Newbies Nest

[Cat Belle]

Newbies Nest

I feel as though it's a soap opera....he always leaves his phone on for his kids....it was his son that called. Had it been that crazy ass bitch, he wouldn't have answered.

That you Lavande for reinforcing that it was not a slip/fall. Weird thing is I surprised myself by my reaction to AL.


Hope everyone has a good Sunday. Ck in laters.


Cat

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

CatBelle....Holy crap..I am exhausted just reading that! I agree with with Lav said...I think there is still hope for the 15 year old as long as that wacky mother stays out of the mix! The other 2 are old enough to know better....so sad! I am so proud of you for having the AL in the house and choosing not to drink it! :happy: I can't resist the tempatation so therefore there is none here!!!! 2 sips is not a set back....it's so wonderful you were stong enough to have those 2 sips and pour it out! You rock!:thumbs:

SoOverIt.....Awesome on day 7!!!!!!!!! Keep up the good work! :woot:

Rooni....Omgod..I have done the same thing with my credit card! I mean...I never went to bars as I drank by myself (pathetic) but I would frantically search wondering where the hell I left it...ugh! Talk about holding up the grocery line! Ha! I remember one time having to driv emy daughter to school without my glasses because I had no idea where I took them off the night before and I didn't have time to look for them or else she would be late for school! Damn....the things I did! But that's the past and I am focusing on the future!!!!:kudos:

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Quick story. Remember how my friend kept trying me to go over to her pool yesterday for cocktails? She just texted me asking if I could go feed our friend's dog this afternoon because she was too hungover to leave the house. I was like "Sure! I'll be glad to, because I feel great today!"

I am soooo thankful that I am not hungover today.

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Hi everybody!
Hope everyone is doing great and LB & DEST thank you thank you for all your reaching out and support. Not a lot in my neck of the woods to be found
okay, so I didn't exactly fall out of the next...but I sort of bungee jumped a bit. My husband left me alone again with everyone but our marriage is such a train wreck , it is awful playing happy happy joy joy most of the time and the kids are that hormone raging - lets fight over every god forsaken thing and demand every thing they see from mom stage of life...it is a constant soul sucking barrage which when you have a partner who should be there but isn't and you are really bi polar as I am, it is a tidal wave of craving and crazy thoughts at times.
And speaking of soul sucking barrages, Cat I don't know how you stay not drinking during that crap. I had to live in Tn from 1998-2004. My husband made me buy a radio station. I swear it's true. I would sit in the grand ol opry seething... Anyway, Long story but suffice to say the only things which kept me sane were the liquor stores, the antique places and the book I finally finished called "The Southern Cross and other things hard to bare." writing that exercised lots of demons but not all of them and hence here I am.
Anyway, last night ended up letting all four kids ride a couple miles to the beach on a twisty hilly, San Fransico type road where one of twins was left behind by the others and I am following in the car trying to get everyone to stay together and fighting off a line of cars piling up behind me...it was a furicken nightmare and I am an idiot for allowing them to go. But they just wear me to a thread... Then guilt is unbearable. Oh then I get home, needing desperately to get here to the nest and the fucking Internet is out....couldn't even find relief with Netflix! I don't have cable anymore.
I write this and I think it sounds so so whiny and stupid. I am reading other poeple's stories and they are heartbreaking, gasp outloud astonishing. I simply do not know how to communicate how desperate this relentless poke poke poke, pick pick, jab jab jab can become, daily, almost 24/7.

And all the self hatred talk in my head " I married the wrong man, I am fucking up my children, I spent to much on alcohol, I ruined my life, my parents died ashamed of me, my sisters and I will be permenantly estranged, I've wrecked everything I've been given and I got a lot which makes it all so much more a shameful terrible waste, a horrible deed. I'mnew England bitch who just fled to the Wets but can never outrun the past, i can never get out from under, on and on and on she goes and where she stops...well where she stops is at the end of of a rum and tonic.

So last night after the kids went to sleep I did get one, drank maybe half and then oddly enough, forgot about it, drank my water and went to bed. So Dest had to sips and I am at half a glass, small. I still feel I am track, Day seven ( could be six). Like I said before I did not have any plan. I really had no stop date. Wasn't even certain I want to stop all together ... Well I know I should but of course knowing and want ing can be continents apart.
So here I am back in the nest with all you good people. The twins have been farmed out and just in time because this morning, as Madison was bring me the iPad with info she had discovered on Saudi Arabia, Matt bumped her and down went my brand new iPad, smash....so more barrage. My husband had a fit. He bought this for me and obviously it wasn't cheap. It still works but the glass is smashed. Off to the apple store on Teusday.
Anyway, I plan on upping my topa to 50 ml from 25 which I have been on for ten days. Also want to order the L-Glut. I mad success with that in the past. I should probably order the starter or emergency kit again. I did do well on that until I realized one day that stoping drinking wouldn't change my past.

That' a biggie for me....

