Newbies Nest

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Sausage - I love "The Secret" I own it and always watch it when I feel powerless over my life. It helps me lift myself up and fight for what I want. Wright down what you want and read it every day...you will get it..you will see...I need to watch it again. Its been like a year... Let me know what you think!

Day 17 for me and I am feeling pretty good I guess. I still crave and try to fight through it. Everyday I wake up thinking...Thank you God for helping me get through another day!

Best wishes to all@

[BelleGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters,
Hope all of you in the east and northeast are keeping warm...what is going on here? Saturday I finally broke down and got my bin of summer clothes out and put on shorts and a tank top. About an hour later, a cold front passed thru and it was back to jeans and turtleneck.

When I came here last October, I saw a number of people who had racked up 30 days, a couple of months, and a few working on a year or years. It seemed inconceivable to me that I could ever get out of the drinking hellhole at that time. I really did not know what to do, or where to go. I sat here, in the same seat at the table that I am in now, reading and reading all of your stories and experiences and could not believe that I shared so much with y'all.

Today is 101 days AF for me, and I think I have finally learned the meaning of "one day at a time". As you can see I don't have any goals for myself in my sig; I've never been a "goal oriented" type of person. I try to live in "day tight compartments", which is a concept I learned in the Dale Carnegie course many years ago. So, I am AF today, which is what I have been saying every day for the past 101 days.

The thread about SSRIs and alcohol has really struck a chord with me. I can see how my escalating drinking coincided with taking Lexapro. When I started trying to quit in October, I switched to Zoloft. Did that make a difference for me? I don't know. Will I ever drink again? I don't know. Will I drink today? I am sure I will not.

I can't begin to thank you all here enough for sharing your experience, wisdom, advice and stories. It all matters. We all have our own ways, but in the end we all want the same thing: peace of mind.

Sorry for all the blathering on. I'm very grateful to be here today in this place with you all.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hey all,

Oh Byrdie, I just read your post about your 'bottom' and your husband and it brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad for you you were able to find the strength to make the right decision and turn your life and marriage around and that you've stuck with it and your life and marriage are solid again for it. Thank you also for sticking around here, even though you're past the worst, to inspire those at a newer point on the journey.

I had an eye-opener last night. I dug out my journal from last year, when I was going through a particularly bad patch with drinking - trying to quit on-off-on-off but then bingeing a lot inbetween times - feeling depressed and anxious a lot and really quite miserable. I'd forgotten just how bad I felt then - that fabulous denial.

It really brought to mind what you said, Byrdie, about the year you tried to 'moderate' being absolute hell. Looking back at it I can see I've been going around in circles like this for an entire year now myself without really realising it had been quite that long or that bad. I'd sort of forgotten how bad it can get as I haven't been that bad in awhile - even when I've drunk heavily. Maybe the Lex has helped more than I've realised or maybe that was just when I was starting to really confront my problem (it was). Either way, the misery is all there in black and white and it did really make me question the stupidity of continuing the cycle because if I start drinking again I'll be right back there at some point. Maybe not tomorrow or even next week but probably sooner than later. I need to dig my heels in and quit for good, however hard that may be.

Thanks Patricia for the app links. I'm going to try that. For a few dollars it certainly can't hurt, right? Well done on day 13. Nearly two weeks - yeah!!

Day 8 here

Sausage congrats on 60 days - that is totally fantastic. Ronnie, ha, loved the emoticon Mexican wave.

And K9 - 120 days! That is also totally fantastic. If I ever get there I'd be shouting it from the rooftops. Go you!

Desert Lady - well done too on nearly a month! Goodness, so many successes here. Though sorry you're struggling with the day to day still being hard. There was a thread about exactly this recently called 'MY AF Life sucks' - did you see that? if not it might help you feel you're not alone in this. But look at it this way, when you say you realise now you'll have to do the work on those other things... well, that will be life changing. Maybe not overnight but it will. And it wouldn't be possible to come to that place - ready to do that hard work - from within the numbing cocoon of alcohol. I hear you - I think it's why I started drinking (awful childhood) and why I've drank most of my life. Coming out of that cocoon, well the daylight is bound to be a bit harsh sometimes. And thanks for your kind words re my holiday, that is all very excellent advice. I will have my laptop there so you can bet I'll be checking in here for support

BelleGirl, that's interesting - and scary - re Lexapro and drinking. Jesus, I went on it to help with the anxiety and depression thinking maybe that would help me stop. It didn't make me crave - well not any more - or that would have been horrifying! So sorry to hear you and others have had that experience.

