Newbies Nest

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Nursie;1299631 wrote:
1. Wouldn't it be nice to open a nice bottle. The twisting of the opener, the pop, pouring the glass. The sexy glass of wine, so attractive and inviting...
2. Buying wine because I talk myself into a blatant lie.
3. Pouring glass after glass with no intention of stopping once I start.
4. Having my son tell me my breath smells yucky
5. Cooking and getting louder, drunk by the time my husband gets home, thinking somehow my happy mood and delicious dinner will make up for the fact that I am drunk again.
6. Seeing his disappointment and how he tries to take over with the kids so they don't see me drinking
7. Getting upset at him because he "doesn't understand" my addiction and he is judging me.
8. Kissing my son goodnight and staying awake to continue drinking.
9. Being mad at my husband for being mad at me and going on Facebook and making calls until Gid knows when
10. Waking up on the couch with a start and tip toeing to bed so my husband doesn't realize I passed out.
11. On the way to bed, guzzle a glass of water and take 2 ibuprofen to ward off the hangover
13. Wake up in the morning and wonder how pissed he is and how did we leave things before I blacked out. Check Facebook, email, call logs and do damage control with husband and kids.
14. Medicate myself with various medications and concoctions to fight the headache and nausea.
15.Tell myself I can't keep doing this, something has to change.

Oh yeah, no I don't want that lying bitch alcohol. 15 steps to misery and insanity.

No. Thank. You.

Hi Nesters...I'm pulling up a quick twig to catch up also. But Nursie, I just really wanted to tell you how much I love your "15 steps to misery and insanity".

I read along and felt every step of it...from the "sexy" glass of wine to the "can't keep doing this". Been there and done that so many times, if you add a few shots of vodka to the mix. Even though it has been a while (96 days) I know I could still go back there in a heartbeat. Don't want to, no way, no how. And it is posts like yours that make me remember why I am AF. Sometimes I can't believe I was ever doing things like that...like it was another person or another life. What the heck was I thinking???

Keep up your good work, you sound like you are doing wonderfully even with the stresses in your life.:h

[mauritiusdodo]

Newbies Nest

Nursie;1299631 wrote: Heyyaaa Nesters,
Pulling up a twig and catching up on here. Fastened my butt velcroe good and tight. Bambi is on the tv for the kids. I'm enjoying my seltzer.

When I first got home, I sat in my car holding the steering wheel for a solid 5 minutes thinking about wine and going through the motions in my head that lead me to hell.

1. Wouldn't it be nice to open a nice bottle. The twisting of the opener, the pop, pouring the glass. The sexy glass of wine, so attractive and inviting...
2. Buying wine because I talk myself into a blatant lie.
3. Pouring glass after glass with no intention of stopping once I start.
4. Having my son tell me my breath smells yucky
5. Cooking and getting louder, drunk by the time my husband gets home, thinking somehow my happy mood and delicious dinner will make up for the fact that I am drunk again.
6. Seeing his disappointment and how he tries to take over with the kids so they don't see me drinking
7. Getting upset at him because he "doesn't understand" my addiction and he is judging me.
8. Kissing my son goodnight and staying awake to continue drinking.
9. Being mad at my husband for being mad at me and going on Facebook and making calls until Gid knows when
10. Waking up on the couch with a start and tip toeing to bed so my husband doesn't realize I passed out.
11. On the way to bed, guzzle a glass of water and take 2 ibuprofen to ward off the hangover
13. Wake up in the morning and wonder how pissed he is and how did we leave things before I blacked out. Check Facebook, email, call logs and do damage control with husband and kids.
14. Medicate myself with various medications and concoctions to fight the headache and nausea.
15.Tell myself I can't keep doing this, something has to change.

Oh yeah, no I don't want that lying bitch alcohol. 15 steps to misery and insanity.

No. Thank. You.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this post Nursie, it has really struck a chord with me and I realise how awful it is that I can do this over and again night after night! how many days sober are you now?

[mauritiusdodo]

Newbies Nest

just read back on a couple of posts, K9 I have visions of you and the dogs doing your sit ups :H I usually find my son thinks it hilarious to sit on me and they are impossible then!

I iron most things because I am very sad :H not hankerchiefs (if i owned any) like my mum or towels and underwear like a guy i used to know but most other things I do find the need to iron, I don't like the tumble drier as I can't shrink myself down to barbie size to match them once they have been in there!:H

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,

Cleaning is brilliant - I don't particularly enjoy it but I can't enjoy myself in a messy house and I feel so much better as I wander round and everything is tidy, in its right place and clean. I think the rest of the family think I'm a little mad (they are probably right) but for me it works and puts my head in the place it is comfortable - in fact I'm just getting round to starting now - they are all out and it will be spotless by the time they get in, though probably not for very long.

Like some of you, I keep promising myself to go back to running which I've tried to do in a half-hearted way, my hope is that like the last 8 days, my mind will suddenly slip into the gear which will make me do this but I am definitely not a natural . . . . . .

