Newbies Nest

[kelba]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Lifechange,
Like you I also have 3 kids who are getting to an age where they can see what is going on. I started to drink when we moved from UK to France to supposedly start a new life, sadly things have been very difficult and my hub ended up working back in the UK most of the time. I found i was alone with a young family and suddenly loads of other responsibilities and slowly took to the bottle as anxiety and panic attacks started to ruin my life I found this self medication helped. Now not only am I a nervous wreck I am also an alcoholic, as the alcohol is exaserbating the anxiety.

My husband also drinks alot and I keep thinking what chance have my kids got if both parents are alcoholics. I am trying to do something at least and am pretty determind to beat this and become Al free, I have done it before myself, also through rehab
I am tapering in an ad hoc way and taking some supplements have got loads of the meds but am too scared to use them.....

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters and a big :welcome: to Karen, Bellbell and Kelba

Posting in the Newbies Nest is a great place to start and hopefully you've all checked out the Tool Box in the Monthly Abstinence thread for some ideas to help you form a plan.

Bell bell - sounds like you shouldn't be stopping cold turkey if you've been drinking at hose levels for 5 years - why not form a taper plan to taper down and use up your remaining alcohol until it is safe to stop completely. Keep posting and let us know what you are doing.

Karen I was a daily wine drinker and can relate to your story. What made you drink again after 90 days? Was it that you thought you could moderate? That was what happened to me after my first quit (108 days) and very quickly I was back at the same levels - or higher! Than before.

Kelba I feel I can relate to you, I have young children (almost 8 and 7 yrs) and my husband is in the forces so I look after them on my own quite a lot, pus we had to move to areas where initially I didn't know anyone and it can be very lonely so I used to drink.

I'm now on day 73 AF thanks to this wonderful site. Take a look at My story in the My Story Section - I started it after I'd made 6 months sober the first time but have been updating it regularly on my latest AF journey.

Look forward to seeing you all around.
Sausage x
Day 73

[Ship_at_Sea]

Newbies Nest

Evening everyone :-)

I had 5 days AF last Week but managed to stuff that up Royally by knocking off an entire bottle of vodka on Friday night because "I was bored".

This has of course ruined my entire Weekend with Yesterday hungover and Today guilty and depressed..

All this for a few hours of "entertainment" on Friday night???

I seriously know better than that!

Anyway day 2 AF again and NO drinking tonight (it's almost 7pm here)

Just thought I'd drop in and say hello..

Will try to drop in on a daily basis..

[kelba]

Newbies Nest

Hi Sausage

Well done! Thanks for your message. I am about to read your story. I hope I manage to find sucess here too, godness knows I think about it all the time, the damage it's doing to my kids and my health, I know it is not worth it but it is such a hard thing to quit as it has a hold over your rational thinking!

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

hi Ship!!
i hate that!! i've also chosen to drink after 5 days af-- many times. for me and for many, it seems, to slip after 4/5 days isn't unusual. this time i was aware and charged hard headed, with all the tools gathered from this website, through them. on day 12 i'm struggling a bit, but it's getting easier.
i'm very glad you didn't let friday night carry on. you should be feeling much better physically and emotionally tomorrow.
HANG IN THERE!!! it must be around 8pm your time now.
i hope you have a great nights rest and look forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

[kelba]

Newbies Nest

Hi Ship,
I suppose it is like excersing a muscle, the more you do it the stronger it gets. Lots of encouragement for jumping back on the wagon so quick it shows how serious you are. Good luck

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

kelba;1311327 wrote: Hi Ship,
I suppose it is like excersing a muscle, the more you do it the stronger it gets. Lots of encouragement for jumping back on the wagon so quick it shows how serious you are. Good luck

Hi Kelba and welcome. Look at you, so new to the site and coming up with 'words of wisdom'! I couldn't have put it better myself. It is exactly like that. I have been here a while now and although I have had many 'starts' I have to say that each time I tried again there was more strength, more knowledge. I want this so badly that I seek out any wise words, experiences, advice that I can from this wonderful site.
I wish you well. Come here every single time that you can and don't let your guard down!!!:h

