Newbies Nest

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Rooniferd
My husband is the last person you would want to live with if you want to quit alcohol.
He knows how difficult this is for me yet he constantly opens wine in front of me and tells me how good it is!?
He has over 200 bottles in the garage and refuses to get rid of it / stop storring it.
He tried to get me to celebrate the end of Lent by having alcohol
Last night I told him I was over 100 days AF, and asked him what he thought of this ( I haven't really been discussing my not drinking with him)
He said " whatever"
I said " what do you mean "whatever", don't you think this is an achievement?"
He said " well it depends what you want in life !?"

Today I had an experience at the blood donor suite -I've started up a whole thread about this in the need help ASAP section.

Earlier tonight I felt very alone but then I remembered how many people all over the world are rooting for me on this.

You can live alone or with a whole household of people but in the end we are all alone In this battle.
It all comes down to YOU and what you are prepared to DO. Some people have loads of support
but it doesn't stop them drinking.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Thank you, Sausage. I feel really bad for assuming that all of you who have families automatically have it easier than I do. If I had a husband who behaved like yours, I probably would never have a Day 1. If I had all those bottles of wine at the house and someone were there drinking them in front of me, I would certainly be drinking too. But the fact that you're staying strong in light of that tells me that you are REALLY strong.

Oh, about that idiot woman at the blood donor place, for God's sake, don't let her influence you. I've never even heard of red wine being a good source of iron. On the contrary, I've always assumed that it depleted it!!

When she said that, the beast lifted his sickly starved head for just a second, but then he fell back down. Your beast is so malnourished that he can't even stand up. Aren't you happy about that???

Anyway, you know what to do. Keep you chin up and think about what would happen if you have even one drink of that poison....:l

[SickyChicky:)]

Newbies Nest

Roon: Just wanted you to know that I'm in the same boat as you. My mother and father passed in the last two years and I have no siblings or children. I've been in a crappy relationship for 8 years and I am leaving him next week. My dog was hit and killed at the end of March. The only thing I have left is my mom's little poodle and some inkling of sanity that does not involve living tied to a bottle.

I wish you luck, but more than that, I wish you HOPE

and BTW, I'm here....and I'm glad you're here too.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Hey Chickly, it sounds like you have had some incredible losses lately. I lost my precious dog back in February, and I still use that sad day as an excuse to drink. You've lost both your parents. I've lost my mother, and I can't even imagine having lost both.

I really want to apologize for assuming I have it worse than most folks. We all have a nasty addiction, and we all have different triggers and reasons for turning to the beast.

I really want to get sober. I cried and cried and cried last night about this. My dogs kept licking the tears off my face.

I am glad that all of you are here, too. We can all do this. :h

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Rooni and Chicky :l I really feel for both of you. I know what it is like to lose a parent, and a beloved pet. I don't know what it's like to not drink after a loss. I have aging dogs now, and an aging mother.

Also Rooni, I'm sorry you had a slip that you feel bad about. It's going to be ok, because you are a fighter. I know you want this and I also know you will achieve it. Besides, one drink is 4 points!!

Lean on each other folks, and we can all get through this!!! :h

Lg

[SickyChicky:)]

Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1331203 wrote: Hey Chickly, it sounds like you have had some incredible losses lately. I lost my precious dog back in February, and I still use that sad day as an excuse to drink. You've lost both your parents. I've lost my mother, and I can't even imagine having lost both.

I really want to apologize for assuming I have it worse than most folks. We all have a nasty addiction, and we all have different triggers and reasons for turning to the beast.

I really want to get sober. I cried and cried and cried last night about this. My dogs kept licking the tears off my face.

I am glad that all of you are here, too. We can all do this. :h

I don't think you should apologize, Roon....it is the reality you, and I are living in. Of course we wish we had support at home...doesn't everyone? You made the same assumption I did and still do. But I know there is a better way....I was AF for years. It can be done....and new opportunities arise when we are participating more in our world than in our bottles.

If you don't mind my saying, it sounds like a blessing that you have to go back into the office daily. If for no other reason than having the distraction when cravings hit.

Keep the faith that it will all be OK in a little time....and the tears, well, I'm getting used to them right now.

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

LibraryGirl;1331207 wrote:
Also Rooni, I'm sorry you had a slip that you feel bad about. It's going to be ok, because you are a fighter. I know you want this and I also know you will achieve it. Besides, one drink is 4 points!!
Lg

Thank you, LG. You're right. I am a fighter when I've got something worth fighting for. In this case, I'm fighting to live. Let me get past this God-awful day 1 - again - and get back on this sober road.

By the way, this last slip was just like the last one. A friend called and wanted to hang out. Bored at home, I thought I could handle it. I was planning to have two glasses of wine and go home. It didn't work like that. The bartender kept topping off my wine before I finished a glass, so I don't even know how many I ended up having. I spent the next three days drinking....

