Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

First of all, CONGRATS to DesertLady on 30 AF days :yay:
I never thought I'd make it to 30 days but when I did, I figured I could do anything - same with you

lifechange, I could have very easily fallen into a huge vat of wine two years ago when my husband ran off but I chose not to do that! I wasn't about to let his insane behavior ruin my sobriety. I had a little over a year AF at that time & refused to throw it away.
The bottom line is we cannot control anyone else's behavior ~ only our own. It's OK to be sad, it won't kill us but AL will. Hope you are OK now.

Ant hills LG? I wouldn't go near them either :H

Lilly, hope your ear is OK, ouch.
Keep us close in your heart & thoughts - I never want to disappoint anyone around here either. I think an AF dinner out sounds nice, enjoy

Edited to say Hi to Pinecone & KittyKat!
KittyKat, be sure you are drinking lots of water, tea, etc. Headaches can be a sign of dehydration.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[KittyKatLost]

Newbies Nest

Keeping a gallon of good water at hand, and this dang depression, wow why dont the cravings just go away.its day 14 just frustrated thats all.... thanks for your help tho

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Lavande, you've actually got a good point re an AF dinner. I love food and trying new food - in fact it's a big part of what I do for a living - but when I'm drinking the truth is that I stop caring about the food at a point and just just focused on getting drunk, and Alc takes away my appetite. So, I can try and look at that as a positive.

Since he mentioned bringing wine - he knows the manager so was saying it would be cheaper as he would probably let us BYO (it's an exxy place) - I might write back and say in a lighthearted way that I'm not drinking but he should by all means.

I guess I worry it will put him off me and I'll seem 'boring' - one of my big stumbling blocks with sobriety - but if it does better to know that sooner than later.

Then again, i'm recalling a first dinner date I had pretty much exactly a year ago that was one of the incidents that really woke me up to the fact I really have a problem. I got totally hammered on wine and whiskey, as did he, blacked out and wasn't sure just how far things had gone with the guy. I was sure i hadn't actually had sex with him - as I woke up in my clothes in his bed at about 5am - but had no idea at all what else exactly had happened and I felt soooo ashamed and humiliated. Needless to say that went nowhere fast. So... (Sorry again if TMI! It's just so good to be able to be totally honest here in a way I'm not about it all anywhere else.)

Shudder.

Kitty Kat, I am worried about whether you need to be doing a medical detox if you're suffering so physically. Could you please please go see a new doctor? I don't know but I worry it's a bad sign you're struggling so much physically and think perhaps you need better medical guidance?

I forget hon, how much were you drinking and how long has it been now and are you having other WD symptoms?

Thanks all so much for being there and listening. it REALLY is helping me!

Lilly x

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Also Lavande, I'm SO sorry about your husband. I, too, had a marriage break down very badly due to discovering my husband's shocking secret life. It was awful. And it spiralled me into worse drinking than ever before. So you are AMAZING for maintaining your sobriety through that trauma!!!

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Whoah. I was just reading on another forum and found this discussion about 'kindling' and this article"

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publicatio...22-1/25-34.pdf

I'd never heard of this before but it might explain the phenomena often mentioned here of people relapsing and drinking even harder than before. Another good reason not to keep stopping-starting. Scary stuff.

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, after having bottle of wine both Tuesday and Wednesday evening now back on day 1. At beginning of year my goal was to drink far less - to date I have achieved 42 days this year which I don't suppose is anything to be particularly proud about and if I'm honest I'm far happier when I'm not drinking. So here I am back on day 1, no sweats or anxiety last night but didn't sleep particularly well. I would however like to thank everybody for their support - I've been on and off these boars for four years . . . Buttery grateful to be back again on day 2. Have a good day all. Px

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Sorry. Meant back on day 2 (1 AF under belt) x

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Omg my typing is dreadful on iPhone!!! Px

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

first of all, i forgot last night Desert Lady, to wish you a huge CONGRATS on your 30 day accomplishment. good on you--must feel great. i'm looking forward to reaching that milestone in my journey!
Lilli, that was super interesting and scary. i hadn't read about kindling before, but it makes sense. one more very big reason to keep the al at a far distance.
KKL, i agree with everyone else that you need a new doctor. you have to have someone who understands alcohol addiction and withdrawl. you need more support. is there anyone in your area who can reccomend a new doc? some sort of aa hotline, or other related hotline? the water is important. and i can't remeber if you are on some sort of diet? i think cutting back on caffeine and sugar is also good. and getting enough fruit and vegies and good fats--healthy oils and nuts.
sending strength and wishing you well.
xo

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Oh yes, thank you Life Change for reminding me 'cause I don't know if I said it either but AWESOMENESS Desert Lady on your 30 days. I will be dancing a little chorus line when I get there. (Was going to say 'if' but trying to think positive.)

And, yes, that scared me too. It's been my own experience that I seem to binge *harder* after some time off and I've certainly read it here and seen it in a good friend who had 3 years sober and then, when she started again, seemed worse than ever. Scary, scary, scary. Especially as I still find it relatively easy to quit - it's the staying quit that's hard for me - but seems like that could change if I keep repeating the on-off cycle long enough. Well, more motivation, right?

How you doing today Life Change? Did you work things out with your boyfriend?

L x

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

hi Lilly!
for me the staying quit is also the really hard part.
and i'm trying not to forget what i have learned thus far. i feel like i still have a problem really accepting in my heart that i am an alcoholic and just can't drink. i think i've almost accepted it and i'm using everything i have to carry on.
last night we had a friend in town who had brought a bottle of wine as a late bday gift (here it's funny 'cause in german the word-" gift " means poisin) for my bf. they sat on the sofa and drank it while watching soccer and i went in my room with a huge cup of yummy yogi tea with milk and honey and watched the film i mentioned before. we did work through what i'd been upset about. i had to thank god that i hadn't joined them in having a glass of wine. if i had, everything would have escalated.
thanks for asking.
today is beautiful here--warm and breezy.
have a really good day!!

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

that would be poisOn!! i knew that didn't look right.
i've been here too long!!!!

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hey LifeChange,

Good on you for resisting that wine. We have to take these challenges one at a time at first I think until it becomes as ingrained to say no as it once was to say yes.

I totally here you and in exactly the same place. I can quit for days or weeks - though yet to go past about 3 weeks - but I can't seem to stay quit and a huge part of that is some part of me can't quite accept the whole 'never drinking again' thing because part of me feels like I wasn't "that bad" and, I guess because I can, at least for now, stop and start part of me thinks I could lapse and quit again.

BUT, a big part of me now really wants to see how I'd feel after a long time totally and completely off - what difference it would make to my physical/emotional/mental health and what changes I could make in my life without it.

So, I keep trying to remind myself of all the bad bits and reinforce why it's good to quit.

I found this today and found it helpful. I can totally recognise some of my own thinking in this. Might be worth a read for you too...

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...cle-58805.html

Enjoy the lovely day. It's a freezing night here - well, relatively - but apparently it's 40 degrees C in Bangkok, where I'll be in 4 days!

Lilly

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

And of course I meant 'hear you' not 'here you'

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

that was good to read again. thanks for bringing it to the forground!
will be back this evening!!