Newbies Nest

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

I hear you RB. I feel defeated by it tonight. But, I've tried to have a restful day, lots of hydration, good food etc. I'm going to have an early night and hopefully feel better tomorrow.

How long is the longest you've gone AF? Obviously I don't have the secret to success but I can say that even the various 2-3 week periods of sobriety I've had help keep me here rather than just giving into my drinking entirely. I know I feel SOOOOO much better after even a week off. Around 10 days to 2 weeks there is a great shift for me... only then I often drink again... I'm hoping a longer period off will make me WANT to quit more than I WANT to drink as Lavande and others talked about here. God I hope so.

Go back to the start maybe. Write a big list of WHY you want to quit. Visit the Toolbox. Check out some books. Keep going...

I don't know if I can do this either. But I know that I don't want to keep drinking the way I have/had been forever and have it just keep getting worse.

Also, I had been all set on Sunday to post this really positive post about what a great time I had at the gig AF. How it wasn't even that big a deal. How I thought i had MORE fun, not less, for not drinking. I'm still not 100% sure what made me cave Sunday though I have some guesses.

Anyway, good luck my friend and keep posting.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

rockbottom91;1334081 wrote: Hey LillyE, Stay strong, you can make it 30 days. One thing that really helps me is really thinking about how I feel when I'm drunk. Sure theres been a couple times when It was fun and no problem but 99% of the time I was miserable. One was never enough, not even 7 or 8... I started to realize I like the process of drinking not really being drunk. I was never satisfied, always anxious then woke up with loss of memory and regrets....doesnt really sound like a fun time or sweet escape when you really think about it. Today can always be worse. If you add a splash of AL your guaranteeing that it will. I know the shame and regret from drinking is what will kill me after realizing all the problems its caused and the people I've let down and hurt because of it. I want to be a person some one is proud to know. I know AL will only prevent me from being the person I want to be and accomplishing the goals I've set for myself. Guess thats my motivation for now. Day 3 AF. Hope this optimism sticks.
Hang in there every one. I know we can do this.

Just wanted to post your words back to you for reinforcement. :l

Since I'm back to Day 1 - want to join me for a 30 day AF boot camp?

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Hello & welcome to all the newbies!
Be sure to read the MWO book & make a good plan for yourselves - you can do this with a good plan & commitment!

To those who have fallen out of the nest this weekend - please climb back in & star over. You are never a loser until you give up trying
Learning to say NO THANKS is essential to your success.

LG, I love the brussel sprouts roasted as well, really brings out the flavor
My Mom used to boil them them cover them in butter (not so healthy) but I still loved them. I was a very strange kid :H

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Monday!
Lav

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

LillyE-
I would like to attempt the 30 days boot camp AF. Going more than one day is always tough for me so 30 might be a bridge to far, but I need it. I did 30 days earlier this year and loved it although it was hard. It was challenging after that to take off mulitple days. It always seems like my toolbox is missing at night time after work. All that resolve just crumples in the face of triggers. This time I am not going to get all jacked up about it. Just hope quitely to not drink.
Anyway here I go again. Hoping and praying somehow I can be AF for at least 30 days.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Good on you Gdog. I hope as many as possible come join our 30 day boot camp attempt. I am still feeling deflated and defeated but, damn it, I really want to get to 30 days. I really thought I was on the right track this time and I'm scared I won't be able to summon all that necessary motivation again so selfishly I could use all the help and support I can get! As I said to Rock Bottom, I do think that even a short stint totally AF can really help one see the contrast.

Kradle? I saw in another friend you'd drunk today (?) after 28 days. Come back on board?

What are the other resources available to you Gdog? Therapy? Rehab? AA? Books? Gather all the tools you can and hunker down.

I feel so blah about it all right now honestly but I know it's the post binge depression talking. I hope I wake up in a stronger frame of mind.

All the newbies to the Nest - have you all see this thread? https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ism-44263.html

I was just rereading it. I am solidly in the 2nd stage - veering into the third. And the idea of further progression scares the shit out of me. :upset:

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

hey guys and girls...I really think that what you are doing is the right thing. As byrdie and Lav and lots of others have mentioned...when most people start they don't have a goal of complete abstinence. it's through a process of trying and sometimes failing - but in my opinion - mostly from reading and posting and self reflection.

