Newbies Nest

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Rooniferd that's wonderful - such a positive post. Hope this experience has made you stronger and next time you feel remotely like drinking ( for whatever reason) come back here and read it.

Hope others in the early days have gained inspiration from this too.

Like the way you fast forwarded to what you would post on here today if you had drunk last night. This is where MWO becomes invaluable. Several times I've been so close to drinking and then I've thought, I can't, - cant face coming on here and confessing, and this thought keeps me sober. Isn't it amazing the way MWO works?

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Well done Rooniferd; that is an accomplishment. It's good to have these nights under your belt - proof that good times can be had without alcohol - and you have the added pride in yourself this morning - and the lovely memories; you can't beat that!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Sausage and Daisy. I appreciate your support. :-)

But I cannot accept pats on the back just yet. I've been to day 12 many times before, so I'm not nearly out of the water. I am proud that I spent last night AF, but I don't want to feel a sense of accomplishment until I get a lot more days under my belt, you know?

I can't wait to get to 30 days - now THAT will feel like an accomplishment since that is new territory for me. I've only gone 3 consecutive weeks sober since I was a teenager. Scary stuff!:nutso:

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Done. Not in a good place.

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Morning Cat Belle. I hope you are alright. Pm me if you like.:l

Excellent job Roon!! Aren't you so proud of yourself?! :goodjob:

I'm up and have already hired and gotten my yard done right for a change. Sick to death of arguing with bf to do something already. I was raised that you kept your house and yard up, and had something to be proud of. I'm not sure how I end up with lazy good-for-nothings that don't give a crap about anything but themselves. Just done with it.

Other than that, it's a beautiful day and I intend to have a good day from here on out. I hope everyone else is enjoying their Saturday.

LG

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Cat Belle - I am by no means an expert on quitting the beast. I've had multiple attempts to quit over the years with no success. I've read countless books about alcohol. I've researched the web for hours and hours. I've gone to meetings. I've gone to therapy. I've reached out to friends and family. I've traveled around the world to try to "find myself" and get my life together.

And here I am. Day 12. Only Day 12, but I am really hoping this is it. See if you can relate....

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of being depressed and fat. I'm tired of looking around me and seeing people making plans and enjoying their lives. I'm tired of letting people down, myself included. I'm sick of blowing my money and time in bars. I'm tired of pissing people off. I'm sick of being unproductive at work. I'm sick of being lonely and feeling like crap about myself. I'm tired of constantly putting "Day 1" on my calendar entries.

Are you fed up too?

Someone asked me once, "Don't you just want to see what it might be like to stop drinking for a while? To see how it changes your life? I mean, you always hear about how everyone's life got so much better after quitting drinking. Don't you want to see if that happens to you too? DON'T YOU OWE THAT TO YOURSELF?"

Yes, I do, and you do too. Get a plan, get motivated, get to posting constantly up here while you getting your plan in place.

We're here for you. And I know all of you are there for me. This is a group effort!

Thanks for listening....

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Rooniferd. You said exactly how I feel. I do look around and wonder why can't my life be like that? What does it feel like to make plans without them being centered around AL? What does it feel like to go home after work and NOT drink?

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Why is it that when all that AL does is screw up our lives, we run to it like our best friend?

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

CatBelle, I know you are not in a good place right now but there is one thing for sure; if you decide to drink you will be in an even worse place tomorrow. This is what everyone here knows for sure. On this one subject we are all in agreement. We, just like you, struggle constantly. Do you really want to hit a rock bottom before you make the decision? For some here that was what happened; others, like me, are just sick, sick, sick of life with alcohol dictating what happens next.....
Go somewhere remote and scream your head off if you have to and really decide how you want your life to move forward - does it look good, happy, successful with alcohol for company? Dig deep inside yourself, but know that at all times, good or bad, that this is the place to come to....we understand and want you to find your way; just want you to know we are all behind you....take care

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

I'm checking in. I have a list a mile long to keep myself busy today in case those thoughts try to squeeze back in my brain again.

