Newbies Nest

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Zenlife12;1343011 wrote: I want to join the boot camp. I'm on my second day.
GOAL 1: 7 DAYS
GOAL 2: 14 DAYS
GOAL 3: 21 DAYS
GOAL 4: 30 DAYS

Welcome, Zen. We're here for you. 2 days is a BIG deal. Keep it rolling!!!

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Newbies Nest

rooniferd;1342854 wrote: Hey everyone, just checking in. I haven't posted much lately. I'm doing well, not great, but really well. I have had many AF days, but I've also drank some days. I remember someone posting something saying that some of us just weren't entirely committed and just needed to get the cravings satisfied instead of coming here every day to report the roller coaster ride. I guess that spoke volumes to me, and I decided to back off until I could stop reporting failures over and over again.

Anyway, I guess that person was right. If I were firmly committed, I would have joined the boot camp. But I know I have July 4th holiday coming up at the beach, and I will probably drink some beers. I'm just going to admit it. No point in lying to myself or to you kind people. I am not proud of it, but for some reason, I am having a hard time committing to this goal. Don't worry, I KNOW the evils of alcohol. I struggle with them every day.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm weak - very weak. And I'm very lonely.

But I will tell you one thing that I hope some folks who are struggling can take away. I've been replacing drinking with exercising quite a bit lately, and it feels GREAT. I try to work out in the early mornings, which means that I MUST go to bed sober the night before, or it won't happen. On especially tempting days, I try to work out in the evenings, the time I would normally be whooping it up at the bar. I may not be committed to quitting alcohol yet, but I am committed to losing 40 pounds, and I know that I have greatly limited my alcohol intake because of that.

Losing 40 pounds doesn't sound easy, but it sure as heck sounds a lot easier than quitting alcohol the rest of my life.

Well, if making a commitment to losing weight indirectly helps me with my alcohol problem, then I'm all for it.

I know I have rambled like crazy in this post, but I'm just not sure how committed I am to quitting drinking, and I don't want to bring any of you down. I may join the moderators group for now, just so I won't be out of place. I see some very serious commitments here, and I think that is wonderful. You are a strong bunch of people.

He there, Rooni...do what you have to do. If you give yourself permission, then maybe at least try putting each one off for a few minutes, and then a few minutes more and then you might be surprised much further you went than you thought you could before having that first or second beer. Or, redirect somehow. Jump in the water. Take a lap around the house, do some work of some kind around the house. I find if I can keep my mind / body busy, I'm much less inclined to fixate on brews. I donno, just a thought. Best of luck and I'll be sending positive thoughts your way.

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Newbies Nest

MWOLady;1342911 wrote: Happy to be here this morning all in one piece even though my mind is very unsettled. I really get so much from reading all the comments from others - some are up, some are down, but lots of ideas, support, and friendships here. I feel a little out of place because every day seems to be a new day one for me - and I am having trouble committing... but that's the way it goes sometimes.

I'm not new here but many of you may not know that I have had 10 years sober in the past - broke it with one glass of champagne New Year's Eve 2000 - remember all the fuss about that particular New Years? I had a new man in my life (present DH) and he was/is a big drinker.

What I can see now is that ALL my friends at that time did not drink - I had very sensibly surrounded myself with non drinkers and I was very safe. Along came this great guy, we got along so well, fell in love and started living together - got married, and I started drinking again - just to get in on the fun. I thought I could control it. And I have had ups and downs. Mainly controlled drinking, some drunken nights but in the crowd we are in now it's not unusual for one or two to "over-indulge" once in awhile and it's joked about later. It's all very civilized, nobody is falling down or being unpleasant but just drinking seems to be what our social life is all about.

But I hate the whole thing and want to quit and become that sober person I was during all those years. Problem is I can't escape this life - DH drinks every night, neighbours drink often and parties are always all about wine, BBQ etc.

But it has to happen even if I'm the only one. So I guess I'll have to start again today. Topamax side effects are awful but I have started taking it again and will just suffer through at least for a few months - it won't kill me and may just help enough to get me through. And the Kudzu too.

So Day One.

