Newbies Nest

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey our drinking habits sound pretty similar. I'd guzzle vodka too, amazed at how quickly I could empty a glass. Then wake up at 3am hot and sweaty and not remember how I got to bed. One thing that became hugely embarrassing to me was that I'd forget conversations. So many times I'd tell my husband something and he'd say, "Don't you remember? We just talked about that last night." OMG. Or one time my stepdaughter was watching a movie and I asked her what it was. She told me and I told her that I'd never heard of it before. She said, "You and I just watched this last week!" I was sooo ashamed. Not anymore. My memory is becoming clearer and clearer.

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1323331 wrote: Here's a thought that made me smile today.

As you know, I was pretty depressed yesterday for a short time, but then I told myself to get over it and I went to the grocery store. I came home, cooked, cleaned the house, read, and went to bed. I woke up this morning feeling great. I've cleaned up some more, got some work done on the computer, steam cleaned my carpet, re-potted some plants, weeded the garden, etc....

What's my point?

If I had started drinking yesterday afternoon along with all those "happy" people at the bar, I wouldn't have done any of the those things. I would have spent a boat load of money, driven drunk, ordered a high-calorie pizza, and blacked out. Instead of sitting here feeling good, I would be pacing around in the house, mad as hell at myself, filled with unbearable anxiety. I would probably be sitting at the breakfast place right now having a bloody mary, knowing that I would be completely worthless for the rest of the day.

Man, I'm so glad I choose the sober road yesterday.

For those of you waking up feeling great today, don't forget how you would feel if you had gone to bed drunk. Life is too short!

:goodjob: to all my fellow nesters who are kicking a$$ today, and if you aren't, join us!

Roon that is a great observation.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Fly! It's one of the things that keep me going - what would I have NOT done if I had been drinking. I have this obsession with being productive, and being addicted to alcohol certainly doesn't help that situation. I become so incredibly consumed with guilt when I'm not productive from drinking....

Forgetting conversations....man, I have forgotten my share. It's sooo incredibly embarrassing. My friend called me in tears one night to tell me about a situation with her son, and even though we chatted for 20 minutes, I could not remember the details of the call the next day. I had no clue. What in the world did I say? Did I even make sense?

The next time I saw her, I had to play it off like I was tired or something. She knew I had been drinking with friends, but she would have NEVER understood if I told her she caught me in the middle of a blackout and that she needed to repeat the whole conversation.

Man, what a waste to live a single minute in a blackout.

Well, I know one thing for sure today - I will remember everything. :happy:

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Omgod Fly....same here! My husband had to drop his truck off at the shop and had asked me to pick him up....he had to call me and was like "where are you?" and I had no idea what he was talking about!!!!! I would tell him I was "home, why?" and he said "you were supposed to pick me up or were you too drunk last night to remember our conversation dumbass" and I would feel horrible and would stuggle to come up with excuses as to why I had forgotten that were not AL related! This is one of too many instances. I would make chicken for dinner say on a Tuesday...on Wednes I would make and my husband and daughter would like at it and be like "we had this last night" and I could't for the life of me remember making it the night before! Embarassing!!!!!!!!!!

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Well said Rooni....I am going to remember everything today too! I look around me and I can see how truely blessed I am. I am totally living my dream! Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to have my own horse farm. I moved here to NC 5 years ago and live on a beautiful 11 acre farm with a beautiful barn and 4 beautiful horses! My house is surrounded by pastures and when I wake up in the morning all I have to do is roll over in bed and right outside my window are my horses! So why the hell do I drown myself in a bottle...damned if I know but I know it's not going to happen anymore!
My new mantra is that I have worked sooooo hard to get to where I am today and I refuse to waste a single second of it oblivious due to drinking!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Dest - your place sounds awesome!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

A quick check in...I am staying with my brother as he has spinal surgery...that was on Thursday morning...he is in tremendous pain..breaks my heart, but I know he will be better after all this. While this was plenty of stress...I got a call yesterday morning at 8 that my 89 year old dad had fallen in the bathroom and hit his head. So we made his wife call 911 and they admitted him and then transferred him to a major hospital an hour away. They thought they might have to drill into his head to relieve the pressure. We have been worried silly. Just got a call that they did a second scan this morning and it looks better, so he is going home. Meantime, I'm hanging out with my brother. I am hoping he can go home tomorrow. I was thinking last night as I got back to my room around 8, how happy I am to not have the AL monkey on my back. Yes, it would be easy to fall into that....I'm alone, and i want things to get better....but I know that better isn't in the bottom of a bottle. I am so thankful to be sober. Stay strong everyone...I will be back home in the next couple days. Byrdie

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Rooni...I worked hard for it and now I plan on enjoying it!!!! If there was a coffee house on my property I would never have to leave! LOL :H

Byrdie..so glad to hear from you! Here's a big hug..it sounds ike you need one! :l I am so glad that the surgery went well but I am so sorry to hear that he is in so much pain. About your dad...why is it that they always seem to fall in the bathroom???!!!!!!!! My great Aunt fell in the bathroom an broke her hip..this was a few years back. I am happy to hear that he will be going home soon! Keep smiling and know that I am thinking of you!:h

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey;1323340 wrote: Sausage...Congrats on day 93...you are truely an inspiration!!!!!!!!:h

You can be like me too.