I visit the Topa thread a lot and they help to reinforce that the alc really changes brain chemistry and I need to keep that thought Front And Center in order to get past the fundamental darkness which keeps me from myself, my true self which I glimpse every now and then. I know I am in there somewhere and hopefully spending time with all of you will help me find her.
Okay, I' ll hush up now.
Thanks for listening.
PS: I apologise for the spelling. I can't write and spell at the same time.
Xxoo

[Australia]

Newbies Nest

Kradle- I took topa earlier in the year. I don't think it helped but definitely did something to my brain- like I now have dyslexia and I never had any vague sign of this before. I was much sharper and didn't mix my words/emails. It happened right from when i took it and still hasnt gone away. It's scary stuff please be careful- maybe that was just me?

Sounds like there has been lots of drama over the weekend- not nice! But at least you can share and get it out. Day 2- on my way to work- urgh! But I ordered Jason vales book this morning so I can't wait for it to arrive!

Happy Sunday everyone

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Hi Australia:

Welscome, welcome and so sorry you have to work on a Sunday. Yuk!
Before I started Topa 2008, I read Roberta Jewall's account and she was clear that the misxing up words and thoughts was a definate side effect. I wouls say things like , "Can you get me the Olive Oil out of the dishwasher, honey?' Stuff like that. I also would forget words while in the middle of a sentence. Thhsi lasterd a couple of months. To be honest, it's annoying but I don't really mind. My kids finish my senences and I think it makes them feel 'grown up.' ha ha
So it Seems to be fairly common among everyone who uses it (as well as the ingling in the fingers) and of course he alternative (at least for me) is far worse.
It's pretty quiet today but thanks for checking in
XXOO

[timetolive]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone thanks for the message of support
so this is the start of day 4 ... def seeing the Dr as I was not chilled enough last night to cope with 83 yo mothers rambling and little arguments .. well i didn't get involved just shut my self in my office wtf Im 62 i should be able to cope with this..
and its a lovely autumn day here in Qld ...

[ronnie]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, sorry but no time to read back as i have the school run then work, all good here apart from this head cold that has appeared, its going to be an A/F day for me.
Hope you all have a great day, will post again later xxxx

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a great sunday afternoon BBQ with family, no rain, nice
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
timetolive & ronnie - have a great AF day

Lav

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Kradle...I am so sorry that you are feeling this way! I am so proud of you for getting all of that off of your chest....that's way too much for anyone to keep inside! You are stronger than you think...if I had a day like yours (or even a good day) and I had a rum and tonic in front of me....I would've drank that and kept going until I was oblivious! There is no way I would've forgotten about it and had water! That takes a great amount of strength so don't sell yourself short! Tomorrow is another day and hopefully it won't be as tough!

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Australia......congrats on day 2!!!!

Rooni....HaHaHa! We knew that was going to happen....1 too many cocktails and feeling like sh*t today! Thank God I think you and I are past that! I am done with day 6 and looking forward ot day 7. Today was another good day....no AL breakdowns! YAY!

Lav....I didn't get to ride!!!! I got blasted with rain, thunder and lightening! Ugh! I am hoping to ride tomorrow! I am so glad that the weather held out for your BBQ! Have a great night!

[Daya]

Newbies Nest

fantastic post sausage

I'm going to pin it on my fridge.

SAUSAGE;1323368 wrote: You can be like me too.

It is possible. The first 4 or 5 days are very very hard especially 4 and 5 for some reason.
Days 6 and 7 aren't much fun either. Just do what it takes to stay AF.
Once you get past a week though it does get easier , you are through the worst.. You were AF on this day last week and this makes a huge psychological difference.
Days 8- 20 aren't easy but with every passing day it gets easier.
Once past day 21 don't be complacent but you are definitely on an easier journey. Just keep going what you are doing , you know you can ride the cravings and they get weaker and weaker and the benefits just get better and better.

If you are really struggling at any time suggest the following;
Glue yourself to MWO, post on the Need Help ASAP thread, and other threads too - there's always someone around.
Watch rain in my heart documentaries on YouTube
Re read your early posts when you were desperate to escape alcohol.
Read the posts of anyone who has just relapsed, feel their anger, guilt, pain,upset, frustration, self hate - don't go there yourself
Eat something so you don't have low blood sugar, then clean your teeth. You probably won't feel like drinking with the taste of toothpaste in your mouth.
Stay active, keep busy, exercise, leave the house and go for a walk, if this is possible ( not to an off licence or bar )
If you can't leave the house eg if in sole charge of small children , go on Internet and google cirrhosis of liver, alcohol related deaths etc
Visit the tool box
Make a list of all the things you hate about drinking and about yourself when you drink
Make a list of all the plans you have for when you stay sober long term, what you plan to achieve, do with your life, what you plan to buy / do / go with the money you will save.
Go to bed early, tomorrow will soon be here, you only have to get through today, live in day tight compartments. Don't worry about tomorrow til it gets here.

Do whatever it takes but don't pick up that first drink.

Sausage xx
Day 93

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Day 3 done. Limited internet, will catch up tomorrow.

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

AF today.
Seven days with a slip on six...
Twins at a sleep over and Matt at a friends. I'm off to bed with my German Shepard and a cup of coco.
good nite in the nest.

Xxoo

[noodle]

Newbies Nest

Just a quick hello, banging head and soo tired - must of slept more than 12 hours a night for the last three nights, and still fell knackered - is that 'normal'?
Anyway - day 10 (WOOHOO DOUBLE FIGURES) for me tomorrow - so excited.
Love and strength to us all, :h See ya tomorrow x