Newbies Nest

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Dest - I drank lots of coffee earlier too. I'm gonna walk on my treadmill and take my sober rump to bed LOL Looking forward to Day 4 tomorrow - gonna be a beautiful day here. Feeling good. No beast here :-)

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Back and so sorry for sounding so harsh and judgmental earlier. I had no right, and I almost promptly fell on my ass. Serves me right for acting so pompous too. I made it through AF, and learning how to surf a little better.

Have a good evening everyone.:l

Lg

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

LG - What are you talking about? You've never been harsh or judgmental.

I'm not taking my own medicine very well tonight. I'm not drinking, but am feeling withdrawn, isolated, but not wanting to be with my boyfriend. I'm happy, well not exactly happy, but content enough just to be holed up in my bedroom (to give myself a tiny bit of credit, I've had a sore back/hips and am doing a giant icepack). Missing my son who left this morning.

Just having a tired night. Not enough sleep last night. Fridays are the toughest maybe. Just a bit out of sorts.

Ha, and ate a ton of malted milk balls. Great dinner.

OK, enough whining. At least it's not wine-ing. And it was a beautiful day. The sun is still shining. Cats are purring. I have no major obligations this weekend.

Don't mind me. Just checking in. Hope everyone has a nice evening and great weekend.

Ah yes, well early to bed tonight and tomorrow's another day.

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Goodnight Rooni! So glad that you weren't bothered or tempted by your friends tonight! It is so nice and breezy here tonight...sleeping with the windows open and the curtains are blowing around and it is just a very calm evening! If I could bottle up this feeling (no pun intended) and sell it I could make a fortune! Ha! I hope everyone is having a good night!

LG....you have never been judgemental...you have given me nothing but great advice and support...and that goes for alot of us on here!

Monique....keep smiling and think happy thoughts! You have come such a long way and are such an inspiration! We all have our good days and bad days...I guess the bad ones make us appreciate the good ones more! Have a great night and enjoy your "obligation free" weekend!

Lav....I hauled alot of feed tonight!!!!! All 50lbs bags too except the shredded beet pulp which was maybe 30lbs. I'm used to it though...keeps my arms in shape!!! Ha! I used to raise chickens when I was back on Long Island. I also inclubated golden pheasants and turkeys along with roman tufted geese! Soooo much fun!

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hi all!

First up, Teezah, I'm glad you weren't scared away. I didn't take Monique's post as directed as you, but I see what happened there. I also can relate to the hypersensitivity. I congratulate you on coming here and aiming your feelings in a polite and respectful way instead of running away sulking or fuming, which would have been such a shame over a total misunderstanding. So good for you! And keep hanging with us Also, look, we all hear you re the issues with resolve and starting and stopping. It's a huge thing I'm still working on - that's a huge part of why I try and come here daily now - to keep strengthening that resolve.

Library Girl, I also didn't think you sounded judgmental? I agree that people shouldn't feel they need to come here and beat themselves up every time they slip but that's different than saying they shouldn't come here if they're slipping. I had a conversation with my therapist about this 'acceptance' issue. She was in essence saying that I have this goal of abstinence, so when I slip I totally beat myself up over it, thereby adding a heap of guilt and shame to the bad physical and psychological consequences of alcohol. Better to accept that you've drunk, that you're suffering the consequences, and where are you going to go from there? By that I'm not trying to say it's ok to slip over and over but it's clearly often part of the process and flagellating yourself it constantly - here or elsewhere - is not ultimately going to aid your quest for sobriety. I say this as one who is very good at beating myself up and has done it endlessly over all of this. Better ways to use that energy would be to analyse why you drank, the triggers, how it felt, is drinking what you want, if not - how can you change things? Are you really committed to quitting and if not, why not? Etc.

