Newbies Nest

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Morning all!

Byrdie - Loved your post (as usual)! Great words of advice from someone who knows! I don't recognize the person I was when I was deep in the hole either. It scares me that I spent a good chunk of my youthful years in a fog. I'm just glad to be out of it now!

LG - It's nice to feel attractive again isn't it? When I was deep in the alcohol I'm sure I looked beyond horrible at work and everywhere else, but I just didn't care! All I was focused on was getting through the day so I could get home and drink. What a waste of time and energy that was. Sunday night I was doing my pampering, face sauna, exfoliate, face mask, moisturizers, nails...I even shaved my legs...and I was wondering how I ever had time to drink a 12 pack every day? Anyway, all that work, and no one to impress but the dogs, I hope they appreciate it. LOL

It's Tuesday morning, supposedly the most productive day of the week (who says?), so I guess I better jump into some work. I will pace myself so I don't overdo it though. LOL

Have a great day everyone!

K9

[berner66]

Newbies Nest

Hi Byrdie

Thanks for that post there was a lot of good things for me to take on board there. I think its a bloke thing but you want to feel fantastic after a few days AF especially mentally. I think I probably couldn't have chosen a worst time to stop drinking but then is there a good or bad time to make the decision. I have booked some one to one counselling sessions starting next Tuesday. I want to make sure I can say im well into my second week AF.
Hi Yogamom ... well done in taking the step to join the Forum. There is an oasis of wisdom and insight in all of these postings. I don't have much wisdom unfortunately but one of the best comments I can repeat ... keep it simple ... one day at a time ... whatever works for you.

Cheers

Berner

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hello everyone! Byrdie that was awesome.

Welcome to all the new people - Life has gotten busy for me and I've neglected my friends in the nest - it needs to become a priority again and I will make it so.

yogamom - when we first come here I don't know if anyone knows what they really want. Our minds are so muddled with alcohol it's hard to see the light of day at first. But like Byrdlady said, the longer you stay away from it, the brighter your world gets and the clearer things become....:l

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone, great post Birdie
Welcome to all of you in the very early part of your journeys.
I'm on day 68 now and I can assure you it does get easier. The first 4 or 5 days are the hardest, ( just do whatever it takes to stay AF , however it wont always be this hard) then once you get to day 8 it seems to feel a bit easier - you start to get out of the routine of drinking and you were AF on the same day last week too and this makes a huge psychological difference. Then with every passing week it does get easier and you start to see improvements in so many aspects of your life.

Psychologically I feel so much happier and much more able to focus on things, see the positive instead of the negative in a situation and sort out the things I can change from the things that I can't ( think serenity prayer).

Last night I had a scare, a drinking dream. It was so realistic I woke in a panic. It even featured MWO and having to post that I'd started drinking again.......

And then I woke up and thankfully it was only a dream and in reall life I'm on day 68 and all is well.

Stay safe in the nest everyone.
Sausage x
Day 68

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

i also always get so much from your posts, Byrdie. thank you.
and Sausage, i think what you said about day 8 may be true for me as well.
i've FINALLY hit day 8!!!! i had several almosts, but always seemed to muck it up somewhere along the way. i feel like it's getting easier to make the decision not to drink. Lav, it really helped what you said--to think of drinking simply as something i USED to do, but don't anymore.
i drank an af beer this weekend and really liked it--i'm one of those who always really liked the taste of the poison-- i've heard some saying they found af beer and wine to be dangerous for recovery. what do you all think? i really enjoyed it and was fully clear that i didn't want the al.??
anyway, it's prob. different for everyone.
a wonderful wednesday!!

[AGUYFROMNC]

Newbies Nest

Byrd great post
I can relate to what your saying. I hated drinking from the time I woke up to the time I blacked out , then would wake up, and start drinking again. Appearance, I wouldnt shave , clean the house, stay home miss days.
All i was concerned about what that bottle and the bottle was what let go of the depression and anxiety.
I dont even count anymore the days AF, i just know it feels so much bettter to not wake up with a hangover and try to remember the things I did the night before.
Glad their is so much support and people who I can relate too on this site!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Humpday!