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone, I've been reading posts for hours, and so much of the content out there hits home so hard. This fight against the beast is unique for everyone, but so many things are common to all of us - the remorse, the worry about health, the efforts to hide our problem from others, the CONSTANT struggles to get it under control, etc. How many times so many of us have said "OK Day 1 is today. Today is the day" and then maybe a couple of days pass without alcohol, but then everything goes to hell shortly thereafter. Something triggered the thought that you could prove to yourself that you can meet a friend out and have "just a couple." Yeah right, then you pull a big drunk, piss off your friend, drive home drunk, spend bookoos of money, order to go food that you don't even remember picking up, etc...Oh, and if you're lucky, you MIGHT make it into work the next day, but most likely you will call in sick or tell them your dog is sick - anything not to have to face all those cheery people at work. You just want to crawl back in bed, or better yet, go have a hair of the dog at the bar because really that's the ONLY way you're going to feel any better. Yeah, that's right, go have a hair of the dog, and then come home and get a good night's sleep. You'll start over tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better. You will wake up refreshed and ready for work. But wait, now you're at the bar, and you just had your first hair of the dog drink. Well, you can have at least one more, right? I mean, gosh, that's one ferocious hangover, and one drink just ain't gonna cut it. Well, that second hair of the dog turns into several, and you just repeated the previous day. You wake up the next morning in a panic. Oh NO! Where's my wallet and cell phone? Oh no, I'm late for work. I can't work. I'll just have to tell them I'm sick again. What are all those empty boxes on the floor? Chinese food? You don't even remember ordering it....

OK, enough. You get the picture. I need to stop this madness. God has given me the chance to stop this before anything awful happens. I can totally turn things around if I just try. I've got a great job, and as far as I know, I haven't done any permanent damage to my body yet. I can lose the extra pounds I've put on from drinking and eating crap food after drinking. I can totally do this. I feel like my chances are running out. I can't let anything bad happen. I must stop now.

I am starting over. Again....

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Hello & welcome to Bellbell & Kelba! Glad you decided to join us
Please be sure to read the MWO book - it has lots of information about the program & it's components. You can download the pdf right from the Health store here.

I haven't had any desire to drink since starting here at MWO. I truly believe the Hypno CDs changed my thinking about AL. I now believe it is the poison it actually is to our bodies. I no longer have any desire to poison myself. I have learned to relax using other tools & I really love feeling happier, healthier, stronger, having more $$ in my pocket, hangover & guilt-free.......the list just goes on & on.
Changing our thinking is critical to remaining sober. Don't know how many times in the past (before MWO) I would quit for a few days or weeks then fall into the 'one won't hurt trap'
One drink does hurt because there is no such thing as one drink, is there??? Same with the cigs for me, no such thing as one.

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Sunday!
Lav

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Good on you Rooniferd; you have to see like it is in order to take strides towards sobriety. Each thought you have about wanting to stop is a step in the right direction; some people never even get that far; they see it as an impossible task. Believe in yourself and that you can do it and bit by bit, one hour at at time, one day at a time, you will get there.
Be patient, don't expect life to be perfect right away; anything that is good in life takes effort and is worth waiting on.
Read as much as you can here and visit daily if possible. There is a wealth of information - search for it; go back years to trace the journeys of those who have made it. You will be inspired and better armed to beat this beast.
When you read the stories about how lives have changed dramatically being AF, it will give you hope - you deserve that same peace and happiness in your life too. It is a gift to yourself - you have to be open to receive it. :h

Hi to you Lav, cross-posted.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Daisy. Those are words to live by, for sure. And yes, I plan to take advantage of the resources here on this site. I need all the encouragement I can get. I read posts from people who have beat this addiction, and their stories are so inspiring. Their lives are so much better. I want to be one of those success stories. I PLAN to be one of them. I have this feeling that it's now or never. I have too much I want to do in this life to end it now. Thank you GOD for giving me this one last chance. I hope and pray that I don't let you down.

[kelba]

Newbies Nest

Hi Daisy and All
Thank you so much for your comments, I am touched. I have downloaded the book and will read it but being in the forums gives me not only the chance to take advice but I think like everyone here there is and opportunity to try to help others. For me this makes a big difference it is a something which makes me feel worthy, perhaps a thing that I have been lacking? Reading these posts has also made me realise that I do not need to feel ashamed of myself and this stigma that surrounds alcoholism, almost everything I have read is intelligent, wise, sensitive and quite special... I feel more and more hopeful xx

Hi Lavande
Loved your post, I used hypno to stop smoking before I had my kids, it really worked, I saw someone one to one, you have to be very determind though! Do you think the CD versions would be as good?
On a different topic ~ the picture are those your chickens, I have some just like them x

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Hi Rooniferd, I'm new here too and I so related to your post about the 'hair of the dog' and calling in sick to work, Oh, and especially the lose 10 lbs, from having mostly a wine diet and/or unhealthy food. Though for me it's more like 30. Being on these boards is definitely part of being on the right path.

