Newbies Nest

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

wow daisy - I'm glad that I've seen your journey. NOt that i enjoy watching anyone struggle but you have come so far - like you said. I don't know about peace of mind - yet - but - you have definitely gained so much clarity of mind.

That was a very insightful post - and very inspiring to me. :-)

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Lolab, thanks a million for that link to me!! Hells Bells, that was July 2010 and it still took me to the following January to quit. I had forgotten about missing our neighborhood 4th of July picnic because I passed out on the couch. Wow, that stung bad...I disappointed my poor husband so many times, he didn't know what to do with me. Thank God I quit! Thank you so much for putting that link in!!!! I must put on my gratitude hat for this day!!
Patricia, I see myself in your posts....I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you that AL is going to win this game, no matter how well you play. I wish I could look with you into a crytal ball and show you what I saw and the life I was living. I also wish I could show you how much better life is without those chains. Are we willing to drink at all costs? I sure was....do whatever it takes to get rid of this demon, living with it is no longer an option for me. Strength to you and everyone! Byrdie

[Stewarts]

Newbies Nest

Same Thing

patricia;1316745 wrote: Hi all, Well done Rooniferd. Had hoped to post that I was now on day 3 but this is not the case, so back to day 1. I'm really sick of this on and off start - I think the problem is my birthday at the end of the month and I just don't know whether I want to moderate or not - this seems to be what I have been doing all my life and it is really getting wearing. I don't think I have ever committed to never, although I did do 18 months in 2002 and then another year in 2005. So for today, I am not commiting to one week AF. This will not take me up to my birthday but I feel it will give me a fighting chance to clear my head and see the wood from the trees. This stop start might overall be better for my health (although last night and Saturday I had one more wine than usual) but I'm not sure what it is doing to my head. So thank you all for being there.

R - WELL DONE YOU

My short term goal is 7 days AF
Restarting Day 1 today

Patricia, you and seem to be in the same boat. I'm not sure if I want to moderate and completely stop. So far, now, moderation has been fine, as of lately. I kept a journal for a while of what I drank and how many...so I kind of know how I will feel the next day and set limits for myself. For example, I went to get a quick bite and watch the Rangers game, I ordered a Selzter and drank several of those. I then ordered a beer, but still drank Selzter as well. Long story short, I did have an early day and stopped after 2 3/4; I ordered a third, and realized, I just really didn't want it and went back to my Selzter.

Part of me does still think I'd like to go AL free...right now, knowing I'm control does feel real good. I'm actually very depressed, and ironically, when I'm depressed my urge is actually NOT to drink a lot....kind of weird....

Good luck, today is a new day and you control your own destiny...

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters!

Glad to see everyone here. Patricia, your story sounds similar to mine. I went round and round for years. In fact, last night I found a calendar from 2009, and I was tracking AF days...all year I only had a total of 90! Needless to say, I can't remember back to all the individual drinking episodes (I'm sure they weren't pretty), but I also can't believe that I drank every single day and somehow functioned (not well, I'm sure). I'm sure I was in pure hell, even though I may not have even realized it at the time. Lolab mentioned the "peace of mind" and I can finally say that I've found it. Yes, it took a long time, but boy is it worth it!! I hope you hang in there and get some solid sober time, I know you can do it, you've done it before, and we are all cheering for you!

LG - Good job not going to the bar (or even looking in the window...lol). I like that you went out and bought stuff for yourself...yeah, yeah it put a hurtin' on your wallet, but you deserve it, and like you said, better your wallet than your liver (or your mental well-being!) I need to stop "treating" myself to things on a daily basis. LOL

Well, Tuesday morning and I made it in to work, that's the hardest part of the day. LOL I have a doctor appointment at 4pm, just a "check in"...she'll be happy to hear I am on day 141, and that I've started exercising. I hope their scale reflects all my hard work, although I don't know what it is about the doctors scale that makes it so high, I think they hide rocks in it. HA

Everyone have a great day and stay strong!

K9

[patricia]

Newbies Nest

Hi all,

I am off home soon and have just read the last lot of posts which has scared me and made me grateful at the same time. You're a good bunch of people who say it like it is. Today will definitely be AF for me - what more could it be after reading your posts? I'm sorry I'm not mentioning everybody individually - I'll try and do this tomorrow. And yes, like L says I'm going to give it a good shot for 7 days in the short term. Strength and peace to you all.

Px

[Sportymom]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone - haven't posted in a few days but have been reading everyone else's. First the good news.....I have made it through 17 days AF!! Yay!! The bad news....my mood seems to be deteriorating. Mother's Day weekend was really hard for me. We celebrated with one side of the family on Saturday and the other side on Sunday. Lots of wine was being consumed (my weakness) and I almost gave in to the temptation more times than I can count. I was grouchy watching everyone else drinking and having fun and all I could do was feel sorry for myself that I couldn't join them. I thought after the weekend I would be happy about getting through it AF, but my mood has remained glum. How did I get myself in this mess? Why can't I just drink a little and have fun like everyone else in my family?

I am sorry to complain. I never could have gotten through the 17 days without reading everyone else's inspiring stories and great advice. I guess I thought by this point it would be easier.

