Newbies Nest
Apologies for clogging up the place but I'm just cross-posting some stuff from Restarts re where I'm at and in case any of this rambling sparks anything in anyone else!
>>>>>>>
I'm very frustrated that I seem to be going around in circles and am not sure how to break the cycle.
But, it does to show the way our minds play tricks on us and find reasons not to quit. I'd been so worried about Thailand (going for a month-long working holiday and, yes, definitely going) in part as I'll be spending most of the time with a friend who's a big heavy drinker AND going away for a weekend when I think there will be a lot of drinking. I was worried she'd react badly to my not drinking as she's been quite pooh-poohing of it in the past in that way that people who are in denial about their own drinking problems can be.
So, I tentatively broached the subject with her and she wrote back that she'd put on quite a bit of weight lately and been drinking and would quite like a detox/non drinking/exercise buddy! Well! Goes to show all that fear was in my own head and was probably more my booze brain trying to put off really quitting. If I could actually not drink there I'd not only be doing myself a big favour but possibly be inspiring her too, which would be great, as last time I was there I was worried about her drinking but didn't feel I could discuss it with her as she seemed defensive about it.
So, now i just really need to work on ME and getting ME into the right quit mindset. Day 3 now. Here we go..
Also, it's been a year today since I had a cigarette! Whoo hoo! Quite the milestone for an ex 20+ year heavy smoker who long thought she could never go a week, month, let alone a year... It took me 11 months of on-off with that to really quit. I see the same thing happening with drinking - just not sure what will be the final switch.
******
I was reflecting tonight on the 11 months of on-off 'quitting' I had before I finally ditched the fags. During that time I never went more than 20 days without 'slipping' but here I am.. a year later.
If I could go back to the start of those 11 months with what I know now, what would I tell myself?
Just launch yourself and don't look back
It will get easier the longer you go BUT
You have to cut it off altogether or you'll never get free
The stop-start is simply torture. Stop doing it to yourself
Hello? Parallels much?
With smoking, the misery of it just eventually outweighed the perceived 'pleasure' of it. It still didn't make it easy to quit - not by any means - but I'd had enough and I wanted to be free far more than I wanted to smoke. The same is not, clearly, entirely true of this for me with drinking yet as there's still too much perceived pleasure in it for me - despite the fact there's also often a lot of misery and even my short stints AF have shown me how good that can feel given time. (And I'm sure far more than I know given more time.) So, what, I want to wait until I'm TRULY miserable - perhaps like Jenniech's friend - before I pack it in? Now wouldn't that be rather stupid?
Another thing that really helped me quit smoking was a shift in attitude... learning to see all the positives in not smoking and be grateful for not smoking rather than constantly feeling deprived of my little friend.
Hello? More parallels to mull over.
I'm going to keep meditating - figuratively I mean - on the idea of not drinking in Thailand being a huge positive, rather than a deprivation, and hope I can get there. In the meantime, one small goal at a time. The rest of the week, 10 days, two weeks, then I fly away...
Apologies for clogging up the place but I'm just cross-posting some stuff from Restarts re where I'm at and in case any of this rambling sparks anything in anyone else!
>>>>>>>
I'm very frustrated that I seem to be going around in circles and am not sure how to break the cycle.
But, it does to show the way our minds play tricks on us and find reasons not to quit. I'd been so worried about Thailand (going for a month-long working holiday and, yes, definitely going) in part as I'll be spending most of the time with a friend who's a big heavy drinker AND going away for a weekend when I think there will be a lot of drinking. I was worried she'd react badly to my not drinking as she's been quite pooh-poohing of it in the past in that way that people who are in denial about their own drinking problems can be.
So, I tentatively broached the subject with her and she wrote back that she'd put on quite a bit of weight lately and been drinking and would quite like a detox/non drinking/exercise buddy! Well! Goes to show all that fear was in my own head and was probably more my booze brain trying to put off really quitting. If I could actually not drink there I'd not only be doing myself a big favour but possibly be inspiring her too, which would be great, as last time I was there I was worried about her drinking but didn't feel I could discuss it with her as she seemed defensive about it.
So, now i just really need to work on ME and getting ME into the right quit mindset. Day 3 now. Here we go..
Also, it's been a year today since I had a cigarette! Whoo hoo! Quite the milestone for an ex 20+ year heavy smoker who long thought she could never go a week, month, let alone a year... It took me 11 months of on-off with that to really quit. I see the same thing happening with drinking - just not sure what will be the final switch.
******
I was reflecting tonight on the 11 months of on-off 'quitting' I had before I finally ditched the fags. During that time I never went more than 20 days without 'slipping' but here I am.. a year later.
If I could go back to the start of those 11 months with what I know now, what would I tell myself?
Just launch yourself and don't look back
It will get easier the longer you go BUT
You have to cut it off altogether or you'll never get free
The stop-start is simply torture. Stop doing it to yourself
Hello? Parallels much?
With smoking, the misery of it just eventually outweighed the perceived 'pleasure' of it. It still didn't make it easy to quit - not by any means - but I'd had enough and I wanted to be free far more than I wanted to smoke. The same is not, clearly, entirely true of this for me with drinking yet as there's still too much perceived pleasure in it for me - despite the fact there's also often a lot of misery and even my short stints AF have shown me how good that can feel given time. (And I'm sure far more than I know given more time.) So, what, I want to wait until I'm TRULY miserable - perhaps like Jenniech's friend - before I pack it in? Now wouldn't that be rather stupid?
Another thing that really helped me quit smoking was a shift in attitude... learning to see all the positives in not smoking and be grateful for not smoking rather than constantly feeling deprived of my little friend.
Hello? More parallels to mull over.
I'm going to keep meditating - figuratively I mean - on the idea of not drinking in Thailand being a huge positive, rather than a deprivation, and hope I can get there. In the meantime, one small goal at a time. The rest of the week, 10 days, two weeks, then I fly away...
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