Glad to see everyone checking in, making progress, etrc

Sausage, I was plagued with drinking AND smoking dreams for a while - UGH!
I think they serve a purpose though

lifechange, on the advice of others, I have totally avoided the AF beer & wine products
I'm afraid they would just get me wanting the 'real thing'.

Guy, so glad to hear you are feeling better - totally worth the effort, huh?

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Wednesday!!
Lav

[Daya]

Newbies Nest

Thank you sausage, your posts mean a lot to me....I'm glad you mentioned day 8, i have gone 2 weeks or so without drinking, and i remember the first 4 or five days were the hardest. you are an inspiration. This is actually the first time i have gone totally cold turkey though....

SAUSAGE;1308527 wrote: Hi everyone, great post Birdie
Welcome to all of you in the very early part of your journeys.
I'm on day 68 now and I can assure you it does get easier. The first 4 or 5 days are the hardest, ( just do whatever it takes to stay AF , however it wont always be this hard) then once you get to day 8 it seems to feel a bit easier - you start to get out of the routine of drinking and you were AF on the same day last week too and this makes a huge psychological difference. Then with every passing week it does get easier and you start to see improvements in so many aspects of your life.

Psychologically I feel so much happier and much more able to focus on things, see the positive instead of the negative in a situation and sort out the things I can change from the things that I can't ( think serenity prayer).

Last night I had a scare, a drinking dream. It was so realistic I woke in a panic. It even featured MWO and having to post that I'd started drinking again.......

And then I woke up and thankfully it was only a dream and in reall life I'm on day 68 and all is well.

Stay safe in the nest everyone.
Sausage x
Day 68

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Wow, the nest has been kind of slow ? perfect time for me to catch up without taking up a whole day doing so!

A guy, and finallydone ? I?m so glad you?re back. I bet you are that much stronger now in your decision to be AF?

Lifechange, great that you have pushed through some tough times - now you know it can be done ? as you know there will be more. Just remember that you did it before, and those urgent feelings of wanting to drink ? don?t last forever. (I?m not sure about the AF beer or wine?sorry)

Kittykat - way to go?in the beginning you do WHATEVER it takes! If that means avoiding people by all means do it. And remember ? just because that is what you choose to do now ? if that is what you decide is best for you for now ? in order to stay AF ? it doesn?t mean that you are signing a contract that you can never socialize again. I?m still getting my feet on the ground in that department. I?ve just taken advantage of the self imposed semi-isolation to tackle some projects and take care of me?.

Wow, lilly ? I?m envious of your experience!!! Thailand would be amazing. LOL at lifechange at wanting to hear about the food?but ME TOO!

Daisy, it?s always great to hear from you. And CONGRATULATIONS on your 3 WEEKS!!!!!!!! I?m glad you?re adding to your AF arsenal?.

Daya ? welcome back- you're doing a great job posting and getting involved which I believe is key ? leciejo- welcome to the nest ? it does sound as though you are giving it your all. And Berner, I don?t think I said hello to you ? and either?..and you?re right ? it certainly does change a lot. Great job on adding in counseling.

Desertlady ? gosh I can?t believe you?ve got 5 weeks in! way to go! Socializing is a totally new experience sober isn?t it? I wouldn?t be overly concerned ? as there are still things that I notice are changing with me. and I had headaches and general body aches for quite some time after going AF (if I remember correctly, you said you were drinking pretty heavily and I think it takes quite some time for the body to recover?I was into vodka and was drinking almost round the clock some days and it took me quite some time to get feeling good) ? but it wouldn?t hurt to get a general checkup? Are you taking any supplements? To restore those things depleted by alcohol?

Haha K9 ? I?m betting your babies brag to all their friends that they have the most beautifully groomed human in the world! And heck, at their level? I bet they're THRILLEd that you shaved your legs...:H

Sausage ? congratulations on 69 days! You?ve come a long way, baby!