Wow. 10 years? That's simply amazing and what's more amazing is that you're right back here giving it another go. That is strength. Pure and simple. What this says to me is that we must ALWAYS remain diligent. Thanks for the note and for your hard work. It's inspiring.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Destiniey;1343162 wrote: Hi Litre...please don't think that I left you high and dry in here....the fact is that I have been dealing with some crap and I fell off the wagon...ouch! It's stupid silly shit but nonetheless it made me hit the bottle again. My husband and daughter are pissed at me.....I was a total mess last night....the thought of it makes me cringe! It's 105 degrees here and my poor horses are sweating like crazy so I am heading out to hose them down....then I will turn the hose on me! LOL

Bummer, Destiniey. However, you're back and right away vs. going off on some long and agonizing binge. Just get back up there on your proverbial horse and kick AL's ass again. I'm confident you can do it even in the hellish heat - we've all got to.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters, Boot campers & everyone else :H

I just saw an article on trace amounts of alcohol found in sodas, got me to thinking.....
Traces of Alcohol Found in Soda - Major Soda Brands Contain Alcohol - Delish.com

K9 & anyone else taking Antabuse - would this present a real problem to you? They've measured 0.001% in 1 liter of soda.

Hope everyone is keeping cool during this hellish heatwave

[MWOLady]

Newbies Nest

I'm off to Mass with DH. Thank heaven we have Mass in the evening on Friday nights so I can't drink tonight!! My Day ONE!!!! and it's ok!!!!

I have a plan in place already for tomorrow night - SHOPPING!!! I'm not a big shopping person but I will be hitting some stores I usually don't go to, after an hour in Church between 4-5pm - that will be so calming and peaceful. That will bring me right up to dinner time - all will be well for my hardest day!! Things are looking up and I'm feeling so much better.

But funny, DH is always down when I'm up - control maybe???? Too darned bad, I say!

[Destiniey]

Newbies Nest

Hi Kradle....wow...can I be Sedona for 2.5 seconds! LOL And please send her my way so she can help with my horses!!!!!!

Fin.....thanks for being so understanding....I wanted so much to do roll call this morning but I totally f*cked up and therefore I am back on day 1. Damn...damn......damn.....I feel like an ass....but I am picking my lame ass up and getting back on the wagon and into the nest!

[Audrey14]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!!!

My Day 10 starts..cool outside, Australian winter, lots of rain..but i love this place exept beeing so far from Europe..
Had nice breakfast, will continue with yoga and walk, rain stoped. I bought vintage wool and mohair cape made in Scotland so it keeps me very warm

MWOLady - you' re doing very great on your day 1 - church, shopping etc. This time on Day 1 i was so sick and weak that i started to thinkh, no, i can' t die in Australia, it will be a big mess for my daughter..
9 days after: i feel energised, happy, relaxed and with desire to LIVE..
I was once here in Lutheran curch (i'm lutheranic) but Mass was very different from my expierience (Latvian Lutheran church herritage is very German influenced) and another thing - i know all lithurgy in my mother tounge so quite difficult to follow in English. But you can be with God everywhere no matter which language..once i was in Rome in Catolic church and Mass was in Italian

Monique!!! I liked very much your post..somehow it touched me with a bit of bitterness and joy of real and genuine life.

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Audrey, I've been reading your posts with interest. You have such a dynamic personality! Good job on 9 days.:goodjob:

You also speak English very well.

LG

[LibraryGirl]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters. I'm up a bit late, and a little bit hungover. I tested my theory last night, intending to drink only 3-4 beers and drank 6. I didn't get to the point I used to, by far, but I also didn't really like the feeling like I thought I would. So, no more AL for me for a while at least.

I'm not going to count days in my signature, but I know what day I drank, and how many days I had before.

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday.

LG

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! :new:

This looks like a good thread to delurk in. Tomorrow I will reach 7 days AF. I've been drinking off and on for many years, quit for around two years while pregnant with my son and breastfeeding, and started back up again. It's only in the past couple of years that it really felt "out of control." I finally came to the realization that once I start, I can't stop. During a visit to my cardiologist, I blurted out that I wanted him to prescribe Antabuse for me. It took him aback a bit, I think, and he said that he wouldn't know how to dose it, and that I should follow up with my PCP. After I left that day, he called my PCP, who sent me a postcard asking me to come in for an appointment. Four months later, I finally set up that appointment, got my script for Antabuse, filled it, and started taking it last Sunday. The Antabuse seemed like a good option for me, since I usually start out very motivated in the morning, and by the end of the day, I want a drink. This way, having a drink (or several) isn't an option. Plus, I hate throwing up, so it's a great deterrent.