Monique, I loved your post so much I read it twice. It really made me think. I totally get what you're saying. I'm going to go back to the smoking analogy here... for years I heard people say you have to be 'ready to quit' and I never got that. I always thought that I knew I needed to quit and eventually I'd force myself to but that I'd never, ever WANT to. I really 100% felt that and the very concept baffled me. But finally I did want to quit more than I wanted to smoke, because I had just gotten so damn miserable, not to mention physically ill, from it, and that is what made all the difference. I'm starting to get now that this is exactly why people go on about a 'rock bottom' with drinking. It's so hard to quit - and we are so socially encouraged not to quit - that it takes that for many people to actually want to quit. Which is really a shame and speaks volumes about our society's fucked up attitude to booze. It needs to be way more acceptable to talk about - and get help for - alcohol problems way before then so that people don't HAVE to reach that rock bottom.

Having said all that, I will respectfully disagree with your advice. While I get what you mean, I am hoping that perhaps it is possible to get to that place through sobriety instead. Meaning, I know perfectly well I'm not 100% at that place of truly, deeply wanting 100% to be done with it for good. I'm more where you talked about before - I know I need to but there's in many ways not enough urgency around it in my life. BUT, the more I go for stints without drinking, then the more when I do drink, and I contrast how I feel, the less I want to drink. I'm not there yet but I think/hope I'm slowly getting there. It may indeed transpire that I have to go further down the rabbit hole to be miserable enough to get that sheer desperation to quit - as I had to with smoking - but if I can do it before I get there then, great. And I don't consider it a waste of time because I am slowly learning more and more about myself and my relationship with alcohol and how much it affects me and I think perhaps it takes periods of sobriety to start to really see all that.

For example, here I am on day 17. Last night, instead of going out drinking - or buying wine to drink at home alone, and I did wrestle with the urges, as I do every Friday night - I had a lovely restful night in reading, watching Downton Abbey (oh so fabulous!) and having a hot bath. As a result, I woke up today feeling refreshed and great. Because it is pouring with rain I stayed in bed for a couple of hours just drinking tea and reading a novel. Then I went to the gym for an hour. Got a coffee out, read the paper. Now I've been doing some work and reading MWO. And I just feel, great. Right now anyway And have been thinking about how much nicer a day it's been for not being all hungover and down and flat and unmotivated.

Having said that, I have two challenges coming up... 1) Tonight I'm going out to see a gig with some friends who I know will all be drinking heavily (probably smoking weed too come to that - but that's a whole other story for me as an addiction I conquered many years ago and now only partake in very occasionally). 2) An awards night thing for a book I've contributed to. There will be lots of free booze. I will be nervous. There will be important editors to talk to. And there will be several friends/colleagues there drinking including one who, whenever I'm not drinking pushes me to drink, telling me I "just need to moderate" etc (because she's a massive alcoholic herself, which is why I've been avoiding her for awhile now but she wants to have dinner afterwards and there's no easy way of getting out of it.)

I know I should go to this event - it's a great chance to network with other writers and editors and it's kind of a big deal but man, I HATE those evenings so much and it will be even harder 100% stone cold sober. It's weird because socially I'm extremely comfortable talking to just about anyone, but put me in a "networking"event and I just clam up and feel awkward.

But again, the positive flipside is that I know if I can get through it booze free there's no chance I'll get too drunk and potentially say anything stupid around an editor. I'll feel clearer headed - if more nervous - in any conversations and so forth.

Anyway, so even though I'm feeling great right now I'm consciously here on MWO this afternoon strengthening my resolve. Think I will also do some googling about alcohol's effect on the body.

OH, and we talked about rewards before, and I've decided to put $100 a week into a separate account for every week I don't drink. To be honest when you factor in food and taxis and how expensive drinks are here I think that's a conservative estimate of what I'm saving not drinking - there are nights I could easily spend that much or more out - but it's enough to hopefully make me feel good to see it piling up. Anyone doing anything similar? Was it you Roon or Dest who was going to buy the TV after 30 days? (Sorry I forget now.)