I once had 14 years of sobriety, and have had anywhere from only days to 9 months on and off the past seven years. I have had mixed experiences in AA and live in a very small town in the Northwest US, so I didn't really want to go that route, though I'm not entirely opposed to it either. I tried the MWO supplements and hypno CDs a couple of years ago and they did help (and I am going to reorder) but I wasn't totally on board with staying AF at that time. Went through a painful period during the recession; laid off, lost my house, my 15 year old son went to live with his dad in Salt Lake City... and on and on. Life happens.

I have acknowledged being an alcoholic for a very long time so at least denial isn't an issue. I chose to actively embrace it much of these past 7 years. I had pretty much given up that my life would turn around. So I kept drinking. From one bottle of wine every night for the longest time, more recently up to 2-3 bottles per day, sometimes first thing in the morning, then continuing through the day. Not to get drunk, just to maintain and not feel sick/shaky.

Now for the good news: I have been back to work full time for over a year, and I turned a corner last week and met with a counselor at an outpatient treatment center. He did the longform questionnaire to gauge my level of dependency, and I answered yes to almost every question. I think my only 'no' was that I have not had a DUI, amazingly/thankfully. I also have depression and anxiety disorders. This Tues. I meet with a doctor at the center who will prescribe Rx(s) for an outpatient detox and I will continue to see a counselor there. I have tapered off this weekend in my own way. 3 bottles Friday; 2 yesterday, planning on 1 tonight. I hardly even have a hangover with only 1 bottle. So hopefully this will be my last 'lost weekend'. I am so looking forward to feeling good again, getting sleep, exercising, losing weight, being a mom my son can be proud of, doing something a little more productive with my life instead of planning my next booze run. I am also very fortunate to have reunited with a wonderful man who is sober and is being very supportive. Sorry to make such a rambling introduction. I am finding so much good advice genuine care/concern on these boards. Here's to the journey. Cheers and thanks. Have a great rest of the weekend, wherever you are.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Monique, thanks so much for your introduction. I completely relate to your story as well. I don't have a husband or kids, but sometimes I wish I did so that someone would see the "real" me and give me a reason to get myself straight. I know that disappointment from family is a huge motivator here, but I don't have that. I think I use that as an excuse to drink sometimes. No one is here to care, so why not? But that is such a bad way to think of things, isn't it? Most of my socialization comes from the bar. That's one of the scariest things to me about drinking - if I stop going there, where will I socialize? And I'm not one of these people to join meetup groups and stuff like that. It all seems so contrived. Everyone tells me that I will eventually meet people who don't live their lives in the bars and will start doing other things. I sure hope so. I expect to have some lonely nights until then, but hey, most of my nights are already lonely because I've let the beast shut out so many things in my life. It's going to be a long road, but like Daisy said, anything good in life takes time, and it's worth it. I often picture myself sober way down the road - 35 pounds lighter (yes, I've got more to go that you do), maybe biking around town, being major productive at work, etc. And the good news is that it IS COMPLETELY possible - with one caveat - as long as I'm not hanging out with the beast.

I'm glad you are getting outside help. I'm not sure I'm ready to make that move (I guess I keep thinking I can do this on my own). Well, I'm going to stick to this site like glue, so maybe just maybe I can do this without getting treatment. I guess I will know the answer to that all too soon.

"Enjoy" your one bottle of wine tonight. Think about your upcoming sobriety with every sip. We can do this. I just know it!

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi Monique and Rooniferd

Welcome to MWO and the Newbies Nest.

Rooniferd - you like pigs too !? First time I read one of your posts I thought - I don't remember writing that, and then I realised I hadn't!!!

Hope you find lots of support here. I presume you've visited the Tool Box for ideas to help you with your quitting. Stay close to the boards in the early days and you'll learn lots and get lots of support.

Look forward to seeing you around,

Sausage x
Day 73