I am going to HAVE to cut contact with these friends. We don't have anything in common that does not involve drinking. If I had told my friend that I would meet her out but at a coffee shop instead of a bar, she would have laughed. What a great friend, huh?

Chicky - let's stick close. We have a lot in common, and we can support each other. :l

[SickyChicky:)]

Newbies Nest

Rooni: Yeah...let's stick together. I'll be sporadically online for the next week because I'm moving on Friday, but after that I'll be here probably every day. I'm so thankful to have found this site and the reasonable people on it. Lots of very good advice...

I'm rooting for ya, Rooni !! Consider me your own personal cheerleader

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Sickchicki...wow....you have been through so much in such a short time, but it sounds like u are making some changes now. I hope your move goes smoothly and we hear from u more..

Rooni...you sound like such a great person to have so many friends that want to hang out. Since i moved, i have not really tried to make any friends, so it gets lonely for some lady friends. I know i just need to make some effort.

Stay close everyone...you are keeping this lady sober. we can do this!

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone,

Almost caught up; I've been offline in the evenings because I had to work late almost every night just to be able to take off one stinking day to go pick up my son at the airport today. He's great, and I didn't bring up my dark year and recent detox/recovery. He can see I'm fine. If it comes up I'll deal with questions then. Thank you all, again, for your advice.

It's high school grad weekend here so parties Friday, Sat., and a small one here for my son on Sun. I'm not worried about drinking. Not feeling cocky, just finding other things to take up all that valuable real estate in my head. Feeling so much better, more so every day. But yes, I still get tired, sleep patterns haven't completely straightened out (I still have to get up and pee every night - maybe it's just middle age and it didn't happen before because I was so dehydrated or was up every 3-4 hours anyway to have another glass of wine so I could go back to sleep.)

Anyhoo, greetings to everyone and a couple of shout-outs: (I had to blitz through 7 days so sorry if I'm missing key events!)

Rooni and SickieChickie - We care whether you drink or not. I've lived alone for the past 7 years and done most of my drinking alone, not out socially, about a 70/30 mix. I became more and more isolated. Sometimes not getting out of my bathrobe at all on weekends, other than to make myself presentable enough to make a wine run. And Rooni, that is a transition to have to go back to the office. I've had equal parts corporate office positions and work-from-home freelance, and like you I enjoyed the flexibility of working from home and at that time only occasionally started the wine before 5, but I prefer having a steady paycheck.

Alas even being in the office didn't keep me from the bottle this past spring up until May 8. I'd go out to my car and sip wine then take it back in in a paper coffee cup.


Chinchilla - we could be drinking twins, except I'm a couple decades older. I finally remembered when I last had a sober stretch before this current one; iit was from Sept. 2010 to Jan. 2011 and then started a period of almost constant struggle, anxiety, depression, and increased drinking, from one to two bottles, but like you, not getting high (usually), and towards the end, I definitely had the shakes in the morning in addition to the usual general decrepitude. I was eating breakfast in our work cafe one morning and could barely get the eggs in my mouth, my hand was shaking so much. Did you get help from your GP today? I spent one dark hungover day more than a month ago online and on the phone and finally found a counseling center an hour away with a medical Dr. on staff. They were very concerned about seizures/stroke with our level of drinking - especially at 3-4 days AFTER you quit drinking. They don't have an inpatient rehab facility and are non-profit, so they weren't out to scare me into something costly and I didn't want to risk rehab and losing my job. I did the outpatient/detox with a very controlled dosage of Valium and high blood pressure medication (I continued to work every day) and they only agreed to it if I had someone to be with me at night the first five nights. A week in, I started a different anti-depressant (from Wellbutrin to Effexor, more of a anti-anxiety AD) and then added Campral, an anti-craving Rx for good measure. The first week was fuzzy but not horrendous and I was not overwhelmed by the anxiety and cacaphony in my head. It has gotten progressively better and I don't feel artificially "up" I just feel normal. And positive. And hopeful. And grateful. And confident that this is My Time. Not the first of next month. Not the 27th so I'll be XX months sober on my next birthday. No, just some ordinary Tues. in early May became My Time because I was finally ready to start living a different kind of life. Or I would have continued on the path I was on and eventually gotten "there." As in nowhere.

Cat bella, hope you're doing better.

Sausage - I'm sorry but your husband is a pig, no offense to you. You have my respect, woman, to stay sober with that kind of anti-support. I could not live surrounded by wine. Keep it up.

I'm going to have to check in more frequently and not be such a posting hog. Occupational hazard.

Have a safe, sane, sober night everyone!

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

I hadn't planned to post today, just read quickly, as got lots of work to do but I had to respond to a few things.