Wow, sorry this turned into a novella guys! Happy weekend all!

Lilly x

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Lily, I really enjoyed your novella
I have to agree with your thoughts about coming to MWO! I was not completely ready to commit to an AF life when I started here either BUT that changed as I aproached my 30 AF day mark. Suddenly I knew, 100% for sure that's what I wanted & yes, I could actually do it!!!!!

Fear is what keeps us from commiting. I've learned that we need to push ourselves to face that fear. The act of doing so surely won't kill us but continuing to consume AL eventually will

Have a terrific AF Saturday everyone!
Lav

[Gone_A_Stray2012]

Newbies Nest

All new to me

wow, cant beleive i am really doing this but i guess i have to try something. I am 25yrs old started drinking at 21 yah good old 21st b-day only happens once in a lifetime right. Well I guess i am here because i cant afford to attend an AA meeting due to living pay check to pay check and working too much so dont really have the time. I figured i would try this, next best thing i guess. I am hopeing make the best out of this site and crawl out of this addiction of mine. i dont drink hard-A just beer occasionally i will by a bottle every once in a full moon, but i just feel i drink to often like i have to have a beer or two just to keep going or to be doing something with my free time. I wasnt always like this so lost and i dont know where things went wrong for me, just lost my way i guess. wow i am really doing this, well my first question would be how often can i post how do i do a person to person chat or is it even possible. well okay guess i have said enough. This is an S.O.S. any advice at all would be better than none at all.

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone!

Listening to a Beatles marathon on our local radio station. On my second cup of coffee. The mild angst of last night a thing of the past after 9 hours of sleep!

I'm glad my post has stimulated so much thought and discussion - for me, too. Sometimes I wonder if I exaggerate the state of my own rabbit hole. I could have gone much much lower. And it was mostly all in my head, or at least well hidden. No one except my closest friends, sisters, and boyfriend knew how bad it was with me, and then, only because they were in direct proximity or I chose to tell them. My colleagues often comment that I'm always smiling. I dress well. I didn't get a DUI. I have a high-profile, creative job in the retail/fashion industry that I love and am very good at. Even if I do sometimes end sentences in prepositions I have a fun car. I rent a lovely house. At 52, I still get a lot of looks from men. I'm just sayin' -- no, I didn't have to end up in the gutter, homeless, with a police record and no friends left to come to the realization and desire that I needed to quit. AA has a saying that alcoholism is like an elevator; you can get out on whichever floor you want on the way down (or back up, I suppose.) I was always considered a "high bottom" (I wish my actual bottom was higher instead of saggy!).

Lilly - good luck tonight. You sound like you're doing all the right things in preparation and I'm sure you'll wake up tomorrow again feeling great that you stayed the course.

Gone - Welcome. You're joining a group that understands and shares your concerns. You'll find lots of great (and varying!) advice here as well as non-judgmental support. There are no rules; post as much and as often as you like. I don't know about chat. But I believe you can send a personal message to any member. You might want to share more about your drinking patterns - for a lot of us, a couple of beers or the rare bottle of wine doesn't sound very debilitating, but if it makes you feel bad, that's what counts.

It's grey here. Again. Going to rouse myself away from the computer and get to the farmer's market. Be well, everyone.

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

I just wanted to throw my two cents in on the whole "wanting to quit" and "being ready to quit" question.

I don't think we need to focus on the "wanting" or "being ready" parts of those phrases; really the emphasis in my mind is on the word "quit." How many people who initially come to MWO really want to quit alcohol forever? I'd guess the answer is very few. Sure we want to quit guzzling down bottles every night. We want to quit blacking out, driving drunk, getting belligerent, etc., but do we really want to quit drinking forever? In my opinion most people come here in the beginning because they want to moderate. They want to get control of their drinking, but not really quit forever. They can't imagine a life without alcohol. I know I sure couldn't. I wanted to stop the insanity of my life at that time, but to never ever, even a year in the future not drink alcohol again? No.