Right, I've babbled long enough. A lovely sober day/night to you all.

Lilly x

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening all!

I went on Lexapro for anxiety/depression years ago & it helped initially but then somehow, it made me feel (think) it was OK to drink like a fish. Well, it wasn't......

Belle, CONGRATS to you on your 101 AF days :yay:
Whether you're a goal setter or a one day at a time believer it's the ned result that matters, right. I'm very happy for you And I did have to turn my heat back on this afternoon - way too damp & chilly here.

Greetings to Lilly, Honey, LG, DesertLady, Byrdie, ronnie, patricia & everyone!
K9 - we have to have a party for you tomorrow girl - good job on 120 AF days

Wishing everyone a comfy & safe night in the nest!
Lav

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

BelleGirl;1303012 wrote:
I can't begin to thank you all here enough for sharing your experience, wisdom, advice and stories. It all matters. We all have our own ways, but in the end we all want the same thing: peace of mind.

Sorry for all the blathering on. I'm very grateful to be here today in this place with you all.

I meant to say also.. me too Belle Girl, me too :thanks:

[KittyKatLost]

Newbies Nest

I have tried all the SSRI's even the new ones, i forgot what category there on, Abilify was the latest, nnothing ever did anything to help, I went through periods of sobrierty and trying to let the drugs help, I used to be on so much stuff all this while drinking and doc prescribed this, he was just a general doc that I been going for years....
Stopping the drinking is my biggest concern. and hopefully forming a new relashionship, even tho I live in an area that everyone I know hangs out at all the places Ive done stupid things at while drinking, I know that comes with time to let this all go..
Ive hurt myself with this addiction done stupid things, which is hard to let go... I am reminded of it everyday and sparks those cravings.. I really need to analyize what I am doing and see if my doc is really helping me, he seems to think "just let your past go" its so not that easy!
Thanks for all your help everyone.. Like many others have said this site helps out alot.
Its almost 12 am and the insomnia is awful. cravings are awful.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

KittyKatLost;1303081 wrote: . I really need to analyize what I am doing and see if my doc is really helping me, he seems to think "just let your past go" its so not that easy!
Thanks for all your help everyone.. Like many others have said this site helps out alot.
Its almost 12 am and the insomnia is awful. cravings are awful.

Awh Kitty Kat, just wanted to give you a *hug*. You're doing great. Hang in there. Can you treat yourself to something comforting - like even a hot bath and a magazine, some chocolate and a DVD, a good book - whatever will distract you for a bit.

Your doctor? Do you mean a therapist or a GP? If the former maybe you need the latter? It's easier said than done 'just letting the past go' - for most of us that takes hard, hard work and often therapy. I've been seeing my therapist since September and it does help a lot. She's also been teaching me some CBT/mindfulness stuff that can help with that getting trapped in negative thinking stuff - learning to stay in the present.

I don't know what your romantic situation is/has been but I reckon you need to focus on you for now and getting you better and shelve the relationship concerns until you're in a better place. I know how hard that can be. I've been single - despite loads of dating and fleeting affairs and short term relationships - for over 5 years since my marriage ended (relatively young) and I'd love a great relationship, but it's going to take a better head space than where I'm at when I'm screwed up on the booze. In fact I wonder just how much that has factored into my relationship failures.

In any case, I think seeking that can be a bandaid distraction when there's more important work to be done. Be your own best friend/partner for now and trust that'll come later. How old are you anyway hon?