Just completed 8 AF evenings and am now on day 9. Feeling little better each day although seem to have a very faint headache. I never had headaches when I was drinking. Just felt pretty lousy if I'd overstepped a bottle of wine. I think that my body is doing a settling down of chemical balances - not sure if this is true or whether it is just what I've interpreted wrongly?

Anyhow, off to do my Mrs Mopp stuff . . . . . . It's overcast here in England and I probably won't be able to get my washing out, so I'll have to use dryer!!!

Love and success to all.

Px

[JACQRABBIT]

Newbies Nest

Nursie;1299631 wrote: Heyyaaa Nesters,
Pulling up a twig and catching up on here. Fastened my butt velcroe good and tight. Bambi is on the tv for the kids. I'm enjoying my seltzer.

When I first got home, I sat in my car holding the steering wheel for a solid 5 minutes thinking about wine and going through the motions in my head that lead me to hell.

1. Wouldn't it be nice to open a nice bottle. The twisting of the opener, the pop, pouring the glass. The sexy glass of wine, so attractive and inviting...
2. Buying wine because I talk myself into a blatant lie.
3. Pouring glass after glass with no intention of stopping once I start.
4. Having my son tell me my breath smells yucky
5. Cooking and getting louder, drunk by the time my husband gets home, thinking somehow my happy mood and delicious dinner will make up for the fact that I am drunk again.
6. Seeing his disappointment and how he tries to take over with the kids so they don't see me drinking
7. Getting upset at him because he "doesn't understand" my addiction and he is judging me.
8. Kissing my son goodnight and staying awake to continue drinking.
9. Being mad at my husband for being mad at me and going on Facebook and making calls until Gid knows when
10. Waking up on the couch with a start and tip toeing to bed so my husband doesn't realize I passed out.
11. On the way to bed, guzzle a glass of water and take 2 ibuprofen to ward off the hangover
13. Wake up in the morning and wonder how pissed he is and how did we leave things before I blacked out. Check Facebook, email, call logs and do damage control with husband and kids.
14. Medicate myself with various medications and concoctions to fight the headache and nausea.
15.Tell myself I can't keep doing this, something has to change.

Oh yeah, no I don't want that lying bitch alcohol. 15 steps to misery and insanity.

No. Thank. You.

O my goodness,
that's me except number 6,
my son goes downstairs and hides in his homework

[Nursie]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nest!

Thank you for the kind replies on my list. That was as much as I'm comfortable listing for now, but there is more if you can imagine.

Mauri I'm on day 6 again. I made it 76 days and decided to drink because I thought I could handle it, and I wanted to be normal. I caught it, but then the next time a craving hit I gave in because I didn't have all that sober time again so it was easy to rationalize drinking. So I had a two or three week relapse of arguing with myself daily if I should buy wine, drinking, and Friday the 13th was my last day.

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Patricia, I had headaches for months after quitting. In fact, I had one yesterday ? I think allergy related ? but for once I was like WTH? I have a headache? I don?t GET headaches anymore! But for awhile there it was very frequent.

Desertlady ? funny to think of you sitting in your bed first thing in the morning with a silly grin on your face?.hey, I know that grin!

K9 ? I get the doggie working out issue! I even have trouble going in the basement to use the treadmill?.the little one tries to hop on ? or scratches at the door if I don?t let her down?

Librarygirl ? I have probably lost about 15-20 pounds. I am really active and work out sporadically ? more likely to walk my dogs or garden when the weather is nice. In reality though, I may have lost more if I had more to lose. I really don?t want to lose any more from where I am. I also didn?t replace AL with anything. I drink lots of water, and once or maybe twice a day I?ll have a plain selzer with lemon or a splash of san Pellegrino lemonade. I?ve hated that 15-10 extra pounds for years and did lose it a couple years ago with lots of HARD workouts ? while I kept drinking. Sigh. I had to be ready to make a complete change ? as in quitting drinking and living healthy ? for everything to click into place?..weight, skin, sleep and most importantly ? happiness and pride with myself.

My life is far from perfect. And quitting drinking did not fix those things that aren?t right. But I no longer have that one major ?thing? constantly hanging over my head?that nagging feeling that I am doing ALMOST everything I can to live my life to the fullest. That one THING that I knew in my heart would be my downfall if I continued it?.in one way or another?.maybe by losing the respect of my family?.or maybe by getting a DUI or hurting someone through my drinking?.or by having my friends or my son?s friends or my husband?s coworkers find out my secret?.or by ending up with liver problems or stomach cancer from drinking?or by burning down my home by not turning off the stove because I was drunk?.scarring my child permanently by my own selfish behavior?..
It?s an incredible freedom to live without that burden anymore?

Nursie, I?ll add to everyone?s comments about your list. That was incredible. That?s the kind of thing that helped me so much?.thinking beyond the initial gratification of drinking.

Pocket, you should see me, I am practically sweet talking this coffeemaker to try to get it to squeeze out a cup for me in the morning?and I?m so with you on the alone time being the worst temptation.