Firstly...

finallydone;1331075 wrote: Hi Kradle! It's very normal to be emotional during the first few months and days of sobriety. Alot of thoughts and emotions that have been repressed start to work it's way out. I've had throw little kid fits with myself at times...cry....get mad you name it. After almost 60 days I can feel my mind healing and my emotions even out. As things even out life starts to have new meaning and life is starting to blossom in front of me. A simple thing like a thunderstorm dazzles my mind and I am appreciating life and what is more and more. The other big huge plus is that I'm starting more and more to reach out and be open with people. That in itself has given a larger sense of well-being! So happy were in this journey together Kradle!

THANK YOU for posting this lovely post FinallyDone! This is just the kind of thing that inspires me as it's what I always feel the bare edges of unfurling inside me when I quit but I haven't stayed the course long enough to really reap those benefits. Well done on your two months and please keep posting - particularly about the positives you are finding in early sobriety.

Awh Roon, I'm sorrry to hear that. And I can hear in your posts you've drank just from the way you sound so downcast. You have been sounding so positive and upbeat and strong and now you sound so much more sad - what does that say about what drinking does for you hon? As someone who's also worked at home forever, suddenly having to be in the office 9-5 would be a HUGE adjustment. Cut yourself some slack and don't underestimate the stress of that change. At the same time, realise that drinking won't help - it will only make it harder. Remember how positive you were sounding about how maybe it could help you with this battle? Try to regain sight of that. Get back on that horse and start riding lady! There are people here who care and want to see you succeed! (I totally hear you re the single sadness too but see my comments below..)

Sausage, I am so sorry your husband is being such an arse about your drinking. It just makes me admire you all the more though - that you can do this with that lack of support and it being thrust in your face all the time. I doubt I could. And you're right, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately seeing a lot of long-term couple friends around me struggling - it's easy to idealise marriage/relationships when you're single but while they're great when they're great they can can certainly come with their whole own set of downsides. I've never felt more lonely than in the last year of my marriage when it was all falling apart horribly. Single person lonely doesn't begin to compare to that - honestly Roon.

Oh and also, Ronnie, yes, DITCH those friends. Anyone who won't support you in your effort to improve your life is NOT a friend. I've been thinking about this too and mentally tabulating the friends who will and those who won't (fortunately there's far fewer of them) and decided I am COMPLETELY ok with cutting those people out of my life. Because, really, it just shows you they're not true friends, just drinking buddies, so no great loss there, right?

Here on day 9 and feeling pretty good. I've really been focusing on eating well and exercising too this week and that is helping. I just need to maintain the motivation I have right now. There will be some challenges ahead over this long weekend but I'm feeling pretty determined.

Have a lovely day/weekend all.

Lilly

[Kradle123]

Newbies Nest

Rooni, please oh please don't apologiize for 'assuming' . Every post here is so valuable and yours really got me thinking about my personal situation. And then reading Sausages situation and SC's and Cat's I am so grateful. It's like sitting at one of those pre-assigned tables and finding everyone there is so warm and fun. You can't believe Your luck !!

My best friend is 2 years sober and she choose AA but that is not for me. she is also so embroiled in her own drama that any part of my own life looks small and ridiculous in comparison- and that comes from me me. she would be pissed if she knew I said that. My husband has all the sensitivity of a severed nerve as I've mentioned before. He doesn't mean to. We just have so little in common and he simply has no interest. It's utterly depressing. He's convinvinced all my troubles lie in my unresolved anger towards my dead father...Freud anyone? Personally I think Alcohol may have something to do with my 'unresolved anger' but God forbid I let him in on it...

So the person who should be my most trusted confidant becomes inaccessible. But to be fair, I create that too and as I think you pointed out people with lots of support also struggle terribly.

Drinking just completely blows our heads to bits. Fuck...sorry. That's a different thread!

:l. :h

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

LillyE;1331266 wrote: I hadn't planned to post today, just read quickly, as got lots of work to do but I had to respond to a few things.

Firstly...



THANK YOU for posting this lovely post FinallyDone! This is just the kind of thing that inspires me as it's what I always feel the bare edges of unfurling inside me when I quit but I haven't stayed the course long enough to really reap those benefits. Well done on your two months and please keep posting - particularly about the positives you are finding in early sobriety.

Awh Roon, I'm sorrry to hear that. And I can hear in your posts you've drank just from the way you sound so downcast. You have been sounding so positive and upbeat and strong and now you sound so much more sad - what does that say about what drinking does for you hon? As someone who's also worked at home forever, suddenly having to be in the office 9-5 would be a HUGE adjustment. Cut yourself some slack and don't underestimate the stress of that change. At the same time, realise that drinking won't help - it will only make it harder. Remember how positive you were sounding about how maybe it could help you with this battle? Try to regain sight of that. Get back on that horse and start riding lady! There are people here who care and want to see you succeed! (I totally hear you re the single sadness too but see my comments below..)

