Newbies Nest

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Byrdie! I've thought about that too. I know I will eventually have to go through the test and meet someone at some place that serves alcohol - a bar, a restaurant, something. That will be the ultimate test, I suppose. And when that time comes, I will have to use every bit of strength I have not to order that drink. Right now, it's just too risky, so I'm going to be missing in action from my friends for a while.

[Stewarts]

Newbies Nest

That's good about your work...

rooniferd;1314730 wrote: Thanks Stewarts, yes you are right. It's her problem. Maybe she's just jealous :-) I used to really care what people thought about me not drinking, but I just don't care anymore. If someone makes fun of me or tries to convince me to drink, then I need to walk away from that person and move on! By the way, I'm so glad work is not a drinking thing for me. Everyone is really serious, and we hardly ever have events, other than lunches for people leaving or something like that.

With my work it can be a little challenging..its a lot like Wall St, and if know any of those guys...its just a debauchery show...

It is funny though about people who think something is wrong with you....I remember another time, oh my god, this was with my boss also...I met some friends who I hadn't seen awhile, again, I didn't feel like drinking for whatever reason....I did have two beers thought and that was it...I had no desire to have anymore...my boss was up the street at another bar with one of our associates, so I went to go meet them...I think a Thursday night Jets game was on...anyway, they had been going at it for awhile, my boss was HAMMERED! He just reeked of Scotch.

Anyway, again, I still had no more to drink...he wanted to go out to dinner; he likes to take care of people with nice dinners, I know the young associate was into it, they always are, he'll be going to places they normally wouldn't go for monetary reasons...anyway, I was not hungry and knew he'd order a bottle of wine...I really just wanted to go home... we leave the bar, I literally had to turn the corner and run away from them...picture this...some guy in a Barney's suit and wingtips, running down a random Manhattan street, while he's boss and associate yell at him, as he (me) is running, for being a puss...

Honestly, I actually thought the whole thing was kind of funny...and I was very glad I did not fall to the pressure.

[Stewarts]

Newbies Nest

Trust

LibraryGirl;1314827 wrote: Interesting thoughts on "friends" who pressure you to drink. I was one of those people. I remember being very angry with a good friend of mine when she and her husband stopped hanging around with me and my ex. Her husband had a problem, she thought (he probably did), and when they were with us, we all drank too much. So, she stopped coming around, and I felt so betrayed. When we moved into our new house I called her and said, You HAVE to come over, and we're GOING to celebrate! Needless to say, she didn't come over. We reconnected not too long ago (briefly, doubt we will ever hang out again) and I told her I had quit drinking. She said her husband has been quit for 6 years.

I remember when I was much younger, I remember for some odd reason not trusting people who wouldn't drink. Damn, all these recent events are coming back now as odd. I was at a business conference a few weeks ago...I was drinking, but moderately, anyway, a friend got really hammered and did something really stupid to me. Anyway, the next day, we're at our own company party, and I'm drinking water, I did start drinking a little much later...anyway, she even made a comment about it?!?!? I don't know too many, or maybe even any alcoholics (that are drinking, all the ones I know have been clean for sometime)....but how delusional to have to be? You get shitfaced, tell off one of your best friends in a illogical and non-sensical way in front of others, making you look stupid...and they next day you criticize me for drinking water ?!?!?!?

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Ship_at_Sea;1315376 wrote: Morning all :-)

Just checking in to report the beginning of Day 3 AF...

A little bit of anxiety and trouble sleeping but everything is running to plan so far.

This time last week, I was having a beer because I was so hungover (It's almost 10am right now)

I too am looking for some sober time to have a good look at my life and put into motion the things I need to do to fix it..

Have a happy sober Weekend everyone xxx

I so related ... last Monday I was still at more than 2 bottles of wine. Today is Day 7 AF and it feels like a new life. I'm already half-way through tapering off my detox meds (which I highly recommend, especially to anyone who's really scared about w/d), and I even went for a gentle hour walk this morning at 5:30am, after getting a full 6 hours straight of sleep. These are big miracles for me. Off to work. Have a good week everyone.

[Stewarts]

Newbies Nest

My weekend

Ok, I did not stay AL free, but I didn't abuse anything.

I met my ex-wife on Friday after work, I actually was thinking of not drinking, she was drinking some sangria and said it was good. I was tired from the week, but was like whatever....she was as well (tired). We then had a beer after that, which were bigger than we wanted...I don't think we even finished them. I was then trying to meet up with a woman I'm dating, but she was grabbing a drink somewhere up near me, she was tired as well, but the time I got back uptown, she was calling it an early night. I went into the bar, watched a little of the Yankee game, had two beers and went home...my four drink min. I woke up the next day and ran 6 miles...I felt fine.