Hope you are all having a good weekend!

[SAUSAGE]

Newbies Nest

Hi Nesters

Not been around for a couple of days as its been really hectic. My daughter has just had her 8th birthday and she had a few friends round for a party. When they'd all left, I felt really tempted to drink but am pleased to say I didn't!!

Well done on 9 days Audrey , glad you are feeling so much better.

Welcome ITGeekchick, 7 days is great, once you get into week 2 it gets a little easier as you were AF on this day last week too and that makes a huge psychological difference. You are right, this is a great thread to hang around in when you start out.

Hi to everyone else.

LG sorry to hear you are feeling rough. Hope you feel better soon, has the experience put you off booze? Glad you are sticking with us Destiniey. Keep going everyone.


Well am sort of trying to pack as we are going away for nearly 2 weeks tomorrow. I plan to take the iPad with me as I hope there'll be Wi Fi so I hope to check in from time to time.

Sausage x
Day 128 AF

[ITGeekChick]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Sausage!

I read through your thread in the My Story section. Very inspiring!

[Audrey14]

Newbies Nest

Morning Nesters!!!

LGirl - thank you for nice words!!! I still have to improve my English and i think expressing own deep feelings sometimes is hard in foreign language but i try That' s why i don' t write so often in mwo because for me it' s a "translation job" in my mind too...i don' t use dictionary anymore but probably i should..i dont' have any here in Australia i mean Latvian-English-Latvian so when i' ll be in Latvia for one month i' ll buy some very good and get computer dictionary as well.
LG - go further, forget about these beers..you made a "scientific experiment":H so now you know results and make conclusions that life is better without beer!!!

Sausage - your 128 AF days are very inspiring...for me they look as a miracle..so it' s more than 4 months..but from your post i understood that stress sometimes can cause craving even after so long AF period of time???

My Day 11!!! This morning my dear HB asked me: how it is to wake up without hungover (he' s still drinking every night)??? I said: GREAT MY DEAR!!!! So much self-confidence aand self-satisfaction...

[LillyE]

Newbies Nest

Hey all!

Sorry I didn't roll call yesterday. When I don't have to work on the weekend I try to take a computer break - which means I read on my phone but don't post - though that will likely change with the iPad reward, which should be arriving tomorrow!

I would do roll call now but I'm afraid it might confuse people with the time change and most of you being in another zone so I'm going to leave that to Boot Camp Arse Kicker Grand Master Fin Fin, I really hope when you read this you've proudly made it through your second weekend AF. (But if not, please post anyway!)

On which note, can I say once again I REALLY don't want Boot Camp to drive anyone from the Nest if they slip. That would be totally counterproductive. Like, Dest, I'm so sorry to hear about your bad night, but good on you girl for getting right back in the saddle and sooo much better to come here and talk about your struggles than slink away and beat yourself up. How would that help you get where you want to go? You are still a boot camp member bringing up the rear! And we will be waiting for you at the finish line with party hats on! Ok?

Welcome ITGeekChick! :welcome: I totally relate. I'd long been a heavy drinker but after I quit smoking my ability to stop once I started seemed to spiral out of control along with my anxiety and depression. Increasingly, although unpredictably, once I started I just couldn't stop. I can, for now at least, stop pretty easily, I just can't stop once I start and I also struggle to stay stopped. So I'm here going for 30 days in the Boot Camp a number of us have going - join us!

I'm here on Day 14 and feeling fantastic!!! Got up and went for a huge walk in the park, now planning a pottering around/housework/reading/grocery day and having a friend over tonight for dinner/DVD. I'm going to make some roasted garlic hummus and a slow-cooked black bean chilli with salsa and guacamole.