It wasn't until I got to that point where never-ever drinking again in the future, even 10 years from now was more attractive than moderating that I felt deep within my heart that I was ready to quit. Truly ready. I thought I was ready before, but now I know I am. I look forward to not drinking ever.

Would I have ever gotten to this point if I hadn't joined MWO and made my previous attempts when I thought I was ready? Probably not. You don't hop in a car the day you get your driving license and cruise away like an old pro behind the wheel when you've never driven before. You take lessons, go to school, gain knowledge from riding with others. I think there is a lot to be gained from being here as imperfect as we all are, completely abstinent, recovering from a slip, whatever the case may be.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Fly, that's my take as well. I came here with the plan of moderating, AF was something other people were having to do. I got quite an education here. Thanks for your post! B

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Fly.....you always amaze me!!!!! Thanks so much for that post...you are awesome!!!!!!!

Gone....you have come to a great place....and you have made a wonderful first step! You will find the people here are so encouraging and inspiring! Looking forward to hearing more from you!

[teezah]

Newbies Nest

Checking In On My Nesting Buddies

Morning all - brrrr....does anyone want the stove on? Keep us a bit warmer in here, or shall we do some huddling?

Rooni / Destiniey - just to put my tuppence worth in about your drinking buddies. The path you are on now is bound to put a huge hole in your social life. Have you considered taking some of your new activities (weight loss class & boot camp etc) to the next level and seek out new friends who share these goals with you? Boot Camp would be especially supportive, I would think as it takes strength to sign up to these types of activities. It may be daunting taking the first steps into new friendships and you may not "click" with certain people at first (or ever!) but I'm sure you will start to make more healthy relationships. You have already built up good relations with the folks here - you are both held in high esteem in this thread, so it is something that you can do in other areas of your life too.

Litre2 - welcome :welcome: :new: too

I'm with flyaway / LillyE and resrchqueen on the commitment discussion. Rome, indeed, wasn't built in a day & it took me aaagggeeess to learn how to drive. This is why I'm using the toddling analogy. We don't shout at our kids for going back to crawling when they are are trying to learn how to walk and I will show myself the compassion I have shown my children if I fall over and have to pick myself up again. I'm avoiding the "all or nothing" thinking i.e. I am either abstinent or otherwise a raving wino. It's a journey folks. Be compassionate to yourselves.

LillyE Liking the rewards thing...!

Monique - loving how you always have positives in your postings - cat's purring lol! I love doing this too... especially when everything's going to shit around me!

Everyone else - so glad I found you all :l

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Day 5, and heading to my hometown to celebrate Fathers Day with my dad. My brother, sister, and niece will be there too. I was thinking back to previous Fathers Days, one in particular, when I was so hungover that I could barely function. My dad insisted that the server at the restaurant snap our picture, and he used that picture as the wallpaper on his computer desktop for a long time. Every time I went home to visit, there was that picture - reminding me of that awful day. I look bloated, my face is red, and the misery is just so obvious. How horrible.

Remind me to tell you some more stories like that. I have a million.

Well, today I am NOT hungover, and I am looking forward to the trip. I'm even taking my camera to try to sneak in some pictures of Eastern North Carolina on my way home. It's supposed to be a gorgeous sunny day, and I plan to take it all in.

Oh, and tomorrow starts my fitness boot camp, so I can't drink tonight! I mean, gosh, I could, but it would ruin everything. It's at 6am tomorrow!

I will check in later. Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

[rooniferd]

Newbies Nest

Teezah - cross post!! I have been thinking about the whole friend/drinking buddy thing a lot lately. I need to get ready to hop on the road to visit my dad, but I will respond when I get back!

[Australia]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in to say hi. I got the Jason Vale book and am enjoying it very much. I also got How To by Augusten boroughs which is a funny take on a self help book.