Saturday, watching the Rangers game. I'm not drinking, at a bar. After the first goal, I decide to have a beer...my buddy and his wife were planning on meeting me later, they were coming from the Yankee game...some time goes on, I order a water...more time goes on I order my second beer. Then my buddy and his wife show up, they're kind of tipsy. I know I definitley have at least 2, maybe 3 with them. Their pretty wasted, I'm pretty much fine, they want I eat...I volunteer my apt if they want to order a pizza. Honestly, I kind of wanted to stay, but not to drink, some interesting females walked in...anyway...

I have no beer at my place, so they buy two sixes. We watch a movie, pizza comes, I drink one beer at my place. My buddy eventually is passing out on my couch so they leave. So I, I did go three over my limit, but I was in early and the one was at my place. However, I woke up the next morning feeling a little weird...its the depression. It did eventually go away. Mother's Day, I had a little wine, but went on a 3-4 mile run before I started getting ready for bed...so I woke up today fine as well.

So, as for going AL free, would I be happier? Probably. I mean I am happy that I am living a responsible, somewhat normal life....I'm not the one who gets smashed and does really stupid things...I have been that guy for a long time...but I'm now noticing it in other people I know...and it does upset me...especially the denial on their part...

anywyay gotta run..

[DesertLady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning! Just a quick check-in before my day really gets started. Tomorrow will be 7 weeks for me, so it's you and me together, Cap'n Greg! Feels so good to have racked up so much time - but, at the same time, I feel as if my MIND wants a drink more and more. It's interesting, because I KNOW, in my body and my deepest self, that I DON'T want a drink - but my mind is hassling me more and more. Thanks to all those who've said time and time again here that they are JUST thoughts, and that they mean nothing if I don't act on them....

Rooni - I so relate about not wanting to go to bars etc. For most of my first month AF I felt very fragile, and that it would be easy to burst my AF bubble - one thing that "helped" me is that for the first three weeks I was so tired while my body detoxed that I wasn't feeling up to much, but each "first" was huge - first time my hubby drank and I didn't, first time we went over to friends and I didn't drink, first time we had a dinner party at home and I didn't drink. The amazing thing is that in all that time no-one even seemed to notice I wasn't drinking! After a month, I ventured out to a bar - with hubby to meet friends. BIG step - and I had to very deliberately work out what I would drink, as I'm allergic to preservatives, so that cuts out most soda drinks, and I can't stand club soda. I had to get past the "this is going to be such a drag if I can only drink water or coke" - and I had to change my focus to enjoying the company of friends, rather than being there to drink (which was always the case before). Been to bars a couple of times now, and each time has been easier, because I've felt less "fragile", and the new mindset is kicking in. The one thing I haven't done yet, and I REALLY don't feel ready to either, is to go into a liquor store. My husband still drinks, and he works away from home, so it would be easier for me to pick up his beers or whiskey, but thankfully he knows, so I don't think he'd expect it of me.

Basically, I think it's essential to be selfish initially, and avoid triggers until you feel strong enough. I think having a drinking problem is pretty self-involved anyway, so why not tap into that in a positive way to get to a better place?

Lolab - I love your tool! The thought of the first drink is so enticing, but taking that "fantasy" all the way through is my reminder that I don't want "just one drink", I want to get rat-assed drunk - and that would take me back to that awful, cursed place!

Lav - hope you got something for the ivy. Have only experienced it once, and that was watching my young son's reaction to it - wasn't fun trying to calm him and lather some or other cream on him...

LillyE - welcome back, we missed you! And even though you drank, it seems to me that it was really eye-opening and instructive for you, and that it may well even strengthen your determination to be done with al, which is good, right? We're all rooting for you, and hoping that you get to enjoy all that Thailand has to offer while you're still there. Would still love to hear about all the food you've been experiencing....

Stewarts - had a good laugh at the mental image of you ducking and diving to get away from the boss and that bottle of wine! Maybe you could consider changing your mindset that being sober and sipping on a water or soda is the new cool? If you really believe it (or fake it till you make it), you'll exude that, and the other people will feel awkward instead of you? And didn't you say you were training for a marathon? If so, there's an excuse right there - tell people you're AF for now because you're aiming for a personal best and any alc compromises your performance?

akaMonique - congrats on getting to 7 days! That is HUGE, so give yourself a great big pat on the back! Hang in there and the days will just keep adding up and you'll keep on feeling better and better!

Must get busy now, but here's hoping it's a GOOD MONDAY for us all!
Karen

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hi all,

Desert Lady - thanks so much for saying I've been missed! That means a lot. And thanks for the other kind supportive comments and lack of judgement people - much appreciated.