Hope tonight gets easier for you!

xoxo

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, i am finding it a bit difficult tonite as it is a public holiday tomorrow so i would normally be on the booze now as i have no work in the morning but i know this feeling will pass and i will be so proud of myself when i wake up tomorrow. I am going to think of all the things i can do with my boys tomorrow if i can drag them away from thier xbox's. ..lol I think i might go for a nice bike ride along the coast if my legs will let me. Do a little housework but not too much as that is a big trigger for me.
I hope you are all having a great day/evening xx

[KittyKatLost]

Newbies Nest

Lilliy E

I can relate to you and thanks for your help!
Your right, I need to work on myself rather than look for someone to be there for me as I am afraid approaching almost 40 that I will be a loner.
Ive done stupid things in the past that probably ruined some of the better relashionships , texting when I was drunk was some Of the things I really regret.
Then I ask myself , who wants to be with a person who is taking so much medication and then have to tell them about me being an alcoholic.
It roams around my head and my cravings kick in , depression starts and boom there are those cravings, since I know that a few shots could take all that pain away.
I have not sunk into the urges , came very close. This time it has to be done, I tried many times at being sober. only to fail. So far I will work on me , I love waking up with no hangovers.
A therapist sounds good, out of all the money Ive spent on booze, I know I can find some for a co pay through my insurance.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

I see sunshine after several days of rain in my area ~ nice

KittyKat, this journey is not easy but it is completely doable!
Focus on you & your sobriety now, the rest can wait. Forgiving ourselves for the past is hard but once you do it frees up all kinds of head space for learning new things & moving on. The past is history & it can't be changed! Leave it behind you while you move forward. Go look at the website I found years ago ~ so helpful: The ToDo Institute: Mindfulness, Procrastination, and Gratitude using Morita and Naikan Therapies

I have a bit of work this morning then plan to meet an old friend for lunch. Absolutely no AL on the menu for me
Have a great AF Tuesday!

Lav

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Belle, beautiful post - and congrats on your 100 plus days!

K9 - awesome....you did it. I love being able to witness the change in positivity in people as they get more and more AF days....you always give so much around here...sit back and soak it up today and feel great about yourself!!!

There's so much sharing around here - nobody should feel badly about rambling on - it's GOOD for ya!!! And for all of us.

Gotta run - I'll check back later!

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone!
K9 - Total congrats for you wow 120 days. You should definitely reward yourself...take your daughter to a movie and some ice cream!!! WAY TO GO GIRL!!!

Kitty...the beginning stages are the worst...just hang in there and be strong you can fight this!!!

Ronnie I hope your day goes well with your kiddo's

Everyone else have a great AF day! God bless!

[Honeysoup]

Newbies Nest

I had the best morning...my mother-in-law and I work together and get along so well. She is in fact one of my best friends. She has been very supportive but today was awesome. When I got to my desk she surprised me with 2 red roses and a beautiful encourageing card.

Really sweet motivator...

Day 18....yippee

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi All!

Honey...I'll second that YIPEE on 18 days! You are doing so great! It's funny, my (ex) mother-in-law and I are still really good friends, I love her so much even though I'm not married to her son anymore. We are all very close, some would call it weird. LOL I even love his new wife and they have an adorable baby girl, born on the same day as my daughter, 13 years apart!

KKL - I am also approaching 40 (rapidly) and I have been single a looong time. I am just focusing on myself for now, I figure the rest will fall into place when I am ready. I've ruined relationships in the past due to drinking, and I've lost a lot of friends due to drunk texting, etc. So now I work on ME, and the rest will come. Be patient, it will happen.

Ronnie - I hope you can make it through the cravings, remember that they will pass. It seems difficult at the moment, but getting through them will make you stronger. It was either Lav or Byrdie (one of the nest Moms!) that said "Nobody ever died from a craving!"...it's so true, even though it feels differently at the time. And as I like to say "A craving will never last as long as a hangover"....so just hang in there, I know you can do it.

Thanks for the kudos on 120 days...I finally made it! For some reason that is a big number to me...now I feel as if I'm really DOING IT this time! I just might go celebrate with my daughter, if she has time for me, she's so busy I may have to make an appointment! LOL

I hope everyone has a great Tuesday and stays strong. We can kick this Beast in the arse!

xoxo
K9

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Interesting reading in the nest today. I've enjoyed reading about everyone's journey. Congrats K9 on 120 days!!! That's so wonderful, hun!