Hey Pinecone, seems to me that you?ve been waiting for that cleaning phase for quite awhile! Maybe your house just doesn?t need it. :H

Flyaway, sausage, allswell and Bellegirl ? I have to tell you that you allmake me smile. I see your names and I look to your AF date and see that you?re still going strong?.I remember your struggles and just wanted to remind those who are still struggling that it can be done. You guys and everyone here struggled and wrestled with thoughts of drinking ? and went back and forth so many times...but if you really want it, it?s going to stick one time. It's easy to read back and see - I wasted last summer with half assed attempts.

Mauri, keep pushing through. Right when you think you can?t take the pressure anymore ? if you keep pushing? You?ll have a breakthrough?.you?ll end up one step higher than you were before.:l

Welcome back Jacqrabbit!

Hi golfdiva, berner, solace, mimi ? are you still here?

I never ? all day long ? got a break yesterday from all the nit picky things that were going wrong. I got through it by telling myself that I was going to bed early ? spent some time alone taking frustrations out on my weeds and then did exactly that. My family was probably grateful. :H Today ? I feel lots better ? even though the same things are still lurking. Some days are just gonna suck?and drinking will only make them suck worse?.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Nursie....that was a powerful list. And you are right, I'm sure you could fill it out to reach 100 things. But your point #6 hit me, too...seeing the disappointment in my husbands face...and the fear. He was scared, too... when he looked at me....makes me sick to my stomach. It is haunting to me. Like he was saying, "I'm losing her and I don't know how to reach her....I don't know how to get her back". Dam that is so sad. I hate I did that to the man I love. I hate I did it to me. Thanks for taking the time to put that out there...Byrdie

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!

I just wanted to chime in and say I could relate to Nursie's list, mine is similar, no hubby to disappoint, just a child and myself! But I can envision that first sip of beer all the way through to 3am scrambling to do damage control, and being overcome with anxiety over the whole mess! It was so exhausting...I honestly don't know how I did that for a decade! I'm glad those days are over!

I didn't get much housework done yesterday (ok, none actually) and my dad says he's going to mow my yard, but I really don't think he should, his foot is still sore and stiff from when he broke it. I told him I was going to hide the mower from him! But he's like me, he'll do it anyway (we're stubborn).

Lolab - You're right, quitting drinking doesn't "fix" life. You'd think it would (it should!) but it doesn't. But at least we are dealing with life sober now...and that IS easier!

I hope everyone has a great day and stays strong!

K9

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

So pistol right now...I want to drink so bad....like crying Bc I cant bad....I tried calling my mom andshes like well if youwant a drink that bad then you do have a problem,...I wanted to say...fuck you...

Its day 13...God why do people care if I drink?

Dh says your doing so well....I want to say tuck you to him too

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Aww Honey :l
I know it's hard, but think of all the reasons why you DON'T want to drink. Fast forward through the buzz into the reality of drinking. I'm thinking of you and sending you strength!
:h
K9

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Honey, this is the BEAST in all his glory. He is trying his damnedest to get back in. He is throwing every thing at you to get you to cave. Dig your heels in and don't give way. Don't throw away your sober 13 days only to start all over. You KNOW it's hell to start over. Day 1 sucks much worse than this craving....This is temporary...it will pass, tell your monkey mind to shut the F up! You will not give in to AL no matter what and no matter who. It has taken all of you that it's going to get! You can do this....Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Also, Honey...I cried a lot more when I was drinking than I have sober. If you want to have a good cry, go ahead. I remember being reduced to tears so many times...looking in the bathroom mirror and not even recognizing the woman I saw. One night I got down on my knees and prayed to God to help me get out of this hole...I prayed HARD and cried harder. You are climbing out...you are getting out of the hell hole that alcohol is. Please don't give us now, YOU ARE WINNING! B

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Honey think about waking up tomorrow morning after drinking and feeling like hell and feeling down and hating that you caved. Or think about waking up totally sober and feeling great. Which do you want tomorrow? This will pass.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Snuggling up to the Nest

Hi all,

I've been mostly posting over in April Restarts but going to start cross posting here too as there seems to be more activity and I need the support and would like to get to know more people in a similar place.

Firstly, Patricia, WELL DONE YOU. Is it 10 days now? How you feeling?

Nursie, oh god, I loved the 15 steps too - thank you. Yep, that's always where it starts, with a lie of one kind of another
Just a couple
It's only cause it's Friday night
I deserve it
It's boring not drinking
It's fun to drink
The sexy allure of the clink of the glass that makes you forget all that follows

I walked past a whole lot of restaurants and bars on my way out last night - met friends at a bar btw and did NOT drink - and I have to admit, I kept thinking about how attractive all that dim lighting and wine bottles and glassware looked. But it's all such a ruse for people like us.

I have found myself lately when I think of wine flash forwarding in my head to the fact I'd HAVE to drink the whole bottle or more and waking up depressed, anxious, headachy and dehydrated. That does help.

DesertLady, I really related to all your comments when you were talking about going over to your friends place and wishing you could be like other social drinkers without being consumed by thoughts of MORE! Me too, but I can't. I also know that when I can do it, I too can have just as much fun sober and it IS relaxing to not have that craving overshadowing everything else so you can actually be present.

It's keeping all this stuff in our minds that will help.

Go well all - look forward to getting to know you all better.

Lilly x