As for the food... mmmm... yes, I could write a long post on that! Did I mention I write about food, among other things, for a living, so this is a huge part of my trip here. I am going on a street food tour with a well known chef next week to write about it. So can't wait. I've been trying to have mostly things I can't get at home - so not the usual red curry and pad thai you know - and have had some fabulous things. LIke the most incredible pork noodle soup for about $1 from a street vendor. Amazing Thai style sweets - coconut milk and pandam cream/jelly wrapped in pandam leaves. Oh mango coconut sticky rice - to die for! And I also just love all the fresh juices on every corner. Yesterday we went to this all day brunch at a hotel - quite expensive for Thailand - and it just blew me away. It's hard to even describe just how much food there was and how good it all was. (Making it all the more awful the one super drunk guy with us behaved like such a total tool.) More to come

Lav, thanks, I think I have learnt some important lessons. I just hope I can make it stick. And don't get me wrong, my time here has been amazing. Although going on a bender this weekend made it far less amazing! So funny how the notion that drinking is "fun" is sooo ingrained yet for a problem drinker it's 80% not fun at all - certainly not the after effects anyway.

Rooni - good on you on your 7 days! And you've found a great source of support here. You can do it my friend. We all can. I thought of you tonight... I was out to dinner with my friends, who've just seen me go on a bender and feel horrible and who I've talked to all quite openly about my concerns about my drinking and my issues with it. And yet they all told me I should quit when I get back home because "I'm on holiday" "it'll be too hard" " just have a few days off" etc. AND the one guy who said that first has a brother who did the full on rehab alcohol detox almost died thing. But HE doesn't have a problem and so gets it but not 100%. The other two are also big drinkers. These are lovely wonderful supportive great friends - not like the other friend I talked about or, from the sound of it, your friend. I think in these cases we have to let it go or gently educate one on one those whom we really value their friendship. Does that all make sense?

If I don't post a lot it doesn't mean I'm back to boozing. I am trying to not be on laptop too much besides working - so much to see and do here.

I loved this group and while I'm not glad any of us are in this boat I'm happy we've all found our way here.

L x

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

p.s. What do people think of AF reward goals? Am contemplating buying myself an iPad for 30 (or maybe 60 - as I'll need to pay off this trip!) days free. Then again, I said I'd do that with a year smoke free but when I got to it that seemed big enough a reward in and of itself so I didn't bother. But man did that make me happy.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

LillyE;1316272 wrote: p.s. What do people think of AF reward goals? .

Funny you should ask that. I was going to post the same question later today! Great minds...

I personally think rewards are very important, and they seem to keep me more motivated. I've made a deal with myself, that if I get to 30 days, I am going to buy myself a nice little flat screen TV for my bedroom. And I WILL NOT buy that TV unless I meet that goal. It's a little game I play with myself, but it seems to help.

I've also been thinking about what I could do for myself if I hit 60 days! But then again, the thought of going so far in the future scares me, and I don't want to jinx myself. I can see 30 days, but 60 days makes me start to question whether or not I can hang on that long, and I don't want to feel that way.

So, long story short, I am all for rewards - as long as you don't go nuts with them LOL

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Ha, that's funny Rooni. Ok, here's a pact - we get to 30 days, you get your TV and I get my iPad. Deal? Your post made me remember that when I first quit smoking I DID give myself lots of treats and rewards... in fact, I think I spent *more* money the first few months because I kept thinking things like "Oh that imported magazine or facial - less than what I would have spent on smoking this week." BUT it did help in the early stages. By a year I guess I was just so stoked to reach a year I didn't need a reward. It still amazes me actually. I LOVE being a non smoker. I really hope one day I can feel the same about not drinking.

So, maybe treats for the first while... say 30 days, 60 days, 3 months? Something about what you would have spent on drinking. And, god, for me that was easily $400 a month at a conservative estimate as apart from a few bottles of wine a week at $20 a pop it's damn easy to spend $50-100 out in Sydney drinking even just wine at anywhere from $7-12 bucks a glass.

Thoughts? Anyone else done this or up for it?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Roon and Lilly...are you totally forgetting about the hat I give out at 30 days??? I mean really, this should be all the incentive you need! Bahahaha. I am all for incentive and motivation....whatever works! Lilly, I can't imagine trying to juggle AL on this trip like you have. It's a bear, especially when there's an AL free-for-all going on around you. Thanks for the food update, too. We are all pulling for you over there! Thanks for checking in on your busy schedule! XO, Byrdie

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

LillyE;1316287 wrote: Ha, that's funny Rooni. Ok, here's a pact - we get to 30 days, you get your TV and I get my iPad. Deal?

