Newbies Nest

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hi LG,

Do you have an iPhone? It's an iPhone app. In case anyone is interested, I used 'Since I Quit' (free) and a friend just told me about MLC, which costs a couple bucks but has more info. I'm MORE than happy to be a cheerleader here for anyone quitting smoking (calling K9...). It took me 11 months to do it properly but now it's been over a year and it is SO GREAT!

Yeah, I wonder if I'm cheating. And, oh, believe you me, I don't think it means I have a handle on alcohol just because I only had two. I have had quits before where I then genuinely had 'just one or two' buuuttt it led back into a big binge within a few days or weeks. So I'm aware of that and a little afraid that's what will happen. So, no, not complacent. Trying to use it to strengthen resolve.

IF I do drink again though, I will definitely reset my counter. I can't help wondering if I should anyway but just feel that will depress and dishearten me any more. Thoughts anyone else?

L x

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

when i go to bed early i miss a lot here!
i'm sorry about the disappointing date, Lilly. i think he should have been more considerate about the wine on the first date. people i know sometimes test the waters (prob. cause i've started and stopped drinking so many times!) and will offer drinks if they are drinking. my dad, for instance. but then when i say no, i'm REALLY not drinking they get it. but with a new person i would've been more careful. and i would also be very wary of a man of that age who hadn't had a long term relationship. in earlier years i prob. would've stupidly taken it as a challenge. but i don't think i would waste my time now. don't give up-- i do believe there are really nice people out there. the problem is having someone who isn't taking up your time and energy. keep focussing on yourself for awhile would be my small advice.
and about counting days--- when i've messed up after a week or two (it recently happened that one day i drank a beer and one day a glass of wine) i haven't wanted to start counting all over. so the first day or 2 or 3 i didn't -- but at some point i didn't feel like i couldn't count it. just for myself, it didn't feel right.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

your bird story was so funny Byrdie!! why is that your name, by the way? our magpies are also soo damned loud. we have cats and last year, because we had scaffolding all around the house, they were able to get fairly close to the nest. about drove that mama bird mad!!
Lav, you are so lucky to get to spend so much time with your grandkids. i'm envious!! we are only able to visit my mom every 2 years, ( though we speak almost every day on the phone) and it makes me so sad that she's missing so much of the girls growing up. i'm glad you are able to enjoy them so much. how many do you have, again? i love 3 year olds!!

wishing everyone a very happy sober sunday. we are in heaven here with clear blue skies, 84F AND a 4 day weekend!!

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters
Not been on for a few days, very busy with work, kids, after school activities etc. Mr Sausage has been ill so have had lots of running around to do.

Lilly sorry to read a bout your date - but looking at the positives here:
You didn't enjoy the alcohol experience so this will have motivated you.
At least you didn't have very much - lots of people in this situation keep drinking til they pass out
You'd "only" got to 12 days AF. Imagine how you'd feel if you'd racked up 8 or more months and then drank ( I've been there and it's not nice).
You came on here and confessed immediately ( I put my head in the sand and drank for a further nearly 3 yrs).
Lots of people on here with long term sobriety do take more than one attempt before they "get it" and quit long term successfully.

Just curious, you said your date bought a bottle of wine, even though you told him you'd quit drinking. Did he offer you any / put pressure on you to have a glass or was it your idea? When you did drink, did he pass any comment like "I thought you weren't drinking"

Am curious because I know in the future I will be in social situations where there will be wine on the table and people may ask me to drink. I find this really hard because I would love it if every time I was out, no-one drank around me, but I know this won't happen.

Regarding the counting days - this is an interesting one and in fact I started a whole thread about this and got some interesting responses - click on the threads I've started and you should find it - sorry don't know how to attach a link.

Have a good day Nesters
Back later.
Sausage x
Day 66

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Sausage and I will look for that thread. Yes, I found your post about starting again after so long quit frightening but also motivating in a way - well, greater awareness that once we manage to really quit we can't become complacent and where that 'one' drink can really lead us.

As for the date.... what happened is that we'd had this nice talk about my not drinking. We met at this wine bar and I ordered a mocktail. Fine. Then as we left he said "I know you said you're not drinking but did bring us a bottle of wine". (WTF??? The more I think about that the more it pisses me off. Especially when he doesn't really know me or why I'm not drinking.)

At that point I said "That's fine if you want to drink but I won't have any." Then, when he gave the waiter (his friend/flatmate actually) the wine he said "The lady may or may not be drinking" and he (waiter) said "Oh well I'll just pour you a half glass".

So, you know, I obviously still could have said "No, I"m not drinking" and I really should have. It just suddenly felt too hard especially since I was finding it hard anyway as I was feeling so nervous/uncomfortable and a restaurant/date is a HUGE trigger for me and I am so new in my quit.