Librarygirl, Lav, Byrdie, anyone that I missed ? :hello:

I don?t know what made me think of it this morning but I wondered how long it was since I had heartburn. A couple of years ago ? I was overweight, drinking heavily, and like lots of you ? didn?t care about my appearance?and I had to have rollaids and pepto bismol tablets by my bed. I tried so many things ? but at night I always had heartburn. I haven?t had it in a looooong time. Anyway, in addition to being clear headed, better skin, losing weight, not worrying about being sober for some upcoming middle of the night driving, getting TONS of things accomplished, improved self esteem, and actually CARING about life in general ? I just added 'no heartburn' to my list?..:-)

~lola

[DesertLady]

Newbies Nest

Ah Lolab, you are just such a caring person, mentioning each of us by name - I know it tickles me pink everytime I get a personal mention! And so much to get out of your posts too - thanks! I think I have also decided to give it more time before I get concerned. I'm working hard now at remembering to take the supps and the Allone daily - and I keep realising how badly I still eat, so yes, I'm definitely still lacking in supporting nutrients. That said, a bad Monday was actually followed by a pretty good Tuesday, and I've woken today feeling positive - so ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!!

K9, LG Byrd and others - I really get what you mean about taking more personal care. I see that changing in me, and I now notice more how I'm feeling about myself based on what I wear and how much attention I pay to myself. I grew up with just about no self-image at all and my complete lack of awareness of myself astounds me now when I look back. I've been on a long journey of self-discovery through my 30s, and even though I am still at my heaviest weight, I like myself so much more now and have learned to care about me!

Sausage, I so admire you for getting back here, putting the past behind you and having the courage to share your journey with us so honestly. And I'm hoping that I'll be feeling as positive and good as you are by the time I get to 69 days!

Lifechange - CONGRATS on Day 9 today. Getting past the first seven days is huge! For me, getting past a whole month, and realising that I'm well on the way to forming new habits has also been amazing. And the more time that goes by, the more I don't want to slip up, because that growing number means so much, and I don't want to zero the clock again....

All that said, I had a bit of a weird experience last night - I was on my way to meet a dear out-of-town friend for drinks. I wasn't worried about wanting a drink really (although I am aware in a bar that I need to definitely CHOSE to be AF and not fall back on old ordering habits) - but I was picturing myself not drinking and I suddenly felt like such a FRAUD. I was thinking about the AF me and found myself thinking "But this isn't me, and I don't know who this non-drinking person is". Maybe it was a mild longing to go back to that person who is so much more familiar to me still - the one who can check out of life when things are difficult or unpleasant by getting a buzz on. Sober is awesome, but it's a fulltime thing - I get to deal with reality ALL THE TIME now, and not just when I'm sober enough to face up to it. It still feels like WORK sometimes, and I guess I just don't know this new me as well as I'd like to yet.

I'm working hard to build a yoga and relaxation practice, and often getting quiet and connecting with myself is enough to calm me, but I guess it wasn't last night. That, and the new social challenges, and a couple of other stress factors in my life right now had me feeling a bit like a fraud, I suppose. It's like I need to get to know myself again, as a sober person. My personality is still the same - as I discovered when I was with my friend and we were having a great time catching up - but the way I deal with life has changed fundementally. Interesting..... any thoughts on this anyone?

Time to get a very reluctant boy off to school now and get the day started. Hope it's a goodie for all!
Cheerio!

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

This time I win

Hey everybody. Well today is day two. Have I hit rock bottom? It would seem so. After more than a year of promising my husband that I would slack off, stop, etc. etc. I threw the final bitch fits of fits on Monday night. I am so ashamed that I would treat him this way repeatedly and that he was always so understanding and giving me chance after chance. But that may be a lost cause now. And I don't want to lose him for the sake of not really living life and being lost in the bottom of a bottle every stupid night of my life. It's a vicious cycle, I drink to forget life and to "deal"with stress only to wake up the next morning feeling terrible about myself and to do the same thing that night. I get drunk and I get angry then take it out on him. I have said some mean nasty things that often I don't remember to the man I promised to love.
I had six months+ of sobriety two yrs ago before I met him so he has never seen me be the same loving silly goofball at eight o clock at night as I am at eleven o clock in the morning. I want him to see that. And I want a life I can be proud of. I can do this again, I know I can. And I will do this, right?