You got yourself a deal! :-)

By the way, I don't even want to know all the money I've spent on alcohol and BECAUSE of alcohol. Bar tabs, tips, to go food, car accidents, DUI, etc. Even if I spend a third of that on rewards, I still have a lot to offer myself :-)

Let's do this!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Stewarts...I work in a male dominated field, and they are heavy drinkers. All I can say is when it comes to AL, it's every man for himself. Once you make up your mind, don't cave in no matter what and no matter who. Your visual was priceless! Stick to your guns no one can make you drink! And yes, I do drink water at the bars and restaurants because the caffeine in the other stuff keeps me awake! Then I have to watch how much water I drink or I'll be in the bathroom all night! Funny, it seems like when I drank all that wine at night I didn't go nearly as much as I do now....maybe I don't remember, that could be the case too! Aye, aye, aye!! Byrdie

[Stewarts]

Newbies Nest

Ha..

Stewarts - had a good laugh at the mental image of you ducking and diving to get away from the boss and that bottle of wine! Maybe you could consider changing your mindset that being sober and sipping on a water or soda is the new cool? If you really believe it (or fake it till you make it), you'll exude that, and the other people will feel awkward instead of you? And didn't you say you were training for a marathon? If so, there's an excuse right there - tell people you're AF for now because you're aiming for a personal best and any alc compromises your performance?

akaMonique - congrats on getting to 7 days! That is HUGE, so give yourself a great big pat on the back! Hang in there and the days will just keep adding up and you'll keep on feeling better and better!

Must get busy now, but here's hoping it's a GOOD MONDAY for us all!
Karen
Karen, ha, yes it was pretty funny. As for soda, I've actually done that and it does get points with cocktail waitresses. I was at that same conference, it was early, around 5 or 6pm and I'm sitting with some colleagues. There drinking, and I whispered in the waitresses ear to bring me a club soda with a lime, in a highball glass though. She winked and did it. This went on for serveral rounds...I almost even convinced her to come to our party....anyway....

As for marathon training...you'd think that would help, it does a little, but it is not as much as a deterrent as you might think. First, this will be my fifth one, at this point, you know what to expect, its not as a big deal as so you first few (depending on the course). Also, and I've said this in other threads, some of the biggest boozers I know are actually runners; and I'm talking the fast ones as well, little girls that ran NCAA D 1 in college, they just burn through everything I guess....Also, after a marathon, a bloody mary sure tastes real good. However, with that said, yes, you don't want things, that are quite avoidable interfering with your training. My best marathon was actually an NYC marathon which is not an easy course...I finished in the 3:40 range....Also, I think out of all my training seasons, I think I consumed the most alcohol during that one.

A bigger detterent, which I think about is the psychotropic drugs I am on...(I think thats the right word). One SSRI and one Dopamine inhibitor (prescribed, of course)....that can makes things tricky, you drink, you feel fine, you drink more, you feel fine, you're too happy to do anything stupid, but the next day it hits you (mentally) like a ton of bricks...increased anxiety and depression.

I am glad you did find my story amusing, I have others ones, which while amusing, were a lot more scary when I think back to them...

[Stewarts]

Newbies Nest

Water theory...

Byrdlady;1316302 wrote: Stewarts...I work in a male dominated field, and they are heavy drinkers. All I can say is when it comes to AL, it's every man for himself. Once you make up your mind, don't cave in no matter what and no matter who. Your visual was priceless! Stick to your guns no one can make you drink! And yes, I do drink water at the bars and restaurants because the caffeine in the other stuff keeps me awake! Then I have to watch how much water I drink or I'll be in the bathroom all night! Funny, it seems like when I drank all that wine at night I didn't go nearly as much as I do now....maybe I don't remember, that could be the case too! Aye, aye, aye!! Byrdie

Yes, you definitely get it....We do have a nice, tight knit office, and everyone knows how hard my divorce was and sometimes I have bad days...I remember talking to my boss, and he could tell something was up...I told him it was just one of those days, it happens with the depression of this some times...his response, was that I needed a night out, and how great it was that I'm in my mid thirties living in NYC (there's a large pool). I agreed, and gave evidence of the large pool, but I told him drinking was not a good idea...it took me several times to say this until it finally sunk in...I had to thell him about the medication until he finally backed off, and was like, "oh, that makes sense.."

Damn, I can remember with one of my wall st. buddies telling him, "don't order another pitcher I'm on meds..." what dos he do, order another pitcher and pour me a beer.

As for what I'm going to do...I don't know yet. The good news, when I'm pensive like this, I really have no desire for alcohol, I get way too guarded (which isn't healthy either)...anyway, I'm taking up too much time...sorry.