I had some MAJOR temptation at a bar last night. Went out with some friends for dinner and afterwards, unexpectedly, went to this VERY cool lovely new bar in my 'hood. The nicest new bar I've been to in ages, right on my street, with classic cocktails and a huge vat of mulled wine on the bar that smelled just divine (it is winter and I love mulled wine). All that self pity talk kicked in - about it being boring, about how great the drinks looked, about 'why not', about 'just one or two', how boring a lime and soda water seemed. I even asked my friend to get me a diet gingerale and he said 'that sounds like about the most boring drink anyone has ever ordered in a hip bar ever'. Ha. He's probably right.

But, I got past it. And I ultimately had a really lovely evening! Had fun and laughter with my mates, people watched, and went home sober feeling happy and read before bed. What helped was Boot Camp - having made that commitment and how I'd feel, having started it all, by caving. Also my iPad pre-reward for a goal as yet unaccomplished - I would have felt guilty and beat myself up. And, most importantly of all, just the general resolve I've been feeling lately about wanting to get to 30 days.

I won't deny it was hard for awhile there but, as I said, in the end I had a great time - I left feeling great, I woke up feeling great. And, I spent $23 all night ($20 dinner, $3 soda water) and calculated I would have easily spent three times that had I drank.

A few observations...

My friends are getting used to me not drinking and so it's getting less weird. Like, last night at dinner they'd brought two bottles to the BYO restaurant. Instead of automatically pouring me a drink they asked "Are you drinking" and when I said no, no comment was made whatsoever. It was no issue. Nice. One friend later said a couple times 'are you sure you don't want a drink" but it didn't feel like massive pressure.

FIN, you'll love this, because you were so right? not one but TWO friends have now said to me separately that they really respect my not drinking!! Including one who kept going on about alcohol being so much fun and not drinking being boring and I had got the impression she thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. (As she'd also told me I don't really have a problem etc.) WOW.

I know that going to bars like that is tempting fate, so i shouldn't do it a lot, and I do struggle here, as it's FUN to hang out in places like that. I realized it can be just as fun AF but still? too dangerous and hard to do too often? and it's that kind of thing that makes me feel like I'm missing out. And all the stuff Library Girl has been talking about.

Speaking of, Library Girl, I had been going to get on your thread after this - which I read last night on my phone - and say I agreed that it was time for you to test your theory - along with a few other things, such as, if you find you can drink safely and happily in a way where the good outweighs the bad for you then GREAT and I'd want to hear more about the ins and outs of how you managed that.

You say you didn't like the buzz like you thought you would. I can imagine that. Do you think it's removed the allure for you - for now anyway? Or do you still feel you want to see if you can do controlled drinking? Will be interested to see where you go with all that from here and no judgement whatever you choose hon.

I read somewhere that test someone mentioned about figuring out whether you're an alcoholic or a problem drinker? that you should go 30 days without and see if you can. Then, you should have no more than one drink, twice a week, for a month and, if you can do that happily and without needing to drink more, then you're probably ok. I don't even have to try that to know it sounds pointless and a bit torturous so I guess that tells me a lot! Plain and simple, I never want one drink. On occasion I might be able to have one or two and leave it at that but far more often by the time I get to three all bets are off. And I had definitely reached the point where i knew if I bought a bottle of wine and brought it home I would drink it ALL no questions (and possibly want more afterwards). That was not always the case. Once upon a time a bottle would have left me viciously hungover. When it became more the norm that scared me too. But I digress...

Sometimes I think these labels of alcoholic versus problem drinker versus "normie" are unhelpful. If you are drinking in a way that's causing problems and unhappiness for you, such that the good really outweighs the bad, then it is a problem FOR YOU no matter how much you drink or how you compare to what others drink. If I could learn to drink in a way where I just 'enjoyed' it and there was little downside bar the odd mild hangover then that would be super. I just know that is really not the case though - for me.

Anyway, I'm proud of us all. Can I say again that I find this place amazing. I suspect if you gathered us all in a room you'd see a group of people with seemingly little in common. And yet, we can find so much common ground in our struggles with alcohol and support each other through it with empathy, respect and good humour. I think that's beautiful.

Enjoy your trip Sausage!

Happy weekend all.

Lilly