I've learned so much about myself and why I drank just from sitting here and typing. Sometimes it's with a goal of figuring myself out - but other times that's just a side effect of trying to help someone else. All of a sudden I'll read my own words and things start to make sense to ME! I really think as long as you're here sincerely trying...and questioning things - and not running away to hide (reasoning with yourself that you weren't - aren't- really that bad) you're on the right path.

Have a great week - school's out - so I'll be scarce...I'm looking forward to (but honestly - a little nervous about!) spending a sober summer. This should be my last hurdle - the last "event" I haven't experienced without drinking.

[Gdog]

Newbies Nest

LillyE -
Thanks for posting the four stages of alcoholism. Not sure if I am on 1 or 2, or sort of both somehow. I think I will ponder what are my resources, and make sure there is sufficient help.
Today is a good day to be sober.

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Lolab! Appreciate hearing that right now from somehow with a bit more time under their belt. I'm sitting here desperately reading MWO looking for renewed motivation. Did you have m/any false starts? And, if so, what helped you make your quit stick?

[lolab]

Newbies Nest

Hi Lily. For years I "tried" half heartedly. I even found this site several years ago - but never joined. I woke up in the night and said out loud that I am killing myself. But by the next day - by the light of day - things didn't look so bad and I'd drink again. I couldn't stop. But by Valentine's Day 2011 I had to call in sick to work again. I was up from midnight on - in a state of panic....for awhile my hands had been shaky and I knew I had to give it an honest attempt. I threw up in the morning before work and my husband had to take our son to school. But not a soul knew or knows that it was all from drinking.

So that time I came here and started posting and made it just past 30 days. I thought I had a handle on it, and started drinking white wine occasionally. I sputtered all last summer...coming here occasionally - trying - then not trying....but by September I was back into my routine. Hiding it all over the place, and drinking more and more and more.

Something on Sept 26th, with the empty box of wine under my bed to "tap" into during the night...and the empty vodka bottle in my closet - to drink during the day...made me say enough...again.

I think the biggest change for me is realizing that I am not killing myself with alcohol. I knew that with every sip (or gulp!) , that's exactly what I was doing. The days wear out - of it not taking a toll on you. They really do. Sooner or later, it's going to catch up to you - and your body will show it - both inside and out.

Don't be discouraged that you are still figuring it all out, ok? Just don't run away and hide and fall for those comments that people WILL make...like "hey, ya gotta live!" Someone said that to me last weekend trying to pour me a wine. I ALMOST fell for it! but for ME? Living is not walking around in that fog/buzz - and waking up feeling like shit. I sometimes have to keep reminding myself of that - but that's ok. :-)

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all. Lily....Thanks for your honesty with your struggle. It is just so stinking frustrating at times isnt it? I am the same that no one is asking me to stop or doing an intervention....so, maybe i am not so bad. Yeah, right.

Hi to all the new people. You are in a great place.

Lolab, schools out here too and this house is humming. Yes, i want it to be a summer not focused on when i can finally relax with my glass of wine time. I took my dd to NYC yesterday and had a great afternoon....would not have been any fun hungover! We walked miles and i am worn out this am. But in a good way.

Kradle...how are you doing?

lots of housework to catch up on....Happy Monday all.

[akaMonique]

Newbies Nest

LillyE;1336678 wrote:
All the newbies to the Nest - have you all see this thread? https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ism-44263.html

I was just rereading it. I am solidly in the 2nd stage - veering into the third. And the idea of further progression scares the shit out of me. :upset:

Lilly - Thanks for posting these stages. I was definitely in the 3rd and veering into the 4th stage. Still having my job and never getting a DUI were about the only two things in my favor, so when I started spending a lot of time in my Jeep with a bottle of wine during work hours just to maintain, I knew I was rapidly sliding. Within a two week period I missed 4 days of work and invented an "illness" to cover it up. Amazing how that cleared up once I gave up the drink, finally.