[leciejo]

Newbies Nest

Hey (((((CAT))))) congrats on day 2. I'm on day 2 as well. My final MayDay...I will remain sober whatever I have to do to do and re do, I will do. I will be 48 this month and my loving dear patient understanding husband will enjoy this present to myself with me. I'm attending my first AA meeting tonight. It's a closed discussion meeting and I hope to find some new sober friends, peace of mind, and maybe a sponser.

peace,
leciejo

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi CatBelle - Welcome! Boy can I relate to your story. I turned into a two-headed swamp monster when I was drinking. I couldn't believe some of the crap that would spew out of my mouth! I'm NOT like that, it was the damn Alcohol Demon taking over posession of my body. I have SO many embarrassing and regretful incidents from when I was drinking. The good news is, we never have to do that again! I'm glad your hubby is patient, and I hope he will support you in your new endeavor to quit drinking. And yes, you CAN and WILL do this, and we are here to help! Glad you're here!

Lolab - I hear ya' on the heartburn, I used to have it EVERY night...guess it was all that beer laying around in my belly that was causing it, because I haven't had it in who-knows-how-long!! Yet another positive aspect of giving up the Beast. Just as I was commending myself on looking better, I realized that I have on two different shades of brown today, don't you hate it when a color looks different at home in the bathroom than it does out in daylight? Ah well, so I'm not as coordinated as I could be...bite me. LOL j/k

Yesterday I had a customer at my counter who was pushing ALL the wrong buttons for me. He started out by blatantly lying to my face (I hate liars), then a spider walked across the counter and he flicked it as hard as he could and I gasped because I LOVE ALL animals, big or small or even creepy. I wanted to FLICK him in the forehead as hard as I could, but then I remembered that probably wouldn't be good "customer service"...LOL So I got him out of my sight as fast as I could. Some people are just annoying through and through. I went back to look for the spider but it was gone. LOL

Well I guess that's all in K9 Land, not too exciting. Welcome to all the newbies and a big shout out to all the "oldbies". I'll check in later! Stay strong everyone!

K9

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

desertlady, I think so many of us can relate to your description of trying to figure out who we are sober...it really is a "familiarity" with that foggy self...and takes some time...:-)

cat - when someone named Byrdlady comes along and posts to you - read it carefully! She's been where you are and then some and recently celebrated one year sober. Tell him what you've told us - that you want him to see that side of you and if you have his support in it, it'll help you so much...:-)

K9 I have a coat that I thought was brown...but when I wore it outside - it was green! And I don't like it. It's a weird green...obviously.n And please don't hold it against me - but I'm coming clean with you....my death count so far today is up to 3. Three black ants that found their way into my house have met their demise at my very hands.....

leciejo, I just turned 48. I think it's an age of infinite wisdom....LOL!!!!! I used to spend each and every day depressed....that time was going too quickly. That I was growing older too quickly...and that my son was growing up too quickly...and that I was wasting so much of that time drinking and drunk/buzzed/foggy. Then I'd think about when he's gone and off living his own life - how depressing it's going to be - and how awful I'd feel that I drank away his childhood. And then I'd have another drink.


I am sooo fortunate that I finally saw through the cobwebs of the alcohol and struggled through those early days when everything looked bleak - to realize that it was the damn alcohol that was making everything appear that way. Yep, it's hard to get old - it's hard to think about the changes in life - but we naturally have a much more optimistic view of all of it when we aren't trying to escape it. I no longer spend every day dreading the future and trying to escape it. I am living my life in the moment...and feeling really good that I am making the most of it right now...

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

K9, you may not have enjoyed my mockingbird story the other day!! Sorry about your spider....we can only hope that he didn't go to that great web in the sky. Maybe another one will come along!
Lola...I hadn't even thought about it, but there at the end of my heavy drinking I was going to ask my gastrointerologist to check me for an ulcer! Now that you mention it, I haven't had any distress like that since my quit!! Go figure...I guess the excuse I'm using to explain why I don't drink anymore really IS true..."it's like battery acid to my insides".
I tried the non AL wine. It was crazy, I wanted to chug it??? This is my twisted thinking. Instead of sipping it to enjoy it, apparently all I was interested in was the buzz...when I got nothing from the NA wine...I looked at the calories and said, 'Holy $#!+, this stuff is fattening!!" so I just quit drinking it and never looked back. It also tasted like thick goopy syrup. The Addicted Head (Dick Head) is an amazing thing to me. (chugging NA wine...how pathetic!! Wait a second, chugging AL wine is even more pathetic!! OY!) I could NOT tell these stories to anyone else and be believed...(I got plenty more). Stay strong everyone! Byrdie