`lola

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Cat Belle, I so relate to your posts - esp. That even when you know how good it is to be sober, you still crave AL and the numbness, forgetfulness, that goes with it - and agree with everything everyone else is saying because I've been there for the past 7 years. And started on these boards in 2009. So it's taken me that long to finally hit my "bottom."

I had to get outside help. I gave up trying to do it by myself. Although they suggested inpatient rehab, I was able to pull off out-patient self-detox and even continued to work every day. The Rx made it much more bearable and I started feeling better after just a few days. I'm not off those completely. I'm now on day 12, the first 12 days I've had since last summer (hanging in there w/ you, Rooni!). I've started exercising again, laughing, the sun doesn't burn my spirit, and life is looking hopeful for the first time in years. I even slept a solid 7 hours last night. When I was drinking, the most I could ever get was 3 and then I'd drink more to go back to sleep. The first step is the hardest, but you'll get there when you're ready. Be kind to your future self.

I also related to the cravings topic. Right now I don't have any, but I know how insidious it can be. I will be in the grocery store and like Lolab says "out of nowhere" I'm putting a bottle of wine in my cart. I have actually avoided the grocery store when I felt susceptible and asked friends to bring me essentials to avoid the temptation.

Finally, I read this yesterday in my "one day at a time" book (I'm not going to AA (yet) but I find inspiration in some of the literature, and this was me to a "T":

"I considered myself a "loner" in the days when I was actively addicted...most of my important dialogues were with my inner self. I was certain nobody else would ever understand. Considering my former opinion of myself, it's likely that I didn't want anybody to understand. I smiled through gritted teeth even as I was dying on the inside."

Well, here, everyone understands. That's why I rely on this thread so much. As soon as I sign off, I'm going for a walk (which will make 5 days out of the past 6 exercising - yay!), doing some chores, then going to see my alcohol counselor at 2pm, hitting a TJMaxx (I have a gift card) then maybe a movie (Dark Shadows, I LOVED that TV series as a kid). This is dramatically different than just a few weekends ago when all I did was sit on my couch in my bathrobe drinking wine, getting "presentable" enough to go out only if I needed replenishments. Such a better way to live. The drinking way isn't - it's a slow death. I'm glad I finally made the choice to live.

Sorry to be so long-winded. That's the affliction of being a writer. To paraphrase Mark Twain, I would have written something shorter, but I didn't have time.

Have a great day/weekend, everyone.

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

akaMonique;1319250 wrote: I'm not off those completely.

Ha ha, Freudian slip perhaps. I meant, I'm NOW off those completely.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

akaMonique;1319250 wrote: This is dramatically different than just a few weekends ago when all I did was sit on my couch in my bathrobe drinking wine, getting "presentable" enough to go out only if I needed replenishments. Such a better way to live. The drinking way isn't - it's a slow death. I'm glad I finally made the choice to live.

I think it's really important in this fight not to lose sight of all the misery associated with alcohol. I think we need to keep the memory of that pain, anxiety, and loneliness close at hand so we don't kid ourselves that it wasn't so bad after all....

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rooni! I am pulling for you!! Get yourself to Day 13, and you will be in the driver's seat! I got to 12 days a couple times and then blew it (dammit). Third time was the charm and it was so much better after that. So happy to see the success going on....and it just gets better! Keep moving forward everyone! Byrdie

[At a crossroad]

Newbies Nest

Just joined today after another night of drinking so much I blacked out and have hazy, shameful memories of last night.

I feel really scared about giving up alcohol but I know I need to do it as I have a problem and just can't handle the worry, anxiety, guilt and upset that it brings to my life.

Any help or tips really appreciated

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hey Jane, didn't you have an "accidental" day 1 before your long stretch? I'd take that as a good sign!

Lav congrats on your 3 yrs smoke free!

Today was much better...no serious thoughts of drinking. Of course I'm still painting everything that possibly can be painted around here....keep busy keep busy. :H