive difference. We are all so much better off when we deal with life's issues with a clear head & heart. Wishing you strength today.

I hope everyone has a great AF Monday!
Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I have a small but festive back yard. In the years that we have been here, I took great care in it, and was the first at the garden center for new spring flowers. It was great sport to see if I could beat the odds of a last frost, and most times, I did. In the past 3 or years as my drinking spiriled out of control, I lost interst. I had 'the bones' in place, so whatever came back from last year came back, bleh. The last couple summers, I rarely even went out there. Last summer, I was so new in my recovery that it was like I was afraid to go out of the house. I kept to myself and this site and stayed close. Yesterday, I went out back, and looked around...and decided there was much work to be done. I loaded up in the truck and headed for the home improvement center, loaded up with flowers, and planted them all afternoon. I had a high old time! I can't remember the last time I felt so much joy!!! And PRIDE! Yes I do...it was before my drinking got way out of control! A couple times last night, I walked out on the deck to visit my new plantings. It's as if I am growing again, too. What a wonderful feeling...and I couldn't wait to share it with my friends. MindPeace today...Byrdie

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone!

LG - I'm like you, worried about the smoking. My doctor told me not to try to tackle it "yet". Do you mind if I ask how much you smoke in a day? I smoke about 8 cigs and I've tried to cut down, but like AL, I can't taper...I have my certain times of day that I smoke them. Only at home in the morning, lunch time and evening. Nobody even knows I smoke. I hope my doctor decides it's time soon, because I've tried quitting on my own and can't go more than 30 days

I'll be back to post more later, I have a lot of catching up to do!

K9

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hey Nesties. It's a good day, and I'm off work today. Finally got some of our first Amazon payment in the bank. Yayyyy! Off soon to use some of it for some much needed 'stuff'.

K9, I smoke about a pack a day, sometimes more. I don't know how you keep it to 8 a day. That's awesome actually. I smoked even more when I was drinking every day. My bf is 16 years younger than I am, and although he smokes too, he doesn't smoke as much, and he's worried about me...

I slept very well, but stayed up too late reading...great book btw, "Confessions of a Pleasure Seeker". Nothing to do with AL though.

Be back soon, haven't been spending as much time here lately, but I will probably be back later tonight. Have a great day Everyone!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi LG -
I tried to find that book you mentioned at my library but they didn't have it listed...I'm always on the lookout for good books! Maybe they'll get it later, is it new? Since nobody knows I smoke, I have 2 in the morning, 2 when I go home at lunch, and about 4 after work, spread out over the entire evening...that's all I have time for. LOL But when I was drinking, I would have one with each beer, at least! I guess the amount I smoke is not too bad and that's why my Dr. is not trying to get me to quit yet, although I really want to...I feel so much better when I dont. Plus I've been doing it for TOO long, it's time to quit!

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

Hey Nest,
Hope all is well with all of you.
I was a pack a day smoker for 14 years. I quit several times before my real quit. When I decided no how no way, I finally did what it took and did the patch for 8 weeks and was done.
Guess its the same as al? Lavande is fluttering in my mind right now lol. When you are done, you are DONE.
I never really looked at alcohol that way so to compare it to smoking helps alot!

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

I started smoking when I was 16, so I'm 48 now. OMG, not good. I didn't smoke that much for a long time...I also used to hide it at work, for years. I never smoked on my breaks, etc., so I thought no one knew I smoked, but ppl told me later that they had smelled it on me.
Not everyone, but some knew.

The book is new, K9. It's one I ordered for our library. You can request it maybe from your library through Interlibrary Loan. It's a free service, you should try it.

Evening Everyone! Got some new clothes today! I love them! BF gets to see my new lingerie later.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

I swear it was much harder for me to quit smoking thank drinking. I think it's because I smoked for so much longer Drinking didn't become an issue for me until I was mid-forties, menopausal & super depressed over some personal stuff.
Go take a look at Quit Smoking All Together: the Web's Largest Quit Smoking Community
I still log on there every morning before I come to MWO. Now it's a habit

I had a great day!
Went & picked up a new puppy today :yay:
Probably crazy to do this at my age but what the hell :H
Go take a look at Matilda's pics on the Abstinence threads. She's a cutie & I sure wouldn't have done this if I was taking care of a hangover

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Congrats on the new puppy, Lavande! Pets are so rewarding! I'm off to see her pics.:h

Thanks also for the stop smoking web site info. I will defo check it out!

[patrice]

Newbies Nest

Hi all

I haven't been here for a while but i have been reading a lot of posts.
Been drinking and smoking and feeling shite because of it. I have been feeling depressed and tired all the time, seems to be very circular and I feel like that hamster on a wheel

A big part of these feelings, I think, is that I haven't been doing ANY exercise. I'm a 48yr old single Mum of a 6 year old. I'm from NZ but live and work in Asia so I don't have any family support here to help look after my son. I can't go to the gym regularly because again, no one to look after said son. I can't even go walking because honestly here its too humid and hot.. it's impossible!

I've been in this fog for such a long time but TODAY I have decided I am going to get a rowing machine so at least I can start some cardio exercise. It's a big expense but I think it will be worth it because I will then be doing something. In the past, exercise has been a key in my success in giving up booze and fags....I so want to stop BOTH

Lav = great you are getting a puppy, my parents are getting one too and they are so excited!!

Take Care all
Patrice

[Prairie Fairy]

Newbies Nest

Lav -

It's the 3rd time I've tried to type this out - and had it wiped out. So I will keep the answer short to prevent it again.

I think the issue is I have not slept worth a sh*t since this quit began. Even with melatonin - the best I have gotten is 3 unbroken hours.I feel like a torture victim. It's becoming hard to think coherently. I drove off onto the shoulder I don't know how many times today on the long drive home.

I don't know when sleeping starts again. I hope soon. I could use 24 hours only interrupted by bio breaks. I need my brain, patience, and reason back again. I am dead on my feet.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Hi Patrice!
Good to see you again. I sure hope you can work out a good exercise program for yourself. I wouldn't be able to function in a high heat/humidity area. Even summers around here are rough on me.

PF, sleep has been a big issue in my life too, huge actually. I was always a good sleeper but that all came to a screeching halt when the menopausal night sweats started on me at the age of 42 (before the drinking crap started). I think I started guzzling a couple glasses of wine before bed at that point to help me sleep! It all went downhill from there, awful. I ended up having a serious fall down the steps mostly due to sheer exhaustion
At this point I take a bunch of herbals plus a couple of Benadryl plus my HRT & now I can finally get some sleep. I really feel for you, I know how hard it is not sleeping. Please be careful & don't get hurt like I did. Maybe talk to your Doc?

Well, I don't expect to get a whole lot of sleep this week with a new puppy in the house but I know it's temporary......at least I hope so :H

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest
Lav

[Today]

Newbies Nest

Hope everyone in the Nest is having wonderful AF night. Just catching up on posts, welcome Newbies, keep reading and post!