Newbies Nest

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Can someone shed some light as to why, after 144 days, I am having insane drinking thoughts? No chance of drinking since I am on Antabuse, but I hate the way I am romanticizing it again. I bumped a couple of threads so I can read them over the weekend. The ones that show the "reality" of drinking.

Arrrggghhh. Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer. I'll cheer up later :h

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

K9 - I would love to have an acceptable answer for you, but I don't. All I know is that it can be practically ANYTHING that makes me want to drink. Good things, bad things, mediocre things, normal things, whatever. It's just the addictive brain trying to convince you that you have a good reason to drink. It really sucks, huh, because you just can't get away from the bastard. In your case, you probably subconsciously thought about something, maybe someone said something, or maybe you smelled a certain smell, who knows? But thank God you aren't giving in to the EVIL ONE. You obviously know a lot more about getting sober and dealing with triggers than I do, but I do know that this will pass....

I am sooooo looking forward to a sober, sunny weekend!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

K9, it's a phase! I still get them occasionally...strong! But it passes. The other day when Lolab posted a link to something I'd written back in July 2010 it scared me straight. :yukko: I had totally forgotten that I'd passed out on the couch and missed a 4th of July pot luck. And I'd already made the dish to take, too. You did right in bumping up some old threads... So it will pass. I am happy to say, at 16 months sober, I have no longing, or desire to drink again. Rememeber it takes me longer to come to these realizations than most others...for you, it'll be quicker. I am good NOT drinking....it's NO problem now. Keep it going we are depending on you!! XO, Byrdie

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey K9 - you've got company! in one more week I'll have 8 months and for the past week, it's been a daily battle. Nope nothing different is going on with me...everything's great. I was actually wondering. I tell everyone there are so many phases and I've been telling myself it's a phase and to ride it out - but deep down I can't help but wonder if I didn't address something important. I did not use the hypnosis CD's. Do I still have a damaged part of my brain that needs to be brainwashed into sane thinking????? I've had that out of nowhere - panicked feeling - like "oh, nobody's here - I could run to the store...I'm alone tonight...no one would know."

But like you, here I am in the middle of the day when it's sunny and beautiful outside - on the computer talking myself out of it. sheesh.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Rooni, Byrdie and Lolab :l

I'll stay strong...I have to, for ME, for my daughter and for you guys...I promise I will! What I love about this place is that someone ALWAYS understands, no matter what the topic is. I keep reminding myself of the truth of drinking, it's not butterflies and rainbows, it's DUI's and handcuffs.

Thank you all...I'm gonna be around this weekend

K9

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

You know, K9, you can make that rhyme with a little effort....
it's not rainbows and butterflies,
it's handcuffs and DUI's...
See, put your back into it!
Yes, Lolab and K9 both...this is the Beast coming round for 'last call'. I know you both will get over this rough edge and believe me, it gets easier. Can't reach daybreak until you've gone thru the dark. Tomorrow you'll be right as rain! XO, B

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

The Beast, like any other creature, does not want to die, so this is his last ditch effort to convince me to feed him. I will not! Die bastard! There, I feel better now. And pretty bad ass. LOL

Oh yes Byrdie, that can be quite a catchy tune..."rainbows and butterflies turn into handcuffs and DUI's...lalala" LOL

Plus, do you know HOW long it would take to burn off 1200 calories worth of beer? I do because I've done it before...2 LONG hours on a treadmill. No thanks, I'd rather take a 2 hour nap!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Lola & K9 -
Think about the ass kicking you'll both get from Lav........
Just sayin :H :H

Honestly, tomorrow is my 3 year smoke free anni & I swear I've thought more about the in the past week than I have in the past two years. It's the nature of the addiction beast. Just don't ever, ever give in!!!!

Daisy, I am so proud you you!
Challenging yourself to step out of your comfy hiding place & into something new ~ awesome! Can't wait to see some pics of your new mural

Hi Rooni & Byrdie!

[Sportymom]

Newbies Nest

K9 - I don't have any words of wisdom....just trying to get through my 30 days AF. You are always so supportive to everyone and I think this is the first time I have heard you say you are unhappy. Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and hope you have a great weekend. BTW, you are doing amazing with your 30 day shred!!

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters
Good to see everyone doing well.
I remember in my 8.5 month quit having a terrible struggle just days before 6 months /180 days, and then it got a little easier again. I guess this sort of thing does happen but the difference is with more and more AF days behind you you get better at dealing with it. I love it when I read on here about long termers who say they really don't think about drinking alcohol any more. That is something to aim for.

The annoying thing is, when I finally started drinking after 8.5 months, I didn't even have bad / ?any cravings that day / week, someone just pursuaded me to do it ( stupid champagne toast) and i just thought It was no big deal, I could handle alcohol now.

Why why why was I so stupid?

Stay safe in the nest everyone.

Sausage x
Day 85

[Stewarts]

Newbies Nest

K9, like people said it can be many things, even as simple, as crazy as it sounds, you want to celebrate. I went out for a hockey game the other week, I wasn't planning on drinking, once the Rangers scored that first goal, I thought it was time for a beer. When you actually play, the desire is even worse!

Anyway, I did not drink anything last night and had to go to two seperate work events where the food and booze (top shelf) is free. I even stopped by a bar to drop in on a woman I'm dating and her crazy friend, who tried to buy me a drink several times, which I declined.

Anyway, I do feel better today...I'm still upset/bitter about the personal dilemma, but I'm at the attitude now that time will tell.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Hi Sporty!

Thanks for the support. I wouldn't say I'm unhappy per se, more like annoyed (?)...I don't want to think any good thoughts about AL, but I found myself the last day and a half looking at it in a different light (the fantasy of "relaxing" with a beer). But I am scared to hell of Lav kicking my ass, so I will stay strong. She may even sic Stella on me (the hen in her avatar). I just picked up my next refill of Antabuse and I have not skipped a day in months, so I am secure...just gotta get my brain to even out and stop arguing with itself. I do not want the wrath of Lav and Stella, and I'm sure Byrdie would kick my butt too...so here's to staying sober! LOL

K9

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Stewarts,

Cross-post! Thanks for your words of encouragement too! I'm feeling stronger as each minute ticks by. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Who knows, I may even clean the house...well, maybe I won't get that crazy. LOL

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

K9 - if you like I can put Stella on a plane now.
She can fly out & spend the weekend with you

Glad you are OK - just stay with us, OK? :l

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hi all; Lav, thank you, you are always so encouraging. Imagine your house and clothes stinking of dirty smoke again(like me)! And LolaB and K9 - geez, there must be something in the air. Before coming here tonight, I was just sitting here alone, thinking of the opportunity that could be to do a 'sneaky'. Like Sausage said, it isn't even a craving, just no good reason....
As much as I am not happy to hear you are feeling this way, I am really glad you posted; it puts the rest of us on our guard and also prompts responses from those that have got through and made it and even they have 'those days'.
This really feels like a team effort tonight and it is so good to see everyone from long-termers to those starting out coming together......awww...