We all have to find our own key to unlock that door that leads to what is at best a temporary reprieve from the insanity. Because as I've said before, the triggers can become overwhelming (and they're so damn clever) at 14 days or 14 months or in my case 14 years. And even the best laid plans go awry.

Today I have six weeks AF, and I am so grateful that I didn't have to lose everything to get here. In some ways it's been the toughest six weeks but also the easiest because it feels like the grey area has been removed. It really is all black & white now in terms of my drinking.

So it's Monday and it's a new day. Whether you slipped or persevered over the weekend shows that you have a resolve to quit and you're well on your way. Don't flagellate yourself, accept where you are and keep seeking out the tools to get where you want to be.

Coming here twice a day is definitely one of those tools for me. Be well, and have a great week, all.

[mby82266]

Newbies Nest

Morning all just wanted to let every one know I did manage to drop 1 shot, only 5 yesterday, instead of my usual 6. Today my goal is 4. I know its more than 10% but I didn't seem to have any feelings of withdraw or anxiety. yeah moving forward. still taking the L-glut every 2 hours it seems to be working. I never want to go through the pain and anxiety I went through last time. I was so ashamed of the women sitting in the corner crying bc I want a drink. Have a great day people I will let you know how I am doing!

[mby82266]

Newbies Nest

Rockbottom, I read your post about not wanting to stop. I understand completely how you feel! I would never quit if I didn't know it was slowly killing me. when you feel that right upper abdominal pain, its not gas its liver inflammation. thats why I started to taper off. figure out how much you drink and start cutting back slowly. Its better that nothing and gets you on the right path. keep posting we all fall backwards in our journey but we get up and try again!!!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Lilly and Gdog. There isn't a one of us who can't relate to your plight (see my posts for one solid year of moderating) I never drank harder than I did the year I moderated. It was as tho someone was taking away my best friend so when I DID allow myself to drink, I drank all I could hold. And then some. I drank as tho in a panic. It's hard to explain. I read those 4 stages of Alcoholism and I was a solid 3. Coming to the realization that I couldn't moderate was tough news to handle. How the hell could I go the rest of my life without another drink? Without the wonderful warm buzz that the first drink gives?? How could I give up all that? Well, it wasn't easy....but it was sooo worth it. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. I don't have to connect thru certain airports because they have a wine shop I can buy 2 screw top bottles for my trip. I don't have to worry about protecting my supply (to have enough thru the weekend) I don't have to worry about what to do with 37 empty boxes of 1 liters in my office ottoman. I am no longer leading a double life. Quite frankly life is so much simpler now. I wish I could have gotten my act together years ago...I could have saved myself so much hardship. If you take an honest look at your life now...and fast forward it 6 months or a year...where do you see yourself? That's a hard question to answer isn't it. We don't want to see our drinking selves. If I could only give you the future to see now....well, maybe I can. If you stay on the course you are on...I see your drinking being worse in 6 months, not better. I see your health and ambition dimishing. I see that the only thing you care about is having enough AL to get your next good buzz, to the exclusion of family, friends...you name it. AL plays for all the marbles. It plays to win. And it wins every time. My money is always on AL. There is no middle ground unfortunately...and it IS black or white. You drink or you don't, and as long as you do, AL will be calling the shots. You will not believe how rewarding it is to reach 30 days. It's just nuts!! If this were a contest, and I offered each of you $25,000 to remain AF for 30 days, could you do it? Would you do it? How about instead, if I offered you self-respect, no guilt, a sense of pride, restored sunny outlook, reduced anxiety, better blood pressure, renewed ambition? Don't forget, you also get a hat from the nest at 30 days. Give it a try!!! THIS time, you will do it. Be damned that party you gotta go to, or that company function, or the neighbors BBQ, there will always be these excuses. You must go out and live your life...but have your reason ready when offered. NO, HELL NO! I will not drink no matter what and no matter who. You can do it...if I can do it, you surely can!!! Byrdie

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdie. Great thoughts and inspiration. Thank you again.