Thanks for letting me vent :thanks:

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey sportymom - I know exactly what you mean....but believe me that it's a phase. Things will get better and you'll feel great about what you're doing....and then maybe you'll feel sh!tty again....only to tough it out and come out the other side feeling even stronger. That was soooo huge for me to realize - that there are so many phases along the way - and so many realizations. And that each phase is temporary. I think at 17 days, I was still being an extreme hermit....going to bed really early and reading books like crazy to keep my mind off how deprived I felt - and not socializing at all. Try to find solace in the fact that you're not destined to feel like this forever - really!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Well, I came really close to screwing things up today. Long story short, I went to the doc for a physical, and I made a comment that I was starting a diet to lose 30 pounds. In response, she said something like "Now, don't go on one of those fad diets. You need to change your lifestyle, not go on a diet. Just don't lose weight on one of those diets and then go back to the cake, OK?" Well, first of all, I'm not a fat cow, OK? I mean, I need to lose some weight, but dang, I'm not crazy overweight. Anyway, I guess the thing that made me really irritated and depressed is that the real reason I'm overweight is because of alcohol - the empty calories, the lack of exercise because I feel like crap, and the late night snacks after drinking. Of course, I couldn't tell HER that, though. I answered "socially" to the "do you drink?" question on the registration sheet. After the doc visit, I just kept thinking how degrading she talked to me. I don't even eat freakin' cake. I just drink too much. She shouldn't make assumptions.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, I just got really depressed after that doc visit. And as much as I wanted to go to the bar to drown it out, I didn't. Today is the weakest I've been since I've started posting here.

Hoping tomorrow will be better.

[DesertLady]

Newbies Nest

@Rooniferd - BUT BUT BUT you HAVE got 7 days, and she didn't know that, so if you could let that go, just let it wash off you, and focus back on the HUGE achievement you've just accomplished, you're still golden. I reckon maybe you were protecting yourself without knowing it - if she was so dense and degrading about dieting, imagine how much worse you'd feel now if she'd had her - probably not useful - say about going AF?
And don't forget that you're just at the beginning of your new journey - don't beat yourself up about losing weight right now, unless you really feel ready for that. Rather focus on getting more days under your belt - once your head clears more, you may well find that being able to exercise and chose healthier food options will come more easily to you anyway.

And the last BUT - instead of ACTUALLY screwing things up, you came to the forum, vented and shared. Doesn't matter how weak you feel, if you didn't actually cave - thoughts are just thoughts, remember?

Stay strong, and when you wake up in the morning you'll have another day to add to your total!!

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Wow..Roon...I admire you for being so strong! Congrats on day 8!!!!!! I too have put down "social drinker" when I go to the Doctors.......I thought I was the only one! I have always felt horrible doing that but I never wanted the doctors and nurses to look down on me. I would also tell myself that it wasn't really a lie because I was going to quit the next day....ummm..NOT!
Good luck on day 9

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I can see lots of emotional turmoil going on here but have to tell you that it's to be expected
Go back to yeterday's thread & read the DailyOM message I posted. It takes time to adjust, physically & emotionally to these changes we're making.
Just stay on your plan. replace deprivation thinking with gratitude - it really works!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Lavande....I did that today!!! I replaced the deprivation thinking into gratitude for starting to get my life back! It got me through a couple of rough times today but I remained AF......so thanks sooooooooo much! I also kept telling myself that I am a strong person...I have always hated being told what to do and have always butted heads with controlling people. This "beast" in my head is telling me to drink and being way too controlling so I have to be strong and beat him down and soon he will disappear. He is the enemy and seriously needs to go!!!!!!! Perhaps that seems odd..but it seemed to work for me.
Have a great night!!!!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thanks everyone, I DO feel much better today. Although I am striving to be more active and ultimately lose weight, your're right, I should really keep my main focus on getting 30 days AF under my belt - because that's about the time (so everyone says) that we start seeing everything just a little clearer. I guess you've had enough time at that point to kinda step back and see things more objectively, more clearly. I'm already seeing things in a different light, but I know I'm still wading through the mud at this point. One thing that I've noticed is that I'm really starting to see the severity of my past behavior - all the idiotic things I've done drunk. And not just stupid drunk things like drunk dialing and making an ass of myself at the bar. I'm talking about drinking and driving, coming close to losing my job, being too drunk to deal with a family emergency - those types of things. And I have a long list of those things.

Wow - after ALL the times I've tried to quit drinking, could this REALLY be the time it sticks? Will I look back on 2012 as the year I finally got my life together?

[Daya]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lavande, I just posted a gratitude post a second ago...I really think it works well, good advice.

I must say, i'm grateful I'm typing this sober, and I''m immensely grateful for all the people here

Lavande;1317036 wrote: Good evening Nesters,

I can see lots of emotional turmoil going on here but have to tell you that it's to be expected
Go back to yeterday's thread & read the DailyOM message I posted. It takes time to adjust, physically & emotionally to these changes we're making.
Just stay on your plan. replace deprivation thinking with gratitude - it really works!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!
Lav

[Litre2]

Newbies Nest

Well here I am, AGAIN, trying to beat this demon. A month ago I OD, strange what a peaceful feeling that was, at least now I know what death feels like. I do not want that again. I want to enjoy life and the ups and downs. I want to take control of this thing and be in control. I hate the I needs of it, I wants of it and the excuses it makes me use. I have been on this site before my OD, but I left, because I did not have the courage to say I broke down and gave in. Then my computer went haywire and I had to start with a new ID. Today I want to be AF. Please all of you out there who know the pain I am in send me a helpful word of encouragement. I did it before, I know I can do it again. When I was in the hospital a phrase keeps coming to mind (I can stop, but I cannot stop starting)