It does make me realise though that the problem is I haven't really, fully, totally accepted that I'm not drinking - period. There is still that door open. I want/need to get to a place where it is not.

I had a good chat today about all this with the one friend IRL who I feel I can talk honestly with about all this - as she has a similar problem, has been to rehab, had 3 years off, drunk again badly for a few years, has now quit again. She was saying how much easier it is when you finally accept it is just not an option anymore. Part of my problem is not having hit that "bottom" where it's still easy at times to forget why I'm doing this. But I'm working on it.

And thanks for highlighting the positives in the situation. I agree - it could have been worse and if anything I think it has strengthened my resolve not to drink in Thailand.

Speaking of, I may be quiet the next day or two as I travel and pack - leave day after tomorrow. But will be back when I'm there and thinking of you all in the meantime.

Happy sober days/nights all.

L x

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Also, Sausage, for whatever it's worth I have had nights out with people drinking and not drunk myself. I find getting mineral water in a wine glass helps And generally, once I get over the initial craving hump it's really not as bad as you you might imagine - generally.

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Lily, I think the way he treated you re this was awful - I would be far more worried about the way he didn't respect your decision not to drink, than the fact that he's 43 and never had a long relationship, or wharever!

I mean he doesn't even know you or your reason for not drinking. For all he knew you could be on Antabuse and consuming alcohol could have made you very Unwell. Or you may have recently been diagnosed with a medical condition eg pancreatitis and advised not to drink. And you'd think on the first date or whatever he'd be wanting to create a good impression and respect you. If he doesn't now, he never will.

I was put under pressure to have a champagne toast when I'd got 8.5 months AF under my belt. The person pressurising me was a successful professional woman who I thought drank only moderately. The sort of person I'd like to be like. Turns out she actually told me later she was a binge drinker but hid it. And her life wasn't as perfect as I thought.

I was so mad that I let this person spoil my sobriety. Ultimately for almost 3 years as well. I never want to be influenced like this again. At least you know the dangers now of people subtly ( and this was done very subtly) putting you under pressure.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Chilly but sunny in my portion of the nest today

Sausage, glad you are OK, haven't seen you.

lifechange, I have 3 grandkids, a 3 yr old & two 1 yr olds......busy

I hope to get lots done outside today - the weeds await :H
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Sunday.
Lav

[AGUYFROMNC]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning Nesties
Been so long since I have been on this site. I see some new people. Some even from this state. Glad to say I have been sober and ended up meeting a woman and I thought it was going great, to put it simply she said she rather just date and just see each other once in a while WTF does that mean. Oh those thoughts about picking up some rum came to mind to ease my hurt. Life goes on.
Wishing evedryone a AF free Sunday and to all the new people if you ever need soemone to talk to I like to help out If I can through private messages.
So SO happy I found this site.

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Hey Guy. Glad you are here too.

Morning Nesties. Been up and about drinking a bit of coffee now. Had a pulled muscle in my chest this morning that scared me at first, but I am pretty sure it's either from the way I slept or from working yesterday. Feel better now and getting ready to go back to the flea market. I hope we have a good (lucrative) day. Weather's supposed to be sunny and hot. 90 F.

LG

[AGUYFROMNC]

Newbies Nest

Hello LibraryGirl

Its going to be that warm. Wow hopefully that flea market is indoors.lol. i am in n carolina. flea markets are fun.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

i'm having a difficult time right now. it's 4pm and my boyfriend is out of town. my kids are coming at 530 and i am so tempted to drink today. i don't know why. it's been nagging at me the whole late morning/afternoon. usually i do drink on the weekends with the kids, to relax and not have everything affect me so strongly. i know this is a bad HABIT. i know i don't want to. i know i just need to get through a couple more hours. writing it down helps. i've been reading here for hours.!!

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

lifechange, you only have a little time left before the kids get there. Wouldn't they rather be with you sober? Watch a TV program, or play a game on shockwave.com. I recommend the daily jigsaw puzzle. It's free. Don't give in. Cravings pass.:l

If all else fails, go for a fast walk until you tire out.

LG

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters! Having a great weekend here! Weather got better so I got alot of stuff done outside! Working on some little projects around the house today and keeping myself busy. Saturday was tough to not want to drink but I made it. Sunday's for whatever reason seem to be alot easier on me. Hope all the nesters are having a great Sunday!

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

good ideas, LG, thank you. i ate a huge salad and finished cleaning. i think i will go for a run shortly. i keep running through my mind how i will feel a couple of hours from now, not to mention tomorrow morning if i drink. i just hate that it's sometimes an all consuming task to fight off cravings. and i hate that they come out of nowhere and stay for so long. anyway, i think i have a handle on it. and tomorrow is bound to be easier.