Sausage, I am so sorry your husband is being such an arse about your drinking. It just makes me admire you all the more though - that you can do this with that lack of support and it being thrust in your face all the time. I doubt I could. And you're right, and it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately seeing a lot of long-term couple friends around me struggling - it's easy to idealise marriage/relationships when you're single but while they're great when they're great they can can certainly come with their whole own set of downsides. I've never felt more lonely than in the last year of my marriage when it was all falling apart horribly. Single person lonely doesn't begin to compare to that - honestly Roon.

Oh and also, Ronnie, yes, DITCH those friends. Anyone who won't support you in your effort to improve your life is NOT a friend. I've been thinking about this too and mentally tabulating the friends who will and those who won't (fortunately there's far fewer of them) and decided I am COMPLETELY ok with cutting those people out of my life. Because, really, it just shows you they're not true friends, just drinking buddies, so no great loss there, right?

Here on day 9 and feeling pretty good. I've really been focusing on eating well and exercising too this week and that is helping. I just need to maintain the motivation I have right now. There will be some challenges ahead over this long weekend but I'm feeling pretty determined.

Have a lovely day/weekend all.

Lilly

Hi Lilly! I have gotten sober and starting drinking again soo many times I feel like a expert on the wrong kind of thing. But I also realize it takes time to move past the addiction to alcohol and it really does take a few relapses to realize what life is like without AL. One I am finding is much better! I can replace the bad influences in my life with good ones. The loving family here is one I can proudly say is a great influence. If I could reach out and hug all the great people here I would. This road to acceptance and a place calm over the disease is one we are embarking on together. We will stay the course and learn from eachother. I love you all soo much!!:h

[finallydone]

Newbies Nest

SAUSAGE;1331121 wrote: Rooniferd
My husband is the last person you would want to live with if you want to quit alcohol.
He knows how difficult this is for me yet he constantly opens wine in front of me and tells me how good it is!?
He has over 200 bottles in the garage and refuses to get rid of it / stop storring it.
He tried to get me to celebrate the end of Lent by having alcohol
Last night I told him I was over 100 days AF, and asked him what he thought of this ( I haven't really been discussing my not drinking with him)
He said " whatever"
I said " what do you mean "whatever", don't you think this is an achievement?"
He said " well it depends what you want in life !?"

Today I had an experience at the blood donor suite -I've started up a whole thread about this in the need help ASAP section.

Earlier tonight I felt very alone but then I remembered how many people all over the world are rooting for me on this.

You can live alone or with a whole household of people but in the end we are all alone In this battle.
It all comes down to YOU and what you are prepared to DO. Some people have loads of support
but it doesn't stop them drinking.

Is it okay for me to say this to you Sausage! AL is a selfish disease! For us to take our lives back from it we at times have to be selfish as well.

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Well I got through last night so today is day 106 !!!

I've been thinking a lot about my husband's attitude and I think it boils down to the following;

He doesn't want to loose a drinking buddy ( he moans when we go out that he now has to have house wine by the glass rather than share a bottle of his choice with me, and house wine is not so good) - he doesn't see the positives, that I am saving money and he gets a lift home afterwards because I can drive.

He is generally naive about alcoholism - despite being a Dr, I don't think he has any idea of how hard this is and the concept of relapse. He is in he forces so surrounded by drinkers in his profession and in the armed forces,infact he doesn't really know any teetotallers ( apart from his cousin who is a recovering alcoholic). He genuinely baffles me because he seems to be able to abstain for Lent each year - he is very religious, but then once Lent is over has to drink every day - actually wants to. To me the way he is rubbing It in my face, isn't a very Christian thing to do , I'd rather he help me and show his faith by helping others, than than think he's done his bit by trotting off to church every week, taking communion and saying a few prayers and and demonstrsting his faith that way. I am sorry if this offends people but right now I am MAD!!!

The truth of the matter is, I am doing this for ME. Even if it was proven that the amount I was drinking would do me no harm at all ( which obviously was not the case over a life time), I still dont want to drink because;

It is a waste of money
I don't like the way it is addictive, you need more and more
I don't like the way it makes me feel in the short term - feel rubbish the next day
I don't like the way it is empty calories

But most importantly

I don't like the way it is affects me mentally, causes depression and anxiety, a vicious circle
I hate the way it dominates my thoughts all day......looking forward to when I can drink again
I don't like the way it destroys my motivation to do anything else ( and this is actually the crux of the matter) I am a busy mum and work only part time at the moment but want to succeed in my profession especially as the kids get older. My time is very very precious, I don't want to lose my motivation to do anything else, waste my evenings every night in front of the telly drinking and not recalling what I watched anyway. That may suit my husband but it doesn't suit me. I want to do something else with my life, I want to succeed. That is why I am here and still determined

One life live it, and don't waste it on alcohol