It is possible. The first 4 or 5 days are very very hard especially 4 and 5 for some reason.
Days 6 and 7 aren't much fun either. Just do what it takes to stay AF.
Once you get past a week though it does get easier , you are through the worst.. You were AF on this day last week and this makes a huge psychological difference.
Days 8- 20 aren't easy but with every passing day it gets easier.
Once past day 21 don't be complacent but you are definitely on an easier journey. Just keep going what you are doing , you know you can ride the cravings and they get weaker and weaker and the benefits just get better and better.

If you are really struggling at any time suggest the following;
Glue yourself to MWO, post on the Need Help ASAP thread, and other threads too - there's always someone around.
Watch rain in my heart documentaries on YouTube
Re read your early posts when you were desperate to escape alcohol.
Read the posts of anyone who has just relapsed, feel their anger, guilt, pain,upset, frustration, self hate - don't go there yourself
Eat something so you don't have low blood sugar, then clean your teeth. You probably won't feel like drinking with the taste of toothpaste in your mouth.
Stay active, keep busy, exercise, leave the house and go for a walk, if this is possible ( not to an off licence or bar )
If you can't leave the house eg if in sole charge of small children , go on Internet and google cirrhosis of liver, alcohol related deaths etc
Visit the tool box
Make a list of all the things you hate about drinking and about yourself when you drink
Make a list of all the plans you have for when you stay sober long term, what you plan to achieve, do with your life, what you plan to buy / do / go with the money you will save.
Go to bed early, tomorrow will soon be here, you only have to get through today, live in day tight compartments. Don't worry about tomorrow til it gets here.

Do whatever it takes but don't pick up that first drink.

Sausage xx
Day 93

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

x post Byrdie

Been thinking of you, glad the surgery went OK, hopefully his pain will reduce soon.
Sorry to hear about your Dad, glad he seems better and can go home.

Take care

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Awwww.....thanks so much Sausage! I am going to keep all of that advice near and dear to my heart! So far so good today! It's nice to hear that the worst my be over for me...it amazes me how much everyone on here is such a help! I almost crashed and burned yesterday yet you were all here to whip me back into reality! I am so thankful! Trust me...if it gets tough today...which I am hopeful it won't, my ass will be in that nest popping L-Glut! Ha!

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

OMG, the drunk txting, FBing, etc. My most embarrassing was also potentionally job threatening. Someone an email that I had (I thought) sent to one person went to a meeting invite list that included the Exec. VP of my dept and read something like "I sent out my first resume today - I have a friend at an executive search firm who is going to make some inquiries." Luckily it blew over and I had a great story to tell my boss (which is true) that I had reconnected with a childhood sweetheart on FB, and after a month of txting/emailing/phone calls we visited each other and sparks flew and we decided we were getting married and I was going to move to Ohio. (But that it was now over.) What I didn't tell her was that the two times we were together for long weekends were practically blackouts; I only remember bits and pieces. We definitely fueled each other's drinking in typical co-dependent fashion. I mean, really, this was insane (and yes I was diagnosed with borderline B-P at one time) alcoholic behavior, combining a potential geographic with an explosive, impulsive life-changing relationship all at once. Anything to run away from the life I was leading. It makes me chuckle just to think about it. However, to be honest, I still have strong feelings for him but have made it clear I could never live with someone who drinks. He has said he's an alcoholic (and his brother died from it 3 yrs ago), but I doubt he'll every get to the point of quitting.

I'm still five pages behind catching up but had to share that little story. I feel so grateful that I didn't fuck up my life any worse than I have; someone has definitely been watching over me.

Hope everyone's having a great weekend.
Thanks for being here.

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Library Girl: "Have "wasted" the entire day. I just couldn't get motivated to do anything." So not a wasted day because you didn't drink! You're going through such a transition, so is your body, mind, and spirit. Be kind to yourself. You'll need those restful days, and soon, I promise, you'll find what inspires you to feel motivated, be productive, and feel better.

Free Fly: Kudos to you; that's a huge step. AA can be very helpful (or not). I'm also looking into going to meetings outside my little community (pop. 7,000+).

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Day 2. Up early and feel proud of myself.
Sausage...thank you for your encouragement. Google cirrhosis. Omg. Frightening.
Rooni...i too blackout on not too much...and that is a big part of my problem. I am not even sure that i act that crazy drunk in my blackouts. My dh has never commented.
Destiny. You sound like u live in my dream place. I love nc and i love horses. You need to enjoy that!
We all have too much going for us to just throw it away.

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Freefly. Kudos for calling AA. I dont thinks i could do that.